Keep your hands up!

[Diesel2112]

I was close to this guy and was shocked when he caved. Read his entire thread if you can. Here is a post of the torture he went through with gum grafts, then his farewell post.

I texted him the next day after his cave and asked "was it worth it, I'm thinking of trying it again". (Even thouh i really wasnt) He BEGGED me not to. Said he had nightmares, the shakes, could not sleep, etc...and felt like shit. But he was battling som other problems and quitting nic was just too much for him. You cant save everyone...but this is what happens when you glorify that "just one"

I've had 5 gum grafts (maybe more? I have honestly lost count).. they are painful as hell... they never put me to sleep when I get them.. they lay your ass back in a dentists chair under a bright ass light.. you have to keep your mouth wide open for an eternity.. after a while your jaws cramp so damn bad you have to take breaks.. they will give you a lot of numbing agent at first in the roof of your mouth and in your gums on both sides (inside  outside of your gums) because the stitches go all the way through your gums.. the first few shots are really the only ones that actually hurt, because after that it is numb.. There are several bad parts of this procedure.. my least favorite is when they cut the hunk of skin out of the roof of your mouth.. they pretty much have you blind folded and your numb as hell.. still you can tell because the dr says "open wide".. the scalpel goes into the roof of your mouth and you immediately taste blood.. because it runs into the back of your throat.. (this is one good thing about being a dipper.. we have an auto shut off back there and we can block from swallowing!) after the dr. makes the first few slices there.. eventually they have to saw the hunk of skin off  THIS IS THE PART I HATE.. your head moves with the sawing action! by this time they have already completely pulled  scraped what is left of your gums in the bottom away from your teeth as to put the newly cut piece from the roof of your mouth.. this next part irks the shit out of me.. my dr always lays the hunk of skin from the roof of my mouth on my shoulder until she is ready to put it into place.. then.. finally when she is ready.. the hunk of meat from the roof of my mouth.. it is tightly packed between my old gum (whats left of it)  my teeth.. then it is stitched into place.. with a rather large needle that goes all the way through your teeth and gums and back around to neatly sew the new hunk of gum into place.. the entire time this is happening the assistant is sucking blood from your mouth and throat with a large tube.. under the blindfold you can see massive amounts of blood going through the tube.. once were done.. a piece of plastic called a stint is placed in the roof of your mouth, to keep you from bleeding.. for the next week or so it is very soft food and eating on one side of your mouth.. very slowly and carefully not to rip anything away from the gum or hit the roof of your mouth.. you are incredibly swollen and sore for a few days..often during the 1st few nights you bleed from the roof of your mouth while sleeping and gag on bloodÂ… now just imagine being so addicted that within hours of leaving this surgeryÂ… you want to dip so badly that you put a dip into your top lip just to get your nic fix.. you have to do it just right.. any sucking action and you will unclot the roof of your mouth and bleed out like a stuck hog.. Never has a gum graft surgery ever stopped me from dipping.. only when I got tired of all the shit did I stop.. when I got tired of being a fucking slave and paying big money to be the slave. Today even though its only been 12 days.. I still want to dip a few times a day.. but you know what.. I donÂ’t have to! Gone are the days when I have a surgery and I cannot even make it through the rest of the day and I have to pack that shit into my top lip to get the fix.. tell me I am not an addict! I am totally an addict.. if you are here.. guess what?? You probably are too. Today I am so thankful.. I do not have to dip! The nic bitch has lost her fucking power today boys.. I respect the shit out of her because I know what she can do to me.. but today I say no thanks.. actually I say Fuck You and all the pain that comes with you.. I am free today! Thanks fellas! Gooch



