I read much more than I post here. One thing I read recently was a suggestion to use our intro threads to post updates and histories and other things so we can go back and read through our quit journey at some future date. And, of course, maybe others will be inspired to quit or keep quitting from reading anything that any of us write in any thread - our own or others'.
With that in mind, I present this:
As I've mentioned before, I have a wife and young kids. I also have a neighbor who sells life insurance and thought it would be a good idea to find out what it costs and get some coverage in case I got hit by a bus...but in the back of my mind it was for not if by when I die of cancer. Of course I didn't tell him that.
We met at a local coffee shop three or four months ago and he talked about my options - from just enough to cover death expenses all the way through paying off the house and paying for two kids to go to college 13 years from now and making it so my wife would never have to go back to work (she is a stay-at-home Mom, I'm proud to say).
He explained that no matter how much or how little coverage I wanted, the health insurance people would do a blood test, urine test, height, weight, blood pressure, and maybe a couple of other things and from that they would get an idea of how long I'd live and set up my rates accordingly. He said they would come to my home or office and take all that from wherever I was and then go analyze it in their lab.
I sat there, nodding and taking notes and drinking coffee with my friend (and he really is a friend) with a dip of Skoal on one side of my mouth or the other where I figured no one could see it. I could drink coffee easily with a dip in my mouth. Beer, too. I never ate while dipping but I'd drink water, Diet Coke, whatever, and not spit out my dip. I had gone from "how do I keep all this loose powder from floating around in my mouth" as a teenager to having complete control of a tiny pinch in my mouth and being able to separate it from liquid I'd drink while dipping. What a loser I was.
In my last few (probably ten) years of dipping, I rarely spit but I never knowingly swallowed, either. I think my mouth just got so dry that I didn't have to do either. I'm sure some went down my throat but that's a lot different than knowingly swallowing some spit when you're about to get busted by a high school teacher. Damn, that goes back a LONG time.
Both my neighbor/friend/insurance salesman and I were class of '86 in high school. We didn't know each other then and lived in different parts of the country, but sharing the same time can bring people together just as sharing the same space can. He and I have a lot in common and I respect him.
But then I started lying to him. Repeatedly.
Being a typical salesman, he wanted to close the deal. Make a sale. Get a commission from my monthly life insurance premiums. I understand all that and don't resent it. Why wouldn't I help a friend out as long as I was going to buy life insurance for my family anyway, rather than do business with a stranger?
But I knew I'd be busted for tobacco use if I ever let anyone take a blood sample.
So I made up excuses. "I'm shopping around", "We're not ready", "it's too expensive", and so on.
This past Saturday afternoon, I was driving up the hill to my house and drove past his house as always. He was mowing the lawn. Without even thinking about it, I realized it was time to make things right and pulled my car over and got out.
I spilled the whole story, as I've just told you guys, and apologized for lying to him.
He said he knew I dipped all along, from the bulge in my cheek and the smell of mint whenever I was around. This is a guy who hosts poker nights and Super Bowl parties and New Years' Day brunches. My wife and kids and I have been in his house dozens of times and he has gotten to know me pretty well over the years. He's no fool, and he's deals with guys like me on tobacco or other drugs (I live in Colorado - need I say more?) who make excuses for a month or more while they detox to come up clean on the blood and urine tests.
Being honest with him was important to me and I'm starting to feel a little less like a fool myself every day. I think this was a good and healthy part of quitting for me.
And if anyone's thinking I've quit only for a month so I can get life insurance, you are wrong. My quit is strong and so am I. You guys are helping with that and I thank you all. I'm learning not to be scared of the pain of quitting and not to be scared of being honest and asking for forgiveness. I'm learning how to stand up like a man instead of hiding (and thinking I'm getting away with it) like a scared little boy.
