Most importantly

[zam]

Man, this thing (quitting) is tough. It it tough for you. No doubt. It is tough for everyone.
I hope you reconsider your answer to #3. You're right, we (me at least) are not gonna like that answer. I don't like that answer because I fear it will lead you to fail again. Note that i said "I fear", not "I know". Frankly, I don't think you even believe the answer you gave to #3. During some downtime, put some thought into it...it'll do us all some good.

[zam]

Looking for a JoeMellow Day 1 and answers to the big three.  Please guys - put some thought into this.  Alcohol is not the reason you caved, unless it lit the cigarette or packed you a lipper.  (I did ask nicely):

Ajay, grizzywintergreen, and JoeMellow:

What happened? (Story)

Why did it happen? (cause/effect, not environment)

What are you going to do differently? (a real honest to goodness workable plan, not some fairy tale BS)

bump ttt

Also from the Feb14 group...

[zam]

I caved.

I was worried about this vacation to Tennessee. A 13 hour drive was far longer than I have had to deal with so far. Before I left I got on the site and read up so I could build a solid defense. Turns out I had no trouble at all driving all the way to Chattanooga. I felt as though I had just cleared another hurdle and I was confident in my quit. Two days later (today) me and Mrs Mellow drove to Nashville for the next part of our trip. We arrived, walked around a bit, and then I got a call from home.

My brother called to inform me that Dad wasn't feeling well and was taken to the hospital. It was discovered that he has a brain tumor. Completely blindsided with the worst news I have ever heard, I could only do one thing, start driving home.

After a couple hours I decided that if I was going to make it home I would need chew. I bought some and it sat in my lap for 100 miles or so. My concern for that dip or lack of it paled in comparison for my concern for my father. Somewhere in southern Illinios I open it and put it in. I felt guilt and shame, but these emotions weren't, and still aren't much compared to the worry I have for the old man right now.

It didn't taste like I remembered. I didn't really like it, actually. For 5 minutes I didn't feel anything. Then in a sudden wave I felt sick. Hot flashes, upset stomach, dizziness. Then I started having an anxiety attack. I had a small anxiety attack once. It was nothing like this. I drove a few more miles and stopped on the off ramp. The wife asked if I was Ok, I said no. She was worried. We got out and as I tried to catch my breath I told her what happened.

In chat people talk about closing the door. How was that possible? I didn't see a way that I would ever have a strong enough quit to "close the door". I always felt like I was 10 minutes away from caving. I told my wife about this and informed her that I, too, just closed the door there on some off ramp in Illinois. My tin is still sitting there.

We started driving about 10 minutes later and I'm just now feeling better. She asked me how I felt. Well, there's a loaded question. I'm worried sick about my Dad and our family right now. I feel guilt and shame because I posted 113 this morning and didn't keep my word. But what I told her was  "relief". I'm not worried about another cave anymore. She understood and I hope you do as well. Never again for any reason.

I want to be a part of this site. I want to be quit with everyone here and I want to help others in their struggle as well. I understand that you would question my word after what happened, but there is no need to question my respect for KTC and my desire to be a part of it.

Please say a prayer for my father. He is an amazing man. He will be very happy to hear what happened tonight.

This is me closing the door. Never again for any reason

Question 2. It happened because of a trigger and a bunch of emotions over a period of time.

Question 3. You will hate this answer, but I don't feel like I have to do anything different. I thought I missed chew. Now I know I hate it.

February, I would like to join your group, if that's cool. Sorry that I'm late to do this today, but it's been busy driving back home/hospital/kids and such.

I thank all those who PMed me and replied back for their concern and prayers for my Dad and also for letting me know how stupid I am.

We are taking Dad to Rochester for tests tomorrow.

For reference....the above is from the Feb14 group...the explanation you spoke of ...

[Joemellow]

Also, thank you all for prayers regarding my father. He has had a biopsy and news from that will be here soon.

[Joemellow]

Saw your day 4 roll post today!  I don't feel you answered all 3 questions yet  I think you owe that to yourself  to us.  This is an important drill that you need to go thru. 

1.  I think you answered what happened pretty clearly in your post.

2.  You could probably more clearly answer "why did it happen"?   Maybe you already said enough there, but I don't understand what you were thinking for 100 miles of driving with an unopened can.  Something was churning in there that told you "No!" and it was overcome by "Insert wad of garbage into piehole"

3.  Most importantly, what are you going to do differently.  You have been here a while  you know the tools... so, what will be different this time. 

