Chasing a Better Me

[Torque0321]

So here I am 32 days into my lifelong journey of quit. It hasn't been easy getting to this point, but honestly, it's completely doable. In the beginning of my quit, I honestly went through probably one of toughest weeks of my life so far. I was dismissed from my college, lost a pet, got dumped, and lost my part time job because I prioritized school over work which management wasn't about. So needless to say my stress and anxiety levels were off the charts. I was around 5-7 days into my quit when all these circumstances appeared. My life was turned upside down and I needed some stability and familiarity in those days. That Nic Bitch was knocking at the door HARD. Hard times create hard people though, and I realized if I could make it through the next couple weeks without succumbing to the weak addict inside me and answering the Nic Bitch at the door, then I would never have an excuse in the future to quit my quit. Addictions are habits that are formed in a loop of Cue, Action, Reward. These cues are formed from routine. It takes around 30 days to solidify a habit and 3x times longer to break a habit. My routine was just thrown out the window and instead of allowing myself to feel defeated, I saw this as an opportunity to completely break my routine. I left town on a road trip exploring parts of the South West I've always wanted to see but have never penciled in the time.  As tough as the start of this journey has been, I'm excited to embrace all the change in my life. I've actually changed majors and schools, got a new part time job, and I'm still nicotine free.

I've also gotten into a pretty solid workout routine and diet. I had an uncontrollable hunger for the first couple of weeks and I allowed myself to eat anything I wanted instead of chewing. I can burn off fat and excess calories, but I cannot exercise off oral cancer. The first 14 days, I definitely had a mental fog but I can't tell if it was all stress related or tobacco caused or both. Some days I'll be extremely agitated or moody but I noticed around day 24 there's less occurrence. The first week I had minor issues sleeping and was always tired and agitated. Around day 10, I started to wake up more energized and my mind felt more clear. (You see nicotine is a vasoconstrictor, so it causes or blood vessels to decrease in diameter, causing greater blood pressure, and less oxygen gets transported in our body.)  My appetite has begun to normalize as well. I haven't felt this good in a long time. To those thinking about beginning their own journey of quit, there's never a better time than today. To those in the continuous fight of quit, keep it up, we're with you in this.

[Athan]

@Torque0321 I am glad you are quit today...We are in the same Jan 20 quit group.  I have been quit for 16 days....prior to that I had been dipping since I was 17.  I too had joined the Army 4 days after High School and went in at the age of 17.  Up until 16 days ago I had been dipping and killing myself for 33 years.  I am 50 now, 26 years in Law Enforcement so I know how the stress stuff works.  The best thing you can do...is get involved with this website everyday....give your number out to members for support.....Every damn day..wake up piss post.  Remember we quit everyday...ONE DAY AT A TIME.  Send me a message I will have your back.

@jsjohnson

Brotha, I'm glad you are quit too! It's crazy to think how time flies. It doesn't even feel like I've chewed for going on ten years! Damn good on ya for deciding to quit after 33 years thats wild and you got this fight! Also thanks for the service man, I've got a ton of respect for LEOs right now.

@jsjohnson is sending you good advice.  Only fools roll alone.  Only the proud persist in ignorance.  Educate yourself on the addiciton; it really is mind blowing. Arm yourself with knowledge - it's free.  I've some links in my signature for starters.  I was Navy (submarines) smoked and chewed the entire time (8years, 10 mos, 26 days). I'm free now.  The suck is miserable but the path we must go through. check out the intro for Wildirish. There's a lot there about the journey to help you out.  IQWYT

[Torque0321]

@Torque0321 I am glad you are quit today...We are in the same Jan 20 quit group.  I have been quit for 16 days....prior to that I had been dipping since I was 17.  I too had joined the Army 4 days after High School and went in at the age of 17.  Up until 16 days ago I had been dipping and killing myself for 33 years.  I am 50 now, 26 years in Law Enforcement so I know how the stress stuff works.  The best thing you can do...is get involved with this website everyday....give your number out to members for support.....Every damn day..wake up piss post.  Remember we quit everyday...ONE DAY AT A TIME.  Send me a message I will have your back.

@jsjohnson

Brotha, I'm glad you are quit too! It's crazy to think how time flies. It doesn't even feel like I've chewed for going on ten years! Damn good on ya for deciding to quit after 33 years thats wild and you got this fight! Also thanks for the service man, I've got a ton of respect for LEOs right now.

[Torque0321]

@Torque0321 , how long have you been free brotha? Thanks for your service. Like you, I’ve tried to quit at opportune times. What we don’t get is the fact that life will happen weather we quit or not. It’s how we deal with it that matters. We have to quit for only us. A recent sore throat that was eventually found to be caused by a sinus infection scared me enough to to quit for me. You see, my brother died of cancer. His initial complaint, was a sore throat. So I figured, I’m being warned. Glad to meet you. Fight the fight man. If you need, holla.

-Hunter4life

@Hunter4life

I've been free for almost 2 years now. Thanks for the response man, yes exactly we need to quit for ourselves. Sorry for your loss, that is rough and scary.

