My Time Is Up

[kneedragger]

Thanks for these posts, Mikey. I just read your story from start to finish. I'm on day 17 and am keeping my own journal of my quit so I'll be able to look back on it and know I never want to do this again. But all the challenges you faced will me know what's coming. Thanks -KD

[cdforecheck]

163

It has been some time since I have added to all of this. I am having the most difficult time with my quit right now. The stress I am dealing with is so strong that all I am thinking of is wanting to crack open a can. This is pretty hard. This morning I needed gas and was hungry. I walked into the gas station to drop money for gas and pick up some cheap food, but then my mind told me there is some nice dip behind the counter too. The tremble started as I walked to the counter, when asked if there is anything else I wanted I quickly said no, hoping to save myself.

I survived this morning. Now I need to get through the rest of today. This sucks!

Good job Mikey.

Don't forget your 'audibles'. When she whispers in your ear, just give here a polite, "fuck you. I hate you for what you did to me, bitch."

It'll kill the crave in its tracks, and also let everybody around you know that you're not quite right. 'Crazy'

Mikey,

Great job avoiding the temptation. Keep up the quit. The day sucked because of that temptation but look on the bright side you are clean, alive and quit. Best decision you have ever made. Nice quit.

'worship'

way to go, that's one victory in a long line of 'em (163 days worth) good for you and thanks for sharing your triumph

[CaseyG]

163

It has been some time since I have added to all of this. I am having the most difficult time with my quit right now. The stress I am dealing with is so strong that all I am thinking of is wanting to crack open a can. This is pretty hard. This morning I needed gas and was hungry. I walked into the gas station to drop money for gas and pick up some cheap food, but then my mind told me there is some nice dip behind the counter too. The tremble started as I walked to the counter, when asked if there is anything else I wanted I quickly said no, hoping to save myself.

I survived this morning. Now I need to get through the rest of today. This sucks!

Good job Mikey.

Don't forget your 'audibles'. When she whispers in your ear, just give here a polite, "fuck you. I hate you for what you did to me, bitch."

It'll kill the crave in its tracks, and also let everybody around you know that you're not quite right. 'Crazy'

Mikey,

Great job avoiding the temptation. Keep up the quit. The day sucked because of that temptation but look on the bright side you are clean, alive and quit. Best decision you have ever made. Nice quit.

[theo3wood]

163

It has been some time since I have added to all of this. I am having the most difficult time with my quit right now. The stress I am dealing with is so strong that all I am thinking of is wanting to crack open a can. This is pretty hard. This morning I needed gas and was hungry. I walked into the gas station to drop money for gas and pick up some cheap food, but then my mind told me there is some nice dip behind the counter too. The tremble started as I walked to the counter, when asked if there is anything else I wanted I quickly said no, hoping to save myself.

I survived this morning. Now I need to get through the rest of today. This sucks!

Good job Mikey.

Don't forget your 'audibles'. When she whispers in your ear, just give here a polite, "fuck you. I hate you for what you did to me, bitch."

It'll kill the crave in its tracks, and also let everybody around you know that you're not quite right. 'Crazy'

[Mikey]

163

It has been some time since I have added to all of this. I am having the most difficult time with my quit right now. The stress I am dealing with is so strong that all I am thinking of is wanting to crack open a can. This is pretty hard. This morning I needed gas and was hungry. I walked into the gas station to drop money for gas and pick up some cheap food, but then my mind told me there is some nice dip behind the counter too. The tremble started as I walked to the counter, when asked if there is anything else I wanted I quickly said no, hoping to save myself.

I survived this morning. Now I need to get through the rest of today. This sucks!

[Mikey]

Day 85

I was watching a couple of reality shows over the last few weeks, I have noticed that the main people in these shows dipped. though they tried to hide their habits from being aired on TV, for one it was part of the show. He had some spots biopsied and his concerned lead him to seek to quit. I can only hoped he is successful, but I was surprised as I noticed so many that shared this habit. I am pleased to say I am fighting my addiction, but I wonder if they will eventually fight theirs, or succumb to it.

Sometime last month I saw a can at a gas station, it looks like someone left it behind, the old addict in me would have opened that can to see if there was any in it. I know I have left full cans behind before, the new addict in me was appalled that I would ever do such a thing. I did not think twice about that can while it was in front of me. I was impressed that I left it alone, I was more impressed that I did not even think about that can until after I had already left the gas station. It was reassuring that I would spend more time thinking about my actions after the situation was present, rather than at the moment the can was in front of me I was more concerned about how much gas was being put in my tank while I was filling up.

[Mikey]

52 - A blessing in disguise, hurts too.

Having been rather stressed out last week I got a canker sore in my lower lip two days ago. I tend to not enjoy them as they cause a bit of pain and discomfort. This canker sore is no different than any of the others, it hurts and has yet to go away.

