Hello. My name is Andrew Smith, 27 years old from (just moved here) Lansing, Michigan. I have been dipping for almost 2 years. Grizzly Long Cut Wintergreen and Mint. I've always had a mouth fixation since childhood. Chewing my fingernails, chewing on paper/plastic. My friend introduced me to Camel SNUS, and that soon progressed to the Grizzly. The dip fulfilled everything I needed. Gave me the buzz that I seek, being a casual drug seeker. I don't go out of my way for prescription pills, but when they are prescribed to me, I typically abuse them.
I quit on Monday April, 29th, and was good up until yesterday. I was out at a sports bar watching my Tigers barely beat the horrible Astros. Drank a few beers, which I knew was a mistake. My favorite time to chew is when I am either smoking pot (I love pot, but that is a WHOLE NOTHER legal/moral discussion) and when I drink beer. On the way home I stopped at a gas station and I broke. Walked up to the counter ashamed of myself and said "Grizzly Long Cut Wintergreen, please"
I cracked. After almost 4 days of surviving. Not being able to sleep, not wanting to talk to anybody. Just sitting up in my bedroom watching CSI, listenting to my books and playing with my dogs. I cracked. Now, just over 12 hours later, my can is almost done and I can't do this again. I have had multiple bouts of crying, I even smoked a few ciggarettes trying to survive the onslaught of mind games that my head was putting me through (I HATE ciggarettes, growing up my family tortured me with them. Always chain smoking, irritating my lungs and my eyes. I truly do hate ciggerettes, which is why I felt safe to smoke one to take the edge off)
I am hoping that this forum can help me in times of need. My wife gets home in about an hour. I got one dip left to finish. Yeah, I know I should throw it out, but if I were that strong, I wouldn't need help to quit.
My wife has been begging me to quit. Some would say that I am doing it for her, but only partly. I know what dip does to the human body. Having my mother taken from me by cancer in her early 40's, I know the effect that carcinogens have on family and the personal pain that the diagnosis brings. I want to do it for myself too.
I used to be terribly morbidly obese. I had lap-band surgery in December of 2011 and gave gone from 450 lbs to 320 lbs. During my 4 days of "sobriety" I found myself wanting to eat constantly. Non-stop, similar to the feeling of the "munchies" that cannabis entails. I haven't figured out a way to combat that yet. I have been looking for tobaccoless chewing product, but have had no success yet. I try to combat the oral fixation with wintergreen and spearmint flavored mints, but they only do so much, and give me heartburn like no other.
Anyway, this is my introduction. I will be consuming my last dip of my "cheat" can here in a few minutes and again, I will attempt to make my quit permanent. I would like to thank everyone ahead of time for any help or support that you can give to me. We may all be strangers, but all best friends start out as strangers at one point.
I do have one question. . . Do I tell the wife that I cheated? Do I let her know that I caved in during a moment of weakness and broke my streak of 4 days? I'm not really sure how she will take it. She seemed alright knowing that I smoke a few cigs during my 4 day streak, but she knows as well as I do how much I hate ciggarettes, but god dammit I love chew lol.
Well, here we go. Time to fire up another episode of CSI (Gil Grissom is the best TV character of ALL TIME) Put in my last cheat dip and prepare to start the hell all over again.
