Alright here I go I have been chewing for around 18 years and really want to stop. I have Quit so many times before that I have lost count and I always end up coming full circle and dipping again. I am to the point that everyday I pray to God to either help me stop or just take my life so I can watch over family and friends because I am so sick of being a failed loser cause I can't stop and want to. I will also let you know that there is more going on than just my dipping addiction I got let go from my family business over a year ago supposedly so i wouldn't get stuck working there even though I had worked there off and on for over 15 years. But my family in all there wisdom figured since I was the only real college graduate that worked there that I had a shot having a great career in Graphic design, 3D animation, or at the very least a brilliant photographer. Well that hasn't worked out to well except for occasional free lance work. The point in bringing this up is it attributes to why I can't stop and feel like such a failure both in life and with not being able to quit. There is more to the story as well such as the love of my life getting injured at the end of are schooling and the couples years after I graduated where I tried to help her with her pain issues which basically sent me into dipping heaven so to speak. Then she just left and at first I quit dipping and was working out 5 times a week working full time for family and was auditing classes to continue my pursuit of my animation career. Basically I was trying to win her back so i did all that for 4 months and finally got my face to face with her and was told well I am happy for you but I am in a dark place. Great right all for not I guess which sent me somewhat down back into a depressed state but I managed to go a couple of months after that not dipping but then I cracked and started the vicious cycle all over again. I as mentioned before things for me got worse with losing my job with my family at no fault of my own mind you. Anyway that is the brief background with where I am at and why I need help desperately. I am tired of feeling like a pathetic loser for not being able to stop and I figured while I practice my skills that I went to school for and hunt for work that maybe I could try yes once again to finally stop this gross disgusting addiction which is killing me and now just making me feel worse and worse about myself like I need anymore of that in my life. Please help me I am in real need of it I will try anything.
