My strongest quit, my final quit

[basshaug]

A new day! How did the weekend go? You had a lot if big things happen last week. Glad to see you pushed forward one day at a time.

Can't wait to read your update on this challenge. Quit with you.

The work trip was two days. Day one sucked really, really bad... as I mentioned in a previous entry. Day two was relatively easy, though. After all of the build up and frustration of day one, I didn't care about nicotine on day two. You know how sometimes you'll struggle and fight and stress and fear and think and plan and overthink and strategize and panic about something... and then suddenly it's easy? All of those aspects finally disappear and that "thing" is now a snap? This happens to me at new jobs, when I'm needing to learn a new skill quickly, and when I have a big project. That's what happened between day 1 and day 2 of this work trip. Can anyone better express this phenomenon? Something tells me that WorkToWin knows exactly what I'm talking about.

I didn't even need the substitutes on day 2. I tried them but didn't want another single taste. I kind of hated them for some reason. Maybe I associated them with the nicotine I now hate so deeply and the shitty day 1 experience.

Beyond the work trip, my parents were in town this weekend. As I've also mentioned before, parental visits are associated with quit failures for me. This weekend, I was very frequently noticing "opportunities" when I would have previously snuck off for a dip. "I can go now and get a good 20 minutes.... I can go do that extra task alone and get an hour+ of chewing... here's a chance to dip for five minutes." No, I wasn't actually planning to do it but I was aware when the thoughts coming to my head. This must have happened at least a dozen times during the weekend. Instead, I got to spend quality time with my family and I loved every moment (even the occasional squabbling made me laugh).

Now that I'm 22 days into this quit, my four year old daughter started giving me a little more space (not that I'm asking for it). She clung to me non-stop during the first two weeks of the quit, much more than usual. I don't know why - she has no idea about chew or me quitting. Kids can tell somehow, I suppose. Maybe it's just because I was home a lot more and I'm mostly in a cheerful mood.

Speaking of mood, the moodiness is fading fast. It comes once in a while, but not every day anymore. It gets intense at times but I've been able to shut it down or at least hold it in. Deep breath, glass of water, exercise, going outside, snacking, texting, KTC'ing, being quiet (especially being quiet) - these have helped to cope during high stress moments.

The fog comes and goes - I hate when it comes while I'm driving (rather unsafe) but I otherwise embrace the fog. It's nice to have a moment with myself, every now and then, and get lost in thought. It's also a great time to analyze this shit we're going through. The work thing can be a problem but I've rationalized that it's no different than time I wasted while dipping at work. Sure, I'd work while dipping but my concentration and quality could suffer. Also, being a work chewer made me somewhat undisciplined in the office - it was easy to get distracted and not really care at times. For now, I'll enjoy the fog. If it doesn't go away, I'll worry about it later.

Speaking of distraction, would you look at that? I've been rambling and digressing for too long. Another 90 minutes on KTC just went by in a flash. Better get back to work. Thanks for checking in.

P.S. Page 259 in the August 2014 quit group has some brilliant insight for newbies like me. Check it out.

Great job, man, you're winning. For what it's worth, my guess is that your daughter didn't change a bit, rather it was you. You were a little on edge, more aware of what's important in life, and you were also around more since you weren't running off to get a fix somewhere.

Congrats on the milestone. Honor your commitment to be a 100% Poster and keep winning ODAAT. Well done.

Not sure if this is what you are looking for or not...

As a general rule, the people that I have met on this website are among the most driven and dedicated individuals that I have encountered in life. When we work, we work to win. When we play, we play to win. All in, all the time. Patience? Not as a general rule. We like everything to be right, all the time, and RIGHT NOW. We don't fail. That just isn't something we allow. I think it might be part of the addict mentality? Whatever it is, I am honored to know so many quality men and women now. I have really grown as a person as a result of my quit and the relationships I have made on KTC. On a personal note, it is really good to know that something good has come as a result of a terrible addiction in my life. For a long time it was easy to beat myself up over allowing nicotine to control me for so long... but now it is easy to look at every day as a win, and look at the relationships and integrity I have gained as real positives in my life.

The fog SUCKS. It will pass. I can't tell you when, but it will. Mine lasted a ridiculous amount of time. And when it lifted the anger set it. Anger that I still have to this day. About the lies, the money, the health disaster that I allowed to happen...

You are getting there one day at a time. Thanks for posting and for sharing. Your quit makes mine, and others, stronger.

mmhm. what those guys said.

And, you have been nominated to cook - just so you know.

I'll second the motion.

[J2b]

A new day! How did the weekend go? You had a lot if big things happen last week. Glad to see you pushed forward one day at a time.

Can't wait to read your update on this challenge. Quit with you.

The work trip was two days. Day one sucked really, really bad... as I mentioned in a previous entry. Day two was relatively easy, though. After all of the build up and frustration of day one, I didn't care about nicotine on day two. You know how sometimes you'll struggle and fight and stress and fear and think and plan and overthink and strategize and panic about something... and then suddenly it's easy? All of those aspects finally disappear and that "thing" is now a snap? This happens to me at new jobs, when I'm needing to learn a new skill quickly, and when I have a big project. That's what happened between day 1 and day 2 of this work trip. Can anyone better express this phenomenon? Something tells me that WorkToWin knows exactly what I'm talking about.

I didn't even need the substitutes on day 2. I tried them but didn't want another single taste. I kind of hated them for some reason. Maybe I associated them with the nicotine I now hate so deeply and the shitty day 1 experience.

Beyond the work trip, my parents were in town this weekend. As I've also mentioned before, parental visits are associated with quit failures for me. This weekend, I was very frequently noticing "opportunities" when I would have previously snuck off for a dip. "I can go now and get a good 20 minutes.... I can go do that extra task alone and get an hour+ of chewing... here's a chance to dip for five minutes." No, I wasn't actually planning to do it but I was aware when the thoughts coming to my head. This must have happened at least a dozen times during the weekend. Instead, I got to spend quality time with my family and I loved every moment (even the occasional squabbling made me laugh).

