I've been dying to tell my friends back in my hometown that I quit but wanted to wait until I had something substantial to show. You see, I've "quit" before. You know the story.
A few of them still chew and I hope they'll quit too. When they're ready, they'll ask me about KTC and I'll tell them all about it.
I want to remember this day so I'm putting the email in my intro. Sorry about a few of the inside jokes - they might not make sense to you.
Note: Our group of friends lost two very close friends in the last 100 days.
---
Hey fellas,
It's been a bad year for us and I'm sorry I wasn't able to physically be with you. To tell you the truth, it's been hard being down here because I want to be there to support you.
I have a tiny piece of good news that makes me damn proud.
It's a major milestone for me and one of the hardest things I've ever done. I quit the chawster 100 days ago.
Why quit? Health risks. It's disgusting. Sneaking around. I could go on and on. It started out as a joke but I was completely addicted to nicotine. For about 17 years (!!!), I was a slave. Of course, it's all my fault. As much as I may have seemed to enjoy chaw, I hated it.
Most (I think all of us) of us have had cancer in our immediate families. ALL of us just lost a dear friend to cancer. My mom is currently overcoming her third case of cancer. John's dad recently got over it. Greg had cancer in his face and he didn't even put this stupid crap in his lip.
Some people get cancer because of genetics, their environment or unexplained reasons. It's unfair. Others, like me, have a choice of whether they'll get cancer (in this case, anyway). I've known this rationale for a long time so why am I quitting now? In recent years, I've had my mom, Otto, John's dad and Greg's face at the forefront of my thoughts. Ever time I get a canker sore, swollen gums or a scratch in my mouth, I panicked, wondering "Is this finally my cancer? Will I survive? How will I talk to my wife and daughter with half of a face?" To be completely honest, when we lost Mike, I decided I needed to make a change. He died 99 days ago. I quit when we found out he would be going to hospice the following day. His loss changed me forever.
The day I quit, I got active on an online forum support group called KillTheCan.org - never thought I would/could do something like that but I was desperate to quit and stay quit. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. Me and my "quit brothers" on the website hold each other accountable every damn day via the forum, text and email.
On Kill The Can, someone who has been quit for 100 days joins the Hall of Fame. Today, I join the Hall of Fame. It's just the beginning. Ask any ex-smoker or alcoholic and they'll tell you it's a lifelong addiction. I've quit for 100 days and longer in the past, but I was constantly on the edge of failing and I even "cheated" a few times. In other words, I wasn't actually quit. This time is much different. For about the last 60/70 days, I've had complete control over this quit, thanks to the support group. Before that, it was horrible and the withdrawal was physically painful. Constantly sick stomach. No sleep. Headaches. Super emotional. Anxiety. Etc...
I don't have to send this email to you as part of some ten-step Scott Baio addiction recovery program. This is a really important day for me and I wanted to share it with you guys. The next time you see me, I won't have a Bronco Nagurski or a Bunk Bed in my cheek. I'll just have a cheeky smile.
Now, when Charo kisses me, I'll only have beer breath.
I used to think that I enjoyed chewing with my friends. The truth is that I simply love being with my friends. Chaw didn't enhance those times together at all, though I thought it did.
Sorry if this long ass email comes off as self-important or selfish or inconsiderate.
Thanks for listening. I can't wait to see you all again.
