T-Cell's Quit!

[ERDVM]

Day 711
Reminds me that I use to live in C-Stores. Got to know the clerks, they knew what I was looking for. Had 2-3 "home" C-Stores, knew where every one was within miles of my house and work...
No more. I'm almost never in a C-store any more. It is a weird deal still after all these days when I do walk into one... Did you notice they have this big colorful wall of death they sell right behind the counter?
None for me today.

Your post reminds me of a time long ago. I was balls deep at work and my addiction was screaming. So, I had to run over to the C Store across the street. Because I needed a spitter, I grabbed a bottle of gatorade and requested two cans of Cancer from young Ramdeepa. As he handed them to me, he noticed I was in scrubs and said,

"You know, it kind of makes me feel better when I see you guys using this stuff".

Besides the fact that he mistook me for a "real doctor", and that I was holding my breath because it smelled like BO and curry in there, I remember feeling an inkling of shame. Not enough not to buy $10 of cancer, but an inkling just the same. I don't remember my exact response, but it was nothing more than a grumbling acknowledgement as I began the opening process with my teeth and thumbnail....

Its embarrassing to me even now. What a fucking douchebag to think that I was different. To think I was special. To think that I wasn't a role model. If 20-something Ramdeepa took notice of my addiction, what did my friends and family notice. What did my kids notice?

Im standing with TmfnCell today. Fuck you nicotine and UST.

( v )

[T-Cell]

Day 711
Reminds me that I use to live in C-Stores. Got to know the clerks, they knew what I was looking for. Had 2-3 "home" C-Stores, knew where every one was within miles of my house and work...
No more. I'm almost never in a C-store any more. It is a weird deal still after all these days when I do walk into one... Did you notice they have this big colorful wall of death they sell right behind the counter?
None for me today.

[ERDVM]

Day 700
The days are starting to mount up...

'BanDog' 'ash1'

[jzzyzag01]

Day 700
The days are starting to mount up...
Thanks to all of you quitters who make my quit and all quits possible. :D

2 years is next. Congrats T. Thanks for everything you put into this. We're all getting plenty out as a result.

[T-Cell]

Day 700
The days are starting to mount up...
Thanks to all of you quitters who make my quit and all quits possible. :D

[T-Cell]

Day 685
Merry Christmas to all at KTC!
After helping make a great xmas for our daughters boyfriends sons (cool dudes Will and Kai) and making 40 Christmas meals for the homeless, the only thing I've got left to share is this. If you can get your hands on some Oskar Blues G'Knight Imperial Red IPA do it! One of my favorite brews not homemade...

[Coach Steve]

Another seemed to think this was a ghey dating site, sent me pics of himself that I really didn't need to see (must have had early contact with gmann or cs)

This was very funny to me. You must write some very supportive messages about "bumping" 'crackup'

'BanDog'

[Dougie]

Another seemed to think this was a ghey dating site, sent me pics of himself that I really didn't need to see (must have had early contact with gmann or cs)

This was very funny to me. You must write some very supportive messages about "bumping" 'crackup'

[T-Cell]

Day 680
As some of you know, I do post roll in several groups. Kinda my way of both encouraging others and putting some more accountability on myself. I've also gotten into a habit of PMing quitters who bump me without fixing to let them know, but mostly as a way to make a new KTC contact. The results of that have been interesting.
Recently found a newbie with 36 days of quit who had been posting in the wrong group that entire time... Another newbie thought I was some type of serial killer stalking him. Another seemed to think this was a ghey dating site, sent me pics of himself that I really didn't need to see (must have had early contact with gmann or cs). But the basic reaction from the pre-HOFers has tended to initially be suspicious and thinking I was calling them out for some huge transgression despite my best attempt to write the PMs as supportive and non-offensive as I can.
On the other hand, when I've PM'ed a quitter with some quit days behind them (200+) almost all have been extremely welcoming and seem glad for the exchange, glad to meet another KTCer. In fact I "met" DIJ that way this morning.