Now that I'm 22 days into this quit, my four year old daughter started giving me a little more space (not that I'm asking for it). She clung to me non-stop during the first two weeks of the quit, much more than usual. I don't know why - she has no idea about chew or me quitting. Kids can tell somehow, I suppose. Maybe it's just because I was home a lot more and I'm mostly in a cheerful mood.

Speaking of mood, the moodiness is fading fast. It comes once in a while, but not every day anymore. It gets intense at times but I've been able to shut it down or at least hold it in. Deep breath, glass of water, exercise, going outside, snacking, texting, KTC'ing, being quiet (especially being quiet) - these have helped to cope during high stress moments.

The fog comes and goes - I hate when it comes while I'm driving (rather unsafe) but I otherwise embrace the fog. It's nice to have a moment with myself, every now and then, and get lost in thought. It's also a great time to analyze this shit we're going through. The work thing can be a problem but I've rationalized that it's no different than time I wasted while dipping at work. Sure, I'd work while dipping but my concentration and quality could suffer. Also, being a work chewer made me somewhat undisciplined in the office - it was easy to get distracted and not really care at times. For now, I'll enjoy the fog. If it doesn't go away, I'll worry about it later.

Speaking of distraction, would you look at that? I've been rambling and digressing for too long. Another 90 minutes on KTC just went by in a flash. Better get back to work. Thanks for checking in.

P.S. Page 259 in the August 2014 quit group has some brilliant insight for newbies like me. Check it out.

Great job, man, you're winning. For what it's worth, my guess is that your daughter didn't change a bit, rather it was you. You were a little on edge, more aware of what's important in life, and you were also around more since you weren't running off to get a fix somewhere.

Congrats on the milestone. Honor your commitment to be a 100% Poster and keep winning ODAAT. Well done.

Not sure if this is what you are looking for or not...

As a general rule, the people that I have met on this website are among the most driven and dedicated individuals that I have encountered in life. When we work, we work to win. When we play, we play to win. All in, all the time. Patience? Not as a general rule. We like everything to be right, all the time, and RIGHT NOW. We don't fail. That just isn't something we allow. I think it might be part of the addict mentality? Whatever it is, I am honored to know so many quality men and women now. I have really grown as a person as a result of my quit and the relationships I have made on KTC. On a personal note, it is really good to know that something good has come as a result of a terrible addiction in my life. For a long time it was easy to beat myself up over allowing nicotine to control me for so long... but now it is easy to look at every day as a win, and look at the relationships and integrity I have gained as real positives in my life.

The fog SUCKS. It will pass. I can't tell you when, but it will. Mine lasted a ridiculous amount of time. And when it lifted the anger set it. Anger that I still have to this day. About the lies, the money, the health disaster that I allowed to happen...

You are getting there one day at a time. Thanks for posting and for sharing. Your quit makes mine, and others, stronger.

mmhm. what those guys said.

And, you have been nominated to cook - just so you know.

[worktowin]

A new day! How did the weekend go? You had a lot if big things happen last week. Glad to see you pushed forward one day at a time.

Can't wait to read your update on this challenge. Quit with you.

The work trip was two days. Day one sucked really, really bad... as I mentioned in a previous entry. Day two was relatively easy, though. After all of the build up and frustration of day one, I didn't care about nicotine on day two. You know how sometimes you'll struggle and fight and stress and fear and think and plan and overthink and strategize and panic about something... and then suddenly it's easy? All of those aspects finally disappear and that "thing" is now a snap? This happens to me at new jobs, when I'm needing to learn a new skill quickly, and when I have a big project. That's what happened between day 1 and day 2 of this work trip. Can anyone better express this phenomenon? Something tells me that WorkToWin knows exactly what I'm talking about.

I didn't even need the substitutes on day 2. I tried them but didn't want another single taste. I kind of hated them for some reason. Maybe I associated them with the nicotine I now hate so deeply and the shitty day 1 experience.

Beyond the work trip, my parents were in town this weekend. As I've also mentioned before, parental visits are associated with quit failures for me. This weekend, I was very frequently noticing "opportunities" when I would have previously snuck off for a dip. "I can go now and get a good 20 minutes.... I can go do that extra task alone and get an hour+ of chewing... here's a chance to dip for five minutes." No, I wasn't actually planning to do it but I was aware when the thoughts coming to my head. This must have happened at least a dozen times during the weekend. Instead, I got to spend quality time with my family and I loved every moment (even the occasional squabbling made me laugh).

Now that I'm 22 days into this quit, my four year old daughter started giving me a little more space (not that I'm asking for it). She clung to me non-stop during the first two weeks of the quit, much more than usual. I don't know why - she has no idea about chew or me quitting. Kids can tell somehow, I suppose. Maybe it's just because I was home a lot more and I'm mostly in a cheerful mood.

Speaking of mood, the moodiness is fading fast. It comes once in a while, but not every day anymore. It gets intense at times but I've been able to shut it down or at least hold it in. Deep breath, glass of water, exercise, going outside, snacking, texting, KTC'ing, being quiet (especially being quiet) - these have helped to cope during high stress moments.

The fog comes and goes - I hate when it comes while I'm driving (rather unsafe) but I otherwise embrace the fog. It's nice to have a moment with myself, every now and then, and get lost in thought. It's also a great time to analyze this shit we're going through. The work thing can be a problem but I've rationalized that it's no different than time I wasted while dipping at work. Sure, I'd work while dipping but my concentration and quality could suffer. Also, being a work chewer made me somewhat undisciplined in the office - it was easy to get distracted and not really care at times. For now, I'll enjoy the fog. If it doesn't go away, I'll worry about it later.

