My poison of choice was Copenhegan because it said right there on the can how satisfying it was. Every once in a while the store would be out and I'd have to settle for some other brand of poison but it was satisfaction I was in it for. The thing about cope is when it was fresh it was moist and supple but after a couple of months it was like sand. That's not to say I wouldn't have tried to pack it if there were no other options but that was just the nature of the snuff.
The other day, I stuck a file in the top drawer of my bedside table. I guess I was hoping to keep it out of sight but not out of mind. Somehow, the folder got logged behind the drawer so I ended up removing everything from the drawer to get my fat arm above the back of the drawer to retrieve it. Anyway, this drawer has been a catch all for years and I never really go through it. Among its contents were two double nicorette gum tablet packages (megamilligrams) and half a can of Wintergreen Kodiak. I had no idea that stuff was there and I opened the can seeing it was moist and supple. My eyebrow twitched but I got up and dumped the shit in the shittah. I then retrieved the kitchen shears and cut up the gum packages into the bowl and flushed it all away, watching it, washing my hands thinking this...
So, the last couple of weeks have really sucked. I realize my problems are no different or no worse then anyone else's. My kid thinks I'm an asshole and to a certain extent he might be right but I'll tell you this, I'm a quit asshole. Two hundred and fifty days with all of you has taught me that it doesn't really matter what form she comes to you in, she will come. And it doesn't matter how shitty your life is at any given moment, Nicole will only make it shittier. Something else to, honoring my promise to you under adverse conditions today feels pretty fucking good. Never again for any reason! Let's do it again tomorrow.
Kick ass! Me and my boy battle. He thinks I'm an asshole too. You just reminded me that I am a quit asshole. No one will take my quit status from me. Nic can't take it. Only I can't surrender. None of my flags are white. I have a red one that I wave when I'm in trouble but no white flag and no white towel.
I'm a quitter! From one asshole to anotherway may the quit be with you.
Hey guys I got news for you! Nicotine or not, quit or not being a dad has its privileges one of those is you get to be an asshole from time to time! From my experience after they are on their own for a few years and really screw up you turn into a damn smart asshole! It's like quitting it gets easier with time.
The real question is why you needed a file in the drawer of your bedside table. Is this in the event you lose the keys to the handcuffs 'boob'
I guess Jbuilder has never been left in a compromising position during a fire alarm. :rolleyes:
We didn't have kids because we wanted more friends but I'm sure glad you folks are out there to sound off with.
'arse'
I have a sincere question for you. When you first saw that can. Not when you touched it, or when you opened it, but when you very first caught sight of it..... what was your body's reaction?
I ask because I had a similar experience a few months ago. I opened a desk drawer (the one where I used to keep my dip chew), and saw the edge of what looked just like a Redman Golden Blend (my poison of choice) pack. It wasn't, but my reaction was enlightening.
There was really no reaction initially other then putting it aside and being surprised there was still something hanging around. I made a quick note and went about trying to retrieve the folder then put the rest of the crap back in the drawer, threw some junk out and opened the can. My body didn't react until right there when the smell hit me, I headed to the shittah. The act became more symbolic of controlling what I could with a flush and leaving the rest. I was going to just throw the nic. gum in the trash but cutting it into little pieces seemed important at the time, my big FU 'Finger' nic! I've got a pretty good hunch though, had I not made that promise yesterday morning a lesser man would be finger bangin the tin again even after all this time, none too happy about it. 'Crazy'
Cool deal. I dig the symbology.
I was just asking because my initial reaction really pissed me off. I posted it here somewhere, but can't find it now. What I saw was the corner of a pack of sunflower seeds. Exactly same brown color as RGB. My heart fluttered. Seriously, I don't know if it was a shot of adrenaline or dopamine from past experiences or if it was caused by the brief fear of "What have I done?". It happened so quick, I really don't know. But I can tell you with 100% certainty that it happened. My whole system took a hit. Then had kind of a hot flash as my body cleared out the chemicals. It was kinda like when you get really startled and then realize there's no danger. This was probably around day 700 or something and really got my attention. Been wondering ever since if I was the only one who's experienced it.
First off, nice work flushing that shit and cutting up the gum. Symbolic or not, that's how you handle, Nicole. I too came across an old can under the drivers seat in my car. I can't remember where I was in my quit but I know it was past 100 days. I remember looking at it like a High School kid that found an empty beer bottle under his seat. I picked it up, opened it to look at the few dried up flecks of worm dirt at the bottom and thought, "Damn, I really need to clean my car more often." Never did I think about smelling it, buying a can or dipping. It was just a thought about what a fucking slob I am.
Second - being a father gives us the right to be an asshole now and then. We're smarter than they are and need an asshole to set them straight. That's our job! Raise our kids to be contributing human beings when they leave the house. They are usually wrong and we need to right them. Stay firm in your parenting as you are in your quit and you'll do just fine.
Proud to be quit with you.
DiplessinJax
