I have been meaning to update this intro for quite some time. I am now at day 379 and am thankful to be quit with all of you. There has been a string of cavers in the last few days and it got me to reflecting on the hard times my wife and I have been going through since the fall of last year. I am not writing this to gloat. It is rather an example to show that with a little hard work, humility, patience, and trust we "addicts" CAN weather many of the shitty things life can bring our way AND STAY QUIT. Here goes.
My wife and I have been trying to have a baby since about a year after our marriage in 2011 with no success. We have been through the gauntlet of fertility testing and have learned our chances are very slim of conceiving naturally. Fertility treatments are just too expensive and IMO a crapshoot. We continue to try and month after month we try to remain patient and hopeful, but nothing yet. Late last fall, my wife went to the doctor due to chronic fatigue and some pretty bad allergy symptoms. She was sent to the ENT specialist who discovered two things. First, she was born with a bit of a deformity in her nasal cavity that would need to be surgically corrected to open her airway. Second, they found a small lump in her neck region. After an MRI followed by a biopsy, they determined it was thyroid cancer.
My thoughts at this point. Seriously? She just turned 36, has not smoked a cigarette in her life, is in great health and is very active. How can this be? She is everything to me. What are we going to do?
We remained as optimistic as possible through the weeks of testing leading up to the day of the diagnosis, but this really shook both us to the core. Next came the surgery. They removed half of her thyroid and she was on bed rest for a while. Fortunately, the surgery went off without a hitch. Next we scheduled the second surgery (to correct her nasal deformity). The week before her surgery, just before Christmas my parents gave us their old (gently used) refrigerator. I tried to save a few bucks and install it myself. Well, I missed one minor detail during the process. The water line was leaking. This leak went on for days before we found a puddle on our basement floor. Water had leaked all through our hardwood floor in the kitchen (lifting the floorboards), parts of the drywall in two other rooms, and some tile. We would be living with our house under construction for months to come. Harwood floors, cabinets, drywall, tile, all to be replaced.
Wow... Seriously? At this point, I am still trying to remain optimistic and tell my wife "there isn't much more that could possibly come our way. Things would have to begin to swing back in our favor. Right?" It wasn't easy. Did I think about dip at times? You bet your ass I did! Did I crave it and take a bit of a longer look at the Grizzly and Kodiak signs when filling up? Yep!
Next came the second surgery. It went as well as could be expected. The recovery time was a bit longer than the initial surgery. Then there were all the follow-up appointments. It turned out my wife was cancer free and her nose was healing nicely. She would soon be able to breathe much better and her massive nose was reduced in size making her that much more beautiful. About a month later, I get a call from my wife on my way home from work. She is crying and hysterical. She has just totaled her SUV on one of the major freeways in the area. She was really distraught and it scared the hell out of me. Luckily she was not seriously hurt, but the emotional roller coaster of this string of events had taken its toll and she finally broke. I could only hold her in my arms when she came home that day in one piece. Words just wouldn't do. She was inconsolable. I felt like our lives were spiraling completely out of control and there was very little we could do about it. I was holding up alright given the circumstances, but my wife just couldn't handle another thing. Thank God that incident marked the end of the 6 months of hell in Mr. and Mrs. Randall's lives.
Final tally of problems.
1.) Infertility
2.) Wife had cancer and just had surgery
3.) A second invasive surgery
4.) Severe water damage and all the ongoing problems intrinsic to the remodeling
5.) My wife's near death experience.
There is a lot to take from this. Yes, life can be a real bitch at times. Honestly though, these experiences aren't shit compared to others I have read about here and personally seen people go through (suicide, sudden death of loved ones, divorce, loss of custody of children, debilitating diseases, violence, sexual abuse, etc.) We have been lucky. More importantly, the way we leaned on each other and tried our best to stay optimistic through the surmounting number of problems thrown our way is what I am the most proud of. I think people do their best work when pushed to their absolute limit. People have the ability to dig down just a little bit deeper and find that inner strength, humility, patience, trust, etc. necessary to weather the storm. I so easily could have stopped and picked up a tin at any time. The temptation was there more than once, believe me on that. I didn't though. I value my wonderful wife, my integrity, and my relationships with my brothers and sisters here at KTC way too much to go back to that shit! Bottom line... it would not have helped in any way to cave. It would have done the exact opposite. Adding nic back to my life may have just been the straw that broke the camelÂ’s back. I don't even want to think about the consequences of that choice.
Today my wife and I continue to try to start a family, she is still cancer free, and we are working together to build her confidence in driving the freeways again. Although living in a tore up house is a major PITA, the house is going to look great when the work is done.
I hope quitters come across this post and think about how you will react when similar challenges come your way. Don't kid yourself... if these kinds of problems have not come your way yet, they will eventually. Life happens to us all. Will you give up the fight? Will you decide a dip will make it easier to weather the storm? I have read countless times on this site "one problem + nicotine = two problems". How many problems will you and your loved ones be prepared to deal with? Will you be selfish enough to add ONE MORE?
QLF with you all today!