Speaking of distraction, would you look at that? I've been rambling and digressing for too long. Another 90 minutes on KTC just went by in a flash. Better get back to work. Thanks for checking in.

P.S. Page 259 in the August 2014 quit group has some brilliant insight for newbies like me. Check it out.

Great job, man, you're winning. For what it's worth, my guess is that your daughter didn't change a bit, rather it was you. You were a little on edge, more aware of what's important in life, and you were also around more since you weren't running off to get a fix somewhere.

Congrats on the milestone. Honor your commitment to be a 100% Poster and keep winning ODAAT. Well done.

Not sure if this is what you are looking for or not...

As a general rule, the people that I have met on this website are among the most driven and dedicated individuals that I have encountered in life. When we work, we work to win. When we play, we play to win. All in, all the time. Patience? Not as a general rule. We like everything to be right, all the time, and RIGHT NOW. We don't fail. That just isn't something we allow. I think it might be part of the addict mentality? Whatever it is, I am honored to know so many quality men and women now. I have really grown as a person as a result of my quit and the relationships I have made on KTC. On a personal note, it is really good to know that something good has come as a result of a terrible addiction in my life. For a long time it was easy to beat myself up over allowing nicotine to control me for so long... but now it is easy to look at every day as a win, and look at the relationships and integrity I have gained as real positives in my life.

The fog SUCKS. It will pass. I can't tell you when, but it will. Mine lasted a ridiculous amount of time. And when it lifted the anger set it. Anger that I still have to this day. About the lies, the money, the health disaster that I allowed to happen...

You are getting there one day at a time. Thanks for posting and for sharing. Your quit makes mine, and others, stronger.

[Minny]

A new day! How did the weekend go? You had a lot if big things happen last week. Glad to see you pushed forward one day at a time.

Can't wait to read your update on this challenge. Quit with you.

The work trip was two days. Day one sucked really, really bad... as I mentioned in a previous entry. Day two was relatively easy, though. After all of the build up and frustration of day one, I didn't care about nicotine on day two. You know how sometimes you'll struggle and fight and stress and fear and think and plan and overthink and strategize and panic about something... and then suddenly it's easy? All of those aspects finally disappear and that "thing" is now a snap? This happens to me at new jobs, when I'm needing to learn a new skill quickly, and when I have a big project. That's what happened between day 1 and day 2 of this work trip. Can anyone better express this phenomenon? Something tells me that WorkToWin knows exactly what I'm talking about.

I didn't even need the substitutes on day 2. I tried them but didn't want another single taste. I kind of hated them for some reason. Maybe I associated them with the nicotine I now hate so deeply and the shitty day 1 experience.

Beyond the work trip, my parents were in town this weekend. As I've also mentioned before, parental visits are associated with quit failures for me. This weekend, I was very frequently noticing "opportunities" when I would have previously snuck off for a dip. "I can go now and get a good 20 minutes.... I can go do that extra task alone and get an hour+ of chewing... here's a chance to dip for five minutes." No, I wasn't actually planning to do it but I was aware when the thoughts coming to my head. This must have happened at least a dozen times during the weekend. Instead, I got to spend quality time with my family and I loved every moment (even the occasional squabbling made me laugh).

Now that I'm 22 days into this quit, my four year old daughter started giving me a little more space (not that I'm asking for it). She clung to me non-stop during the first two weeks of the quit, much more than usual. I don't know why - she has no idea about chew or me quitting. Kids can tell somehow, I suppose. Maybe it's just because I was home a lot more and I'm mostly in a cheerful mood.

Speaking of mood, the moodiness is fading fast. It comes once in a while, but not every day anymore. It gets intense at times but I've been able to shut it down or at least hold it in. Deep breath, glass of water, exercise, going outside, snacking, texting, KTC'ing, being quiet (especially being quiet) - these have helped to cope during high stress moments.

The fog comes and goes - I hate when it comes while I'm driving (rather unsafe) but I otherwise embrace the fog. It's nice to have a moment with myself, every now and then, and get lost in thought. It's also a great time to analyze this shit we're going through. The work thing can be a problem but I've rationalized that it's no different than time I wasted while dipping at work. Sure, I'd work while dipping but my concentration and quality could suffer. Also, being a work chewer made me somewhat undisciplined in the office - it was easy to get distracted and not really care at times. For now, I'll enjoy the fog. If it doesn't go away, I'll worry about it later.

Speaking of distraction, would you look at that? I've been rambling and digressing for too long. Another 90 minutes on KTC just went by in a flash. Better get back to work. Thanks for checking in.

P.S. Page 259 in the August 2014 quit group has some brilliant insight for newbies like me. Check it out.

Great job, man, you're winning. For what it's worth, my guess is that your daughter didn't change a bit, rather it was you. You were a little on edge, more aware of what's important in life, and you were also around more since you weren't running off to get a fix somewhere.

Congrats on the milestone. Honor your commitment to be a 100% Poster and keep winning ODAAT. Well done.

[Thumblewort]

Big props True for pointing out that page to me via a text. Good looking out brother!

[TrueToMyself]

A new day! How did the weekend go? You had a lot if big things happen last week. Glad to see you pushed forward one day at a time.

Can't wait to read your update on this challenge. Quit with you.

The work trip was two days. Day one sucked really, really bad... as I mentioned in a previous entry. Day two was relatively easy, though. After all of the build up and frustration of day one, I didn't care about nicotine on day two. You know how sometimes you'll struggle and fight and stress and fear and think and plan and overthink and strategize and panic about something... and then suddenly it's easy? All of those aspects finally disappear and that "thing" is now a snap? This happens to me at new jobs, when I'm needing to learn a new skill quickly, and when I have a big project. That's what happened between day 1 and day 2 of this work trip. Can anyone better express this phenomenon? Something tells me that WorkToWin knows exactly what I'm talking about.