The point of this ramble is: Sometimes I forget I was that foggy, confused, angry and suspicious newbie 600-some days ago. I did not really get the whole peer support/accountability thing then either. 680 days later, I am not foggy, confused, angry or suspicious, I am in charge of my addiction and I have a bunch of kick ass brothers I can interact with. Newbies, your quit will get easier over time if you read, learn, participate. If you employ all the tools available here. And if you actively build your quit, day by day.

[midwest04z]

day 667
Here is my HOF speech, just got it posted today.

I didnÂ’t write a HOF speech at 100 days for the simple reason that I didnÂ’t feel I had accomplished anything significant yet. You see I was a slave to the can for over 35 years. 100 days of quit just didnÂ’t seem to stack up well against 35 years of use.
I grew up in a rural area where almost everyone chewed, kind of a way of life. I was never a ninja dipper, it was as much a part of me as the way I dress or the way I talk. Firmly hooked by age 14 or so, I chewed almost non-stop through college, marriage, two children, a career. For 35 years. I was pretty much a serial user all day, every day only taking it out to sleep at night (most nights). I stayed with it despite my children begging me to quit. Despite having some tooth and gum issues.  Despite becoming the office pusher for other ninja dippers. Despite having silly-assed events like accidently dropping cope into my then young daughter’s eye as she was trying to hug me and I was trying to load up on my drug of choice. Despite being a primary caretaker as my wife went through cancer treatment. Despite panicking every time I got an unusual sore in my mouth. I convinced myself I was a good guy with a minor vice.
I had never seriously even tried to quit before. I had 1 planned stoppage of a month or so on my own a decade or more ago, but even then I considered it a stop rather than a quit. And then 2 weeks when I discovered they donÂ’t sell that crap in Austrailia and failed to plan ahead. Bought cope at the first gas station in the US I came to.
By the start of 2012 I was coming to the end. My mouth was trashed, constantly sore and raw. I could no longer put enough cope in my face to eliminate the withdrawal symptoms, and couldnÂ’t keep the stuff in there long because my mouth hurt. The warm fuzzy buzz was long gone. I started to realize I was running my entire life around cope. Making sure I didnÂ’t run out. Making sure it was always accessible. Trying to do it discretely in places where it rightfully would have been frowned upon. Not kissing my wife or kids. I started to realize I wasnÂ’t in control, that I was exhibiting the behaviors of an addict. It was a sickening feeling as I began to understand just how weak and out of control I had become. I knew I needed to quit, for all the same reasons you all showed up here for. But I also knew before I came to KTC that I had to quit to simply gain my own self-respect back. I quit on Feb 10, 2012 by myself.
Fortunately my pal DW3 recommended KTC to me, I looked around and joined on Feb 13, 2012. It was exactly the tonic I needed to actually learn how to be a quitter.  So what I have learned here at KTC is this: the KTC recipe for quitting works. But you have to buy in all the way and actually want it. There is no magic pill to make quitting easy, and there is no date by which you will be cured. We are addicts, we will always be addicts. But that doesn’t mean we are doomed to fail or that it is ok to fail.  I am a quit addict, but I am in control and I can easily choose to NOT fail today. And I can make that same choice every day. And so can all of you.
There are tons of people who have helped me on my quit journey so far and deserve thanks. DW3 for the initial suggestion and support, Keddy as the first person to contact me when I joined to help me navigate this place. My Brothers of May (Bitch!) 2012, the BOMB. Vadge and CS for timely support and harassment. And the many others I got advice or just inspiration from.  And there are a number of newer (than me) quitters who continue to boost my quit today, WT, dkite, sportsfan, trauma, wmcatty to name just a few. Thanks to you all who have support or just interacted with me.
New or potential quitters, you can do this. You can be free from the slave-like behaviors that being an active using addict brings. You can reclaim your self-respect, your life. It is simple, but it isnÂ’t easy. But you can do it, and it is so worth the effort.
Tony (T-Cell)
Day 666

'Cheers'

This was a great way to end my night sat T-Cell! Great HOF speech sir. Quit on!

from a fellow BOMBer thank you for your strength!

good words brother...thanks.