Yesterday was working out pretty well, until I was done with work. I hit up a local gas station I am now using on my new route to avoid my previous dip stops. It helps so much to avoid those places I used to frequent for dip. I grabbed a soda and a bag of seeds for the ride home, hit the counter and right behind the clerk was a new dip I had wanted to try when I was still poisoning my mouth with that crap, at the time I was still packing my lip it had yet to become available around town. Damn, I was pissed because I did not want to see that.

I started to salivate and wondered if that can was as good as I have heard. I had extra cash.

As of a result of this site, a few thoughts emerged in my head as I was standing there. First, I quit dip, at around 4 am I had made a commitment that on day 51 I would not dip. In my wallet I do keep a copy of the quitting contract, was that worth a signature? Was I willing to cave, of course not, but biggest push of help at that moment was a stinging pain in my lower lip. I sucked my lower lip into my teeth and shot myself with pain. Instantly I did not want to put that crap I was drooling over in my lip, I was hurting enough as it was.

Funny that all this took place in a manner of about 2 seconds, but it felt like an hour. As soon as I walked out I was pissed that I now have to find another gas station. I was pissed that I saw that crap, I was pissed that I ever tried dip.

I was extremely satisfied with my seeds on the drive home, the soda was refreshing. That crap was gone from my memory the moment I stepped into my car and called my wife to tell her I was heading home. I did not think any further about that moment until this morning.

KTC, thank you, again! Also thanks to that canker sore, do you still have to hurt this morning?

[cjs2006]

Here I am on day 3 of quitting dip. So far it has not been terribly rough, the long hours of work have helped. I had a small desire as I was driving home yesterday, but being as I live close to nothing, the temptation to find a can was easily combated with nowhere to go for one. It was like my mouth was creating the dip flavor in my saliva, I hope that goes away.

I find the oral fixation a bit of trouble, it is bad enough I eat a bag of sunflower seeds a day, I was doing this before I started dipping. I have always had seeds around, so they did fill in during the times wanted to dip. I go through withdrawals if I do not have sunflower seeds for a couple of days in a row. is this bad?

I used to dip with my morning coffee, so this is an area I am working on this morning. One day at a time.

Hehe day 101 Mikey and I still can go through one a day. Always keep some handy for a while. I have the same exact problem. For 20 years I always had something in my mouth so sometimes lack of seeds causes panic or confusion like I felt during my first few days of my quit. I go through about one pack of Orbit Mojito Mint a day too gum wise. I just made it a part of my work stash.

Lately though I forget to open a bag and never notice and those days are starting to happen more and more.

FYI: even my wife got hooked on the David Nacho Cheese ones. Those are awesome. My luck though is a study will find that sunflower seeds are just as dangerous as copenhagen.

Literally on Monday I stopped.

I was at 315 days...each day at work for those 315 days I ate almost a big bag of seeds a day. Do whatever it takes legally and morally ona daily basis to keep that shit out of your mouth.

All you worry about it today. Today I won't chew. I'm gonna stuff my face til those cravings stop. or walk, or drink water or whatever.

You're doing great, just stay pissed, stay focused and stay here*. (hey, I should trademark that)

*trademarked...

JP, I like your trademark, sounds good to me!!!

[cjs2006]

Good for you.  I am at day 19, and I still have a very hard time driving past the gas station where I always got my "stuff."  So, for now, I go another route.

Stay strong, know you are not alone!!

45

Thank you.

Yesterday was a much better day for me. I am 45 days in and I am happy with my results. Dip was a device I used to help handle stress, it helped me to calm down, I have realized I need to find a new device to settle my nerves when I am stressed out.

I understand needing another device, it is called alcohol, HA!! No!!! Just kidding!!!!!!! :)

[Mikey]

Good for you.  I am at day 19, and I still have a very hard time driving past the gas station where I always got my "stuff."  So, for now, I go another route.

Stay strong, know you are not alone!!

45

Thank you.

Yesterday was a much better day for me. I am 45 days in and I am happy with my results. Dip was a device I used to help handle stress, it helped me to calm down, I have realized I need to find a new device to settle my nerves when I am stressed out.

[cjs2006]

44

Good thing I posted roll yesterday, I may have caved. I was so stressed out and pissed at the world. I got maybe 1.5 hours of sleep and I was not having a good day. When I left work I had to run some errands and I wanted something to drink for the ride home. I was driving by the liquor stores and gas stations and knew if I walked into one of them it would be hard to not buy a can. I kept telling myself I posted roll and needed to be good, so I stopped at a drive through and picked up a bit of food and a soda for the road.

I gotta say, if it was not for this site; my commitment to myself and my February quitters, it sure would have been easy to give in to temptation. Thank you!

Good for you. I am at day 19, and I still have a very hard time driving past the gas station where I always got my "stuff." So, for now, I go another route.

Stay strong, know you are not alone!!