QUOTE (mikegooch @ Aug 23, 2012, 6:29 pm) OK fellas here goes.. I really appreciate all the texts  calls.. seriously I have been as far south KY as I can go without being in TN with little phone service.. the reason I did not post this morning was I intended to use Nic in some form today and I did.. I respect you all and the site too much so I will spare you the details.. but it started with nic gum and that only worked for a while today.. I will say this I have not gone full honey badger, but still I have truly caved today...I promise I do not have anything in my mouth as I write this, I do respect you guys more than that. I lost the desire to quit days ago.. and struggled to post everyday for the past week... I knew once I posted I would not use..thats why i didnt post today.. I am sorry guys.. I don't and will not go into grave detail.. I have had a lot of addiction in my life.. Tobacco is the last one.. In the last few days I have honestly struggled with the thoughts of doing other things as well.. and I have posted several times.. if i thought really thought I was going to drink again I would use nic..I truthfully caved days ago in my mind, it just took until today to catch up.. I know the hell that is about to follow this when it hits the thread! Go ahead guys let me have it.. no matter what some of you will think or say.. I am not a failure or a sack of shit or any of the other things that I know is about to follow..and no matter what you guys say I will not believe I am a failure.. I have accomplished much in my life and over came a hell of a lot of addiction! Since quitting dip over 2 month ago.. I am pre-diabetic (all the sugar and candy I have eaten I guess?). I'm 10lbs over weight, even while working out! I have dipped more coffee than I can even say.. my gall bladder is in knots.. I still can't sleep.. and still struggle to focus.. It's no excuse but I have so much work to do and a lot of people are depending on me to get things done.. I have to be me again? I know I will want to quit again.. maybe 2 days.. maybe 2 weeks? maybe 2 months? Will I come back here? Don't know after the terrific beating you guys are about to give me.. In the recovery circles I come from we truly don't kick somebody when they are down.. And if I am truly honest I am not down, so kick away. I actually feel normal again.. The one thing i will do and be is honest.. I respect you guys more than you know..  I really thought I was tough! that's a joke! you guys that keep doing this.. you are tough.. hats off to you all.. Diesel.. Tinman.. Wastepanel..Raider.. Pave.. swede..hell Gordy even wrote my PM today..  WT you are without a doubt one bag ass quitter... Thanks boys... sorry if you feel that I let you all down.. I really hope you all can do it better than me! Signing Off - Gooch

[Diesel2112]

I never attempted to stop using nicotine before my quit because I was too big of a pussy to even make the attempt. Quit 164 days now and the Nic bitch is whispering shit in my ear. She is telling me I'm jealous of people that have had that chance to try it ONE last time. Could use some help reminding me and maybe others that might be thinking this same thing, of what that ONE last chew or CAVE felt/feels like? Maybe an older thread to read?

*wish I would have documented in my intro my first few months of my quit so I could remember perfectly the suck.

Thanks

Waketch -164- Never again!!!

Guess you dropped you hands again, eh? Got your chin out there for the nic bitch to tattoo?

What do you THINK is gonna happen if you let her get a free swing at you? That your gonna feel better? That you're gonna spring back to life like Popeye after eating some spinach??? Oh...I know, you think maybe you could be a recreational user, that the addict part of you is gone. Riiiiggghht...

Fuck no. That bitch will knock you off you're fucking ROCKER. You know it too. Don't try and bullshit us.

Only a fool would purposely throw away all the hard work they've put in by letting themself get knocked the fuck out with their hands at their sides like a little bitch ass pussy.

You're not a fool nor a bitch ass pussy. If u were, you wouldn't be here.

Get your fucking hands back up and keep fighting. Youve been murdering this bitch for awhile now. Use everything you have learned and get back to speed bagging the bitches face. You got this bro.

I believe in you and so does everyone else.

[jhaenel23]

I never attempted to stop using nicotine before my quit because I was too big of a pussy to even make the attempt.  Quit 164 days now and the Nic bitch is whispering shit in my ear. She is telling me I'm jealous of people that have had that chance to try it ONE last time.   Could use some help reminding me and maybe others that might be thinking this same thing, of what that ONE last chew or CAVE felt/feels like?  Maybe an older thread to read?

*wish I would have documented in my intro my first few months of my quit so I could remember perfectly the suck.

Thanks

Waketch -164- Never again!!!

One of the vets on here once said, "It only takes ONE CHEW" to kill you. The one last dose of poision that puts your body over the edge. You don't even want to give that "LAST CHEW" a chance, cause it could very well be the one that kills you.

You've come so far, and everday is another acheivement for you. Stay strong Quit brother. PM or text if you need anything EDITED.

