Today is day 176 for me. Two days ago, on day 174, I realized during that day that it was THE day I was going to finally cave. Yes, I just said that. I knew on that very day that it was the one.
Let me explain:
During the course of my 35 years of chewing Cope I stopped numerous times. And looking back it seemed that the longest I went was about 4-5 months (longest I ever remembering being "stopped"). Well, on October 25th it all hit me and I had an absolutely shitty day. The craves were going on all day, I was extremely irritable, I was angry all damn day, and frankly I was a raging ass hole. This was the first day where I truly WANTED a dip, wanting and craving are two different things to me and this scared the hell out of me. I look back at those thoughts right after hitting HOF and wondering what it would be like to go at this quit alone again and not worrying about getting on roll every day. As they say, "that is the addict in you talking", how true it is!
The only way I did get through this memorable day is through my brothers in Quit from August and other I have built a bond with. I didn't realize it at the time but I have been training for that day during my time here with KTC. Sort of like training where when you have to take swift action your training instincts take over. I got on the forum and supported other brothers and quit groups. I texted half of the brothers/sisters that I share digits with. I went back to basics and drank a shit-load of H2O, devoured a bag of seeds. All of these things I've learned here at KTC.
So to who ever may come across this rambling, new quitter or vet. DONT FOR A FUCKING SECOND TAKE WHAT WE DO HERE FOR GRANTED. Because if I would have, my cave date would have been October 25th, 2016.
