New Quit

[Diesel2112]

Something crossed my mind that made me think about how grateful I am to have found this site and the brotherhood here.

I tried to quit dipping back in the fall (and a couple times before that as evidenced by this thread subtitle). I started thinking about what the triggers were to my cave. Last fall it was the Giants in the World Series. One time it was a "special occasion" (my buddy's graduation).

Having spent nearly a month on the site, I've read about guys posting roll from war zones, guys posting after a family member passed, guys posting (via text) in storms..there is no "acceptable" trigger. A cave is a cave.

The reason I bring this up is now the Niners are in the Super Bowl and I know the tins are going to be out at my Super Bowl party. I think about the reaction if I were to have to answer those three questions and the rage that would follow if I said "well the Niners were in the Super Bowl". Just thinking about what gmann or Diesel would say, or the guys in April 2013 who have been hauling ass like spartanron and nickald. Man, the look on their faces would be priceless.

But it would also make me feel awful, because I made a pledge to these guys and my word is the only real thing I have in this world. So what would have been a perfectly acceptable reason to caveto me six months ago (and still is to some of my friends) has become almost laughable now. I'm starting to associate accountability and honor with my quit. I've said this before, but again, that's further than I've ever come before.

Dude...I am a lions fan. If those assholes every made the super bowl I would first shit my pants, and 2nd throw a huge ass party as well. The game would go on exactly the same with or without a dip in my mouth. Fuck dude...dip isn't gonna make you enjoy the super bowl anymore. It doesn't have that kind of power...it just doesn't.

I'm not hating on you either or trying to be some bad ass, because I used to feel the same way. Thought dip was some kind of "fun enhancer". Said no to a lot of golf this past summer because of it too. Finally I was like "Fuck it" and just went. The first round was tough, I aint gonna lie, but after that it was a piece of cake. I golf with guys who chew and smoke...fuckers kept messing with me too. Finger banging the can, saying shit like "come on...you know you want one", or when they popped the lid off they would deeply inhale and be like, "ahhhhhh, wintergreen smells sooo good, take a pinch".

I didn't get pissed, I just said, "Nahh, I quit that crap". They tried a few more times but again, even though inside I wanted to rip their fucking heads off I just said "nahh, I'm good". After that they left me alone.

They're guys, it's in their nature to fuck with people, I can't hate on them. You know how many times I used to get guys who never chewed before to "try an pinch"??? A ton, why? I have no idea, I was a fucking idiot. I baited many a people into trying a pinch by calling them a pussy, or reciting the line from the movie Predator where Jesse the body offers all the guys in the chopper some chaw and after they say no, he calls them "slack jawwed faggots" and says "this shit will make you a sexual tyranasorous". And when I did trick a guy into trying a pinch of my kodiak and they inevitably threw up...I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF. Man was I an asshole.

Bottom line dude...enjoy the super bowl. You don't need that shit to make it any better...you never did and you never will. It's all a lie. Live your life free of that shit, it's not always easy but it's always worth it.

[GR8WHITEBUFFALO]

You might consider having those guys who want to dip, go outside while with their lipper. Your house, your rules. Protect your quit.

[worktowin]

Great messages here and more reinforcement of the accountability we have to ourselves and our groups. Thanks for posting. The quit is not easy but so worth it. Tomorrow marks one month quit for me after almost 25 years of about a can of kodiak a day. I feel better now than I have in years. Stay quit my friends!

[boomtho]

Something crossed my mind that made me think about how grateful I am to have found this site and the brotherhood here.

I tried to quit dipping back in the fall (and a couple times before that as evidenced by this thread subtitle). I started thinking about what the triggers were to my cave. Last fall it was the Giants in the World Series. One time it was a "special occasion" (my buddy's graduation).

Having spent nearly a month on the site, I've read about guys posting roll from war zones, guys posting after a family member passed, guys posting (via text) in storms..there is no "acceptable" trigger. A cave is a cave.

The reason I bring this up is now the Niners are in the Super Bowl and I know the tins are going to be out at my Super Bowl party. I think about the reaction if I were to have to answer those three questions and the rage that would follow if I said "well the Niners were in the Super Bowl". Just thinking about what gmann or Diesel would say, or the guys in April 2013 who have been hauling ass like spartanron and nickald. Man, the look on their faces would be priceless.

