Day one

[olcpo]

Thanks @FLLipOut ! Great words of encouragement, Which I truly appreciate. I will heed your advice. One battle at a time. It is nice to know it will get less and less. I feel impatient because I had given up ever being quit. Now that I am quit, I want to joust at all the windmills I can find. Joust with too many and get my butt kicked. Joust well with one at a time. (talking to myself again)

Thanks again
Olcpo

[FLLipOut]

What a great journal this has been!  Keep it up!  This journey you are on will change you in so many great ways if you let it. 

I would say just this:  Your quit needs to be your priority.  Endure the stink eyes and doubts, because this is not about anyone else but you.  You have to be a bit selfish about this because this is very difficult journey you are on.  Use the damn fake.  It is just a tool and it is obviously helping.  I promise you, one day you will just naturally reach for it less and less until one day, you find you are no longer using it at all. This "need" for the fake, the food, I can 100% promise you that it will just fade away in time. 

Don't rush the process.  Be patient with yourself.  Give your body and brain time to heal. 

Proud to quit with you today.

FLLipOut
Day 1,245

[olcpo]

Day 22- It was a good day. A little trouble getting moving. I get in these funks and have zero ambition. It takes everything I have got to get moving and do anything. Yesterday was a machine shop day. A good day came home tired. It seems I get over a piece of metal on the lathe and the nicodemon shows up. Grabbed a fake mint pouch and a belt of water and commenced to make chips. People see the phony chew and ask "are you chewing again?", explain its fake stuff, quite often then I get the stink eye of doubt and the subject changes. So I think the next thing is to step away from the fake stuff. Can't chew gum, locks my jaw up, but maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing either; keep my mouth shut and can't stuff anything in there. Which leads to another "next thing", dropping some weight. What a flippin mess. All of the addictions and excesses I cultivate. That is fodder for another philosophical rant...
Olcpo

[EXBEARHAG]

Day 21 - Three weeks...Trying to think of the last time that a milestone of 3 weeks meant this much. Nothing coming to mind, pretty special.

 Today is the Day of the Digits. I have cataloged all that have been sent to me and it feels good to have a full quiver. I am grateful to all.
Olcpo

Congrats on the 3 weeks Olcpo!!  Huge milestone IMO.  I hardly ever made it over the 3 week point in the past when I tried to stop on my own.  You are an exceptional quitter.  Stay the course Brother.
PTBQWYT my friend.

[olcpo]

Day 21 - Three weeks...Trying to think of the last time that a milestone of 3 weeks meant this much. Nothing coming to mind, pretty special.

 Today is the Day of the Digits. I have cataloged all that have been sent to me and it feels good to have a full quiver. I am grateful to all.
Olcpo

[Keith0617]

Day 20 - Another Great Plain Day. I like this trend. Hopefully this "blog", or whatever this is, gets boring and stays uneventful. No weird symptoms or unexplained anomalies to query the sages of FTC about. "I have a big toe growing out of my forehead, Is this normal?"...

Today Church and a dinner. More social than I am used to day to day. It went good though, it wasn't hard to be civil and congenial, actually almost enjoyed myself. No triggers or anything tense.

I sure appreciate you stopping by to glimpse the garble, your comments mean alot. THanks
Olcpo

@olcpo
Glad to here you are currently in a good place. Just make sure you have made connections and keep those numbers and other tools at the ready because the NIC Bitch will come back to test you. What are you going to do when she smacks you in the face? Just be ready. Have to exchange digits if you are interested.

[olcpo]

Day 20 - Another Great Plain Day. I like this trend. Hopefully this "blog", or whatever this is, gets boring and stays uneventful. No weird symptoms or unexplained anomalies to query the sages of FTC about. "I have a big toe growing out of my forehead, Is this normal?"...

Today Church and a dinner. More social than I am used to day to day. It went good though, it wasn't hard to be civil and congenial, actually almost enjoyed myself. No triggers or anything tense.

I sure appreciate you stopping by to glimpse the garble, your comments mean alot. THanks
Olcpo

[EXBEARHAG]

Day 19 - Nothing unusual, a Plain day, no strife or stress.  We got about 8" of snow last night. Wupp then go plow snow. No pearls of wisdom. No great victories or huge accomplishments. BUT... No chew. No nicotine. No flare up. No rage. No trigger. That is unusual. If I read back over my own blathering, this is the day I was/am waiting for. Grateful. Humble.
Olcpo

This is cool.  Just a regular day, no bad.  But yet you recognize it as rare, which makes it good, even if it seems meaningless.

Congrats on 20 days today and nearing 3 weeks as well!

Love it man.  Plowing has always been a huge trigger for me.  I'm happy for you my friend.  Enjoy the peace and freedom.

