My strongest quit, my final quit

[basshaug]

Somewhere around day 28 (on 36 today), this quit started to click. The fog lifted. Bursts of happiness. Fewer fits of withdrawal anger/anxiety. There are still cravings but they are weak. I can go hours without thinking about nicotine, instead of just seconds or minutes.

Days aren't drudging along anymore. Time is flying by the way it used to. In a way, that's lousy - I'm enjoying and appreciating life so much that I want it to slow down.

Disposable coffee cups from gas stations and coffee shops aren't perceived as "great spit cups" anymore. I don't inexplicably leave an empty beer bottle by the sink any more, either. When I see either of those things, I don't associate them with chewing at all, which surprises me.

I still get cravings. Sometimes they last a faint two seconds. Other times they agitate for an entire evening. Either way, I can easily suppress them by quickly ignoring them and/or replacing/masking those thoughts with something else. What works for you?

The anxiety/anger from nicotine withdrawal still comes around, but very infrequently. This is even easier to deal with than the cravings. Deep breath. Leave the room. Jump onto KTC. Text a quit buddy. Sometimes, just remembering the true cause of that anxiety/anger is enough to put a smile on my face and the feeling instantly melts. What works for you?

Quitting has gone from being a truly exhausting struggle to being a completely energizing joy. Even the bad moments - they quickly remind me of where I was when I was using. Those memories give me a jolt of reality that quickly turns into gratitude, relief, and giddiness. Giddy? Yeah, I don't have to live like that any more.

Today, WorkToWin asked me how I'm doing. Here's what I told him.

"Life's great. I'm fully living in the afterglow of 36 days of quit. Seriously, I feel like I just "came" for much of the day because I'm so damn happy with this quit. I tried so hard for so long to quit. Failures. This is the life I've dreamed of for years."

Years. Let that sink in. Years of life. I'm an idealist with a penchant for being practical. I have hippy tendencies. I've always perceived wasted time/life as a waste but never considered myself to be doing that. Enjoy every moment of life and appreciate the gifts of family, friends and love - yeah, that's me. Work hard, give your best. You did a good job? Great - how can you do better next time? I tricked myself into believing I was living those values. I did it for years. Years.

The truth is that I've been living life at 50% for a very long time. Zombie. Don't get me wrong - I really thought I was a happy guy... a happy guy who just wanted to quit tobacco. The truth (again) is that because of my choices about chew, I was a guy who carried around very, very deep guilt and shame... I wasn't giving my best (or even close)... and I didn't have control over my own life. Some of it was conscious. Some of it was subconscious.

How do you shed 10 years of aging and mental fatigue? Get off of nicotine. I'm happy with where I'm at in this quit - in fact, I wouldn't have asked for more (except another +1)... but WorkToWin's response is making me feel gratefully greedy.

"Just wait. You'll smile more. Worry less. Relax more. Need less sleep. Better health. No hiding. I could go on and on."

A million thanks to all of the leaders and teachers on KTC, including those of you who don't realize you're filling those roles. I owe this new life to you.

If you're stalking KTC and thinking about quitting, consider this truth: The life you've dreamed of for years is waiting for you right here in the pages of KillTheCan.org. Can you live a better life than you're living right now?

Bingo, awesome post!

What ^^^^^^ he said. Glad to quit with you TTM. I feel like I've definitely been on a roller coaster, but the general upward trend has resulted in "valleys" exceeding my previous highs.

I'm glad to be free today

[Thumblewort]

Somewhere around day 28 (on 36 today), this quit started to click. The fog lifted. Bursts of happiness. Fewer fits of withdrawal anger/anxiety. There are still cravings but they are weak. I can go hours without thinking about nicotine, instead of just seconds or minutes.

Days aren't drudging along anymore. Time is flying by the way it used to. In a way, that's lousy - I'm enjoying and appreciating life so much that I want it to slow down.

Disposable coffee cups from gas stations and coffee shops aren't perceived as "great spit cups" anymore. I don't inexplicably leave an empty beer bottle by the sink any more, either. When I see either of those things, I don't associate them with chewing at all, which surprises me.

I still get cravings. Sometimes they last a faint two seconds. Other times they agitate for an entire evening. Either way, I can easily suppress them by quickly ignoring them and/or replacing/masking those thoughts with something else. What works for you?

