is this normal?

[donewithapinch]

Have you considered quitting alcohol? It is another drug/nasty habit/self destructive poison, just as nicotine/tobacco is. I'm D-18 on no dip, but I'm D-310 on no alcohol.

[RAZD611]

I hope you are feeling better.

[cjs2006]

Glad you are still quit.

Sorry you are having difficulty that is one crazy story and pisses me off about the lack of help you got at the hospital.

Just know this, and I know you do. Putting that shit in your mouth would only make you feel worse. You know that. Just keep remembering that.

the other stuff will even out.

Thank you, yes, it was one crazy story, all they did was give me vitamins and shots in my butt of mag sulfate and vitamin B12, that is it, nothing else, no counseling, no telling me what on earth happened. I honestly think it was the medication change, because I have NEVER reacted to alcohol like that before, ever.

[GlennFtheKodiak]

Glad you are still quit.

Sorry you are having difficulty that is one crazy story and pisses me off about the lack of help you got at the hospital.

Just know this, and I know you do. Putting that shit in your mouth would only make you feel worse. You know that. Just keep remembering that.

the other stuff will even out.

[cjs2006]

Thank you all, and you all know who you are, for sending me private messages asking me where I was at.

Here is what happened. My quit just about did me in, I am still quit, but it had lead to a deep depression, anxiety, nausea, and just feelings that something wasnt quite right.

Well, i went to my doctor about it, and she suggeted I switch from Lexapro, which is an SSRI, to Wellbutrin, which has qualities to help smokers quit. Well, I knew since being in the medical field that I should never quit an SSRI cold turkey, but I did, and started on the Wellbutrin.

Two days into the Wellbutrin, I had an alcoholic drink. This was this past Saturday, I blacked out that evening, talk about WEIRD. Well, by Sunday, I honestly cannot remember anything about that day. I guess I started drinking at some point, to take the edge off, and by the afternoon my mom said I called her because I was having heart palpitations, and she came and got me to take me to the ER, and she said I had a large glass of diet rite mixed with alcohol in my hand and I told her: "They will admit me this time, so I am just going to drink it all." I barely remember making that statement, and after that, I have no recollection of what happened the rest of the evening.

Mom got me to the ER, I was completely out of it and incoherent, kept asking the doctor over and over again if I was going to die, mom said they kept telling me no, I was not going to die, BUT, my ALCOHOL LEVEL IN MY SYSTEM WAS 0.325, now that is FOUR TIMES over the legal limit, and I dont even remember doing it!!!!!

So, they stabilized me, asked me if I wanted to be admitted to the behavioral health unit, I guess I said yes, because that is where I ended up at. Woke up Monday morning being on the unit with a bunch of crazy people, one hallucinating constantly about how she killed Romeo and now he was a ghost living under her house, and that when she dies the evil spirits were going to take her away.

Also, there was another crazy gal in there who couldnt even function, it was horrible.

There was no one on one counseling, all they did was pump me full of vitamins and finally started me back on my Lexapro at 10 mg. When I finally saw the psychiatrist, I asked him if i could tell him a short story, and his words to me were: Sure, as long as you make it quick. Now what the heck? I needed help in undertanding what on earth I did to myself!!!

Now, my old fears are back in my head, I am afraid 24/7 of something like that happened to me again. My family thought I was trying to off myself, and that is what I am afraid of in my deep subconscious, but i know in my right mind I would never do that, but I still fear it, intensely.

I signed myself out AMA last night, that just wasnt the place for me, no counselin, no one on one, no one to tell me what could have happened to me.

Still quit though, I think it is day 26.

[cjs2006]

Then, when reality hit me, I realized.... I dont do that anymore.

Yep... that's the only good part of a dip dream. That and the fact that they act as a reminder of where you've come from.

You took a step forward in your quit today. Congrats on 19 days... way to go CJ!

You are right, that IS THE GOOD PART, but darn, i remember others talking about the dreams, but that was my first one ever, and it was just so real!!!