On a day where I am feeling like I need some motivation to keep going, I run across you're HOF speech. Thank you Tony. You're HOF speech reads exactly like my life. I am again humbled and thankful for each of you on KTC. You keep the reality of life biting at my heels everyday.

[zam]

day 667
Here is my HOF speech, just got it posted today.

I didnÂ’t write a HOF speech at 100 days for the simple reason that I didnÂ’t feel I had accomplished anything significant yet. You see I was a slave to the can for over 35 years. 100 days of quit just didnÂ’t seem to stack up well against 35 years of use.
I grew up in a rural area where almost everyone chewed, kind of a way of life. I was never a ninja dipper, it was as much a part of me as the way I dress or the way I talk. Firmly hooked by age 14 or so, I chewed almost non-stop through college, marriage, two children, a career. For 35 years. I was pretty much a serial user all day, every day only taking it out to sleep at night (most nights). I stayed with it despite my children begging me to quit. Despite having some tooth and gum issues.  Despite becoming the office pusher for other ninja dippers. Despite having silly-assed events like accidently dropping cope into my then young daughter’s eye as she was trying to hug me and I was trying to load up on my drug of choice. Despite being a primary caretaker as my wife went through cancer treatment. Despite panicking every time I got an unusual sore in my mouth. I convinced myself I was a good guy with a minor vice.
I had never seriously even tried to quit before. I had 1 planned stoppage of a month or so on my own a decade or more ago, but even then I considered it a stop rather than a quit. And then 2 weeks when I discovered they donÂ’t sell that crap in Austrailia and failed to plan ahead. Bought cope at the first gas station in the US I came to.
By the start of 2012 I was coming to the end. My mouth was trashed, constantly sore and raw. I could no longer put enough cope in my face to eliminate the withdrawal symptoms, and couldnÂ’t keep the stuff in there long because my mouth hurt. The warm fuzzy buzz was long gone. I started to realize I was running my entire life around cope. Making sure I didnÂ’t run out. Making sure it was always accessible. Trying to do it discretely in places where it rightfully would have been frowned upon. Not kissing my wife or kids. I started to realize I wasnÂ’t in control, that I was exhibiting the behaviors of an addict. It was a sickening feeling as I began to understand just how weak and out of control I had become. I knew I needed to quit, for all the same reasons you all showed up here for. But I also knew before I came to KTC that I had to quit to simply gain my own self-respect back. I quit on Feb 10, 2012 by myself.
Fortunately my pal DW3 recommended KTC to me, I looked around and joined on Feb 13, 2012. It was exactly the tonic I needed to actually learn how to be a quitter.  So what I have learned here at KTC is this: the KTC recipe for quitting works. But you have to buy in all the way and actually want it. There is no magic pill to make quitting easy, and there is no date by which you will be cured. We are addicts, we will always be addicts. But that doesn’t mean we are doomed to fail or that it is ok to fail.  I am a quit addict, but I am in control and I can easily choose to NOT fail today. And I can make that same choice every day. And so can all of you.
There are tons of people who have helped me on my quit journey so far and deserve thanks. DW3 for the initial suggestion and support, Keddy as the first person to contact me when I joined to help me navigate this place. My Brothers of May (Bitch!) 2012, the BOMB. Vadge and CS for timely support and harassment. And the many others I got advice or just inspiration from.  And there are a number of newer (than me) quitters who continue to boost my quit today, WT, dkite, sportsfan, trauma, wmcatty to name just a few. Thanks to you all who have support or just interacted with me.
New or potential quitters, you can do this. You can be free from the slave-like behaviors that being an active using addict brings. You can reclaim your self-respect, your life. It is simple, but it isnÂ’t easy. But you can do it, and it is so worth the effort.
Tony (T-Cell)
Day 666

'Cheers'

This was a great way to end my night sat T-Cell! Great HOF speech sir. Quit on!

from a fellow BOMBer thank you for your strength!

good words brother...thanks.

[D2maine]

day 667
Here is my HOF speech, just got it posted today.