The anxiety/anger from nicotine withdrawal still comes around, but very infrequently. This is even easier to deal with than the cravings. Deep breath. Leave the room. Jump onto KTC. Text a quit buddy. Sometimes, just remembering the true cause of that anxiety/anger is enough to put a smile on my face and the feeling instantly melts. What works for you?

Quitting has gone from being a truly exhausting struggle to being a completely energizing joy. Even the bad moments - they quickly remind me of where I was when I was using. Those memories give me a jolt of reality that quickly turns into gratitude, relief, and giddiness. Giddy? Yeah, I don't have to live like that any more.

Today, WorkToWin asked me how I'm doing. Here's what I told him.

"Life's great. I'm fully living in the afterglow of 36 days of quit. Seriously, I feel like I just "came" for much of the day because I'm so damn happy with this quit. I tried so hard for so long to quit. Failures. This is the life I've dreamed of for years."

Years. Let that sink in. Years of life. I'm an idealist with a penchant for being practical. I have hippy tendencies. I've always perceived wasted time/life as a waste but never considered myself to be doing that. Enjoy every moment of life and appreciate the gifts of family, friends and love - yeah, that's me. Work hard, give your best. You did a good job? Great - how can you do better next time? I tricked myself into believing I was living those values. I did it for years. Years.

The truth is that I've been living life at 50% for a very long time. Zombie. Don't get me wrong - I really thought I was a happy guy... a happy guy who just wanted to quit tobacco. The truth (again) is that because of my choices about chew, I was a guy who carried around very, very deep guilt and shame... I wasn't giving my best (or even close)... and I didn't have control over my own life. Some of it was conscious. Some of it was subconscious.

How do you shed 10 years of aging and mental fatigue? Get off of nicotine. I'm happy with where I'm at in this quit - in fact, I wouldn't have asked for more (except another +1)... but WorkToWin's response is making me feel gratefully greedy.

"Just wait. You'll smile more. Worry less. Relax more. Need less sleep. Better health. No hiding. I could go on and on."

A million thanks to all of the leaders and teachers on KTC, including those of you who don't realize you're filling those roles. I owe this new life to you.

If you're stalking KTC and thinking about quitting, consider this truth: The life you've dreamed of for years is waiting for you right here in the pages of KillTheCan.org. Can you live a better life than you're living right now?

Bingo, awesome post!

[adamsch]

Good shit man. I'm on 27 and am still a little foggy. Appreciate the encouraging and awesome little update! I quit w you!

[rdad]

You're doing great! This is what it's all about. It gets better!

'oh yeah'

I really liked reading this. You are getting your first glint of true freedom. I hear it gets better and better. Congrats. You get it.

[Minny]

You're doing great! This is what it's all about. It gets better!

'oh yeah'

[TrueToMyself]

Somewhere around day 28 (on 36 today), this quit started to click. The fog lifted. Bursts of happiness. Fewer fits of withdrawal anger/anxiety. There are still cravings but they are weak. I can go hours without thinking about nicotine, instead of just seconds or minutes.

Days aren't drudging along anymore. Time is flying by the way it used to. In a way, that's lousy - I'm enjoying and appreciating life so much that I want it to slow down.

Disposable coffee cups from gas stations and coffee shops aren't perceived as "great spit cups" anymore. I don't inexplicably leave an empty beer bottle by the sink any more, either. When I see either of those things, I don't associate them with chewing at all, which surprises me.

I still get cravings. Sometimes they last a faint two seconds. Other times they agitate for an entire evening. Either way, I can easily suppress them by quickly ignoring them and/or replacing/masking those thoughts with something else. What works for you?

The anxiety/anger from nicotine withdrawal still comes around, but very infrequently. This is even easier to deal with than the cravings. Deep breath. Leave the room. Jump onto KTC. Text a quit buddy. Sometimes, just remembering the true cause of that anxiety/anger is enough to put a smile on my face and the feeling instantly melts. What works for you?

Quitting has gone from being a truly exhausting struggle to being a completely energizing joy. Even the bad moments - they quickly remind me of where I was when I was using. Those memories give me a jolt of reality that quickly turns into gratitude, relief, and giddiness. Giddy? Yeah, I don't have to live like that any more.