But it would also make me feel awful, because I made a pledge to these guys and my word is the only real thing I have in this world. So what would have been a perfectly acceptable reason to caveto me six months ago (and still is to some of my friends) has become almost laughable now. I'm starting to associate accountability and honor with my quit. I've said this before, but again, that's further than I've ever come before.

[Skoal Monster]

don't know if this is a funk or what,

sometime within days 12-20 quitters generally experience a short but frustrating bout of the funk.

http://www.killthecan.org/facts/2weeks.asp

your right on track, give it time

[boomtho]

Been a few days since I've written in here and I don't like that, got to stay on it. There's no great message in my post here, just the rantings of a pissed off addict.

I don't get twitchy around a can like I used to, and I don't give a shit if other people are doing it because all I see is a scared addict like me but one that won't take the extra step to help themselves. But I keep catching myself looking back fondly on the times I would sneak around and pack a lip. Long drives are the worst. I keep a bag of seeds in my car and try and force myself to think about all the times I had to sit across the couch from my girlfriend because I had a cancer wad in my mouth or burn gas and go for a drive while I was visiting my parents because I tried to keep it hidden from them (they knew). Why do I have this urge to look back with fond memories on something that was robbing me of money, time with my loved ones, and days of my life?

My resolve is as strong as it's ever been, I just wish I could stop fucking thinking about this shit all the time and go about my day, not have this monkey on my back like a fuckin addict.

I don't know if this is a funk or what, but when I sign on and see guys in the April group on their SECOND day 2, it just pisses me off and I want to punch a hole in the wall.

One of the few things keeping me sane is that posting roll is part of my routine now and catching up with the guys here has becoe one of the best parts of my day.

[Diesel2112]

"One day I hope that I can take what I've learned here and help a brother in real life kill the can."

You don't HOPE shit and fuck the past, aint shit you can do about it now. You TAKE what you learn here and HELP a brother in real life.

You might be a newb now but YOU WILL follow the program and one day YOU WILL without a doubt have a 100% chance to help a brother kill the can.

Pay it forward...that's what the true champs of this site do. You gonna be a champ or a chump? I'm betting you're a champ based on what ive seen so far. Don't make me look bad, I'm already not very good looking.

[boomtho]

I've got two close friends who tried to quit with me as a new year's resolution but both have already caved. I want to tell them about KTC, but I know that part of the reason I took everything I've read here to heart is because I found it myself in a moment of absolute desperation and self-loathing. Plus us addicts spend the entire duration of our addiction trying to pretend there's no side effects and KTC is like a smack in the face.

Call it shcadenfreude but when others fail I feel it strengthens my quit.

Day 8.

[boomtho]

This weekend was the biggest test of my quit thus far. It was fairly easy to post roll and stay quit during the week, none of my roommates dip and work isn't really a trigger for me. The weekend rolled around, however, and suddenly it felt like every trigger was firing at once. Sports on TV? Check. Video games? Check. Friends who dip ? Check. Beer? Check.

Sitting at a party for the Vikes/Pack game was the first time I really realized the value of roll. Thanks to an early morning reminder from redyota (thanks again man) I had posted roll early in the morning. That name on the line and the people here were quite honestly the biggest barrier to me picking up that can. I thought about all the pissed off people who were struggling through the day with a fog in their head and a sore in their mouth and said "fuck it." I've since decided, with the help of some folks around here, that I need to cut those guys out for a while.

Like redyota said, soon I'm going to pity those guys instead of envy them. And it's going to happen sooner than I think.

I know it has only been a week, and I've done a week before. The difference is I spent the past few days addressing the demons behind the nic bitch head on rather than pretending like they don't exist. I've spent them conversing with people who are confronting their addiction head on instead of denying them. And I've put my name on the line which is something I've never done before.

Day 7.

[redyota]

The day before New Years Eve (two days before my quit) I went to my corner store. The guy at the store told me he had my order in. When I was hammered I guess I had asked him to start carrying Wintergreen Cope (because I would buy from there in a pinch and he only ever had Skoal). I shamefully (my GF was there and I had already told her about my quit) bought one last tin and told him I would be quitting come the new year.

Knowing that corner store three houses down from me has a log of Cope just sitting there is weighing on my mind. I've been taking the long way around the block to work just to avoid walking by. I feel strong in my resolve but I read the term "planned cave" on here today and it scared the shit out of me. I think if I ever went in to that store over the next couple months, even for milk or gum, it would be a planned cave. So I'm going to avoid that store. I know other stores could pose the same problem but for some reason I feel like this one is symbolic of my struggle. Fuck that store. I'll order milk online if I have to.

