Quit or Die

[Evil_Won]

Here is an update. Since quitting (day 30 today) I have gained weight and been a complete asshole (more than usual). I have never been a happy-go-lucky chap. Look-my-way-and-I'll-fucking-gut-you-and-no-piece-will-ever-be-found is a much better and appropriate description.

Last night my older daughter (7), at dinner, said "Dad doesn't seem happy anymore". Kind of hit me hard. True, I have not been myself. I have had an exceptionally short temper (didn't think that was possible). I have had no energy despite eating constantly. I drink more (nowhere near excessive yet). I am unable to keep any feeling bottled up and every filter has been removed, which was unforntuate for many people during an election month. Odd thing is my wife NEVER knew I dipped. Not a clue. Not a suspicion.

Last week I met with sox2012 at Hooters (there is a pic somewhere) and he suggested I come clean to my wife and use her for support. After my daughter's bombshell, and while my daughters were taking a bath, I decided to come clean.

My wife was asking questions about my obvious funk and depression. She assumed it was an "us" issue and asked if I wanted a divorce. I told her that I had been dipping for over 4 years (couldn't admit to 16 years), since our 2nd daughter was born. She knew at that time that I was having a really hard time. I told her I had quit 29 days ago and that it was difficult.

When asked why I hid it from her for years I said because I knew that she would be upset, it's a gross habit, it kills you, etc., and I didn't want a lecture or fight. She suggested using a patch or something to keep me quit and keep me from being a bigger asshole than usual. I said that I didn't want to substitute one drug for another and that the NIC was out of my system. Every issue I now face is not NIC withdrawl, but habit withdrawl and it fucking sucks hairy balls.

Was coming clean the right thing to do? Too soon to tell.

[Scowick65]

Funny how things have changed for me over the past 17 days.

For the past 16 years I would throw in a huge dip after everyone was asleep, knock back a few beers, and surf the web or work from home until 2am. I would wake up the next morning dead tied and have strong coffee intravenously all day just to keep me conscious until the next night. It was an awful cycle.

If there was one good thing about my habit, it was that I didn't eat much. I was a professional chef for years and "tasted" all day long but never had time to actually sit down and eat a full meal. If I did have time to sit I chose to have a dip than a good meal.

Now, dip-less, I am getting to bed early, waking up clear headed, having one coffee a day (if that), and eating regular meal.

In 17 days I have put on 24 pounds. That may seem extreme but I have been under weight all of my life. "Never trust a skinny chef"...whatever. A skinny chef is a chef that has a bad dip, drug, alcohol or all of the above problem!

17 days ago I was 6'-1" and 164 lbs. Today I'm 188 lbs! If this keeps up I'll need to seek out a "Kill the waist" support group.

Nice observation.

Living to simply feed an addiction is an empty life. You are sbout reaqaint yourself with real living. I was like you. Infact, it had been so long since I simply lived life I had forgotten what it was. Addiction was normal, not life.

Damn life is better.

Good stuff. I am very happy for you. Never, never again. One day at a time.

[Evil_Won]

Funny how things have changed for me over the past 17 days.

For the past 16 years I would throw in a huge dip after everyone was asleep, knock back a few beers, and surf the web or work from home until 2am. I would wake up the next morning dead tied and have strong coffee intravenously all day just to keep me conscious until the next night. It was an awful cycle.

If there was one good thing about my habit, it was that I didn't eat much. I was a professional chef for years and "tasted" all day long but never had time to actually sit down and eat a full meal. If I did have time to sit I chose to have a dip than a good meal.

Now, dip-less, I am getting to bed early, waking up clear headed, having one coffee a day (if that), and eating regular meal.

In 17 days I have put on 24 pounds. That may seem extreme but I have been under weight all of my life. "Never trust a skinny chef"...whatever. A skinny chef is a chef that has a bad dip, drug, alcohol or all of the above problem!

17 days ago I was 6'-1" and 164 lbs. Today I'm 188 lbs! If this keeps up I'll need to seek out a "Kill the waist" support group.