Today, WorkToWin asked me how I'm doing. Here's what I told him.

"Life's great. I'm fully living in the afterglow of 36 days of quit. Seriously, I feel like I just "came" for much of the day because I'm so damn happy with this quit. I tried so hard for so long to quit. Failures. This is the life I've dreamed of for years."

Years. Let that sink in. Years of life. I'm an idealist with a penchant for being practical. I have hippy tendencies. I've always perceived wasted time/life as a waste but never considered myself to be doing that. Enjoy every moment of life and appreciate the gifts of family, friends and love - yeah, that's me. Work hard, give your best. You did a good job? Great - how can you do better next time? I tricked myself into believing I was living those values. I did it for years. Years.

The truth is that I've been living life at 50% for a very long time. Zombie. Don't get me wrong - I really thought I was a happy guy... a happy guy who just wanted to quit tobacco. The truth (again) is that because of my choices about chew, I was a guy who carried around very, very deep guilt and shame... I wasn't giving my best (or even close)... and I didn't have control over my own life. Some of it was conscious. Some of it was subconscious.

How do you shed 10 years of aging and mental fatigue? Get off of nicotine. I'm happy with where I'm at in this quit - in fact, I wouldn't have asked for more (except another +1)... but WorkToWin's response is making me feel gratefully greedy.

"Just wait. You'll smile more. Worry less. Relax more. Need less sleep. Better health. No hiding. I could go on and on."

A million thanks to all of the leaders and teachers on KTC, including those of you who don't realize you're filling those roles. I owe this new life to you.

If you're stalking KTC and thinking about quitting, consider this truth: The life you've dreamed of for years is waiting for you right here in the pages of KillTheCan.org. Can you live a better life than you're living right now?

[J2thaZ]

The days are starting to fly by again. It's the first time I've felt that way since quitting. I learned to embrace the fog, but I'm happy that the time distortion crud is starting to wear off.

This is day 30 and I feel great. In fact, I've felt about ten years younger over the last few days. I'm going several hours at a time without thinking about tobacco, which seemed even seemed far away last week.

I'll stay vigilant but is this too good to be true?

Is it too good to be true?

If you had told me 541 days ago how I would feel today I would have either laughed or called you a liar. You will have ups. You will have downs. But the chart is now on an upward trajectory.

Congratulations on 30 days of winning!

Thanks W2W. That nic bitch slowly chipped away at me over the years.

I forgot what it feels like to be this happy and energetic.

Ain't that the damn truth. Especially without it being chemically enhanced. A great reason to stay QLF today with you gents.

[TrueToMyself]

The days are starting to fly by again. It's the first time I've felt that way since quitting. I learned to embrace the fog, but I'm happy that the time distortion crud is starting to wear off.

This is day 30 and I feel great. In fact, I've felt about ten years younger over the last few days. I'm going several hours at a time without thinking about tobacco, which seemed even seemed far away last week.

I'll stay vigilant but is this too good to be true?

Is it too good to be true?

If you had told me 541 days ago how I would feel today I would have either laughed or called you a liar. You will have ups. You will have downs. But the chart is now on an upward trajectory.

Congratulations on 30 days of winning!

Thanks W2W. That nic bitch slowly chipped away at me over the years.

I forgot what it feels like to be this happy and energetic.

[worktowin]

The days are starting to fly by again. It's the first time I've felt that way since quitting. I learned to embrace the fog, but I'm happy that the time distortion crud is starting to wear off.

This is day 30 and I feel great. In fact, I've felt about ten years younger over the last few days. I'm going several hours at a time without thinking about tobacco, which seemed even seemed far away last week.

I'll stay vigilant but is this too good to be true?

Is it too good to be true?

If you had told me 541 days ago how I would feel today I would have either laughed or called you a liar. You will have ups. You will have downs. But the chart is now on an upward trajectory.

Congratulations on 30 days of winning!

[TrueToMyself]

The days are starting to fly by again. It's the first time I've felt that way since quitting. I learned to embrace the fog, but I'm happy that the time distortion crud is starting to wear off.

This is day 30 and I feel great. In fact, I've felt about ten years younger over the last few days. I'm going several hours at a time without thinking about tobacco, which seemed even seemed far away last week.

