Thoughts and other brainfarts

[Souliman]

I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. I don't mean to be insensitive by saying this, but after 1,100+ days of freedom, I honestly don't think cancer is the worst part of this addiction. Chewing dilutes one's life...healthy or sick. Chewing put me on the sidelines. Hard to really live when you're controlled by an addiction. I may still get cancer from my past actions, but I'm going to make the most of the time between now and then. Live each day.

There's something I've been thinking about lately and this post by Smokey has an element of those thoughts.

"Chewing dilutes one's life..."

That voice in my head has said countless times, "I've gotta quit this dipping crap" and then my response would be to NOT quit. Pack another dip. I think each of those instances erodes one's psyche. Over time I was less of a person. Each is a little failure and failure can become a habit as much as winning can. Those failures "dilute one's life".

Now those are relatively "little" failures. Yes, they add up over many years, but they are still individually "little".

Quitting on KTC is a "big" quit. This is effort. We all are putting some measure of our heart and soul into this quit. There's commitment and fellowship and to fail from this level of involvement is a "big" failure.

In that sense, I think many, if not all of us, are fighting for our self-value, our worth. If I fail at this I know it will damage how I look at myself. It will diminish how I look at myself as a father, as a man.

My quit is partly about not putting dip in my mouth and nicotine in my system, but that's only part of it. The big part of my quit is recapturing what and who I am as a man. It's partly about keeping my word to my quit group but it's more about keeping my word to myself.

I had a "big" quit once before this and it lasted a fair number of days; several hundred. When I allowed my addiction to wrap its tentacles around my soul again I actually never feared cancer or death and didn't think twice about losing the cumulative "quit days"; that was just a number. What bothered me to my core was that I failed at all. Just the act of failure is what was so damaging.

In some ways it felt like I traded my soul to the devil that day for a cigarette and a dip.

That's the part that's not worth it in my mind, the erosion of the soul...diluting one's life.

You capture a lot of my sentiments there as well Leahy. I feel like the more you realize
who the addict in you is, the more you can separate that addict out.

Good quitting bro.

[30yraddict]

I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. I don't mean to be insensitive by saying this, but after 1,100+ days of freedom, I honestly don't think cancer is the worst part of this addiction. Chewing dilutes one's life...healthy or sick. Chewing put me on the sidelines. Hard to really live when you're controlled by an addiction. I may still get cancer from my past actions, but I'm going to make the most of the time between now and then. Live each day.

There's something I've been thinking about lately and this post by Smokey has an element of those thoughts.

"Chewing dilutes one's life..."

That voice in my head has said countless times, "I've gotta quit this dipping crap" and then my response would be to NOT quit. Pack another dip. I think each of those instances erodes one's psyche. Over time I was less of a person. Each is a little failure and failure can become a habit as much as winning can. Those failures "dilute one's life".

Now those are relatively "little" failures. Yes, they add up over many years, but they are still individually "little".

Quitting on KTC is a "big" quit. This is effort. We all are putting some measure of our heart and soul into this quit. There's commitment and fellowship and to fail from this level of involvement is a "big" failure.

In that sense, I think many, if not all of us, are fighting for our self-value, our worth. If I fail at this I know it will damage how I look at myself. It will diminish how I look at myself as a father, as a man.

My quit is partly about not putting dip in my mouth and nicotine in my system, but that's only part of it. The big part of my quit is recapturing what and who I am as a man. It's partly about keeping my word to my quit group but it's more about keeping my word to myself.

I had a "big" quit once before this and it lasted a fair number of days; several hundred. When I allowed my addiction to wrap its tentacles around my soul again I actually never feared cancer or death and didn't think twice about losing the cumulative "quit days"; that was just a number. What bothered me to my core was that I failed at all. Just the act of failure is what was so damaging.

In some ways it felt like I traded my soul to the devil that day for a cigarette and a dip.

That's the part that's not worth it in my mind, the erosion of the soul...diluting one's life.

well written

Agreed scowick, nice post leahy, captures the essence

[Scowick65]

I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. I don't mean to be insensitive by saying this, but after 1,100+ days of freedom, I honestly don't think cancer is the worst part of this addiction. Chewing dilutes one's life...healthy or sick. Chewing put me on the sidelines. Hard to really live when you're controlled by an addiction. I may still get cancer from my past actions, but I'm going to make the most of the time between now and then. Live each day.

There's something I've been thinking about lately and this post by Smokey has an element of those thoughts.

"Chewing dilutes one's life..."

