Not exactly sure how I should go about this intro, but it's 5 days in so I will just go ahead and wing it. I am 42 years old and started dipping when I was 16. I can't recall why or how I started, but I do know it was Kodiak that I started with and a can would last me about a week, so it wasnt that often. Once I graduated high school and started working construction, my usage went up to 1.5 to 2 cans per day of Grizzly wintergreen long cut and it stayed that way until December 31, 2016. Up until now, I have never attempted to quit dipping. I have thought about it and planned for it, but would change my mind and tell myself I would try another time. I have stopped dipping for a month due to being in jail for alcohol related offenses, but that is a story for another time, and I am happy to say that I have been alcohol free for 6 1/2 years.
Around Christmas time of 2016, I decided it was time to end my relationship with nicotine. I decided that I would quit on January 1st 2017, not because it was a New Year's resolution, but because I wanted to choose a significant day to keep reminding myself how important it was for me to stay quit. January 1st is my anniversary, so I felt this was as good of a day to quit as any. There was no significant reason why; no one riding my ass about it, no health concerns (that I am aware of), just got fed up with how everything revolved around my dip. I am not kidding that if I wasn't eating, sleeping, or chewing gum in between dips; I had a dip in my mouth. So starting the day after Christmas, I started prepping for my quit date. I spent the next couple days throwing out old cans, roll wrappings, and spit bottles from around my house, car and at work. I had 10 full cans left and figured that I could ween myself off it for a week and it would help make things easier. That did not happen. I continued to dip until December 31, 2016 at 11:45pm. I took it all way down to the wire and then threw the rest of my can away along with my spit bottle and went to bed knowing that I was going to have hell to pay in the morning. I felt scared that I wouldnt have the will power to quit, and funny enough, I felt a little sad that I wouldn't have another dip to relax with me during the day.
Morning came, and as expected it was brutal. I had stocked up on gum, licorice, peanuts, seeds, and some Smokey Mountain; anything to keep my mouth busy and quell the oral fixation I have developed. I had some projects planned with my kids, some craft things like paper mache and popsicle stick projects to try and keep my mind off of dipping. This was a very trying day, as I could not focus at all on building anything. It was as if m mind was asleep while I was awake. I am assuming this is the fog that everyone talks about. This was a very hard feeling to grasp since I am usually very witty, fairly intelligent, and a good sense of humor. I think I understand what a Zombie might feel like now. The cravings to dip were intense, but my will to avoid the dip was stonger, and I won day 1.
Day 2 was much of the same, but day 3 was going to be tough because that was back to work day. I am currently working in IT and have been doing that for about 10 years. I know, it's a strange jump from construction to IT, but the wear and tear construction puts on your body pushed me to something less laboring. I do workout 5-6 days a week, so I am not a typical desk person. However, I do have a lot of free time, and what do I do when Im bored??? I dip...A LOT!!
So my 3rd day started off much the same as the first two, but now I had to deal with people. I did my best to pretend to be friendly, when in fact i really wanted to put everyone's head through the wall, especially the happy people. I was having a very hard time so I decided to go down the the fitness center and do a workout. Once I was down there getting my clothes out of my back pack, I couldnt believe what I saw. Sitting right at the bottom was a can of Grizzly wintergreen. I sat and looked at it for a min and prayed that it was empty, but when I picked it up and shook it I realized it was nearly full. Now my mind was running, and the "self-arguing" ensued. I opened it to make sure it really was dip inside, and it in fact was. I have no idea what else I thought would be in there, but I checked anyway. Quickly i closed it, but I thought to myself "You can take just one dip and no one would know". I sat and thought about it for literally 3 mins going back and forth in my head on what to do. Ultimately, I said "I would know" and I threw it out and never looked back. If a person can't keep a promise to himself/herself then they have nothing.
Ever since that moment, things have been getting slightly easier. I still have cravings, but they arent as strong and they dont last as long. I expect things will be like this for quite a while, if not forever, but I will get through this and stay quit. I had my chance to give in while i looked the beast in they eye, but I stood strong and felt a sense of pride and accomplishment for beating it at that moment. This site has helped me realize what to expect and how strong willpower can be. All of you that came before us and shared your stories, I want to say thank you with sincerity. Without your stories, I am not sure I could have said no that day. I am 5 days quit, and I will stay quit until my time on earth is complete. I apologize for the length of this post. I planned on one paragraph and it morphed into a monster. 'na na'