[Mikey]

44

Good thing I posted roll yesterday, I may have caved. I was so stressed out and pissed at the world. I got maybe 1.5 hours of sleep and I was not having a good day. When I left work I had to run some errands and I wanted something to drink for the ride home. I was driving by the liquor stores and gas stations and knew if I walked into one of them it would be hard to not buy a can. I kept telling myself I posted roll and needed to be good, so I stopped at a drive through and picked up a bit of food and a soda for the road.

I gotta say, if it was not for this site; my commitment to myself and my February quitters, it sure would have been easy to give in to temptation. Thank you!

[Mikey]

35

I was surprised I hit 5 weeks today, I seem to take one day at a time and soon enough it has been over a month. This last weekend was a busy one, I was hit with a good jolt of anxiety and had to fight off some cravings. It was not much fun, but I fought hard and won that battle.

The support here has been tremendous, the desire to quit is stronger than it was when I started, the PMs from others has been comforting and gives me more reasons to stay away from this poison. Thank you everyone.

Now to rant, this may go one for a couple of days.

The holiday season is a killer for me. Being in the medical field, I do not get much time off, in fact this year I do not get any time off. I do not work on Fridays, so this year it works out fine as Christmas falls on a Friday, but I still have to work on Saturdays. I really do not celebrate New Years because I cannot stay awake long enough.

People during this time of year are out of their minds, people are simply rude. Then they go home and state that they love this time of year because there is some sort of miracle they feel in the air. That was the feeling of me flying past them as they threw their shopping cart at me because I was not walking fast enough across the parking lot. I would knock their clock off, but being as I was thrown 10 feet in the air I just cannot reach my target. I cannot stand the hypocrisy that looms from these people.

I hate the stress.

[Mikey]

22

Thanks everyone. The advice and input is great, I appreciate it.

I have actually gone two days without sunflower seeds, that feels like more of an accomplishment than quitting dip. Though I will probably cave and go get those Jim beams BBQ today. I was wanting to start jogging this week, but the two inches of rain yesterday and 40 mph wind prompted me to not go outside. Looks like I am going to be hitting my storage and pull out my equipment.

I am a bit of an odd ball, I had a fascination with psychology for as long as I could remember, I think it all started when my family decided to spell disfunktion with a K. We are pretty messed, pure white trash kind of folks, hell I was given a roll of duck tape for Christmas when I was a teenager, when I acquired about receiving such a gift I was told "you like duck tape". Oh sure the stuff is a gift from the gods, but a Christmas gift? I was hoping I would get a new pair of socks instead.

Anyhoo, I seem to enjoy learning the effects of withdrawal, fighting temptation and kicking this habit. My mouth feels great, my teeth look whiter since I have put down the can. This experience is teaching me a lot and strangely fun.

[RAZD611]

Day 21

They say it takes three weeks to make or break a habit, here I am three weeks later and I still have to remind myself I quit. I was at a gas station yesterday and did look over the counter at all those cans, I told myself it was not worth it then argued with the person behind me that I was totally sane and it was none of her business to tell me the she is not worth it, because insanity has nothing to do with the price of lamas in the arctic.

When I see a can I start to salivate, I am a freaking dog owned by Pavlov. As it is, I will take every day that I do not dip as a victory. The brotherhood here is great, I had a couple of e-mails as I did not post roll yesterday. Though I may not respond, I appreciate those checking in on me.

I am looking at the weather, looks like a nice storm is going to finally hit us, we need a great deal of rain, our lake is getting low. I like bad weather, as it is, everyone be safe out there.

nice post...it does get easier, she does quiet down. she quit shouting at me for longer periods of time, personally i noticed that she quieted down like this

20-35 quiet
45-60 quiet
80-90 quiet
110-125 quiet
135-today (144) still quiet

and during the loud times she's not so loud as the first 20

Mikey... I'm just at day 4, and I took the challenge of going into a convenience store looking for chew substitutes. Truth: I salivated, too, but... I walked away.

It's cool to have that little tally on my scorecard!

You mentioned exercise... Something that's helping me --- I'm doing some intense studying right now. For the last 10 months I've been holed up in a room learning a lot of information on my own. Me and my chew. That is... up until 4 days ago.

Lately, I have been going to the gym with a stack of flashcards, probably about 500. I get up on the elliptical machine, kick on the ipod to tune out the world, and start going through them. An hour later I'm done, and if I keep pace I'm up to about 8.5 miles.

So... if you've got something you wanna learn that might require new vocabulary -- from language to auto mechanics to knots to football strategy, whatever --- I've found this is a good way to burn off steam and avoid the shakes for a while.

It gets better. Better than you can imagine.

Hang in there.

Mikey, your doing great. You see I'm on Day 84 here, and I can tell you in no time at all you will walk into that same store to buy a soda and a moon pie and you wont even acknowledge the self destruction behind the counter. You will stand there and say to yourself, I can't believe I was ever that stupid. But at the same time you will say to yourself, yeah I may have been stupid to do it in the first place, but I was still smart enough to QUIT! "Let me see your quit face". Bullshit, I said let me see your quit face"!