You are not alone! I haven't had a bad one in a while, but I remember waking up feeling so depressed cause I "caved", and remember a huge sigh of relief when I realized it was only a dream! LOL.

You will be OK. Stay strong.

they do seem very very real. But that is the only place the nic nitch has left, in your dreams.

You can do this.

that was the amazing part, when I woke up, in a daze, i remembered the dream, and I just thought to myself, I cannot believe this, I dont do this anymore. But, in my dream, and it was like just in real life, it was that real, I was looking all over someone else's house for it, it was NOT my house, HA!

I posted the following on April 20, 2008...

I looked in the mirror. It was confirmed. I had some shit in my teeth. I don't remember caving. I don't remember buying a can. I panicked. There is no way in hell I caved. Then I thought, this may be a dream. I hoped it was a dream. I woke up in a panick. Damn, that was a harsh dream and way too fucking real. Then I found the can. It was open. I looked inside and there was a big old fatty missing. Oh shit, it's true. I fucking caved. I felt shame and horror at letting everyone down. How the hell can I get back on this site and tell everyone I caved after everything we had gone through. I thought I may not go back at all. How could I. I thought maybe I would just go back to dipping. That thought was very depressing. I was one stressed out mother fucker. Then I woke up. You can not imagine my relief to find that it was all a dream. A double mind fuck dream, but none the less, still a dream. It was very vivid. Upon waking I remember it all. I seriously wish I could remember the hot dreams that vividly. I have read about others having these dip dreams. I had not had mine yet and thought maybe I was not going to. oooops. It just goes to prove that they have mapped your quit out pretty well on this site. They have let you know what to expect. Everything that I was told I would experience has happened. Ready - Day 80 - Just the start. Now is a good day to quit. Get off the fucking fence, take the shit out of your lip, throw away your stash and sign roll. You can do this.

amen to that, and thank goodness it was just a dream!!! That is how I felt when I woke up this morning, and it was SO disturbing I couldnt go back to sleep. Now, I am tired, HA! Thanks for sharing, every story shared is a help!

[Ready]

Then, when reality hit me, I realized.... I dont do that anymore.

Yep... that's the only good part of a dip dream. That and the fact that they act as a reminder of where you've come from.

You took a step forward in your quit today. Congrats on 19 days... way to go CJ!

You are right, that IS THE GOOD PART, but darn, i remember others talking about the dreams, but that was my first one ever, and it was just so real!!!

You are not alone! I haven't had a bad one in a while, but I remember waking up feeling so depressed cause I "caved", and remember a huge sigh of relief when I realized it was only a dream! LOL.

You will be OK. Stay strong.

they do seem very very real. But that is the only place the nic nitch has left, in your dreams.

You can do this.

that was the amazing part, when I woke up, in a daze, i remembered the dream, and I just thought to myself, I cannot believe this, I dont do this anymore. But, in my dream, and it was like just in real life, it was that real, I was looking all over someone else's house for it, it was NOT my house, HA!

I posted the following on April 20, 2008...

I looked in the mirror. It was confirmed. I had some shit in my teeth. I don't remember caving. I don't remember buying a can. I panicked. There is no way in hell I caved. Then I thought, this may be a dream. I hoped it was a dream. I woke up in a panick. Damn, that was a harsh dream and way too fucking real. Then I found the can. It was open. I looked inside and there was a big old fatty missing. Oh shit, it's true. I fucking caved. I felt shame and horror at letting everyone down. How the hell can I get back on this site and tell everyone I caved after everything we had gone through. I thought I may not go back at all. How could I. I thought maybe I would just go back to dipping. That thought was very depressing. I was one stressed out mother fucker. Then I woke up. You can not imagine my relief to find that it was all a dream. A double mind fuck dream, but none the less, still a dream. It was very vivid. Upon waking I remember it all. I seriously wish I could remember the hot dreams that vividly. I have read about others having these dip dreams. I had not had mine yet and thought maybe I was not going to. oooops. It just goes to prove that they have mapped your quit out pretty well on this site. They have let you know what to expect. Everything that I was told I would experience has happened. Ready - Day 80 - Just the start. Now is a good day to quit. Get off the fucking fence, take the shit out of your lip, throw away your stash and sign roll. You can do this.