[Evil_Won]

I WAS a situational dipper. When I was alone in the car - throw in a dip. When the rest of the family is alseep - throw in a dip.  Waiting for my girls lesson to end - throw in a dip.

Today each of my daughters has a birthday party to attend. That means that I will be ripping my hair out trying to pass the time without sitting in my car alone dipping.

This blows

I was a situational lipper myself - as in anytime I didn't have a horseshoe of cancer in, I wanted one. Get some fake, seeds, etc and battle through it. Look around and notice all the other mindless nicotine slaves, and be proud that for today, you are not one of them.

Yea I was a situational dipper too, yep no matter what the situation I found a way to dip! If I can quit for today so can you!!

You know how many shits I took just to get a dip? And how many people probably think I have bowel issues for taking 10+ min shits (when NOT at work!)?

Its crazy the things we did for that bitch. Keep strong brother. That bitch won't get us down! Not today!

That response made me laugh out loud. For awhile my wife thought I had Irritable Bowel Syndrome or Chrons Disease because I was fake shittin' dippin' so often.

[zam]

I WAS a situational dipper. When I was alone in the car - throw in a dip. When the rest of the family is alseep - throw in a dip.� Waiting for my girls lesson to end - throw in a dip.

Today each of my daughters has a birthday party to attend. That means that I will be ripping my hair out trying to pass the time without sitting in my car alone dipping.

This blows

I was a situational lipper myself - as in anytime I didn't have a horseshoe of cancer in, I wanted one. Get some fake, seeds, etc and battle through it. Look around and notice all the other mindless nicotine slaves, and be proud that for today, you are not one of them.

Yea I was a situational dipper too, yep no matter what the situation I found a way to dip! If I can quit for today so can you!!

You know how many shits I took just to get a dip? And how many people probably think I have bowel issues for taking 10+ min shits (when NOT at work!)?

Its crazy the things we did for that bitch. Keep strong brother. That bitch won't get us down! Not today!

Just for today. Time to retrain your brain and concentrate on the good things you can do in situations instead of slowly killing yourself. Use those situations to leave an impression on those around you that life can be lived, not just walked through. Quit with you today.

I'll be straight to the point.. What would blow is if you got cancer and died..then your girls could take the bus to the b-day party. Ever think about that? buy some seeds, gum, anything but that life killing crap. Your girls are more important...Have you read Tom  Jenny's story?

I was a situational dipper also - When in any situation....I dipped.

I've actually found that when I dipped I was not honest about stuff I did and did not like. I'll use Evil's thoughts on picking up the daughter from a party as an example of what I mean...

I show up 10 minutes early to pick up the daughter from a dress-up birthday party. I have a few options. 1) go in inside and catch the last 10 minutes of adolescent girls doing adolescent girl stuff, which I assume is giggling, chasing, being silly. Or I could (2) stay in the car and wait because I'm a guy that isn't into girlie stuff, even if it is only watching the daughter have fun doing girlie stuff. (oh yea, I can dip in the car, and that would be awkward inside.)

I chose Option 2 for most all of my daughters childhood. Then one day I'm sitting in a car (not exactly, but similar situation) just waiting for the her with nothing else to do except wait. I'm quit today, so dipping is not even an option. Then a thought hits me -- What the FUCK am I doing out here in the car. I need to get my ass in there and watch the daughter cut up and act crazy from a massive birthday cake sugar high! Why would ever do anything different? As wonderful as it was to realize that there was NO REASON to stay in the car and miss a great memory, I was sad to realize that I had chosen hundreds of other times to wait in the car so I could dip. I justified it by teling myself that I'm macho, and it would be ridiculous for me to go inside and risk some kid putting a toy teacup in my hand, or having to eat one of those shitty tasting EZ Bake Oven deals. sigh... what a douche I was.....don't be a douche....

Get your ass out of the car, Evil. You no longer have a reason to stay there.

[kana]

I WAS a situational dipper. When I was alone in the car - throw in a dip. When the rest of the family is alseep - throw in a dip.� Waiting for my girls lesson to end - throw in a dip.