I'll stay vigilant but is this too good to be true?

[basshaug]

J2B, Basshaug, Jakester, ARfish, and me have a good text thread going and I wanted to transfer some of it here.

Out of the blue, Jakester sent us this battle cry yesterday.

Remember that guilty feeling, walking into the gas station to buy a can? We were fucking sheep buying our poison, just fools and we all knew it. We hated it but we did it.

I remember putting it first. If I was running late and I needed to let the dogs out before work, and I knew I needed a can, what did I do? Let the dogs hold it or piss in the house just for my fix. Fuck that shit. I hated that guilty and controlled feeling.

The only thing that controls me now is ME, not the fucking can. That is all and have a good night.

That just about turned me inside out. It got me thinking about guilt in my response.

Since quitting, I haven't been angry at anyone (except myself). I'm not blaming others for things anymore, especially trivial things. I'm not blaming my wife or brother or parents for things that may or may not have been their fault.

All these years, I've been blaming other people because subconsciously I felt guilty. Those feelings are all gone. This is freedom... and I hear it keeps getting better.

Where's William Wallace when you need him? Basshaug came back with this.

I feel the same way TTM. All the "rage" has been 2 or 3 snappy comments that pretty much said "leave me the fuck alone right now." Other than that, it's been all anger towards nic. I know I'll never get the hours back directing the gas station guy to Skoal straight 1,000 times by the color of the can. All I can do is enjoy the new freedom and put the bad behind me.

I've been in a better mood in the last 31 days than I've been in years. I described it as energy on KTC. But nic was depressing me, I know it.

I can relate deeply to Jake's and Bass's texts, especially the sentiments about guilt, freedom and feeling better than I have in years.

Guilt and regret are two words I strongly associate with nicotine. Outside of nicotine, I don't regret a damn thing in my life. I don't feel guilt either, except for the nic bitch... at least I used to. Now that I'm in control, guilt and regret are eradicated from my life.

What else came up in that chain of texts? Glad you asked.

-- We made fun of J2B for driving a Nissan Cube (rental). He says, "It took nearly as much balls to drive this in public as it took to quit."

-- We're planning extra support for Basshaug over the next two days while he's out of town.

I have a handful of numbers I use and they are making a big difference in my quit. For new folks - if you haven't already, get some numbers and use them every day, even if it's just to check in and say, "How's it going today." Use them every day.

Hey now, that cube was some sort of special.


'no'


You have a bad ass quit going on sir - brotherhood is a hell of a motivator aint it?

Quit with you TTM. I had another thought this morning during a quiet moment, after reading a post last night in august 14. Braves360 said it had done him a lot of good to stop and reflect on his quit and how he had felt in the last couple of weeks.

Either way, I started thinking back about that first time I ever used, and really thought about what I'd do different, or even if I would change that at this point. I am who I am today because I've quit nicotine. I'm not sure what my life would have been like without nicotine, but I know my life today is a shitload better without it.

I quit with you today.

[J2b]

J2B, Basshaug, Jakester, ARfish, and me have a good text thread going and I wanted to transfer some of it here.

Out of the blue, Jakester sent us this battle cry yesterday.

Remember that guilty feeling, walking into the gas station to buy a can? We were fucking sheep buying our poison, just fools and we all knew it. We hated it but we did it.

I remember putting it first. If I was running late and I needed to let the dogs out before work, and I knew I needed a can, what did I do? Let the dogs hold it or piss in the house just for my fix. Fuck that shit. I hated that guilty and controlled feeling.

The only thing that controls me now is ME, not the fucking can. That is all and have a good night.

That just about turned me inside out. It got me thinking about guilt in my response.

Since quitting, I haven't been angry at anyone (except myself). I'm not blaming others for things anymore, especially trivial things. I'm not blaming my wife or brother or parents for things that may or may not have been their fault.

All these years, I've been blaming other people because subconsciously I felt guilty. Those feelings are all gone. This is freedom... and I hear it keeps getting better.

Where's William Wallace when you need him? Basshaug came back with this.