I didn't even need the substitutes on day 2. I tried them but didn't want another single taste. I kind of hated them for some reason. Maybe I associated them with the nicotine I now hate so deeply and the shitty day 1 experience.

Beyond the work trip, my parents were in town this weekend. As I've also mentioned before, parental visits are associated with quit failures for me. This weekend, I was very frequently noticing "opportunities" when I would have previously snuck off for a dip. "I can go now and get a good 20 minutes.... I can go do that extra task alone and get an hour+ of chewing... here's a chance to dip for five minutes." No, I wasn't actually planning to do it but I was aware when the thoughts coming to my head. This must have happened at least a dozen times during the weekend. Instead, I got to spend quality time with my family and I loved every moment (even the occasional squabbling made me laugh).

Now that I'm 22 days into this quit, my four year old daughter started giving me a little more space (not that I'm asking for it). She clung to me non-stop during the first two weeks of the quit, much more than usual. I don't know why - she has no idea about chew or me quitting. Kids can tell somehow, I suppose. Maybe it's just because I was home a lot more and I'm mostly in a cheerful mood.

Speaking of mood, the moodiness is fading fast. It comes once in a while, but not every day anymore. It gets intense at times but I've been able to shut it down or at least hold it in. Deep breath, glass of water, exercise, going outside, snacking, texting, KTC'ing, being quiet (especially being quiet) - these have helped to cope during high stress moments.

The fog comes and goes - I hate when it comes while I'm driving (rather unsafe) but I otherwise embrace the fog. It's nice to have a moment with myself, every now and then, and get lost in thought. It's also a great time to analyze this shit we're going through. The work thing can be a problem but I've rationalized that it's no different than time I wasted while dipping at work. Sure, I'd work while dipping but my concentration and quality could suffer. Also, being a work chewer made me somewhat undisciplined in the office - it was easy to get distracted and not really care at times. For now, I'll enjoy the fog. If it doesn't go away, I'll worry about it later.

Speaking of distraction, would you look at that? I've been rambling and digressing for too long. Another 90 minutes on KTC just went by in a flash. Better get back to work. Thanks for checking in.

P.S. Page 259 in the August 2014 quit group has some brilliant insight for newbies like me. Check it out.

[Erussell]

A new day! How did the weekend go? You had a lot if big things happen last week. Glad to see you pushed forward one day at a time.

Can't wait to read your update on this challenge. Quit with you.

[worktowin]

A new day! How did the weekend go? You had a lot if big things happen last week. Glad to see you pushed forward one day at a time.

[cbird65]

With purpose and determination... post early and often on the boards, develop an inner sanctum of quit allies that won't coddle your balls and flip your anger and rage toward the substance we freely poisoned ourselves with for years

Own it or be owned by it

[worktowin]

Thursday and Friday are going to be my toughest challenge yet. In 30 minutes, I'm leaving on a road trip alone and staying overnight in a hotel. That used to be a "great opportunity" to load my face with poison without anyone being around to interrupt or worry about. I would even treat myself to a decent dinner, followed up by a "satisfying" lip full of dessert. These trips are high pressure, too, which would make it all the more satisfying and "necessary." Lots of "quotations" here because I can now see the truth.

Also, my parents are currently in town to visit. I love it when they come but I associate their visits with many, many failed attempts to quit. More than ten years of failures. I used to tell myself that I would quit forever, starting upon their visit - every single time they visited. By the end of day one or two of their visit, I'd be sneaking away for "just one quickie." You know how that ended. One the first day they were here, my brother's family came over and it was a great get together - but I was on the edge. Don't know why, but I was feeling some serious anxiety.

I'm armored up for today and tomorrow. Going to lay off the caffeine and alcohol, spend a heap of time on KTC when I can, fill my passenger seat with an arsenal of snacks and substitutions, and have my numbers ready. If I have your number - I just might need to call on you today or tomorrow.

This won't be easy.
Nic's on my left shoulder.
Quit's on my right.
When Quit and KTC travel with me.
I'll win the fight.

If you read my intro you will see that I caved and smoked a cigarette about 20 days into my quit. I had been posting roll consistently and was dedicated, so what what happened? I hadn't told my wife about my quit. I was a ninja dipper and was a ninja quitter. We've been through this before, I know, but reading your latest update has me a little bit pissed off. Here's why:

What I didn't realize before my cave was that hiding my quit from my wife was just another form of preserving my right to resume dipping without consequences at home. Translation: I wasn't ALL IN. After my cave I returned to KTC, took my beating, and promptly invited the Mrs into my quit and the KTC world. Talk about a layer of accountability, right??? Telling her was the burning of the proverbial bridge back to addiction. Plus, I became even more involved in KTC; I could join chat when I was craving at night, read intros, etc. without HIDING.

What are you waiting for? It's never going to be easy, there's never going to be a good time unless you plan on lying forever. It's time to man up.

Several comments...

First, we don't worry about tomorrow or the next day here. We live for today. We quit for today. And today, when we give our word, by God we keep it. No exceptions. We get up, we put our name on the roll, and we do not EVER break our word. Ever. We can do anything for 24 hours. We worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Right now it isn't even a thought.

Second, you have my number. In the event, after you give us (and yourself) your word tomorrow or the next day or whatever the fuck day it is and you decide that you will use nicotine, you call me. In the event that you cannot reach me, you call every other number in that list of numbers from KTC that you have. In the event that, after you talk with me or whoever you reach, we come to a mutual decision that using nicotine is in your best interest and is the right thing to do, then that decision will be a joint one that is made out of logic. I can't imagine such a decision being reached, but remember... the honorable thing to do if you are a man of integrity is to keep your word and reach out when you need to reach out. There is never an excuse to be a sociopath and break your promise to yourself and all of us without reaching out. NEVER.