Life does not stop happening and bad news/events will come... we need to navigate these lows without nicotine.. if we can't do that then why are we here?

Any thoughts Joe?

Saw you posted up again today.

Guess I am the only one that cares you didn't answer the 3 questions. You have caved twice so looking at how you will do this different is most likely important. If I were you I'd do it, but I'm not you.

I am not going to bug you about it anymore. Best of luck with your quit.

Joe,
Remember that the questions and the answers are all for you, Derk40 is reminding you because for you to get mental closure on things and move on you need to be honest with yourself.

Or you can just move on, keep posting and prove everyone wrong, either way quit with a whole plan and don't look back.

It's sad we keep posting trying to hold these guys that cave accountable and are basically ignored. Regardless if it was a post HOF cave or day 2, 20, 40... it comes down to the deciding your going to do something to stay quit or just cave in like a pussy.

When you just ignore your brothers posting in your thread post cave, your only hiding from yourself. I'd rather see someone jump up and tells all to go fuck off, at least you would be showing some fighting spirit. Absence tells me that it's probably only a matter of time before we see another Day 1.... or worse yet, never see you again at all.....

The cornerstone of KTC is accountability, both self and peer accountability. These quitters are trying to help you understand that if you approach this quit like you did last time you will get the same results. You need more of a quit plan and in my opinion you still lack self accountability (hence losing the miles long debate with yourself), so you would do well to invest in some peer accountability.
Just my two cents...

Don't ignore this Joe, it won't go away. Your quit group is next to start asking for answers as well.

Hey, hey. Nothing was being ignored. I did not know everyone was talking about this. I hardly even remember having an intro in the first place. I did attempt to answer questions 2 and 3 when I posted day 1 with Feb. There was no response and it was later in the evening when reading and posting is being done more than just roll.

I can't remember what exactly it was I said about #2. Technically the real question here is not "did that dip help your dad? " but rather should be "would getting home right away help my dad." That answer would be no, but at the time I was overcome with a need to get home and resorted to what used to help my cover long distances with ease.

For question #3 my answer was that I don't really feel that I have to do anything different. The whole 113 days I thought I missed nicotine and now I can see that I hate it. I bet you hate that answer. But I'd rather be on Day 6 and not want a thing to do with chew than be on day 119 and think I'm missing out on something. My quit just got a whole lot easier. These last 6 days have been a breeze compared to any other 6 days at any time.

Sorry about not reading this earlier, but I haven't been in the introduction thread for a very long time.

[jbradley]

Saw your day 4 roll post today!  I don't feel you answered all 3 questions yet  I think you owe that to yourself  to us.  This is an important drill that you need to go thru. 

1.  I think you answered what happened pretty clearly in your post.

2.  You could probably more clearly answer "why did it happen"?   Maybe you already said enough there, but I don't understand what you were thinking for 100 miles of driving with an unopened can.  Something was churning in there that told you "No!" and it was overcome by "Insert wad of garbage into piehole"

3.  Most importantly, what are you going to do differently.  You have been here a while  you know the tools... so, what will be different this time. 

Life does not stop happening and bad news/events will come... we need to navigate these lows without nicotine.. if we can't do that then why are we here?

Any thoughts Joe?

Saw you posted up again today.

Guess I am the only one that cares you didn't answer the 3 questions. You have caved twice so looking at how you will do this different is most likely important. If I were you I'd do it, but I'm not you.

I am not going to bug you about it anymore. Best of luck with your quit.

Joe,
Remember that the questions and the answers are all for you, Derk40 is reminding you because for you to get mental closure on things and move on you need to be honest with yourself.

Or you can just move on, keep posting and prove everyone wrong, either way quit with a whole plan and don't look back.

It's sad we keep posting trying to hold these guys that cave accountable and are basically ignored. Regardless if it was a post HOF cave or day 2, 20, 40... it comes down to the deciding your going to do something to stay quit or just cave in like a pussy.

When you just ignore your brothers posting in your thread post cave, your only hiding from yourself. I'd rather see someone jump up and tells all to go fuck off, at least you would be showing some fighting spirit. Absence tells me that it's probably only a matter of time before we see another Day 1.... or worse yet, never see you again at all.....

The cornerstone of KTC is accountability, both self and peer accountability. These quitters are trying to help you understand that if you approach this quit like you did last time you will get the same results. You need more of a quit plan and in my opinion you still lack self accountability (hence losing the miles long debate with yourself), so you would do well to invest in some peer accountability.
Just my two cents...

