I had a dip dream last night. That seems pretty messed up after being quit for awhile. I had a few early on but it's been a long time. Maybe it's not so long. The details are sketchy but I remember enough.
If you're quit, you probably know what these things are... You wake up in a cold sweat with a feeling of dread and an ache in the pit of your stomach because you threw it all away. They usually involve letting yourself and everyone you know, down. It's a feeling you never want to have. I attribute it to recent stressors in my life; long hours, two teens and the head gasket in my truck but whatever the hell causes them... it's still hanging around. That's messed up.
It's a huge reminder of how shitty that place was and how much I don't ever want to go back.
It makes roll call feel pretty damn good.
If you aren't quit, you probably don't know these dreams. Deep in the subconscience of your poisoned mind, there is no conflict, yet. Your natural state of not being poisoned has been forgotten and replaced with an ever increasing need for nicotine. That's pretty messed up and it begs the question, what are you waiting for?
I think these dreams are a sign that we're getting better, that the quit matters and that our unquit lives sucked a lot more then our quit lives sometimes suck. I think that knot in the pit of your stomach is a reminder that you don't want to go back, that you won't let anyone down today and that you're qlf...That's a promise.
