Hey Erik,
You are doing one of the most important things that you will ever to. That shit will steal your freedom, health, and money. I'm 54 and at day 102 clean and free and it feels great.
You're likely in the awful fog now and there's nothing that will help buy a few more days. Try not lash out at anyone you care about. Support from KTC and posting role has kept me clean and free. I had trouble posting role; if you do too, check out,
http://www.killthecan.org/roll/
Post roll every day as soon as your feet hit the floor. First thing. Then be a man of your word. Men with no integrity will not succeed at this plan, but from the words in your intro, it is clear that you are a man of your word. So do not miss a roll, and success is assured.
On the success front.... This is not easy. But it is possible. I've laid out the accountability part above, but the successful quitters in da house will tell you that brotherhood + accountability = success. Pick up some phone numbers from vets that reach out to you but more importantly from people you post roll with every day. Both groups can help you push through tough times, and you can help a brother out in his struggle as well.
Post roll. Keep word. Make connections. Use them. You won't believe how good life will be... It doesn't seem that way now because you've been putting addictive toxins in your body for 30 years. One day a time... Freedom will be yours.
I'll close with this: are you a movie buff? One day... I can't tell you when... But one day... After following the ktc plan and taking your life back... Something in you brain is gonna click, and you are gonna think back to the end of Shawshank Redemption. Remember when Andy busted out of prison and stood with his arms up in the air in the rain? That freedom is yours for the taking.
My number is in a pm to you. Welcome aboard.