Today each of my daughters has a birthday party to attend. That means that I will be ripping my hair out trying to pass the time without sitting in my car alone dipping.

This blows

I was a situational lipper myself - as in anytime I didn't have a horseshoe of cancer in, I wanted one. Get some fake, seeds, etc and battle through it. Look around and notice all the other mindless nicotine slaves, and be proud that for today, you are not one of them.

Yea I was a situational dipper too, yep no matter what the situation I found a way to dip! If I can quit for today so can you!!

You know how many shits I took just to get a dip? And how many people probably think I have bowel issues for taking 10+ min shits (when NOT at work!)?

Its crazy the things we did for that bitch. Keep strong brother. That bitch won't get us down! Not today!

Just for today. Time to retrain your brain and concentrate on the good things you can do in situations instead of slowly killing yourself. Use those situations to leave an impression on those around you that life can be lived, not just walked through. Quit with you today.

I'll be straight to the point.. What would blow is if you got cancer and died..then your girls could take the bus to the b-day party. Ever think about that? buy some seeds, gum, anything but that life killing crap. Your girls are more important...Have you read Tom  Jenny's story?

[eric71]

I WAS a situational dipper. When I was alone in the car - throw in a dip. When the rest of the family is alseep - throw in a dip.� Waiting for my girls lesson to end - throw in a dip.

Today each of my daughters has a birthday party to attend. That means that I will be ripping my hair out trying to pass the time without sitting in my car alone dipping.

This blows

I was a situational lipper myself - as in anytime I didn't have a horseshoe of cancer in, I wanted one. Get some fake, seeds, etc and battle through it. Look around and notice all the other mindless nicotine slaves, and be proud that for today, you are not one of them.

Yea I was a situational dipper too, yep no matter what the situation I found a way to dip! If I can quit for today so can you!!

You know how many shits I took just to get a dip? And how many people probably think I have bowel issues for taking 10+ min shits (when NOT at work!)?

Its crazy the things we did for that bitch. Keep strong brother. That bitch won't get us down! Not today!

Just for today. Time to retrain your brain and concentrate on the good things you can do in situations instead of slowly killing yourself. Use those situations to leave an impression on those around you that life can be lived, not just walked through. Quit with you today.

[JCBuckeye]

I WAS a situational dipper. When I was alone in the car - throw in a dip. When the rest of the family is alseep - throw in a dip.  Waiting for my girls lesson to end - throw in a dip.

Today each of my daughters has a birthday party to attend. That means that I will be ripping my hair out trying to pass the time without sitting in my car alone dipping.

This blows

I was a situational lipper myself - as in anytime I didn't have a horseshoe of cancer in, I wanted one. Get some fake, seeds, etc and battle through it. Look around and notice all the other mindless nicotine slaves, and be proud that for today, you are not one of them.

Yea I was a situational dipper too, yep no matter what the situation I found a way to dip! If I can quit for today so can you!!

You know how many shits I took just to get a dip? And how many people probably think I have bowel issues for taking 10+ min shits (when NOT at work!)?

Its crazy the things we did for that bitch. Keep strong brother. That bitch won't get us down! Not today!

[Wt57]

I WAS a situational dipper. When I was alone in the car - throw in a dip. When the rest of the family is alseep - throw in a dip.  Waiting for my girls lesson to end - throw in a dip.

Today each of my daughters has a birthday party to attend. That means that I will be ripping my hair out trying to pass the time without sitting in my car alone dipping.

This blows

I was a situational lipper myself - as in anytime I didn't have a horseshoe of cancer in, I wanted one. Get some fake, seeds, etc and battle through it. Look around and notice all the other mindless nicotine slaves, and be proud that for today, you are not one of them.

Yea I was a situational dipper too, yep no matter what the situation I found a way to dip! If I can quit for today so can you!!

[ERDVM]

I WAS a situational dipper. When I was alone in the car - throw in a dip. When the rest of the family is alseep - throw in a dip. Waiting for my girls lesson to end - throw in a dip.

Today each of my daughters has a birthday party to attend. That means that I will be ripping my hair out trying to pass the time without sitting in my car alone dipping.