Third, Minny is on to something in his post. He really is. We are here to help you. Again, whether you tell your wife or not. Guys like us don't chew, right? Wrong. Guys like us mastered chewing in the shadows. Quitting is a whole lot easier when you aren't doing it in hiding. Minny and I speak from experience. You will take a load off of your mind when you talk to her.

In any event, you owe us a phone call if and when the rough times come. That isn't something that is negotiable.

TTM, I didnt really think about it, but worktowin is definitely right about worrying about tomorrow, tomorrow. When we start worrying about tomorrow and next Tuesday, today, the pressure starts building on us. Our addict brains have enough to worry about to honor our roll today.

On the telling the wife, I always thought it would be best to tell her. Obviously I don't know how she will react, but I hope it would be supportive and understanding. It also might explain some weird quitting behavior I'm sure you've had. Minny's point about being a ninja quitter leaving an out also must be considered. However your wife takes it, that layer of accountability may just be the one that saves your life one day.

I'm always a text or call away brother. Fuck that nic bitch. See you on chat in your hotel room after you get done with the fap sesh

How's the trip going?

The drive was a bitch- you know which bitch I'm talking about. After that, it's been ok. No nic. There's a very big chance that I would have caved in the past on a day like this. It would have been so easy. I would have told myself "I'll quit again tomorrow - right after this trip." A major thanks to KTC today - I really probably wouldn't have made it through the day without KTC quit-ships (I think that's what CBird calls 'em). A whole bunch of quit bros have been checking in an keeping me vigilant today. That has truly made all of the difference.

Unexpectedly, the cravings kicked in after about five minutes in the car. I had jerky. Then stopped off and bought seeds. Then stopped off and bought stupid carrot juice and Gobstoppers and gum. Lick me - I taste like salty, sugary beast. This 3 hour drive usually goes by in a flash. It took for-e-ver today. A painfully long trip.

W2W - you're completely right. I got ahead of myself by seeing this trip as two days instead of one day plus one day. Didn't even realize it. When I'm ready to have a chew, I'll call you first to convince you that it's in our best interest. Until then, I'll just keep the promise I make every morning. I trust that you and Minny are right about the wife.

Minny - I hadn't considered that. You're right that by not telling my wife, it keeps the door open and "preserves my right to resume dipping without consequence." I certainly hadn't thought of it that way and don't actively think of it that way. My subconscious addict is definitely aware, though, and that's not ok. The time will come that I'll tell her but it's not going to happen right now. It helps to be aware of this potential trap, though.

This has been a long, frustrating day. Thank you for getting me get through it.

Next time the drive will be easier my friend. I drive for a living and when I quit it was hard for a while. Now, give me a toothpick and I can drive for hours. Your doing great. It gets better, believe it. Quit with you today.

Time to dig deep. Deep.

Aren't you pissed that you are spending time in some different city not enjoying the sites, the restaurants, the drinks, the strip clubs (maybe I should stop there ?) but spending your time thinking about a chopped up plant in a can?

For over 20 years I was lucky to work for companies that sent me every week to the country's best cities. I stayed in some killer hotels. And you wanna guess what I did when I was in those cities? I locked myself in my expensive hotel room and made love to a plant. Pathetic dude. Absolutely pathetic.

Use this trip to ramp up the hatred of what you have missed. Turn the crave on its toes. Nicotine has taken from you for a long time. Now you are taking your life back.

Today belongs to you.

[srans]

Thursday and Friday are going to be my toughest challenge yet. In 30 minutes, I'm leaving on a road trip alone and staying overnight in a hotel. That used to be a "great opportunity" to load my face with poison without anyone being around to interrupt or worry about. I would even treat myself to a decent dinner, followed up by a "satisfying" lip full of dessert. These trips are high pressure, too, which would make it all the more satisfying and "necessary." Lots of "quotations" here because I can now see the truth.

Also, my parents are currently in town to visit. I love it when they come but I associate their visits with many, many failed attempts to quit. More than ten years of failures. I used to tell myself that I would quit forever, starting upon their visit - every single time they visited. By the end of day one or two of their visit, I'd be sneaking away for "just one quickie." You know how that ended. One the first day they were here, my brother's family came over and it was a great get together - but I was on the edge. Don't know why, but I was feeling some serious anxiety.

I'm armored up for today and tomorrow. Going to lay off the caffeine and alcohol, spend a heap of time on KTC when I can, fill my passenger seat with an arsenal of snacks and substitutions, and have my numbers ready. If I have your number - I just might need to call on you today or tomorrow.

This won't be easy.
Nic's on my left shoulder.
Quit's on my right.
When Quit and KTC travel with me.
I'll win the fight.

If you read my intro you will see that I caved and smoked a cigarette about 20 days into my quit. I had been posting roll consistently and was dedicated, so what what happened? I hadn't told my wife about my quit. I was a ninja dipper and was a ninja quitter. We've been through this before, I know, but reading your latest update has me a little bit pissed off. Here's why:

What I didn't realize before my cave was that hiding my quit from my wife was just another form of preserving my right to resume dipping without consequences at home. Translation: I wasn't ALL IN. After my cave I returned to KTC, took my beating, and promptly invited the Mrs into my quit and the KTC world. Talk about a layer of accountability, right??? Telling her was the burning of the proverbial bridge back to addiction. Plus, I became even more involved in KTC; I could join chat when I was craving at night, read intros, etc. without HIDING.

What are you waiting for? It's never going to be easy, there's never going to be a good time unless you plan on lying forever. It's time to man up.

Several comments...

First, we don't worry about tomorrow or the next day here. We live for today. We quit for today. And today, when we give our word, by God we keep it. No exceptions. We get up, we put our name on the roll, and we do not EVER break our word. Ever. We can do anything for 24 hours. We worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Right now it isn't even a thought.