Wake, Read the most recent post by me in my "51 Days of Battle..." in my signature. The self-loathing exhibited in there... That's what I felt intensely for days.

jhawth25, Awesome to see you in here. Wake's got some awesome words of honestly, humility AND strength. What more could we ask of a quitter? We'll help you get May whipped into shape. But it's got to be internal and organic. Rage against a few hardass vets if you have to, just come out on the other side unified.

Wake, many of us have had those same feelings. During the 130's I really questioned if I wanted to be quit. I actually batted that thought around in my head. Why, my addicted mind was still trying to find a crack in the chinking of my quit! Today my grasp on quitting nicotine is pretty damn strong but my fucked up searching mind is trying to open other doors that have been closed. It's like I'm running up and down a long hallway with locked doors on both sides. These doors represent things that I have used or could be used to avoid dealing with daily pressures. Isn't it smarter to just quit avoiding the tackling of life's issues. Thank you for your post it has made me face my reality. It's time for me to quit looking for a easy way out when the easy way is actually the one I'm avoiding.

Wake - You're fine. I'm just coming out of the same whisper session from the bitch. Didn't last too long and thanks to several great friends from the site, I'm born again hard to my quit. You got this, my man! You are stonger than she is. You and only you control your actions 100%. The pain and guilt that you will feel just buying a can will make you feel a 1000 times worse than what you feel right now. Check you inbox. I got your back. Don't make a move without letting me cuss you out first. LOL!!!!

The Law of Addiction States, “The administration of a drug to a drug addict will reestablish dependence on that drug.” We did not write the law. We do not execute the law. We simply know the law. This means, by using nicotine once, the user either reverts to full-fledged use or must go through the full withdrawal process associated with quitting. Most do not opt for the withdrawal. Withdrawal sux.

Like the others said. This too shall pass. Kick the nic bitch in the face for me!

Thanks for the honesty waketech. I hate seeing that people still struggle after so many days. But I guess it is good to know, and prepare for that in my quit. It is amazing how similar everyone's experience is. Not exact, but very similar.

Just remember bro, you are NOT "giving anything up". You are NOT "making a sacrifice". Fuck that, you are QUIT because you have learned the truth. Nicotine never did anything for you except to ease the withdrawal symptoms that nicotine caused. Having "one final dip", even if it were possible, would be absolutely pointless and retarded. And like the other guys said, you know the Law of Addiciton. Why fuck around, this is your life man. You don't need it, and truth is, you never did. Could you imagine being chained to that can again?? Protect your quit Wake Tech, do not even entertain these thoughts.

WTF!! Wake...You are a HUGE BALLED, King of Quit!!! Dont you fucking dare!! Open a Drawer, place balls and slam shut. Repeat until you wake the fuck up!!

[Its_Got2Happen]

I never attempted to stop using nicotine before my quit because I was too big of a pussy to even make the attempt.  Quit 164 days now and the Nic bitch is whispering shit in my ear. She is telling me I'm jealous of people that have had that chance to try it ONE last time.   Could use some help reminding me and maybe others that might be thinking this same thing, of what that ONE last chew or CAVE felt/feels like?  Maybe an older thread to read?

*wish I would have documented in my intro my first few months of my quit so I could remember perfectly the suck.

Thanks

Waketch -164- Never again!!!

One of the vets on here once said, "It only takes ONE CHEW" to kill you. The one last dose of poision that puts your body over the edge. You don't even want to give that "LAST CHEW" a chance, cause it could very well be the one that kills you.

You've come so far, and everday is another acheivement for you. Stay strong Quit brother. PM or text if you need anything EDITED.

Wake, Read the most recent post by me in my "51 Days of Battle..." in my signature. The self-loathing exhibited in there... That's what I felt intensely for days.

jhawth25, Awesome to see you in here. Wake's got some awesome words of honestly, humility AND strength. What more could we ask of a quitter? We'll help you get May whipped into shape. But it's got to be internal and organic. Rage against a few hardass vets if you have to, just come out on the other side unified.

