Sapper's Intro

[Derk40]

My advice is have the talk as soon as you can. Regardless of the rocky past, there is always a chance that your showing a weakness can help strengthen the bonds that the two of you apparently have.

Glad to hear the newborn turned out fine now, but an unhealthy relationship can make for a very nasty child upbringing. I understand what it is like to live in a china cabinet but over the years I have learned that no matter what I do a few plates are going to break, you have to be willing, open and honest 100% for things to work out.

I will never wish you luck with your quit but I will wish you luck in straightening out things on the home front.

I would talk with the wife ASAP. Dipping created a lot of issues in my marriage as well... I was a ninja dipper, lied about it and that was the main problem. I came clean to Mrs. Derk early  it made all the difference in the world. Don't sell your wife short... her reaction may surprise you. Read thru my intro a bit if you have time. The key is admitting you are an addict, you are committed to quitting and discuss the role of KTC in your quit. Quit on bro!

[Pinched]

My advice is have the talk as soon as you can. Regardless of the rocky past, there is always a chance that your showing a weakness can help strengthen the bonds that the two of you apparently have.

Glad to hear the newborn turned out fine now, but an unhealthy relationship can make for a very nasty child upbringing. I understand what it is like to live in a china cabinet but over the years I have learned that no matter what I do a few plates are going to break, you have to be willing, open and honest 100% for things to work out.

I will never wish you luck with your quit but I will wish you luck in straightening out things on the home front.

[ppolcyn]

glad your kid is fine.

[Sap]

I'm ready for the shit storm this will create, but here goes.

The reason I don't tell her now is because our marriage has been pretty rocky for a long time. We work through it and keep making up, but it isn't a strong relationship. We have a newborn who spent 3 weeks in the NICU with a tumor on his pancreas (that was removed and he's totally fine now). She's not getting much sleep and my real fear is that as fragile as I still am in my quit that her reaction will be pure anger and I'll have to endure a barrage of judgement and criticism. I am not saying that I don't deserve it, I'm just saying that I don't know if I'm strong enough to take it just yet. That is a huge trigger for me. Fight in the past almost always = go have a dip. If my apology turns into a fight, I'm not sure how I'd fare.

Is it weak, yes. It is extremely weak and it's sad, but it's also reality and I must get stronger in my quit before I expose myself to that.

That being said, by day 30 I'll have that talk. I'll let you know when I do, and I'll most likely let you know before I do so that I can have a support group waiting to talk me off the ledge that I'm deathly afraid I'll be standing on after.

[ppolcyn]

Tell her now!!!! And ask her to read the spousal support.

[Sap]

When the time comes, I'm going to have to start the conversation with something along the following lines:

"Honey, I've been dipping for years, mostly behind your back, and when you have discovered my cans, I lied to you about how bad the problem was. I know that you know it was worse than I let on, but I now have to come totally clean and tell you that it was much worse than you even suspected. It was hundreds of dollars a month and hours of our precious time together thrown into the trash at convenience stores and parks (anywhere that you wouldn't find my disgusting spitters in our own trash). My addiction is very likely the biggest reason for most of our fights and why I have found excuses not to be with you. I don't expect you to forgive me quickly, but as of right now, I've quit. I quit every single day, but I last had a dip XX days ago. When you're done being rightfully mad at me, please sit down with me and help me plan out how to continue to stay quit."

This conversation is the part of this whole thing I'm looking forward to the least, but I'll have it, and it will be soon.

[Gdubya]

It would be fair to say that everyone that quits is soon going to be asking for forgiveness from the ones we love and those around us. We just aren't gonna e pleasant for a while. Just try to minimize it and ask for grace and understanding while your getting clean. It will pass soon and the real you will be emerging. It's awesome bro.

[SAM83]

I've always been kind of an asshole, but never a raging, seething lunatic like when I didn't have a fix.  Even though I'm only 12 days into this, I feel so much more even keeled than I did 2 weeks ago, or a week ago.  I like being me again.

meh, you're probably still an asshole, deep down. 'crackup'

:wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub:

Going to try this and see if I can paste a link here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3i6OrOZwtmA

The link seems to work....that's a first....did not need a dip to figure it out either 'crackup'

[SAM83]

I've always been kind of an asshole, but never a raging, seething lunatic like when I didn't have a fix.  Even though I'm only 12 days into this, I feel so much more even keeled than I did 2 weeks ago, or a week ago.  I like being me again.

meh, you're probably still an asshole, deep down. 'crackup'

:wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub:

Going to try this and see if I can paste a link here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3i6OrOZwtmA

[rdad]

I've always been kind of an asshole, but never a raging, seething lunatic like when I didn't have a fix.  Even though I'm only 12 days into this, I feel so much more even keeled than I did 2 weeks ago, or a week ago.  I like being me again.

meh, you're probably still an asshole, deep down. 'crackup'

:wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub:

[slug.go]

I've always been kind of an asshole, but never a raging, seething lunatic like when I didn't have a fix. Even though I'm only 12 days into this, I feel so much more even keeled than I did 2 weeks ago, or a week ago. I like being me again.

meh, you're probably still an asshole, deep down. 'crackup'

[SAM83]

I've always been kind of an asshole, but never a raging, seething lunatic like when I didn't have a fix. Even though I'm only 12 days into this, I feel so much more even keeled than I did 2 weeks ago, or a week ago. I like being me again.

It keeps getting better. Faster for some and others and it goes up and down, at least for me so far. Enjoy the times you feel really good....they will be more frequent and longer in duration as each day passes.

[Sap]

I've always been kind of an asshole, but never a raging, seething lunatic like when I didn't have a fix. Even though I'm only 12 days into this, I feel so much more even keeled than I did 2 weeks ago, or a week ago. I like being me again.

[SAM83]

Well, when I'm not a raging lunatic, I'm a pretty decent guy.

Again thanks all for the support and also for the texts. I've already had to increase my texting plan for this month. Oh well, spending an extra $10 a month on unlimited texts is not breaking the bank when I'm saving $200 a month not buying dip.

Remember, there is an inverse relationship to assholedness/raging and the number of days quit. My better half is hoping I will actually drop below my original asshole base level as my quit days progress. Alas, I fear that once an asshole always an asshole, but at least I can return to the base asshole she fell in love with.....eventually. Quit with you!

[Grizzlyhasclaws]

Well, when I'm not a raging lunatic, I'm a pretty decent guy.

Again thanks all for the support and also for the texts. I've already had to increase my texting plan for this month. Oh well, spending an extra $10 a month on unlimited texts is not breaking the bank when I'm saving $200 a month not buying dip.

You're doing great. Nice avatar!!