Told the Kids

[JB65]

See if you can get him to come here and read this forum. Even if he doesn't post his promise each day, just read this forum for a little bit. I actually quit about 1 month before I started reading or using this forum. I signed up when I felt myself getting weak, wasn't sure if I was going to be able to stick it out any longer, and reading this forum gave me the extra boost to stay quit. I then started posting my commitment each day and it has been getting easier and easier. But just reading this forum and seeing what all people have been going through with dip, how serious it is, and a lot of the various problems it causes gave me a good boost in motivation. If he is like me and surrounded by many people that dip, you start to take it lightly and feel like its no big deal, but it is a big deal and reading this forum can help us remember that.
Long in the short, don't encourage him to give up, help him come face to face with what it is, and find his own motivation to quit. If I tried just to not think about dip when I was trying to quit I never would have made it. I had to think about it a lot and remember all the reasons why I wanted to be rid of it. I needed to be happy in my quitting decision to stay quit and maintain a decent mood.

speaking of 'face', google pics of mouth cancer from tobacco. Print one, cut it out and stick it in his wallet. I still carry mine around with me, 523 days later.

Good luck to you, and good luck to him. His Nicotine addicted brain is throwing up a self defense mechanism, backing a scared animal into a corner, etc... something has to trigger in his own mind and willpower to start the quit. Hope he finds what it is

[cghbuilder86]

See if you can get him to come here and read this forum. Even if he doesn't post his promise each day, just read this forum for a little bit. I actually quit about 1 month before I started reading or using this forum. I signed up when I felt myself getting weak, wasn't sure if I was going to be able to stick it out any longer, and reading this forum gave me the extra boost to stay quit. I then started posting my commitment each day and it has been getting easier and easier. But just reading this forum and seeing what all people have been going through with dip, how serious it is, and a lot of the various problems it causes gave me a good boost in motivation. If he is like me and surrounded by many people that dip, you start to take it lightly and feel like its no big deal, but it is a big deal and reading this forum can help us remember that.
Long in the short, don't encourage him to give up, help him come face to face with what it is, and find his own motivation to quit. If I tried just to not think about dip when I was trying to quit I never would have made it. I had to think about it a lot and remember all the reasons why I wanted to be rid of it. I needed to be happy in my quitting decision to stay quit and maintain a decent mood.

[eyehatecope]

I tried to quit for my wife and kids many, many times. I only QUIT once for myself. Sorry, but that is the truth. I hope your husband comes around.

I agree. It has to be about him. Does he want it?

[RDB]

I'll add my voice to the chorus --- it is true, someone can only quit when they truly want to be quit. When they are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I have four kids. The older two knew that I dipped, but they had no concept for HOW MUCH I dipped, nor did my wife. Plus, there were a lot of people in my life that didn't know I dipped, too. So I can understand how your husband feels now that the cat is out of the bag. (Not saying you did the wrong thing, just that I think I know how he feels).

So, yeah, tell him about KTC. There are hundreds of addicts ready to support him in his quit. We also will give him a place to get really angry when he needs to get really angry.

[Thumblewort]

I tried to quit for my wife and kids many, many times. I only QUIT once for myself. Sorry, but that is the truth. I hope your husband comes around.

[pab1964]

I need help. My husband and I have been married for 10 years. He has quit on and off for me, mostly during pregnancies when the smell/taste was nauseating. Now he's been dipping for over 2 years straight and decided it was time to quit.
Now, we had just gone through an extremely stressful period in our marriage - just had baby number 5 and came through swimmingly. All of a sudden I feel like we're back at square one again. He's angry at me all the time. The kids were noticing and had no idea what was going on. He had kept this a secret from them this whole time. I admit, I was frustrated today with him and I hit the point of getting sick of having to hide my feelings or lie to the kids about what was going on when normally I'm 100% honest with them about everything.
So I told them. Not out of anger - just out of sheer exhaustion from trying to hold it together. And he's not happy about it...obviously. He won't talk to me and the kids are even more frustrated. I'm ready to tell him to just go buy a can and give up because I just can't take this anymore. Please help.