That voice in my head has said countless times, "I've gotta quit this dipping crap" and then my response would be to NOT quit. Pack another dip. I think each of those instances erodes one's psyche. Over time I was less of a person. Each is a little failure and failure can become a habit as much as winning can. Those failures "dilute one's life".

Now those are relatively "little" failures. Yes, they add up over many years, but they are still individually "little".

Quitting on KTC is a "big" quit. This is effort. We all are putting some measure of our heart and soul into this quit. There's commitment and fellowship and to fail from this level of involvement is a "big" failure.

In that sense, I think many, if not all of us, are fighting for our self-value, our worth. If I fail at this I know it will damage how I look at myself. It will diminish how I look at myself as a father, as a man.

My quit is partly about not putting dip in my mouth and nicotine in my system, but that's only part of it. The big part of my quit is recapturing what and who I am as a man. It's partly about keeping my word to my quit group but it's more about keeping my word to myself.

I had a "big" quit once before this and it lasted a fair number of days; several hundred. When I allowed my addiction to wrap its tentacles around my soul again I actually never feared cancer or death and didn't think twice about losing the cumulative "quit days"; that was just a number. What bothered me to my core was that I failed at all. Just the act of failure is what was so damaging.

In some ways it felt like I traded my soul to the devil that day for a cigarette and a dip.

That's the part that's not worth it in my mind, the erosion of the soul...diluting one's life.

well written

[Leahy16]

I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. I don't mean to be insensitive by saying this, but after 1,100+ days of freedom, I honestly don't think cancer is the worst part of this addiction. Chewing dilutes one's life...healthy or sick. Chewing put me on the sidelines. Hard to really live when you're controlled by an addiction. I may still get cancer from my past actions, but I'm going to make the most of the time between now and then. Live each day.

There's something I've been thinking about lately and this post by Smokey has an element of those thoughts.

"Chewing dilutes one's life..."

That voice in my head has said countless times, "I've gotta quit this dipping crap" and then my response would be to NOT quit. Pack another dip. I think each of those instances erodes one's psyche. Over time I was less of a person. Each is a little failure and failure can become a habit as much as winning can. Those failures "dilute one's life".

Now those are relatively "little" failures. Yes, they add up over many years, but they are still individually "little".

Quitting on KTC is a "big" quit. This is effort. We all are putting some measure of our heart and soul into this quit. There's commitment and fellowship and to fail from this level of involvement is a "big" failure.

In that sense, I think many, if not all of us, are fighting for our self-value, our worth. If I fail at this I know it will damage how I look at myself. It will diminish how I look at myself as a father, as a man.

My quit is partly about not putting dip in my mouth and nicotine in my system, but that's only part of it. The big part of my quit is recapturing what and who I am as a man. It's partly about keeping my word to my quit group but it's more about keeping my word to myself.

I had a "big" quit once before this and it lasted a fair number of days; several hundred. When I allowed my addiction to wrap its tentacles around my soul again I actually never feared cancer or death and didn't think twice about losing the cumulative "quit days"; that was just a number. What bothered me to my core was that I failed at all. Just the act of failure is what was so damaging.

In some ways it felt like I traded my soul to the devil that day for a cigarette and a dip.

That's the part that's not worth it in my mind, the erosion of the soul...diluting one's life.

[tazmed]

Dip-spit accidents

We've all had the standard ones; drinking from the spitter, spilling the spitter on the carpet, dumping a can in your lap while driving...

Here's one of my worst.

I was doing some yard work and my 2 sons were outside with me. At the time they were ages 4  1 1/2. The older son gets into my car in the driveway to swipe some candy and leaves the car door open. A few minutes pass and I don't see Jack, my younger son.

I eye him in the front seat of the car...Something's not right with the way he looks...

When I get to the open door I see that he has found my spit can and has taken a bath in my dip spit. It's dripping down his beautiful blonde hair. His clothes are covered in brown liquid with little specks of dip. The inside of the car has been sprayed with the same dip spit. It's dripping down the windows. It's in the overhead. All over the seats, floor, and dashboard.

I'm fucked!

I found out it is possible for a woman to have an orgasm, panic attack,  outrage at the same time.

Driving up the New Jersey Turnpike for my step-sister's wedding in 1987 and it's time for a dip. I was one of those cool guys who popped the lid with my index finger when I packed it...well, I thought I was cool anyway.

So, there I was, driving north doing about 70, packing my can of Copenhagen, thinking I'm all that and the fucking can opens up in mid-pack-swing. Copenhagen EVERYWHERE including in my eyes. THAT SHIT BURNS!!! Oh yeah, did I mention I was doing about 70 on the freeway? I got to have my first experience with driving by braille and somehow managed to get the car off the road without killing myself (or anyone else).