[cjs2006]

Then, when reality hit me, I realized.... I dont do that anymore.

Yep... that's the only good part of a dip dream. That and the fact that they act as a reminder of where you've come from.

You took a step forward in your quit today. Congrats on 19 days... way to go CJ!

You are right, that IS THE GOOD PART, but darn, i remember others talking about the dreams, but that was my first one ever, and it was just so real!!!

You are not alone! I haven't had a bad one in a while, but I remember waking up feeling so depressed cause I "caved", and remember a huge sigh of relief when I realized it was only a dream! LOL.

You will be OK. Stay strong.

they do seem very very real. But that is the only place the nic nitch has left, in your dreams.

You can do this.

that was the amazing part, when I woke up, in a daze, i remembered the dream, and I just thought to myself, I cannot believe this, I dont do this anymore. But, in my dream, and it was like just in real life, it was that real, I was looking all over someone else's house for it, it was NOT my house, HA!

[Ready]

Then, when reality hit me, I realized.... I dont do that anymore.

Yep... that's the only good part of a dip dream. That and the fact that they act as a reminder of where you've come from.

You took a step forward in your quit today. Congrats on 19 days... way to go CJ!

You are right, that IS THE GOOD PART, but darn, i remember others talking about the dreams, but that was my first one ever, and it was just so real!!!

You are not alone! I haven't had a bad one in a while, but I remember waking up feeling so depressed cause I "caved", and remember a huge sigh of relief when I realized it was only a dream! LOL.

You will be OK. Stay strong.

they do seem very very real. But that is the only place the nic nitch has left, in your dreams.

You can do this.

[GlennFtheKodiak]

Then, when reality hit me, I realized.... I dont do that anymore.

Yep... that's the only good part of a dip dream. That and the fact that they act as a reminder of where you've come from.

You took a step forward in your quit today. Congrats on 19 days... way to go CJ!

You are right, that IS THE GOOD PART, but darn, i remember others talking about the dreams, but that was my first one ever, and it was just so real!!!

You are not alone! I haven't had a bad one in a while, but I remember waking up feeling so depressed cause I "caved", and remember a huge sigh of relief when I realized it was only a dream! LOL.

You will be OK. Stay strong.

[cjs2006]

Then, when reality hit me, I realized.... I dont do that anymore.

Yep... that's the only good part of a dip dream. That and the fact that they act as a reminder of where you've come from.

You took a step forward in your quit today. Congrats on 19 days... way to go CJ!

You are right, that IS THE GOOD PART, but darn, i remember others talking about the dreams, but that was my first one ever, and it was just so real!!!

[chewie]

Then, when reality hit me, I realized.... I dont do that anymore.

Yep... that's the only good part of a dip dream. That and the fact that they act as a reminder of where you've come from.

You took a step forward in your quit today. Congrats on 19 days... way to go CJ!

[cjs2006]

It was SO REAL, I had my first dip dream, this morning, sometime. It was so real, I was in this house, not mine, but I was walking around, as if in a daze, and I was telling myself, now, where did you put it at? Is it under the sink, did you leave it in the drawer, Cindy, where on earth did you put it? I was looking everywhere around this house trying to find my cans. Then, I woke up. Then, when reality hit me, I realized.... I dont do that anymore.

So, I am up, earlier than normal, that dream was so real I couldnt go back to sleep.

cjs2006, day 19

[cjs2006]

Am on day 18, still feel bad, emotional, suicidal almost, dont want to talk to anyone, dont want to be with anyone, dont even want to be with my children, I am so out of it, that it scares me.  I havent eaten at all today, because I dont want to have to deal with anyone.

I am a 3 can a day ex-chewer and female.  I have suffered with anxiety/panic attacks for 20 years, I have been chewing for almost that long.  I work from home, so I could get away with it and no one knew how much I was doing, I was that addicted.