Don't ignore this Joe, it won't go away. Your quit group is next to start asking for answers as well.

[T-Cell]

Saw your day 4 roll post today!  I don't feel you answered all 3 questions yet  I think you owe that to yourself  to us.  This is an important drill that you need to go thru. 

1.  I think you answered what happened pretty clearly in your post.

2.  You could probably more clearly answer "why did it happen"?   Maybe you already said enough there, but I don't understand what you were thinking for 100 miles of driving with an unopened can.  Something was churning in there that told you "No!" and it was overcome by "Insert wad of garbage into piehole"

3.  Most importantly, what are you going to do differently.  You have been here a while  you know the tools... so, what will be different this time. 

Life does not stop happening and bad news/events will come... we need to navigate these lows without nicotine.. if we can't do that then why are we here?

Any thoughts Joe?

Saw you posted up again today.

Guess I am the only one that cares you didn't answer the 3 questions. You have caved twice so looking at how you will do this different is most likely important. If I were you I'd do it, but I'm not you.

I am not going to bug you about it anymore. Best of luck with your quit.

Joe,
Remember that the questions and the answers are all for you, Derk40 is reminding you because for you to get mental closure on things and move on you need to be honest with yourself.

Or you can just move on, keep posting and prove everyone wrong, either way quit with a whole plan and don't look back.

It's sad we keep posting trying to hold these guys that cave accountable and are basically ignored. Regardless if it was a post HOF cave or day 2, 20, 40... it comes down to the deciding your going to do something to stay quit or just cave in like a pussy.

When you just ignore your brothers posting in your thread post cave, your only hiding from yourself. I'd rather see someone jump up and tells all to go fuck off, at least you would be showing some fighting spirit. Absence tells me that it's probably only a matter of time before we see another Day 1.... or worse yet, never see you again at all.....

The cornerstone of KTC is accountability, both self and peer accountability. These quitters are trying to help you understand that if you approach this quit like you did last time you will get the same results. You need more of a quit plan and in my opinion you still lack self accountability (hence losing the miles long debate with yourself), so you would do well to invest in some peer accountability.
Just my two cents...

[Jlud007]

Saw your day 4 roll post today!  I don't feel you answered all 3 questions yet  I think you owe that to yourself  to us.  This is an important drill that you need to go thru. 

1.  I think you answered what happened pretty clearly in your post.

2.  You could probably more clearly answer "why did it happen"?   Maybe you already said enough there, but I don't understand what you were thinking for 100 miles of driving with an unopened can.  Something was churning in there that told you "No!" and it was overcome by "Insert wad of garbage into piehole"

3.  Most importantly, what are you going to do differently.  You have been here a while  you know the tools... so, what will be different this time. 

Life does not stop happening and bad news/events will come... we need to navigate these lows without nicotine.. if we can't do that then why are we here?

Any thoughts Joe?

Saw you posted up again today.

Guess I am the only one that cares you didn't answer the 3 questions. You have caved twice so looking at how you will do this different is most likely important. If I were you I'd do it, but I'm not you.

I am not going to bug you about it anymore. Best of luck with your quit.

Joe,
Remember that the questions and the answers are all for you, Derk40 is reminding you because for you to get mental closure on things and move on you need to be honest with yourself.

Or you can just move on, keep posting and prove everyone wrong, either way quit with a whole plan and don't look back.

It's sad we keep posting trying to hold these guys that cave accountable and are basically ignored. Regardless if it was a post HOF cave or day 2, 20, 40... it comes down to the deciding your going to do something to stay quit or just cave in like a pussy.

When you just ignore your brothers posting in your thread post cave, your only hiding from yourself. I'd rather see someone jump up and tells all to go fuck off, at least you would be showing some fighting spirit. Absence tells me that it's probably only a matter of time before we see another Day 1.... or worse yet, never see you again at all.....

[Pinched]

Saw your day 4 roll post today!  I don't feel you answered all 3 questions yet  I think you owe that to yourself  to us.  This is an important drill that you need to go thru. 

1.  I think you answered what happened pretty clearly in your post.

2.  You could probably more clearly answer "why did it happen"?   Maybe you already said enough there, but I don't understand what you were thinking for 100 miles of driving with an unopened can.  Something was churning in there that told you "No!" and it was overcome by "Insert wad of garbage into piehole"

3.  Most importantly, what are you going to do differently.  You have been here a while  you know the tools... so, what will be different this time. 