Day 3.

The first few days, I did not look through my glove boxes / consoles / under my seats because I knew god damn well what I would find

But I did yesterday, and I found them, and I threw every fucking one of them in the trash

Stay strong it gets better soon

Yeah Fuck that store. That store has a big juicy log of shit waiting for you? Tobacco is a dirty vile industry.

You puked up the vile vomit 3 days ago. You may not feel right but don't be like a dog and lick up your vomit.

Your days humping wintergreen are over! I love your attitude and also your caution. Looks to me like you are really going through your own personal therapy to be done for good.

It isn't easy and I have been right where you are. I was lucky to have adrenaline and faith that I finally and seriously quit this time.

Follow the plan. No matter the price to fight, just fight through each day. I'm glad I did and know I still want to.

KTC aint heavy. They're my brothers.

Thank you for the support, brother!

It's funny that you mention personal therapy. In the throes of another craving I decided to come back on here and write a little apology note.

I want to apologize to every friend I ever fucked over. By that, I mean the friends who were trying to quit that I laughed at, or even tried to convince to pack another lipper. I've learned after only a few days on here that I was only doing that because their resolution reminded me how weak I was. They were trying to do something I couldn't, and it pissed me off that they could be better than me.

I want to turn that competitive nature on its head, use it against myself for a good purpose. I want to be better than the version of me that would leave my parents anniversary dinner slideshow to pack a lip. Better than the version of me that would have to sit across the room from the girl I love because I didn't want her to smell the dip. But most of all, I want to be better than the version of me that tried to bring other people down because I couldn't pull my own damn self up. One day I hope that I can take what I've learned here and help a brother in real life kill the can. For now though the best thing I can do is keep posting roll and staying quit.

Terrible bunch, weren't we? You'll read stories way worse than that as your time here grows. And you'll think about how you used to justify doing the same things. But you are healing, and freedom from her will continue to give you clarifications of what's right and wrong. Keep at it. Glad to have you here as a brother.

[boomtho]

The day before New Years Eve (two days before my quit) I went to my corner store. The guy at the store told me he had my order in. When I was hammered I guess I had asked him to start carrying Wintergreen Cope (because I would buy from there in a pinch and he only ever had Skoal). I shamefully (my GF was there and I had already told her about my quit) bought one last tin and told him I would be quitting come the new year.

Knowing that corner store three houses down from me has a log of Cope just sitting there is weighing on my mind. I've been taking the long way around the block to work just to avoid walking by. I feel strong in my resolve but I read the term "planned cave" on here today and it scared the shit out of me. I think if I ever went in to that store over the next couple months, even for milk or gum, it would be a planned cave. So I'm going to avoid that store. I know other stores could pose the same problem but for some reason I feel like this one is symbolic of my struggle. Fuck that store. I'll order milk online if I have to.

Day 3.

The first few days, I did not look through my glove boxes / consoles / under my seats because I knew god damn well what I would find

But I did yesterday, and I found them, and I threw every fucking one of them in the trash

Stay strong it gets better soon

Yeah Fuck that store. That store has a big juicy log of shit waiting for you? Tobacco is a dirty vile industry.

You puked up the vile vomit 3 days ago. You may not feel right but don't be like a dog and lick up your vomit.

Your days humping wintergreen are over! I love your attitude and also your caution. Looks to me like you are really going through your own personal therapy to be done for good.

It isn't easy and I have been right where you are. I was lucky to have adrenaline and faith that I finally and seriously quit this time.

Follow the plan. No matter the price to fight, just fight through each day. I'm glad I did and know I still want to.

KTC aint heavy. They're my brothers.

Thank you for the support, brother!

It's funny that you mention personal therapy. In the throes of another craving I decided to come back on here and write a little apology note.

I want to apologize to every friend I ever fucked over. By that, I mean the friends who were trying to quit that I laughed at, or even tried to convince to pack another lipper. I've learned after only a few days on here that I was only doing that because their resolution reminded me how weak I was. They were trying to do something I couldn't, and it pissed me off that they could be better than me.