[Torque0321]

Torque0321,

Welcome brother! Just read your introduction below, and it seems like you are genuinely in the right mindset to accomplish this goal. I just posted day 764, and I dipped for 20 years before deciding I was done.

I quit for me, but I'm also a father of four young children, and that keeps me motivated every day to keep my word. Anytime that little NIC bitch tries to whisper in my ear, I just picture myself lying on my death bed (with half a jaw), and looking up at their little faces as they say good bye to me for the final time. Seems hardcore, but that awful thought gets me right back in line and makes me so grateful I found this site. The support in here is amazing, so make sure you utilize it.

I wish you the best my friend, and encourage you to find something that will continue to keep you committed and on track.

I appreciate your service and proud to quit with you today!

MJW

Appreciate the kind words! Yeah, I like your outlook honestly, the consequences of chewing tobacco are pretty severe and sometimes we need some disturbance to wake up! Thanks for the support brotha!

[MJW]

Torque0321,

Welcome brother! Just read your introduction below, and it seems like you are genuinely in the right mindset to accomplish this goal. I just posted day 764, and I dipped for 20 years before deciding I was done.

I quit for me, but I'm also a father of four young children, and that keeps me motivated every day to keep my word. Anytime that little NIC bitch tries to whisper in my ear, I just picture myself lying on my death bed (with half a jaw), and looking up at their little faces as they say good bye to me for the final time. Seems hardcore, but that awful thought gets me right back in line and makes me so grateful I found this site. The support in here is amazing, so make sure you utilize it.

I wish you the best my friend, and encourage you to find something that will continue to keep you committed and on track.

I appreciate your service and proud to quit with you today!

MJW

[jsjohnson]

@Torque0321 I am glad you are quit today...We are in the same Jan 20 quit group.  I have been quit for 16 days....prior to that I had been dipping since I was 17.  I too had joined the Army 4 days after High School and went in at the age of 17.  Up until 16 days ago I had been dipping and killing myself for 33 years.  I am 50 now, 26 years in Law Enforcement so I know how the stress stuff works.  The best thing you can do...is get involved with this website everyday....give your number out to members for support.....Every damn day..wake up piss post.  Remember we quit everyday...ONE DAY AT A TIME.  Send me a message I will have your back.

[Hunter4life]

@Torque0321 , how long have you been free brotha? Thanks for your service. Like you, I’ve tried to quit at opportune times. What we don’t get is the fact that life will happen weather we quit or not. It’s how we deal with it that matters. We have to quit for only us. A recent sore throat that was eventually found to be caused by a sinus infection scared me enough to to quit for me. You see, my brother died of cancer. His initial complaint, was a sore throat. So I figured, I’m being warned. Glad to meet you. Fight the fight man. If you need, holla.

-Hunter4life

[Torque0321]

Hey everyone!

First off, I want to say thank you all for making this site and it's community what it is. Anytime I feel the urge, I just read through the forums and know I'm in the ranks with others.

I've tried to quit a few times before, and have never made it more than a couple of weeks. This time is different. This time it's for me!

Previously, when I've tried quitting, I would wait for the "perfect time", a relatively stress free period of time, plenty of distractions, and would try and ease down the nicotine levels, try other nicotine substitutes, and try and break the oral fixation I have from chew. Well we all know perfect timing is rare and/or never happens. So last week I failed a class, and have been incredibly stressed and decided I needed to take control. Certain things in life are just out of our control. What we put in our mouth is not one of those uncontrollable factors. I've been in the healthcare field for going on a decade. I know the effects and consequences of nicotine. I know how big industries like BigPharma and Tobacco work. Still I decided to chew, thought I would never suffer the consequences. I've been lucky so far, but why continue taking the risks.

 I started chewing as a senior in high school at 18. I joined the military, and what was once a weekly ritual of having a chew with some friends Friday nights, became an every day fix. All my mentors dipped, and their mentors dipped, probably 7-8/10 friends chewed. I've met Vietnam vets who've been dipping since Nam. I feel into this belief that chew really isn't as harmful as cigarette usage and that allowed me to clear my conscious. What's ironic is I've met plenty of people with COPD, and sure it's not pretty, but I've never met anyone that's had cancer caused from chewing tobacco. That's because the prognosis for survival is slim with oral and throat cancer if not caught early enough, and even if initially survived, survivability past 5 years is pretty slim!

I've always pictured who I want to be down the road. What obstacles I plan to overcome. What achievements and milestones I want to meet. I have always fallen shy from these or just took a completely different route then I intended. Even though these conscious perceptions of my future self always differ and are fluid and transient, there's always been a few consistencies with each new me. I never picture myself still chewing tobacco. Even though quitting has always been my intention, and I never see my future self chewing, I have never taken the steps to quit. I've never admitted that I have an addiction. I thought I could just stop whenever I wanted to. I tried in the past, and always came back full circle. In the past, I never quit for me. Last week, shit went south, and I realized I need to take back control of my life so I can continue chasing a better me.

Thanks for your time, inspiration, and help everyone!