I didnÂ’t write a HOF speech at 100 days for the simple reason that I didnÂ’t feel I had accomplished anything significant yet. You see I was a slave to the can for over 35 years. 100 days of quit just didnÂ’t seem to stack up well against 35 years of use.
I grew up in a rural area where almost everyone chewed, kind of a way of life. I was never a ninja dipper, it was as much a part of me as the way I dress or the way I talk. Firmly hooked by age 14 or so, I chewed almost non-stop through college, marriage, two children, a career. For 35 years. I was pretty much a serial user all day, every day only taking it out to sleep at night (most nights). I stayed with it despite my children begging me to quit. Despite having some tooth and gum issues.  Despite becoming the office pusher for other ninja dippers. Despite having silly-assed events like accidently dropping cope into my then young daughter’s eye as she was trying to hug me and I was trying to load up on my drug of choice. Despite being a primary caretaker as my wife went through cancer treatment. Despite panicking every time I got an unusual sore in my mouth. I convinced myself I was a good guy with a minor vice.
I had never seriously even tried to quit before. I had 1 planned stoppage of a month or so on my own a decade or more ago, but even then I considered it a stop rather than a quit. And then 2 weeks when I discovered they donÂ’t sell that crap in Austrailia and failed to plan ahead. Bought cope at the first gas station in the US I came to.
By the start of 2012 I was coming to the end. My mouth was trashed, constantly sore and raw. I could no longer put enough cope in my face to eliminate the withdrawal symptoms, and couldnÂ’t keep the stuff in there long because my mouth hurt. The warm fuzzy buzz was long gone. I started to realize I was running my entire life around cope. Making sure I didnÂ’t run out. Making sure it was always accessible. Trying to do it discretely in places where it rightfully would have been frowned upon. Not kissing my wife or kids. I started to realize I wasnÂ’t in control, that I was exhibiting the behaviors of an addict. It was a sickening feeling as I began to understand just how weak and out of control I had become. I knew I needed to quit, for all the same reasons you all showed up here for. But I also knew before I came to KTC that I had to quit to simply gain my own self-respect back. I quit on Feb 10, 2012 by myself.
Fortunately my pal DW3 recommended KTC to me, I looked around and joined on Feb 13, 2012. It was exactly the tonic I needed to actually learn how to be a quitter.  So what I have learned here at KTC is this: the KTC recipe for quitting works. But you have to buy in all the way and actually want it. There is no magic pill to make quitting easy, and there is no date by which you will be cured. We are addicts, we will always be addicts. But that doesn’t mean we are doomed to fail or that it is ok to fail.  I am a quit addict, but I am in control and I can easily choose to NOT fail today. And I can make that same choice every day. And so can all of you.
There are tons of people who have helped me on my quit journey so far and deserve thanks. DW3 for the initial suggestion and support, Keddy as the first person to contact me when I joined to help me navigate this place. My Brothers of May (Bitch!) 2012, the BOMB. Vadge and CS for timely support and harassment. And the many others I got advice or just inspiration from.  And there are a number of newer (than me) quitters who continue to boost my quit today, WT, dkite, sportsfan, trauma, wmcatty to name just a few. Thanks to you all who have support or just interacted with me.
New or potential quitters, you can do this. You can be free from the slave-like behaviors that being an active using addict brings. You can reclaim your self-respect, your life. It is simple, but it isnÂ’t easy. But you can do it, and it is so worth the effort.
Tony (T-Cell)
Day 666

'Cheers'

This was a great way to end my night sat T-Cell! Great HOF speech sir. Quit on!

from a fellow BOMBer thank you for your strength!

[B-loMatt]

day 667
Here is my HOF speech, just got it posted today.