Life does not stop happening and bad news/events will come... we need to navigate these lows without nicotine.. if we can't do that then why are we here?

Any thoughts Joe?

Saw you posted up again today.

Guess I am the only one that cares you didn't answer the 3 questions. You have caved twice so looking at how you will do this different is most likely important. If I were you I'd do it, but I'm not you.

I am not going to bug you about it anymore. Best of luck with your quit.

Joe,
Remember that the questions and the answers are all for you, Derk40 is reminding you because for you to get mental closure on things and move on you need to be honest with yourself.

Or you can just move on, keep posting and prove everyone wrong, either way quit with a whole plan and don't look back.

[Derk40]

Saw your day 4 roll post today!  I don't feel you answered all 3 questions yet  I think you owe that to yourself  to us.  This is an important drill that you need to go thru. 

1.  I think you answered what happened pretty clearly in your post.

2.  You could probably more clearly answer "why did it happen"?  Maybe you already said enough there, but I don't understand what you were thinking for 100 miles of driving with an unopened can.  Something was churning in there that told you "No!" and it was overcome by "Insert wad of garbage into piehole"

3.  Most importantly, what are you going to do differently.  You have been here a while  you know the tools... so, what will be different this time. 

Life does not stop happening and bad news/events will come... we need to navigate these lows without nicotine.. if we can't do that then why are we here?

Any thoughts Joe?

Saw you posted up again today.

Guess I am the only one that cares you didn't answer the 3 questions. You have caved twice so looking at how you will do this different is most likely important. If I were you I'd do it, but I'm not you.

I am not going to bug you about it anymore. Best of luck with your quit.

[Derk40]

Saw your day 4 roll post today! I don't feel you answered all 3 questions yet  I think you owe that to yourself  to us. This is an important drill that you need to go thru.

1. I think you answered what happened pretty clearly in your post.

2. You could probably more clearly answer "why did it happen"? Maybe you already said enough there, but I don't understand what you were thinking for 100 miles of driving with an unopened can. Something was churning in there that told you "No!" and it was overcome by "Insert wad of garbage into piehole"

3. Most importantly, what are you going to do differently. You have been here a while  you know the tools... so, what will be different this time.

Life does not stop happening and bad news/events will come... we need to navigate these lows without nicotine.. if we can't do that then why are we here?

Any thoughts Joe?

[Derk40]

Saw your day 4 roll post today! I don't feel you answered all 3 questions yet  I think you owe that to yourself  to us. This is an important drill that you need to go thru.

1. I think you answered what happened pretty clearly in your post.

2. You could probably more clearly answer "why did it happen"? Maybe you already said enough there, but I don't understand what you were thinking for 100 miles of driving with an unopened can. Something was churning in there that told you "No!" and it was overcome by "Insert wad of garbage into piehole"

3. Most importantly, what are you going to do differently. You have been here a while  you know the tools... so, what will be different this time.

Life does not stop happening and bad news/events will come... we need to navigate these lows without nicotine.. if we can't do that then why are we here?

[OneImpressiveBall]

I'm also sorry, Joe, and wish you and your family the best.

But I also agree with everyone else here: nicotine didn't make your dad any healthier.

Consider the fact that when life handed you shit, and you chose to shit in your hand some more AND THEN EAT IT. You could have chosen differently. Today, choose differently. Think about tomorrow only so that you are ready when life shits on you again.

Because it will. That's out of your control. What is in your control is (1) how you conduct yourself this moment (i.e., are you quit for today) and (2) how you respond when life shits on you (i.e., are you planning now for tomorrow's challenge).

[Derk40]

Awful news about your father and I feel for you... hang in there. It has been said already... But you just proved the Sco Theorem. Now, you got 2 problems and neither was fixed by dipping. I see you realize that now, but a crappy way to learn the lesson. This is one of the cases where you need to just listen and believe what people tell you. You don't have to run an operational test of the theory. In fact, in this case it is highly discouraged.

When you answer the 3 questions (you pretty much hit 1 and 2), but I'd be interested in what you were thinking during that 100 miles. That is about an hr and a half.... You did not just dive into that can. You could have but you did not. You made a decision to wait. But you did not use your tools like you should have learned the past 113 days. Your answer to number 3 is a big deal. What are you gonna do different this time?

QLF today!

[Pinched]

My prayers are with you and your family.

I hate that you had to experience a quit like this but I look forward to this all helping motivate you through your real quit.

Pinched