Hello,
My first introduction was not great. I was playing an over confident fly on the wall quitter. Here is another crack at it.
I started skoal mint around age 21, i remember that day. And the next where I bought my own can. And buying since then. Previously to that day I snuck the gold river dip from my dad, and found I could buy red man chew around age 14 out in the country. Needless to say I am and was an addict. It seems the older you get the harder you go on the dip. I was up to a can a day or so, I was a workaholic, and used the dip as an excuse to work, work and work some more.
It is easy to get confused in who does the work, you or the dip. My thinking went, I need to do this job, but only with a dip could I figure that out. But I am finding I can still work, and problem solve without the dip....25 years later.
Today is day 21, and 3 weeks ago today I decided to quit. I am happy with that choice I made for me. If anyone is thinking about quitting. Jump in! It does not seem easy, it is not easy. And being a dipper, you know the lies we can weave about the addiction. For me, day 3 and day 10 were some real tests. Day 3 I am hunting my garage for a can that does not exist. It was there that I confronted the voice of the addict in my head for the first time. Asked it if I found said can, what makes you think I will put that into my mouth? I gained control over the addict me in that moment. Then just dealing with the cravings and exercise. Day 10 I had Rage like never before. I have never experienced such a rage for such a long period of time. I posted this, and someone came to the rescue with a #. What I realized in that moment was two fold. One, I did not reach out nor take help from those that reached out to me.(you see I was over confident in my quit). And that I did not realize the GRIP nicotine had on my thinking. I had learned to work hard, with dip, it was my reward, my motivation, my solitude. njohns23 spoke the words via text when I told him how long I had dipped: "Well that right there is part of the reason you are having a bit of a issue with the Rage. Even though your body has flushed the nicotine, your mind hasn't had time to reprogram. We used to do everything with dip and now we have to learn how to do things with out dip as our crutch."
Read what he said again, please.
His words were such a punch from the darkness. I sat on the couch, after I exhausted myself on the treadmill with tears in my eyes not knowing who I was without dip. Could I be this raging asshole? Yes. Hopefully not, but in the moment I could be. From there I researched what nicotine does in the mind, and finding ways to get the dopamine working again in my brain naturally.
3 weeks in, I still have some cravings, I still use the fake maybe once a day. But I can say my mood swings are less and I feel a little more calm today. So my advice read all you can. KNOW your enemy. Take the #'s , text just to say great on the quit. Support each other. Post that roll and help someone. Be accountable. If you are new and read to this point, do it. Quit. One day you will appreciate what total strangers with the same addiction, will do for you. And one day what you will do for another addict wearing the shoes you once wore.