I feel the same way TTM. All the "rage" has been 2 or 3 snappy comments that pretty much said "leave me the fuck alone right now." Other than that, it's been all anger towards nic. I know I'll never get the hours back directing the gas station guy to Skoal straight 1,000 times by the color of the can. All I can do is enjoy the new freedom and put the bad behind me.

I've been in a better mood in the last 31 days than I've been in years. I described it as energy on KTC. But nic was depressing me, I know it.

I can relate deeply to Jake's and Bass's texts, especially the sentiments about guilt, freedom and feeling better than I have in years.

Guilt and regret are two words I strongly associate with nicotine. Outside of nicotine, I don't regret a damn thing in my life. I don't feel guilt either, except for the nic bitch... at least I used to. Now that I'm in control, guilt and regret are eradicated from my life.

What else came up in that chain of texts? Glad you asked.

-- We made fun of J2B for driving a Nissan Cube (rental). He says, "It took nearly as much balls to drive this in public as it took to quit."

-- We're planning extra support for Basshaug over the next two days while he's out of town.

I have a handful of numbers I use and they are making a big difference in my quit. For new folks - if you haven't already, get some numbers and use them every day, even if it's just to check in and say, "How's it going today." Use them every day.

Hey now, that cube was some sort of special.


'no'


You have a bad ass quit going on sir - brotherhood is a hell of a motivator aint it?

[TrueToMyself]

J2B, Basshaug, Jakester, ARfish, and me have a good text thread going and I wanted to transfer some of it here.

Out of the blue, Jakester sent us this battle cry yesterday.

Remember that guilty feeling, walking into the gas station to buy a can? We were fucking sheep buying our poison, just fools and we all knew it. We hated it but we did it.

I remember putting it first. If I was running late and I needed to let the dogs out before work, and I knew I needed a can, what did I do? Let the dogs hold it or piss in the house just for my fix. Fuck that shit. I hated that guilty and controlled feeling.

The only thing that controls me now is ME, not the fucking can. That is all and have a good night.

That just about turned me inside out. It got me thinking about guilt in my response.

Since quitting, I haven't been angry at anyone (except myself). I'm not blaming others for things anymore, especially trivial things. I'm not blaming my wife or brother or parents for things that may or may not have been their fault.

All these years, I've been blaming other people because subconsciously I felt guilty. Those feelings are all gone. This is freedom... and I hear it keeps getting better.

Where's William Wallace when you need him? Basshaug came back with this.

I feel the same way TTM. All the "rage" has been 2 or 3 snappy comments that pretty much said "leave me the fuck alone right now." Other than that, it's been all anger towards nic. I know I'll never get the hours back directing the gas station guy to Skoal straight 1,000 times by the color of the can. All I can do is enjoy the new freedom and put the bad behind me.

I've been in a better mood in the last 31 days than I've been in years. I described it as energy on KTC. But nic was depressing me, I know it.

I can relate deeply to Jake's and Bass's texts, especially the sentiments about guilt, freedom and feeling better than I have in years.

Guilt and regret are two words I strongly associate with nicotine. Outside of nicotine, I don't regret a damn thing in my life. I don't feel guilt either, except for the nic bitch... at least I used to. Now that I'm in control, guilt and regret are eradicated from my life.

What else came up in that chain of texts? Glad you asked.

-- We made fun of J2B for driving a Nissan Cube (rental). He says, "It took nearly as much balls to drive this in public as it took to quit."

-- We're planning extra support for Basshaug over the next two days while he's out of town.

I have a handful of numbers I use and they are making a big difference in my quit. For new folks - if you haven't already, get some numbers and use them every day, even if it's just to check in and say, "How's it going today." Use them every day.

[Minny]

I see that you've posted every damn day which is a great start. Give us an update, bud. We're pulling for you.

[TrueToMyself]

A new day! How did the weekend go? You had a lot if big things happen last week. Glad to see you pushed forward one day at a time.

Can't wait to read your update on this challenge. Quit with you.

The work trip was two days. Day one sucked really, really bad... as I mentioned in a previous entry. Day two was relatively easy, though. After all of the build up and frustration of day one, I didn't care about nicotine on day two. You know how sometimes you'll struggle and fight and stress and fear and think and plan and overthink and strategize and panic about something... and then suddenly it's easy? All of those aspects finally disappear and that "thing" is now a snap? This happens to me at new jobs, when I'm needing to learn a new skill quickly, and when I have a big project. That's what happened between day 1 and day 2 of this work trip. Can anyone better express this phenomenon? Something tells me that WorkToWin knows exactly what I'm talking about.