Wake, many of us have had those same feelings. During the 130's I really questioned if I wanted to be quit. I actually batted that thought around in my head. Why, my addicted mind was still trying to find a crack in the chinking of my quit! Today my grasp on quitting nicotine is pretty damn strong but my fucked up searching mind is trying to open other doors that have been closed. It's like I'm running up and down a long hallway with locked doors on both sides. These doors represent things that I have used or could be used to avoid dealing with daily pressures. Isn't it smarter to just quit avoiding the tackling of life's issues. Thank you for your post it has made me face my reality. It's time for me to quit looking for a easy way out when the easy way is actually the one I'm avoiding.

Wake - You're fine. I'm just coming out of the same whisper session from the bitch. Didn't last too long and thanks to several great friends from the site, I'm born again hard to my quit. You got this, my man! You are stonger than she is. You and only you control your actions 100%. The pain and guilt that you will feel just buying a can will make you feel a 1000 times worse than what you feel right now. Check you inbox. I got your back. Don't make a move without letting me cuss you out first. LOL!!!!

The Law of Addiction States, “The administration of a drug to a drug addict will reestablish dependence on that drug.” We did not write the law. We do not execute the law. We simply know the law. This means, by using nicotine once, the user either reverts to full-fledged use or must go through the full withdrawal process associated with quitting. Most do not opt for the withdrawal. Withdrawal sux.

Like the others said. This too shall pass. Kick the nic bitch in the face for me!

Thanks for the honesty waketech. I hate seeing that people still struggle after so many days. But I guess it is good to know, and prepare for that in my quit. It is amazing how similar everyone's experience is. Not exact, but very similar.

Just remember bro, you are NOT "giving anything up". You are NOT "making a sacrifice". Fuck that, you are QUIT because you have learned the truth. Nicotine never did anything for you except to ease the withdrawal symptoms that nicotine caused. Having "one final dip", even if it were possible, would be absolutely pointless and retarded. And like the other guys said, you know the Law of Addiciton. Why fuck around, this is your life man. You don't need it, and truth is, you never did. Could you imagine being chained to that can again?? Protect your quit Wake Tech, do not even entertain these thoughts.

[Scowick65]

I never attempted to stop using nicotine before my quit because I was too big of a pussy to even make the attempt.  Quit 164 days now and the Nic bitch is whispering shit in my ear. She is telling me I'm jealous of people that have had that chance to try it ONE last time.   Could use some help reminding me and maybe others that might be thinking this same thing, of what that ONE last chew or CAVE felt/feels like?  Maybe an older thread to read?

*wish I would have documented in my intro my first few months of my quit so I could remember perfectly the suck.

Thanks

Waketch -164- Never again!!!

One of the vets on here once said, "It only takes ONE CHEW" to kill you. The one last dose of poision that puts your body over the edge. You don't even want to give that "LAST CHEW" a chance, cause it could very well be the one that kills you.

You've come so far, and everday is another acheivement for you. Stay strong Quit brother. PM or text if you need anything EDITED.

Wake, Read the most recent post by me in my "51 Days of Battle..." in my signature. The self-loathing exhibited in there... That's what I felt intensely for days.

jhawth25, Awesome to see you in here. Wake's got some awesome words of honestly, humility AND strength. What more could we ask of a quitter? We'll help you get May whipped into shape. But it's got to be internal and organic. Rage against a few hardass vets if you have to, just come out on the other side unified.

Wake, many of us have had those same feelings. During the 130's I really questioned if I wanted to be quit. I actually batted that thought around in my head. Why, my addicted mind was still trying to find a crack in the chinking of my quit! Today my grasp on quitting nicotine is pretty damn strong but my fucked up searching mind is trying to open other doors that have been closed. It's like I'm running up and down a long hallway with locked doors on both sides. These doors represent things that I have used or could be used to avoid dealing with daily pressures. Isn't it smarter to just quit avoiding the tackling of life's issues. Thank you for your post it has made me face my reality. It's time for me to quit looking for a easy way out when the easy way is actually the one I'm avoiding.

Wake - You're fine. I'm just coming out of the same whisper session from the bitch. Didn't last too long and thanks to several great friends from the site, I'm born again hard to my quit. You got this, my man! You are stonger than she is. You and only you control your actions 100%. The pain and guilt that you will feel just buying a can will make you feel a 1000 times worse than what you feel right now. Check you inbox. I got your back. Don't make a move without letting me cuss you out first. LOL!!!!