This blows

I was a situational lipper myself - as in anytime I didn't have a horseshoe of cancer in, I wanted one. Get some fake, seeds, etc and battle through it. Look around and notice all the other mindless nicotine slaves, and be proud that for today, you are not one of them.

[Evil_Won]

I WAS a situational dipper. When I was alone in the car - throw in a dip. When the rest of the family is alseep - throw in a dip. Waiting for my girls lesson to end - throw in a dip.

Today each of my daughters has a birthday party to attend. That means that I will be ripping my hair out trying to pass the time without sitting in my car alone dipping.

This blows

[Radman]

This morning, day 3, work up energized for the first time in my life. I've been up for 3 hours and have not had a sip of coffee yet.

As a user, when my wife and kids went to bed, I would work from home in the basement. That was the ideal time to pop in a dip. I could have wrapped up my work in 30 minutes, but ended up surfing the net and sucking every last drop of flavor from the dip until it was 2am.

Last night, I worked in the basement, had a Sam Adams Cherry Wheat, but as soon as work was done I sent to bed. I haven't been in bed before 2 am in 22 years!

Now I'm at work an hour before my meeting starts!

Good post. Feels good, huh? I promise you it will get better. There will be rough times, but all in all, the next several months will be a plethora of positive health effects. Enjoy the ride, my friend.

Cleaning nicotine out gave me more energy and stamina, which meant more excercise. At 37 years old and 2 years quit, I'm healthier than I've ever been. That's pretty common.

[Evil_Won]

This morning, day 3, work up energized for the first time in my life. I've been up for 3 hours and have not had a sip of coffee yet.

As a user, when my wife and kids went to bed, I would work from home in the basement. That was the ideal time to pop in a dip. I could have wrapped up my work in 30 minutes, but ended up surfing the net and sucking every last drop of flavor from the dip until it was 2am.

Last night, I worked in the basement, had a Sam Adams Cherry Wheat, but as soon as work was done I sent to bed. I haven't been in bed before 2 am in 22 years!

Now I'm at work an hour before my meeting starts!

[zam]

It seems like you've been motivated in large part by health concerns.  A great source of motivation...however

I'll offer you this from my 38 days quit; motivate yourself from deep within. Convince yourself that tobacco is not an option in your day, no matter what. It makes no difference what happens to you, tobacco will not be part of your today. Do that tomorrow (by posting roll) and carry on. I'm proud to be a quitter with you, and I expect you to stay quit today, quit again tomorrow even though you feel like shit, and continue. It's not easy, but it's worth it. It gets easier as you build resolve and put time under your belt.

Listen to ^^^ Seth. Whatever motivated you to quit is great. Whatever motivates you to continue to quit is great. You quit because of a health scare. Use this place to convince you of the other 1000 or so reasons to quit. Read the stuff on this site when you start getting nervous with the craves. You stick with this, you will have another handful of reasons to stay quit, no matter what the dentist tells you at the end of the month. If the dentist looks at your mouth, says you're fine, and pats you on the ass for going 30 days quit, what are you gonna do? What I did about 10-20 times is get in the car and jam about half a tin of Copenhagen in my lip as a celebration of my clean bill of health and as a reward for such great self-discipline over the last 30 days. Don't repeat my stupidity. That sort of logic may sound obviously flawed and ignorant now, but it will start to sound reasonable when the nic bitch is whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

PS - get digits. exchange cell #'s, or just plain give your number to a couple of people that will track your ass down if you show signs of weakening. Do it. Do it now. If you did it already, contact some new quitters and convince them to just do it.

[sethj13]

It seems like you've been motivated in large part by health concerns. A great source of motivation...however

I'll offer you this from my 38 days quit; motivate yourself from deep within. Convince yourself that tobacco is not an option in your day, no matter what. It makes no difference what happens to you, tobacco will not be part of your today. Do that tomorrow (by posting roll) and carry on. I'm proud to be a quitter with you, and I expect you to stay quit today, quit again tomorrow even though you feel like shit, and continue. It's not easy, but it's worth it. It gets easier as you build resolve and put time under your belt.