Second, you have my number. In the event, after you give us (and yourself) your word tomorrow or the next day or whatever the fuck day it is and you decide that you will use nicotine, you call me. In the event that you cannot reach me, you call every other number in that list of numbers from KTC that you have. In the event that, after you talk with me or whoever you reach, we come to a mutual decision that using nicotine is in your best interest and is the right thing to do, then that decision will be a joint one that is made out of logic. I can't imagine such a decision being reached, but remember... the honorable thing to do if you are a man of integrity is to keep your word and reach out when you need to reach out. There is never an excuse to be a sociopath and break your promise to yourself and all of us without reaching out. NEVER.

Third, Minny is on to something in his post. He really is. We are here to help you. Again, whether you tell your wife or not. Guys like us don't chew, right? Wrong. Guys like us mastered chewing in the shadows. Quitting is a whole lot easier when you aren't doing it in hiding. Minny and I speak from experience. You will take a load off of your mind when you talk to her.

In any event, you owe us a phone call if and when the rough times come. That isn't something that is negotiable.

TTM, I didnt really think about it, but worktowin is definitely right about worrying about tomorrow, tomorrow. When we start worrying about tomorrow and next Tuesday, today, the pressure starts building on us. Our addict brains have enough to worry about to honor our roll today.

On the telling the wife, I always thought it would be best to tell her. Obviously I don't know how she will react, but I hope it would be supportive and understanding. It also might explain some weird quitting behavior I'm sure you've had. Minny's point about being a ninja quitter leaving an out also must be considered. However your wife takes it, that layer of accountability may just be the one that saves your life one day.

I'm always a text or call away brother. Fuck that nic bitch. See you on chat in your hotel room after you get done with the fap sesh

How's the trip going?

The drive was a bitch- you know which bitch I'm talking about. After that, it's been ok. No nic. There's a very big chance that I would have caved in the past on a day like this. It would have been so easy. I would have told myself "I'll quit again tomorrow - right after this trip." A major thanks to KTC today - I really probably wouldn't have made it through the day without KTC quit-ships (I think that's what CBird calls 'em). A whole bunch of quit bros have been checking in an keeping me vigilant today. That has truly made all of the difference.

Unexpectedly, the cravings kicked in after about five minutes in the car. I had jerky. Then stopped off and bought seeds. Then stopped off and bought stupid carrot juice and Gobstoppers and gum. Lick me - I taste like salty, sugary beast. This 3 hour drive usually goes by in a flash. It took for-e-ver today. A painfully long trip.

W2W - you're completely right. I got ahead of myself by seeing this trip as two days instead of one day plus one day. Didn't even realize it. When I'm ready to have a chew, I'll call you first to convince you that it's in our best interest. Until then, I'll just keep the promise I make every morning. I trust that you and Minny are right about the wife.

Minny - I hadn't considered that. You're right that by not telling my wife, it keeps the door open and "preserves my right to resume dipping without consequence." I certainly hadn't thought of it that way and don't actively think of it that way. My subconscious addict is definitely aware, though, and that's not ok. The time will come that I'll tell her but it's not going to happen right now. It helps to be aware of this potential trap, though.

This has been a long, frustrating day. Thank you for getting me get through it.

Next time the drive will be easier my friend. I drive for a living and when I quit it was hard for a while. Now, give me a toothpick and I can drive for hours. Your doing great. It gets better, believe it. Quit with you today.

[TrueToMyself]

Thursday and Friday are going to be my toughest challenge yet. In 30 minutes, I'm leaving on a road trip alone and staying overnight in a hotel. That used to be a "great opportunity" to load my face with poison without anyone being around to interrupt or worry about. I would even treat myself to a decent dinner, followed up by a "satisfying" lip full of dessert. These trips are high pressure, too, which would make it all the more satisfying and "necessary." Lots of "quotations" here because I can now see the truth.

Also, my parents are currently in town to visit. I love it when they come but I associate their visits with many, many failed attempts to quit. More than ten years of failures. I used to tell myself that I would quit forever, starting upon their visit - every single time they visited. By the end of day one or two of their visit, I'd be sneaking away for "just one quickie." You know how that ended. One the first day they were here, my brother's family came over and it was a great get together - but I was on the edge. Don't know why, but I was feeling some serious anxiety.

I'm armored up for today and tomorrow. Going to lay off the caffeine and alcohol, spend a heap of time on KTC when I can, fill my passenger seat with an arsenal of snacks and substitutions, and have my numbers ready. If I have your number - I just might need to call on you today or tomorrow.

This won't be easy.
Nic's on my left shoulder.
Quit's on my right.
When Quit and KTC travel with me.
I'll win the fight.

If you read my intro you will see that I caved and smoked a cigarette about 20 days into my quit. I had been posting roll consistently and was dedicated, so what what happened? I hadn't told my wife about my quit. I was a ninja dipper and was a ninja quitter. We've been through this before, I know, but reading your latest update has me a little bit pissed off. Here's why:

What I didn't realize before my cave was that hiding my quit from my wife was just another form of preserving my right to resume dipping without consequences at home. Translation: I wasn't ALL IN. After my cave I returned to KTC, took my beating, and promptly invited the Mrs into my quit and the KTC world. Talk about a layer of accountability, right??? Telling her was the burning of the proverbial bridge back to addiction. Plus, I became even more involved in KTC; I could join chat when I was craving at night, read intros, etc. without HIDING.

What are you waiting for? It's never going to be easy, there's never going to be a good time unless you plan on lying forever. It's time to man up.

Several comments...

First, we don't worry about tomorrow or the next day here. We live for today. We quit for today. And today, when we give our word, by God we keep it. No exceptions. We get up, we put our name on the roll, and we do not EVER break our word. Ever. We can do anything for 24 hours. We worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Right now it isn't even a thought.