I see my doctor weekly, but I am really afraid for myself right now.

The short answer is "yes" this is normal...

To be more clear, it's fair to say that the symptoms that you are describing are not unique to your quit. That being said suicidal thoughts and depression are obviously very serious issues and you should definitely talk about them with your doctor that you are seeing on a regular basis. Explain EVERYTHING to him. How long you chewed, how much, how often, the fact that you're quitting, etc. If nothing else his evaluation will give you some much needed peace of mind.

Personally I took myself to the ER twice during my quit cause I thought I was having a heart attack - turned out to be massive panic and anxiety attacks brought on by my quit.

All I can say is that it does indeed get better. Stick with it because believe it or not at 18 days the worst is behind you. What you DON'T want to do is reintroduce nicotine int your body now because all of the pain and suffering you're going through will be for naught.

chewie

Thanks Chewie, yes, my doctor knows the whole kit and kaboodle, but this depression is horrible, and this is not "me." It is like I just want to feel good again but cannot. I am on medicine for it all, but you know, I just want to be the flip left alone right now and not have to deal with anyone, just left alone and let me deal with ME and let ME get through this without everyone needing everything from me!!!!!

As a mother, good night, it is always mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, the house wont run without "mom" and "mom" just isnt herself right now.

Last night, my palpitations were so bad, that I almost went to the ER, I was having an extra beat every third beat, it was horrible, cause by, I believe, anxiety.

No way will I ever take a dip again, dont want to EVER go through this ever again.

i am long time anxiety/depression sufferer, DO NOT hesitate to go to the ER if you are really down and having the bad thoughts, call 911 if you can't drove yourself there, palpitations can be a sign of panic attacks but i am sure you know this..

hang in there it does get better...

Me too, very long time, it started about 20 years ago, I had a nervous break in Dec 2007, and I am trying so hard NOT to get back to that dark place. It seems more of a fear, a fear of being alone, I know I am too scared to do anything to myself, however, there is this underlying sense of "doom" and then the palpitations start (I have SVT - supraventricular tachycardia, where your heart rate can go from normal to 300 for no reason). Then, with the palpitations comes the anxiety, but the anxiety was already there, because of what I am going through, it is just this horrible VICIOUS cycle I am in right now. It is a feeling of being very "down" and not knowing how to crawl back out.

Cd knows alot about what he speaks. At day 18 I was miserable. I know alot of the fear and anxiety I was feeling was the thought of how was I going to survive and function without my crutch. I almost drove myself batty. But I made it. Fifteen minutes, 1 hour, 1 day -Repeat -. I started feeling better around day 30. The panic subsided and I started to understand that life will be different. In a good way. That I didnt need nic anymore. You will make it through this. we are here for you. And dont be afraid, be joyous at the new healthier life you are creating for yourself.

I quit 10 days ago then I got something in the mail from my attorney concerning the divorce that I am going through. I was so upset that I went out and bought cigarettes then 2 days later I was back to dipping. I really want to quit and I an starting tonight. I am not going to give up. Maxrebar53

Just PM'd you... I hadn't seen this post at the time...
Seems to me that if you have the courage to call yourself out regarding this error, the ability to acknowledge and comprehend the triggers that caught you off-guard, the will to ask for support, and the desire to post roll with your brothers ... you are going to be welcomed back!
Stay close here, Maxrebar...
If reading is too much, scroll down to Wildcard and find some of chewie's video games or launch yourself into one of the one/two/three word posts...
Whatever it takes...
Just stay close......
The more courage you earn by acting without nicotine as companion, the more self-assured and confident and unmessablewith you become.
I'll be looking for you in the morning!
Glad you're back!!!!!!

Thank you all SO MUCH for being here for me, I appreciate it so much!!!!!

[ChoosingIntegrity]

Am on day 18, still feel bad, emotional, suicidal almost, dont want to talk to anyone, dont want to be with anyone, dont even want to be with my children, I am so out of it, that it scares me.  I havent eaten at all today, because I dont want to have to deal with anyone.