Lesson learned...change your grip on the can and no one gets killed. 'embarrassed'

[tazmed]

Today sucks!  Mostly because my attitude sucks and when my attitude sucks then I'm in a shitty mood.  I shouldn't be, but I am.

On the plus side I'm 18 days removed from nicotine; I'm the best Daddy in the whole wide world (according to my sons); my girlfriend is the best person I know  loves sex as much as I do; and my mouth feels healthy.

On the shit side of things I'm just pissed off.  I have a case of AssHoleitis that has lasted a couple days now and I want to punch someone in the mouth.  As hard as I can...

I need some wood to chop or a box of nails and a hammer.

I feel like this from time to time regardless of nicotine levels. I was a little cranky during the suck, but that passed pretty quickly and now I'm back to my normal, lovable self. :rolleyes:

Anyway, when I get into one of "those" moods, I head out to the garage and play with some power tools. I have a pretty decent collection of woodworking tools and nothing says testosterone boost like a 400 pound table saw ripping through some lumber. I call it sawdust therapy. It doesn't matter if I build something functional or decorative...all that matters is making sawdust.

If that doesn't do it for me, I can always clean my guns. LOL 'Remshot'

[miles]

Electric toothbrushes

I decided to do something good for my mouth and went out and purchased a SonicCare electric toothbrush. I've had it now for several weeks and I have to say it does an amazing job of cleaning my teeth.

For those of you who still use the manual model you might consider this purchase. I had no idea what I was missing until I got one and brushed my teeth. It achieves a completely different level of cleaning...and it's also making them whiter. That's nice for a change.

We've all abused our mouths for years so if you want a little reward for you quit-in-progress, this is one to consider.

X 2

I love my Oral-B electric toothbrush....and the fact that I don't stain my teeth anymore with snuff.

[Leahy16]

Electric toothbrushes

I decided to do something good for my mouth and went out and purchased a SonicCare electric toothbrush. I've had it now for several weeks and I have to say it does an amazing job of cleaning my teeth.

For those of you who still use the manual model you might consider this purchase. I had no idea what I was missing until I got one and brushed my teeth. It achieves a completely different level of cleaning...and it's also making them whiter. That's nice for a change.

We've all abused our mouths for years so if you want a little reward for you quit-in-progress, this is one to consider.

[Leahy16]

Dip-spit accidents

We've all had the standard ones; drinking from the spitter, spilling the spitter on the carpet, dumping a can in your lap while driving...

Here's one of my worst.

I was doing some yard work and my 2 sons were outside with me. At the time they were ages 4  1 1/2. The older son gets into my car in the driveway to swipe some candy and leaves the car door open. A few minutes pass and I don't see Jack, my younger son.

I eye him in the front seat of the car...Something's not right with the way he looks...

When I get to the open door I see that he has found my spit can and has taken a bath in my dip spit. It's dripping down his beautiful blonde hair. His clothes are covered in brown liquid with little specks of dip. The inside of the car has been sprayed with the same dip spit. It's dripping down the windows. It's in the overhead. All over the seats, floor, and dashboard.

I'm fucked!

I found out it is possible for a woman to have an orgasm, panic attack,  outrage at the same time.

[miles]

Okay, I'm not sure I'm liking this too much. I leave my room unattended for a few hours and it gets infiltrated by several anally-fixated addicts and a future proctologist.

From now on all questions and comments shall be directed to the Grand Pubbah of the brainfart room...and that's me.

And now, since it's become a topic everyone feels they need to comment on, I will give you an update on my latest bowel movement.

Background: I'm a regular morning shitter. That didn't happen the past 2 mornings, however, yesterday afternoon I felt the rumblings of production go into 3rd gear and I knew I was in for a good session.

The volume was impressive but there was no form to the beast. It was simply a pile of shit that built up like a Pacific volcano on the sea floor. So I had produced a sea mount but I was looking to make an island. I was finally able to finish the masterpiece and yes, it had become an island.

Not a large one by Pacific island standards. Definitely not a Hawaii. Maybe more like a Guam.

Anyway, shit island was what I got. No form, no corn, no snake, but it did leave an impressive skid mark.

'crackup'

[Leahy16]

Okay, I'm not sure I'm liking this too much. I leave my room unattended for a few hours and it gets infiltrated by several anally-fixated addicts and a future proctologist.

From now on all questions and comments shall be directed to the Grand Pubbah of the brainfart room...and that's me.

And now, since it's become a topic everyone feels they need to comment on, I will give you an update on my latest bowel movement.