The Law of Addiction States, “The administration of a drug to a drug addict will reestablish dependence on that drug.” We did not write the law. We do not execute the law. We simply know the law. This means, by using nicotine once, the user either reverts to full-fledged use or must go through the full withdrawal process associated with quitting. Most do not opt for the withdrawal. Withdrawal sux.

Like the others said. This too shall pass. Kick the nic bitch in the face for me!

[DiplessinJax]

I never attempted to stop using nicotine before my quit because I was too big of a pussy to even make the attempt.  Quit 164 days now and the Nic bitch is whispering shit in my ear. She is telling me I'm jealous of people that have had that chance to try it ONE last time.   Could use some help reminding me and maybe others that might be thinking this same thing, of what that ONE last chew or CAVE felt/feels like?  Maybe an older thread to read?

*wish I would have documented in my intro my first few months of my quit so I could remember perfectly the suck.

Thanks

Waketch -164- Never again!!!

One of the vets on here once said, "It only takes ONE CHEW" to kill you. The one last dose of poision that puts your body over the edge. You don't even want to give that "LAST CHEW" a chance, cause it could very well be the one that kills you.

You've come so far, and everday is another acheivement for you. Stay strong Quit brother. PM or text if you need anything EDITED.

Wake, Read the most recent post by me in my "51 Days of Battle..." in my signature. The self-loathing exhibited in there... That's what I felt intensely for days.

jhawth25, Awesome to see you in here. Wake's got some awesome words of honestly, humility AND strength. What more could we ask of a quitter? We'll help you get May whipped into shape. But it's got to be internal and organic. Rage against a few hardass vets if you have to, just come out on the other side unified.

Wake, many of us have had those same feelings. During the 130's I really questioned if I wanted to be quit. I actually batted that thought around in my head. Why, my addicted mind was still trying to find a crack in the chinking of my quit! Today my grasp on quitting nicotine is pretty damn strong but my fucked up searching mind is trying to open other doors that have been closed. It's like I'm running up and down a long hallway with locked doors on both sides. These doors represent things that I have used or could be used to avoid dealing with daily pressures. Isn't it smarter to just quit avoiding the tackling of life's issues. Thank you for your post it has made me face my reality. It's time for me to quit looking for a easy way out when the easy way is actually the one I'm avoiding.

Wake - You're fine. I'm just coming out of the same whisper session from the bitch. Didn't last too long and thanks to several great friends from the site, I'm born again hard to my quit. You got this, my man! You are stonger than she is. You and only you control your actions 100%. The pain and guilt that you will feel just buying a can will make you feel a 1000 times worse than what you feel right now. Check you inbox. I got your back. Don't make a move without letting me cuss you out first. LOL!!!!

[Wt57]

I never attempted to stop using nicotine before my quit because I was too big of a pussy to even make the attempt.  Quit 164 days now and the Nic bitch is whispering shit in my ear. She is telling me I'm jealous of people that have had that chance to try it ONE last time.   Could use some help reminding me and maybe others that might be thinking this same thing, of what that ONE last chew or CAVE felt/feels like?  Maybe an older thread to read?

*wish I would have documented in my intro my first few months of my quit so I could remember perfectly the suck.

Thanks

Waketch -164- Never again!!!

One of the vets on here once said, "It only takes ONE CHEW" to kill you. The one last dose of poision that puts your body over the edge. You don't even want to give that "LAST CHEW" a chance, cause it could very well be the one that kills you.

You've come so far, and everday is another acheivement for you. Stay strong Quit brother. PM or text if you need anything EDITED.

Wake, Read the most recent post by me in my "51 Days of Battle..." in my signature. The self-loathing exhibited in there... That's what I felt intensely for days.

jhawth25, Awesome to see you in here. Wake's got some awesome words of honestly, humility AND strength. What more could we ask of a quitter? We'll help you get May whipped into shape. But it's got to be internal and organic. Rage against a few hardass vets if you have to, just come out on the other side unified.

