I am forcing myself to post this. I have quit before for maybe 2 years or so, and started back up when my kid was born, and have been using tobacco for almost 2 and a half-years straight since then. I went from part of a can, to 2 cans a day. I have a hundred different excuses not to quit, and everyday there are reasons I tell myself why today is not a good day. To be honest, no day ever seems like it is a good day. Well, I am starting to realize this can of crap doesn't do anything for me. It doesn't help with stress and anxiety, probably makes it worse. My biggest challenge is that I have to drive a lot and I feel incapable of driving without a pouch of tobacco. The second challenge for me is that I have a hard time concentrating on my studies without it, and while I did fine without it before, my concentration gets messed up during withdrawal. Finally, everything in my life seems to be a trigger to want to put another, drippy, disgusting pouch in, whether it is my kid acting up (which seems to be all the time), or any other stress or worry. To make that worse I put a pouch in for everything I do, sitting on the computer, before a meal, after a meal, sometimes half-way through a meal- even though it kills my appetite and I have less energy from eating less throughout the day. It seems like a pouch goes in for everything, even if everything is going good I use a pouch when I am happy, or feel good, or when I am unhappy, or just cause. There is a damn pouch in my lip every moment I am awake.
All of that being said, I have many good reasons to quit which I can't ignore even though I try. One, the cost is too much. Over 8 dollars a day is money that I need to put for rent, bills and food. Secondly, my blood pressure is high when I am using the can, but it is normal and healthy when I am not. Additionally, my dad died of kidney cancer recently, and I don't want to suffer a similar fate. I do not want to do that to my family. One other major reason for wanting to quit is that the tobacco messes up my mood (according to my wife), I am shorter tempered and nasty to be around. Also, I feel like the can takes away from life, I notice so much more in life, things seem more real, more detailed, I am calmer and more introspective- without it. I am tired of this bleak existence on the can, I feel like I keep going for it because I feel burnt out, but at the same time the can is what is really burning me out. I am tired of lying to myself.
I want to quit.