Second, you have my number. In the event, after you give us (and yourself) your word tomorrow or the next day or whatever the fuck day it is and you decide that you will use nicotine, you call me. In the event that you cannot reach me, you call every other number in that list of numbers from KTC that you have. In the event that, after you talk with me or whoever you reach, we come to a mutual decision that using nicotine is in your best interest and is the right thing to do, then that decision will be a joint one that is made out of logic. I can't imagine such a decision being reached, but remember... the honorable thing to do if you are a man of integrity is to keep your word and reach out when you need to reach out. There is never an excuse to be a sociopath and break your promise to yourself and all of us without reaching out. NEVER.

Third, Minny is on to something in his post. He really is. We are here to help you. Again, whether you tell your wife or not. Guys like us don't chew, right? Wrong. Guys like us mastered chewing in the shadows. Quitting is a whole lot easier when you aren't doing it in hiding. Minny and I speak from experience. You will take a load off of your mind when you talk to her.

In any event, you owe us a phone call if and when the rough times come. That isn't something that is negotiable.

TTM, I didnt really think about it, but worktowin is definitely right about worrying about tomorrow, tomorrow. When we start worrying about tomorrow and next Tuesday, today, the pressure starts building on us. Our addict brains have enough to worry about to honor our roll today.

On the telling the wife, I always thought it would be best to tell her. Obviously I don't know how she will react, but I hope it would be supportive and understanding. It also might explain some weird quitting behavior I'm sure you've had. Minny's point about being a ninja quitter leaving an out also must be considered. However your wife takes it, that layer of accountability may just be the one that saves your life one day.

I'm always a text or call away brother. Fuck that nic bitch. See you on chat in your hotel room after you get done with the fap sesh

How's the trip going?

The drive was a bitch- you know which bitch I'm talking about. After that, it's been ok. No nic. There's a very big chance that I would have caved in the past on a day like this. It would have been so easy. I would have told myself "I'll quit again tomorrow - right after this trip." A major thanks to KTC today - I really probably wouldn't have made it through the day without KTC quit-ships (I think that's what CBird calls 'em). A whole bunch of quit bros have been checking in an keeping me vigilant today. That has truly made all of the difference.

Unexpectedly, the cravings kicked in after about five minutes in the car. I had jerky. Then stopped off and bought seeds. Then stopped off and bought stupid carrot juice and Gobstoppers and gum. Lick me - I taste like salty, sugary beast. This 3 hour drive usually goes by in a flash. It took for-e-ver today. A painfully long trip.

W2W - you're completely right. I got ahead of myself by seeing this trip as two days instead of one day plus one day. Didn't even realize it. When I'm ready to have a chew, I'll call you first to convince you that it's in our best interest. Until then, I'll just keep the promise I make every morning. I trust that you and Minny are right about the wife.

Minny - I hadn't considered that. You're right that by not telling my wife, it keeps the door open and "preserves my right to resume dipping without consequence." I certainly hadn't thought of it that way and don't actively think of it that way. My subconscious addict is definitely aware, though, and that's not ok. The time will come that I'll tell her but it's not going to happen right now. It helps to be aware of this potential trap, though.

This has been a long, frustrating day. Thank you for getting me get through it.

[worktowin]

Thursday and Friday are going to be my toughest challenge yet. In 30 minutes, I'm leaving on a road trip alone and staying overnight in a hotel. That used to be a "great opportunity" to load my face with poison without anyone being around to interrupt or worry about. I would even treat myself to a decent dinner, followed up by a "satisfying" lip full of dessert. These trips are high pressure, too, which would make it all the more satisfying and "necessary." Lots of "quotations" here because I can now see the truth.

Also, my parents are currently in town to visit. I love it when they come but I associate their visits with many, many failed attempts to quit. More than ten years of failures. I used to tell myself that I would quit forever, starting upon their visit - every single time they visited. By the end of day one or two of their visit, I'd be sneaking away for "just one quickie." You know how that ended. One the first day they were here, my brother's family came over and it was a great get together - but I was on the edge. Don't know why, but I was feeling some serious anxiety.

I'm armored up for today and tomorrow. Going to lay off the caffeine and alcohol, spend a heap of time on KTC when I can, fill my passenger seat with an arsenal of snacks and substitutions, and have my numbers ready. If I have your number - I just might need to call on you today or tomorrow.

This won't be easy.
Nic's on my left shoulder.
Quit's on my right.
When Quit and KTC travel with me.
I'll win the fight.

If you read my intro you will see that I caved and smoked a cigarette about 20 days into my quit. I had been posting roll consistently and was dedicated, so what what happened? I hadn't told my wife about my quit. I was a ninja dipper and was a ninja quitter. We've been through this before, I know, but reading your latest update has me a little bit pissed off. Here's why:

What I didn't realize before my cave was that hiding my quit from my wife was just another form of preserving my right to resume dipping without consequences at home. Translation: I wasn't ALL IN. After my cave I returned to KTC, took my beating, and promptly invited the Mrs into my quit and the KTC world. Talk about a layer of accountability, right??? Telling her was the burning of the proverbial bridge back to addiction. Plus, I became even more involved in KTC; I could join chat when I was craving at night, read intros, etc. without HIDING.

What are you waiting for? It's never going to be easy, there's never going to be a good time unless you plan on lying forever. It's time to man up.

Several comments...

First, we don't worry about tomorrow or the next day here. We live for today. We quit for today. And today, when we give our word, by God we keep it. No exceptions. We get up, we put our name on the roll, and we do not EVER break our word. Ever. We can do anything for 24 hours. We worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Right now it isn't even a thought.