I suggest you let him sign up when he is ready, if he quits for you guess who he is going to blame if it goes bad.

You cannot force him.

Get your husband to at least check the site out. I dipped 38 years, signed up, quit cold turkey 753 days ago. Would have never made it without ktc! Most addicts cannot do this alone and yes we can be some real assholes! Try to be supportive of him and remember are addict minds are thinking its bullshit im going get me a can! It's damn hard and I doubt he makes it alone

[klark]

I need help. My husband and I have been married for 10 years. He has quit on and off for me, mostly during pregnancies when the smell/taste was nauseating. Now he's been dipping for over 2 years straight and decided it was time to quit.
Now, we had just gone through an extremely stressful period in our marriage - just had baby number 5 and came through swimmingly. All of a sudden I feel like we're back at square one again. He's angry at me all the time. The kids were noticing and had no idea what was going on. He had kept this a secret from them this whole time. I admit, I was frustrated today with him and I hit the point of getting sick of having to hide my feelings or lie to the kids about what was going on when normally I'm 100% honest with them about everything.
So I told them. Not out of anger - just out of sheer exhaustion from trying to hold it together. And he's not happy about it...obviously. He won't talk to me and the kids are even more frustrated. I'm ready to tell him to just go buy a can and give up because I just can't take this anymore. Please help.

I suggest you let him sign up when he is ready, if he quits for you guess who he is going to blame if it goes bad.

You cannot force him.

[Ginet]

Hi there.

First, congrats on the five babies. Girl, I am trying to master just one!

Second, and on and on and on.....Your husband is an addict. He cannot quit for you or for the babies or for anything else except for him. This does not mean he does not love and value you, your marriage, your kids or your family.

Your husband is upset I assume because like me and several other addicts, our addiction was private, hidden, a secret, or as we like to call it "Ninja-style". You just rocked that world he knows and lives in. It's okay. He still isn't going to quit over it unless he wants to. No level of shame or fear or ultimatum will make him quit until he is completely ready to....for him.

Addiction is a bitch. It controls everything about your life, even your dreams.

So, there are a few avenues of help here for you, and your husband.

1 - There is a spouse/support section here that can help you.
2. There are chics here that can help you (that's me) because some of us are not only quitters, but also live with active users. You think I don't know frustration? Let's chat.
3. There is help here for your husband.....when he wants it....beyond anything he can imagine.

Each of us here has been in his shoes. We all didn't want to hear it from our friends and families, and just wanted to imagine and believe we could quit whenever we wanted to, and we just knew that nothing bad like the big scary C word could get us. How mistaken we were.

Tell your husband about this place. Tell him my name....Ginet, G. Lady G.....you'll find me.... He can send me a message to ask questions but the help really doesn't rush in and support him until he joins, posts his role (his promise not to use for 24 hours) and until he gets involved here. It's scary to think of quitting for the rest of your life. It's only 24 hours. That's his commitment.

I would be glad to help in anyway I can. I quit with him but for me. It reminds me why I never want to give the freedom from nicotine that I now have and work to maintain each day. I can tell you this and promise it actually.....he will never regret quitting. EVER.

Tell him about this place. All he has to do is just grab any single one hand that will be held out for him.....

[Wifeypoo]

I need help. My husband and I have been married for 10 years. He has quit on and off for me, mostly during pregnancies when the smell/taste was nauseating. Now he's been dipping for over 2 years straight and decided it was time to quit.
Now, we had just gone through an extremely stressful period in our marriage - just had baby number 5 and came through swimmingly. All of a sudden I feel like we're back at square one again. He's angry at me all the time. The kids were noticing and had no idea what was going on. He had kept this a secret from them this whole time. I admit, I was frustrated today with him and I hit the point of getting sick of having to hide my feelings or lie to the kids about what was going on when normally I'm 100% honest with them about everything.
So I told them. Not out of anger - just out of sheer exhaustion from trying to hold it together. And he's not happy about it...obviously. He won't talk to me and the kids are even more frustrated. I'm ready to tell him to just go buy a can and give up because I just can't take this anymore. Please help.