I didn't even need the substitutes on day 2. I tried them but didn't want another single taste. I kind of hated them for some reason. Maybe I associated them with the nicotine I now hate so deeply and the shitty day 1 experience.

Beyond the work trip, my parents were in town this weekend. As I've also mentioned before, parental visits are associated with quit failures for me. This weekend, I was very frequently noticing "opportunities" when I would have previously snuck off for a dip. "I can go now and get a good 20 minutes.... I can go do that extra task alone and get an hour+ of chewing... here's a chance to dip for five minutes." No, I wasn't actually planning to do it but I was aware when the thoughts coming to my head. This must have happened at least a dozen times during the weekend. Instead, I got to spend quality time with my family and I loved every moment (even the occasional squabbling made me laugh).

Now that I'm 22 days into this quit, my four year old daughter started giving me a little more space (not that I'm asking for it). She clung to me non-stop during the first two weeks of the quit, much more than usual. I don't know why - she has no idea about chew or me quitting. Kids can tell somehow, I suppose. Maybe it's just because I was home a lot more and I'm mostly in a cheerful mood.

Speaking of mood, the moodiness is fading fast. It comes once in a while, but not every day anymore. It gets intense at times but I've been able to shut it down or at least hold it in. Deep breath, glass of water, exercise, going outside, snacking, texting, KTC'ing, being quiet (especially being quiet) - these have helped to cope during high stress moments.

The fog comes and goes - I hate when it comes while I'm driving (rather unsafe) but I otherwise embrace the fog. It's nice to have a moment with myself, every now and then, and get lost in thought. It's also a great time to analyze this shit we're going through. The work thing can be a problem but I've rationalized that it's no different than time I wasted while dipping at work. Sure, I'd work while dipping but my concentration and quality could suffer. Also, being a work chewer made me somewhat undisciplined in the office - it was easy to get distracted and not really care at times. For now, I'll enjoy the fog. If it doesn't go away, I'll worry about it later.

Speaking of distraction, would you look at that? I've been rambling and digressing for too long. Another 90 minutes on KTC just went by in a flash. Better get back to work. Thanks for checking in.

P.S. Page 259 in the August 2014 quit group has some brilliant insight for newbies like me. Check it out.

Great job, man, you're winning. For what it's worth, my guess is that your daughter didn't change a bit, rather it was you. You were a little on edge, more aware of what's important in life, and you were also around more since you weren't running off to get a fix somewhere.

Congrats on the milestone. Honor your commitment to be a 100% Poster and keep winning ODAAT. Well done.

Not sure if this is what you are looking for or not...

As a general rule, the people that I have met on this website are among the most driven and dedicated individuals that I have encountered in life. When we work, we work to win. When we play, we play to win. All in, all the time. Patience? Not as a general rule. We like everything to be right, all the time, and RIGHT NOW. We don't fail. That just isn't something we allow. I think it might be part of the addict mentality? Whatever it is, I am honored to know so many quality men and women now. I have really grown as a person as a result of my quit and the relationships I have made on KTC. On a personal note, it is really good to know that something good has come as a result of a terrible addiction in my life. For a long time it was easy to beat myself up over allowing nicotine to control me for so long... but now it is easy to look at every day as a win, and look at the relationships and integrity I have gained as real positives in my life.

The fog SUCKS. It will pass. I can't tell you when, but it will. Mine lasted a ridiculous amount of time. And when it lifted the anger set it. Anger that I still have to this day. About the lies, the money, the health disaster that I allowed to happen...

You are getting there one day at a time. Thanks for posting and for sharing. Your quit makes mine, and others, stronger.

mmhm. what those guys said.

And, you have been nominated to cook - just so you know.

I'll second the motion.

Hell, yeah. I'll cook.
Here's the recipe.

1 truck load of dedication
1 truck load of fear
1 truck load of hope
1 truck load of willpower
1 website with fellow quitters who are eager to help

Mix ingredients together one day at a time after posting roll each morning.