Second, you have my number. In the event, after you give us (and yourself) your word tomorrow or the next day or whatever the fuck day it is and you decide that you will use nicotine, you call me. In the event that you cannot reach me, you call every other number in that list of numbers from KTC that you have. In the event that, after you talk with me or whoever you reach, we come to a mutual decision that using nicotine is in your best interest and is the right thing to do, then that decision will be a joint one that is made out of logic. I can't imagine such a decision being reached, but remember... the honorable thing to do if you are a man of integrity is to keep your word and reach out when you need to reach out. There is never an excuse to be a sociopath and break your promise to yourself and all of us without reaching out. NEVER.

Third, Minny is on to something in his post. He really is. We are here to help you. Again, whether you tell your wife or not. Guys like us don't chew, right? Wrong. Guys like us mastered chewing in the shadows. Quitting is a whole lot easier when you aren't doing it in hiding. Minny and I speak from experience. You will take a load off of your mind when you talk to her.

In any event, you owe us a phone call if and when the rough times come. That isn't something that is negotiable.

TTM, I didnt really think about it, but worktowin is definitely right about worrying about tomorrow, tomorrow. When we start worrying about tomorrow and next Tuesday, today, the pressure starts building on us. Our addict brains have enough to worry about to honor our roll today.

On the telling the wife, I always thought it would be best to tell her. Obviously I don't know how she will react, but I hope it would be supportive and understanding. It also might explain some weird quitting behavior I'm sure you've had. Minny's point about being a ninja quitter leaving an out also must be considered. However your wife takes it, that layer of accountability may just be the one that saves your life one day.

I'm always a text or call away brother. Fuck that nic bitch. See you on chat in your hotel room after you get done with the fap sesh

How's the trip going?

[Minny]

See you on chat in your hotel room after you get done with the fap sesh

Hopefully not DURING. 'jerk'

[basshaug]

Thursday and Friday are going to be my toughest challenge yet. In 30 minutes, I'm leaving on a road trip alone and staying overnight in a hotel. That used to be a "great opportunity" to load my face with poison without anyone being around to interrupt or worry about. I would even treat myself to a decent dinner, followed up by a "satisfying" lip full of dessert. These trips are high pressure, too, which would make it all the more satisfying and "necessary." Lots of "quotations" here because I can now see the truth.

Also, my parents are currently in town to visit. I love it when they come but I associate their visits with many, many failed attempts to quit. More than ten years of failures. I used to tell myself that I would quit forever, starting upon their visit - every single time they visited. By the end of day one or two of their visit, I'd be sneaking away for "just one quickie." You know how that ended. One the first day they were here, my brother's family came over and it was a great get together - but I was on the edge. Don't know why, but I was feeling some serious anxiety.

I'm armored up for today and tomorrow. Going to lay off the caffeine and alcohol, spend a heap of time on KTC when I can, fill my passenger seat with an arsenal of snacks and substitutions, and have my numbers ready. If I have your number - I just might need to call on you today or tomorrow.

This won't be easy.
Nic's on my left shoulder.
Quit's on my right.
When Quit and KTC travel with me.
I'll win the fight.

If you read my intro you will see that I caved and smoked a cigarette about 20 days into my quit. I had been posting roll consistently and was dedicated, so what what happened? I hadn't told my wife about my quit. I was a ninja dipper and was a ninja quitter. We've been through this before, I know, but reading your latest update has me a little bit pissed off. Here's why:

What I didn't realize before my cave was that hiding my quit from my wife was just another form of preserving my right to resume dipping without consequences at home. Translation: I wasn't ALL IN. After my cave I returned to KTC, took my beating, and promptly invited the Mrs into my quit and the KTC world. Talk about a layer of accountability, right??? Telling her was the burning of the proverbial bridge back to addiction. Plus, I became even more involved in KTC; I could join chat when I was craving at night, read intros, etc. without HIDING.

What are you waiting for? It's never going to be easy, there's never going to be a good time unless you plan on lying forever. It's time to man up.

Several comments...

First, we don't worry about tomorrow or the next day here. We live for today. We quit for today. And today, when we give our word, by God we keep it. No exceptions. We get up, we put our name on the roll, and we do not EVER break our word. Ever. We can do anything for 24 hours. We worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Right now it isn't even a thought.

Second, you have my number. In the event, after you give us (and yourself) your word tomorrow or the next day or whatever the fuck day it is and you decide that you will use nicotine, you call me. In the event that you cannot reach me, you call every other number in that list of numbers from KTC that you have. In the event that, after you talk with me or whoever you reach, we come to a mutual decision that using nicotine is in your best interest and is the right thing to do, then that decision will be a joint one that is made out of logic. I can't imagine such a decision being reached, but remember... the honorable thing to do if you are a man of integrity is to keep your word and reach out when you need to reach out. There is never an excuse to be a sociopath and break your promise to yourself and all of us without reaching out. NEVER.

Third, Minny is on to something in his post. He really is. We are here to help you. Again, whether you tell your wife or not. Guys like us don't chew, right? Wrong. Guys like us mastered chewing in the shadows. Quitting is a whole lot easier when you aren't doing it in hiding. Minny and I speak from experience. You will take a load off of your mind when you talk to her.

In any event, you owe us a phone call if and when the rough times come. That isn't something that is negotiable.

TTM, I didnt really think about it, but worktowin is definitely right about worrying about tomorrow, tomorrow. When we start worrying about tomorrow and next Tuesday, today, the pressure starts building on us. Our addict brains have enough to worry about to honor our roll today.

On the telling the wife, I always thought it would be best to tell her. Obviously I don't know how she will react, but I hope it would be supportive and understanding. It also might explain some weird quitting behavior I'm sure you've had. Minny's point about being a ninja quitter leaving an out also must be considered. However your wife takes it, that layer of accountability may just be the one that saves your life one day.

I'm always a text or call away brother. Fuck that nic bitch. See you on chat in your hotel room after you get done with the fap sesh