Wake, many of us have had those same feelings. During the 130's I really questioned if I wanted to be quit. I actually batted that thought around in my head. Why, my addicted mind was still trying to find a crack in the chinking of my quit! Today my grasp on quitting nicotine is pretty damn strong but my fucked up searching mind is trying to open other doors that have been closed. It's like I'm running up and down a long hallway with locked doors on both sides. These doors represent things that I have used or could be used to avoid dealing with daily pressures. Isn't it smarter to just quit avoiding the tackling of life's issues. Thank you for your post it has made me face my reality. It's time for me to quit looking for a easy way out when the easy way is actually the one I'm avoiding.

[Boelker62]

I never attempted to stop using nicotine before my quit because I was too big of a pussy to even make the attempt.  Quit 164 days now and the Nic bitch is whispering shit in my ear. She is telling me I'm jealous of people that have had that chance to try it ONE last time.   Could use some help reminding me and maybe others that might be thinking this same thing, of what that ONE last chew or CAVE felt/feels like?  Maybe an older thread to read?

*wish I would have documented in my intro my first few months of my quit so I could remember perfectly the suck.

Thanks

Waketch -164- Never again!!!

One of the vets on here once said, "It only takes ONE CHEW" to kill you. The one last dose of poision that puts your body over the edge. You don't even want to give that "LAST CHEW" a chance, cause it could very well be the one that kills you.

You've come so far, and everday is another acheivement for you. Stay strong Quit brother. PM or text if you need anything EDITED.

Wake, Read the most recent post by me in my "51 Days of Battle..." in my signature. The self-loathing exhibited in there... That's what I felt intensely for days.

jhawth25, Awesome to see you in here. Wake's got some awesome words of honestly, humility AND strength. What more could we ask of a quitter? We'll help you get May whipped into shape. But it's got to be internal and organic. Rage against a few hardass vets if you have to, just come out on the other side unified.

[jhawth25]

I never attempted to stop using nicotine before my quit because I was too big of a pussy to even make the attempt.  Quit 164 days now and the Nic bitch is whispering shit in my ear. She is telling me I'm jealous of people that have had that chance to try it ONE last time.  Could use some help reminding me and maybe others that might be thinking this same thing, of what that ONE last chew or CAVE felt/feels like?  Maybe an older thread to read?

*wish I would have documented in my intro my first few months of my quit so I could remember perfectly the suck.

Thanks

Waketch -164- Never again!!!

One of the vets on here once said, "It only takes ONE CHEW" to kill you. The one last dose of poision that puts your body over the edge. You don't even want to give that "LAST CHEW" a chance, cause it could very well be the one that kills you.

You've come so far, and everday is another acheivement for you. Stay strong Quit brother. PM or text if you need anything EDITED.

[waketech]

I never attempted to stop using nicotine before my quit because I was too big of a pussy to even make the attempt. Quit 164 days now and the Nic bitch is whispering shit in my ear. She is telling me I'm jealous of people that have had that chance to try it ONE last time. Could use some help reminding me and maybe others that might be thinking this same thing, of what that ONE last chew or CAVE felt/feels like? Maybe an older thread to read?

*wish I would have documented in my intro my first few months of my quit so I could remember perfectly the suck.

Thanks

Waketch -164- Never again!!!

[Boelker62]

Again, Wake, thank you for recounting this. It's such a good, concise lesson.

[30isEnuff]

Same shit kindof has been happening to me....I have had the wierd urge to smoke pipe tobacco for some dumbass reason. Never smoked a pipe in my life. Well tobacco pipe anyway.

NAFAR Never Again For Any Reason!
Nicotine makes nothing better! 'bang head'

[Ribz]

Same shit kindof has been happening to me....I have had the wierd urge to smoke pipe tobacco for some dumbass reason. Never smoked a pipe in my life. Well tobacco pipe anyway.

[Boelker62]

I have read this thread every day since it was first posted. I am trying to balance keeping my hands up without clenching my fists 24/7. On guard, ready but loose. Make sense?

Also, thanks for letting me steal your analogy for the January HoF train...

[lcwb96]

DAmn fine job, Wake. Couldn't have stood it to lose another brother to the bitch. Stay strong and keep your guard up. Proud to be quit with you today.