I am a 3 can a day ex-chewer and female.  I have suffered with anxiety/panic attacks for 20 years, I have been chewing for almost that long.  I work from home, so I could get away with it and no one knew how much I was doing, I was that addicted.

I see my doctor weekly, but I am really afraid for myself right now.

The short answer is "yes" this is normal...

To be more clear, it's fair to say that the symptoms that you are describing are not unique to your quit. That being said suicidal thoughts and depression are obviously very serious issues and you should definitely talk about them with your doctor that you are seeing on a regular basis. Explain EVERYTHING to him. How long you chewed, how much, how often, the fact that you're quitting, etc. If nothing else his evaluation will give you some much needed peace of mind.

Personally I took myself to the ER twice during my quit cause I thought I was having a heart attack - turned out to be massive panic and anxiety attacks brought on by my quit.

All I can say is that it does indeed get better. Stick with it because believe it or not at 18 days the worst is behind you. What you DON'T want to do is reintroduce nicotine int your body now because all of the pain and suffering you're going through will be for naught.

chewie

Thanks Chewie, yes, my doctor knows the whole kit and kaboodle, but this depression is horrible, and this is not "me." It is like I just want to feel good again but cannot. I am on medicine for it all, but you know, I just want to be the flip left alone right now and not have to deal with anyone, just left alone and let me deal with ME and let ME get through this without everyone needing everything from me!!!!!

As a mother, good night, it is always mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, the house wont run without "mom" and "mom" just isnt herself right now.

Last night, my palpitations were so bad, that I almost went to the ER, I was having an extra beat every third beat, it was horrible, cause by, I believe, anxiety.

No way will I ever take a dip again, dont want to EVER go through this ever again.

i am long time anxiety/depression sufferer, DO NOT hesitate to go to the ER if you are really down and having the bad thoughts, call 911 if you can't drove yourself there, palpitations can be a sign of panic attacks but i am sure you know this..

hang in there it does get better...

Me too, very long time, it started about 20 years ago, I had a nervous break in Dec 2007, and I am trying so hard NOT to get back to that dark place. It seems more of a fear, a fear of being alone, I know I am too scared to do anything to myself, however, there is this underlying sense of "doom" and then the palpitations start (I have SVT - supraventricular tachycardia, where your heart rate can go from normal to 300 for no reason). Then, with the palpitations comes the anxiety, but the anxiety was already there, because of what I am going through, it is just this horrible VICIOUS cycle I am in right now. It is a feeling of being very "down" and not knowing how to crawl back out.

Cd knows alot about what he speaks. At day 18 I was miserable. I know alot of the fear and anxiety I was feeling was the thought of how was I going to survive and function without my crutch. I almost drove myself batty. But I made it. Fifteen minutes, 1 hour, 1 day -Repeat -. I started feeling better around day 30. The panic subsided and I started to understand that life will be different. In a good way. That I didnt need nic anymore. You will make it through this. we are here for you. And dont be afraid, be joyous at the new healthier life you are creating for yourself.

I quit 10 days ago then I got something in the mail from my attorney concerning the divorce that I am going through. I was so upset that I went out and bought cigarettes then 2 days later I was back to dipping. I really want to quit and I an starting tonight. I am not going to give up. Maxrebar53

Just PM'd you... I hadn't seen this post at the time...
Seems to me that if you have the courage to call yourself out regarding this error, the ability to acknowledge and comprehend the triggers that caught you off-guard, the will to ask for support, and the desire to post roll with your brothers ... you are going to be welcomed back!
Stay close here, Maxrebar...
If reading is too much, scroll down to Wildcard and find some of chewie's video games or launch yourself into one of the one/two/three word posts...
Whatever it takes...
Just stay close......
The more courage you earn by acting without nicotine as companion, the more self-assured and confident and unmessablewith you become.
I'll be looking for you in the morning!
Glad you're back!!!!!!