Hello.... I don't know where to begin.
I guess I'll start by saying, I've dipped for nearly 18 years, with a four year stint in which I had quit. I started when I was 18 years old, thinking it was harmless. I still remember my first time; I was at soccer practice my senior year of high school and one of my teammates got me to try it before practice. Coach showed up shortly there after and with a dip in my mouth, I started practice by running a mile like normal. About the second lap, I stopped and threw up like I've never thrown up before. That should have been enough for me to stop, but every practice, there I was in the parking lot dipping away.
I quit 11 years later during my divorce and continued to stay dip free for three years, but was around several people using dip one day and found myself heading to the gas station to buy a can, then another, then another. Now, five years later I'm back to being addicted and going through 1 1/2 cans per day.
When I quit before, I just made the decision and went cold turkey. I used the beef jerky in the dip shaped can to satisfy my cravings and it worked. The odd thing is, I don't necessarily crave it now. I've gone several hours without one and was fine. It's just having that dip in my mouth that is the hard part to get over.
But I'm hiding it, something I didn't do before. I don't visibly carry my can around. I go to the bathroom to put it in. And I always use soda cups you get from McDonalds or some place like that for spit cups and keep the lid and straw attached. I'm ashamed of it.
Today, while I was figuring out my budget for the next couple of weeks, I realized that I'm spending nearly $200 per month on dip. I hated myself for that because it's money I need to be using elsewhere. Plus, with the dip and the excess soda and lack of care over the last 16 years, my teeth are in really bad shape and need fixed.
So I made a promise to myself: I quit the dip, use the $200 per month I was using on it to get to a dentist and begin the work on my teeth. But the problem is, I don't have a support system because I've hid it from friends, from family members and co-workers. Which is why I am here.
I used to blog a year ago to help me stay accountable with my fitness and yoga routine and it worked like a charm. Might still do that, but I find when I have an outlet for accountability, I stick with it.
So that's why I'm here. To find a support system, help me quit and hold myself accountable.