I want to turn that competitive nature on its head, use it against myself for a good purpose. I want to be better than the version of me that would leave my parents anniversary dinner slideshow to pack a lip. Better than the version of me that would have to sit across the room from the girl I love because I didn't want her to smell the dip. But most of all, I want to be better than the version of me that tried to bring other people down because I couldn't pull my own damn self up. One day I hope that I can take what I've learned here and help a brother in real life kill the can. For now though the best thing I can do is keep posting roll and staying quit.

[Mthomas3824]

The day before New Years Eve (two days before my quit) I went to my corner store. The guy at the store told me he had my order in. When I was hammered I guess I had asked him to start carrying Wintergreen Cope (because I would buy from there in a pinch and he only ever had Skoal). I shamefully (my GF was there and I had already told her about my quit) bought one last tin and told him I would be quitting come the new year.

Knowing that corner store three houses down from me has a log of Cope just sitting there is weighing on my mind. I've been taking the long way around the block to work just to avoid walking by. I feel strong in my resolve but I read the term "planned cave" on here today and it scared the shit out of me. I think if I ever went in to that store over the next couple months, even for milk or gum, it would be a planned cave. So I'm going to avoid that store. I know other stores could pose the same problem but for some reason I feel like this one is symbolic of my struggle. Fuck that store. I'll order milk online if I have to.

Day 3.

The first few days, I did not look through my glove boxes / consoles / under my seats because I knew god damn well what I would find

But I did yesterday, and I found them, and I threw every fucking one of them in the trash

Stay strong it gets better soon

Yeah Fuck that store. That store has a big juicy log of shit waiting for you? Tobacco is a dirty vile industry.

You puked up the vile vomit 3 days ago. You may not feel right but don't be like a dog and lick up your vomit.

Your days humping wintergreen are over! I love your attitude and also your caution. Looks to me like you are really going through your own personal therapy to be done for good.

It isn't easy and I have been right where you are. I was lucky to have adrenaline and faith that I finally and seriously quit this time.

Follow the plan. No matter the price to fight, just fight through each day. I'm glad I did and know I still want to.

KTC aint heavy. They're my brothers.

[JW1977]

The day before New Years Eve (two days before my quit) I went to my corner store. The guy at the store told me he had my order in. When I was hammered I guess I had asked him to start carrying Wintergreen Cope (because I would buy from there in a pinch and he only ever had Skoal). I shamefully (my GF was there and I had already told her about my quit) bought one last tin and told him I would be quitting come the new year.

Knowing that corner store three houses down from me has a log of Cope just sitting there is weighing on my mind. I've been taking the long way around the block to work just to avoid walking by. I feel strong in my resolve but I read the term "planned cave" on here today and it scared the shit out of me. I think if I ever went in to that store over the next couple months, even for milk or gum, it would be a planned cave. So I'm going to avoid that store. I know other stores could pose the same problem but for some reason I feel like this one is symbolic of my struggle. Fuck that store. I'll order milk online if I have to.

Day 3.

The first few days, I did not look through my glove boxes / consoles / under my seats because I knew god damn well what I would find

But I did yesterday, and I found them, and I threw every fucking one of them in the trash

Stay strong it gets better soon

[boomtho]

The day before New Years Eve (two days before my quit) I went to my corner store. The guy at the store told me he had my order in. When I was hammered I guess I had asked him to start carrying Wintergreen Cope (because I would buy from there in a pinch and he only ever had Skoal). I shamefully (my GF was there and I had already told her about my quit) bought one last tin and told him I would be quitting come the new year.

Knowing that corner store three houses down from me has a log of Cope just sitting there is weighing on my mind. I've been taking the long way around the block to work just to avoid walking by. I feel strong in my resolve but I read the term "planned cave" on here today and it scared the shit out of me. I think if I ever went in to that store over the next couple months, even for milk or gum, it would be a planned cave. So I'm going to avoid that store. I know other stores could pose the same problem but for some reason I feel like this one is symbolic of my struggle. Fuck that store. I'll order milk online if I have to.

Day 3.

[J2b]

hey jost2brown. thanks for the heads up! just posted my roll call. I noticed the Mumford and Sons quote in your sig (happened to be listening to them as I read it too). I never made the connection with that quote but it rings truer than ever for me now.

I may have spoken too soon about not fiending, my head is killing me but I've got a green tea and a bag of sunflower seeds right here.

water and hard candy are great as well, my personal favorite is fireballs.

lots of stuff relates to quits, although we never see it that way while chewing. Watch how much your routines and daily schedule change now that you wont be planning your every move around dip.

Its amazing being free