[AndyCan]

Day 19 - Nothing unusual, a Plain day, no strife or stress.  We got about 8" of snow last night. Wupp then go plow snow. No pearls of wisdom. No great victories or huge accomplishments. BUT... No chew. No nicotine. No flare up. No rage. No trigger. That is unusual. If I read back over my own blathering, this is the day I was/am waiting for. Grateful. Humble.
Olcpo

This is cool.  Just a regular day, no bad.  But yet you recognize it as rare, which makes it good, even if it seems meaningless.

Congrats on 20 days today and nearing 3 weeks as well!

[olcpo]

Day 19 - Nothing unusual, a Plain day, no strife or stress.  We got about 8" of snow last night. Wupp then go plow snow. No pearls of wisdom. No great victories or huge accomplishments. BUT... No chew. No nicotine. No flare up. No rage. No trigger. That is unusual. If I read back over my own blathering, this is the day I was/am waiting for. Grateful. Humble.
Olcpo

[Athan]

More self talk here. Feels good to get it down, sort off my chest. I keep a note pad by my bed. When I have annoying brain-won't-shut-off nights, I sit up and write down the things I am thinking or afraid I will forget. Something sub-somewhere lets me go to sleep, having dealt that which kept me awake.

Love that! May have to get mileage out of it. Thanks for blogging it out.

[olcpo]

Day 18 - The days just keep getting BETTER. 18 is not a very big number, but there is a lot of life and living packed into those days. I honestly can't remember much about 20 or 25 days ago, but I can remember and treasure the past 18. Lots of lessons learned. The kind that will hopefully stick with me as some were hard earned.

In the Navy we had morning muster. You never miss muster. You better be dead if you miss. If you are dying, you should have started crawling earlier, no excuse. I like the posting roll here. Brings back memories and a good way to start the day. Renewing my daily commitment to my quit and my oath to the KTC family is good place to start a new day.

Later
Olcpo

[olcpo]

Day 17 - A clear head this morning for which I am grateful. Going to work in the machine shop today, which is always good work and I look forward to it. Another good day in the offing.

I am struck by the triage and all-hands-on-deck FOR the people who have caved. The way that the pillars of this community rally to the aid of those that give in to the addiction. I was left with a fear of "there but by the grace of God go I". I am only 17 days into this quit. The pain of the withdrawals are fresh. The awareness of potential trip hazards is acute. The knowledge being gained about this addiction is new and encouraging. The personalities of this forum are new, intriguing and amazing. The raw humanness of this path we now choose to walk is shared yet unique, personal yet through our daily promise property of a community.

In all cases, those returning or feigning a re-commitment to the principles of KTC got complacent. The honeymoon was over, not so new and shiny anymore. Scar tissue formed, covering up the memory of the withdrawals, the fear of that new mouth sore, the unexplained sore throat, the fear of running out, the guilt. Some externality encroached pushing back the fragile safeguards we build to keep the addiction at bay. Those safeguards, not maintained and nurtured, become weak and useless as the insidious demon/addiction so patiently lurks on the perimeter waiting for their invitation to return. That invitation is MY choosing to allow the crap back in. My Choice. I write this so IF I EVER... I can come back here and read, hopefully remembering the freshness of the quit and strength of resolve on Day 17.

Fear is good as long as it is kept in it's place, not allowed to control but to remind. To heighten awareness of potential hazards. Hence the term God-Fearing, if I ever consider..., the good fear/reminder of the negative consequences of that choice PREVENTS...

More self talk here. Feels good to get it down, sort off my chest. I keep a note pad by my bed. When I have annoying brain-won't-shut-off nights, I sit up and write down the things I am thinking or afraid I will forget. Something sub-somewhere lets me go to sleep, having dealt that which kept me awake.

Later  Olcpo

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[olcpo]

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[olcpo]

Day 16 - Another good day. Stayed busy, didn't eat too much (yet). I'm hoping the "good" continues. I figured out a trigger I hadn't counted on. My oldest daughter. She can push buttons like no other. She called this morning and after a short grunt session, I can't get a word in edgewise so I grunt and listen to her blather, I was reaching for the phony mint chew. Caught me flatfooted. Got rid of it, lesson learned. Now she called back and is scheduling a conference call tonight (8pm mst) regarding my grandson. Never know with her, drama and dumping her crap on someone else is her specialty. "I have a problem. What are you going to do about it?"  We will see what this stirs up.

Not excited about being spun up and trying to go to bed. What this tells me is I have a long ways to go. All of the chew I sucked on never fixed any of her crap before. NO ONE is worth losing MY quit over. She may win other battles, but this is a hill I choose to die on.

I will be back on this post. Getting more riled the more I think. I sense I will need to blather myself on this one. Olcpo - over

You could always NOT answer the phone. 

I hadn't thought of that... hmmm

How’d the call go?  Hopefully not as bad as you expected?

@AndyCan  It never happened, supposedly she is to call today. It's never over, like so many things in this life. Thank you for asking, Andy.

Sounds hard. However, remember the one thing you can control is what you put in your mouth. 1 problem + nicotine equals 2 problems. Always here. PM me if I can help.

You have helped @Keith0617 . The simple "the ONE thing", and you are always here. Priceless. Thanks