Background: I'm a regular morning shitter. That didn't happen the past 2 mornings, however, yesterday afternoon I felt the rumblings of production go into 3rd gear and I knew I was in for a good session.

The volume was impressive but there was no form to the beast. It was simply a pile of shit that built up like a Pacific volcano on the sea floor. So I had produced a sea mount but I was looking to make an island. I was finally able to finish the masterpiece and yes, it had become an island.

Not a large one by Pacific island standards. Definitely not a Hawaii. Maybe more like a Guam.

Anyway, shit island was what I got. No form, no corn, no snake, but it did leave an impressive skid mark.

[bigbamadan]

The only part I caught was the shitting lol. Dude I have IBS, and I've shit like 2-3 times since I quit. I have no idea whats going on o.o

When people withdraw from drugs the symptoms associated with withdrawal are usually exactly opposite the "symptoms" associated with the use of the drug you are withdrawing from. It happens because when you use a drug chronically, the body boosts chemicals meant to oppose the drug and keep your physiology in balance. When you take away the drug, your body is overcompensated with opposing chemicals and you tip into the withdrawal syndrome. It's like pulling a leg out from under a three-legged stool--it tips over. Nicotine is a CNS stimulant and as such does have a laxative effect on the bowel, so it makes sense that you are going to be "overcompensated" (also read as constipated) when you quit putting the nicotine into your body. Your bodies will re-equilibrate.

Wat.

My understanding was always that by supplementing your body with something that it produces naturally or by something that has an effect on receptors your body adapts to it by producing less of the substance and/or losing (now frivolous) receptors.

Yeah, I see what you are getting at. I just did some more reading. Seems like a lot of the generalized "I feel like shit" could have a lot to do with lack of activity in an area of the brain called the nucleus accumbens, where dopamine is produced. Could totally be due to loss of receptors or lack of necessary stimulus (missing nicotine).

Sorry for boring the hell out of anyone!

You not boring anyone. I'm going to like having you around. Class up the joint.

On a related note, ole Mule's got this abscess close to his brown eye. Think from wearing all them salmon thongs. What you think? Nobody here got a clue whats going on with the shit. We will send pics.

:o

[MedStudent]

The only part I caught was the shitting lol. Dude I have IBS, and I've shit like 2-3 times since I quit. I have no idea whats going on o.o

When people withdraw from drugs the symptoms associated with withdrawal are usually exactly opposite the "symptoms" associated with the use of the drug you are withdrawing from. It happens because when you use a drug chronically, the body boosts chemicals meant to oppose the drug and keep your physiology in balance. When you take away the drug, your body is overcompensated with opposing chemicals and you tip into the withdrawal syndrome. It's like pulling a leg out from under a three-legged stool--it tips over. Nicotine is a CNS stimulant and as such does have a laxative effect on the bowel, so it makes sense that you are going to be "overcompensated" (also read as constipated) when you quit putting the nicotine into your body. Your bodies will re-equilibrate.

Wat.

My understanding was always that by supplementing your body with something that it produces naturally or by something that has an effect on receptors your body adapts to it by producing less of the substance and/or losing (now frivolous) receptors.

Yeah, I see what you are getting at. I just did some more reading. Seems like a lot of the generalized "I feel like shit" could have a lot to do with lack of activity in an area of the brain called the nucleus accumbens, where dopamine is produced. Could totally be due to loss of receptors or lack of necessary stimulus (missing nicotine).

Sorry for boring the hell out of anyone!

[Breaking the Habit]

The only part I caught was the shitting lol. Dude I have IBS, and I've shit like 2-3 times since I quit. I have no idea whats going on o.o

Probably a dumb question (because I assume you have), but have you checked out high quality probiotics?

[Breaking the Habit]

The only part I caught was the shitting lol. Dude I have IBS, and I've shit like 2-3 times since I quit. I have no idea whats going on o.o

When people withdraw from drugs the symptoms associated with withdrawal are usually exactly opposite the "symptoms" associated with the use of the drug you are withdrawing from. It happens because when you use a drug chronically, the body boosts chemicals meant to oppose the drug and keep your physiology in balance. When you take away the drug, your body is overcompensated with opposing chemicals and you tip into the withdrawal syndrome. It's like pulling a leg out from under a three-legged stool--it tips over. Nicotine is a CNS stimulant and as such does have a laxative effect on the bowel, so it makes sense that you are going to be "overcompensated" (also read as constipated) when you quit putting the nicotine into your body. Your bodies will re-equilibrate.

Wat.

My understanding was always that by supplementing your body with something that it produces naturally or by something that has an effect on receptors your body adapts to it by producing less of the substance and/or losing (now frivolous) receptors.