I didnÂ’t write a HOF speech at 100 days for the simple reason that I didnÂ’t feel I had accomplished anything significant yet. You see I was a slave to the can for over 35 years. 100 days of quit just didnÂ’t seem to stack up well against 35 years of use.
I grew up in a rural area where almost everyone chewed, kind of a way of life. I was never a ninja dipper, it was as much a part of me as the way I dress or the way I talk. Firmly hooked by age 14 or so, I chewed almost non-stop through college, marriage, two children, a career. For 35 years. I was pretty much a serial user all day, every day only taking it out to sleep at night (most nights). I stayed with it despite my children begging me to quit. Despite having some tooth and gum issues.  Despite becoming the office pusher for other ninja dippers. Despite having silly-assed events like accidently dropping cope into my then young daughter’s eye as she was trying to hug me and I was trying to load up on my drug of choice. Despite being a primary caretaker as my wife went through cancer treatment. Despite panicking every time I got an unusual sore in my mouth. I convinced myself I was a good guy with a minor vice.
I had never seriously even tried to quit before. I had 1 planned stoppage of a month or so on my own a decade or more ago, but even then I considered it a stop rather than a quit. And then 2 weeks when I discovered they donÂ’t sell that crap in Austrailia and failed to plan ahead. Bought cope at the first gas station in the US I came to.
By the start of 2012 I was coming to the end. My mouth was trashed, constantly sore and raw. I could no longer put enough cope in my face to eliminate the withdrawal symptoms, and couldnÂ’t keep the stuff in there long because my mouth hurt. The warm fuzzy buzz was long gone. I started to realize I was running my entire life around cope. Making sure I didnÂ’t run out. Making sure it was always accessible. Trying to do it discretely in places where it rightfully would have been frowned upon. Not kissing my wife or kids. I started to realize I wasnÂ’t in control, that I was exhibiting the behaviors of an addict. It was a sickening feeling as I began to understand just how weak and out of control I had become. I knew I needed to quit, for all the same reasons you all showed up here for. But I also knew before I came to KTC that I had to quit to simply gain my own self-respect back. I quit on Feb 10, 2012 by myself.
Fortunately my pal DW3 recommended KTC to me, I looked around and joined on Feb 13, 2012. It was exactly the tonic I needed to actually learn how to be a quitter.  So what I have learned here at KTC is this: the KTC recipe for quitting works. But you have to buy in all the way and actually want it. There is no magic pill to make quitting easy, and there is no date by which you will be cured. We are addicts, we will always be addicts. But that doesn’t mean we are doomed to fail or that it is ok to fail.  I am a quit addict, but I am in control and I can easily choose to NOT fail today. And I can make that same choice every day. And so can all of you.
There are tons of people who have helped me on my quit journey so far and deserve thanks. DW3 for the initial suggestion and support, Keddy as the first person to contact me when I joined to help me navigate this place. My Brothers of May (Bitch!) 2012, the BOMB. Vadge and CS for timely support and harassment. And the many others I got advice or just inspiration from.  And there are a number of newer (than me) quitters who continue to boost my quit today, WT, dkite, sportsfan, trauma, wmcatty to name just a few. Thanks to you all who have support or just interacted with me.
New or potential quitters, you can do this. You can be free from the slave-like behaviors that being an active using addict brings. You can reclaim your self-respect, your life. It is simple, but it isnÂ’t easy. But you can do it, and it is so worth the effort.
Tony (T-Cell)
Day 666

'Cheers'

This was a great way to end my night sat T-Cell! Great HOF speech sir. Quit on!

[Derk40]

Well Done Sir!!!

Stay on the path.

X2 sir its great to have big number guys posting in threads

Great read tcell. It was unreal how much of that i related to. Thanks for the Saturday read.

T-Cell that is one hell of an evil number today but one hell of a quit. Thank you for sharing and opening up to all of us. I hope to never catch up to you on days quit but I promise to add a plus one with you today.

Thanks for the speech brother! Proud to be quit with you today!

[Pinched]

Well Done Sir!!!

Stay on the path.

X2 sir its great to have big number guys posting in threads

Great read tcell. It was unreal how much of that i related to. Thanks for the Saturday read.

T-Cell that is one hell of an evil number today but one hell of a quit. Thank you for sharing and opening up to all of us. I hope to never catch up to you on days quit but I promise to add a plus one with you today.