Wastepanel,
Yup that was me at quit smokeless a few years ago. What happened was pretty simple, I never really cut the strings of the nicotine during the quit. I quit chewing, but limped along the addiction with the gums, patches, and those devilish little "lozenges." All that did was change was where I was getting the nicotine from. From there it was an easy fall back to the dip can. Because I was using the crutches to get the nic fix, when I didn't have access to them, It was back to the can.
Every time before, I've tried the "taper." I can say now, through lessons learned, this will never work for me, and it's just a lie that the addiction is trying to use to keep me from getting on with my life. That's why it's been cold turkey th is time. I can tell you all that it has sucked, no joke, but it was not as bad as the addiction was telling me it would be over the past few days.
Like many I believe, getting over the physical addiction; learning how to purely function without the flood of happy-assed extra neurotransmitters has been a bit of a wild ride. Day two was the worst so far. Feeling like a caged animal pacing around behind my eyes, sweats, the works.
With that said, something awsome happened this morning. I woke up this morning, without the pre-nic fog. I didn't have to throw a dip in to get the day going. What a giant relief that was. The addiction gives you all kinds of excuses to use, but bottom line, it's all just trickery and bullshit we feed ourselves because we don't want to quit. I can say for myself, despite many "attempts" in the past, I'm confident in this one.
For the first time, I've gone out of myself for help. Signed up for a cessation program with coaches, and actually confided in my father who's been a recovering alcoholic for more than 30 years. My own ego and pride kept me from doing so earlier. But like my dad said, "Screw shame, this is your life." He's right. All the petty excuses we dippers use to maintain the addiction sound plausible from behind the fog of nicotine. When you stop and ask yourself logically, who in the hell in their right mind, would spend $5.00 -$10.00 a day, to put something smelly, nasty, gross, that will eventually kill you, into their mouth. Sounds kind of dumb when you say it outloud, but while in the grasp of the addiction, we all can find excuses to do it.
I have a tendancy to speak my mind folks, get used to it. Best way for me to be there for myself, is to be here for all you folks going through this as well. Never Chew Again!
-DE
