So I would like to know:
1- is this what some of you are feeling (maybe some can relate)
I've had some reflux late at night recently though I don't recall it earlier
2- do you also feel like your in mourning (adds to my anxiety/depression issues)
well, 1,045 days in and I do get 'just one' thoughts. Not so much mourning as a desire for an old girlfriend kinda thing
3- did you use fake and for how long (250 days for me)
I used cinnamon sticks and still do from time to time. It was all day every day at first. Now I go days without them
4- physically how you feeling, any new things that quitting helped you find (Mine was silent reflux which I had for years but never new what caused the symptoms I had)
I've gained so much weight that the Coast Guard called and offered me a job as a navigational landmark, though I think that's more due to the gym shutdown for CoVid
5- did anybody utilize meds? (I had the prescription filled and in my hand but never used it)
I tried Chantix years ago but didn't like the effect it had on my cognitive thought
Thanks Athan, I like the navigational landmark thats funny.
Thanks for the shout out Doug and I appreciate all your support to reinforce my quit.
When I quit, I had severe anxiety and a horrible sense of loss, like just losing a friend of 37 years. Initially I tried all different brands of fake stuff but they were all a sad replacement for what my brain craved. The fake did help some with the oral fixation thing and when I used alcohol, but it was a shitty replacement for the real thing and my brain knew it. I gave up on fake for a minute as my quit progressed and it seemed to actually reset my head. I was visiting family in western PA where dipping and boozing go hand in hand. I picked up some SM just to make sure I had a crutch if things got difficult. That SM was great as my brain seemed to forget what cope long cut really used to taste like. Anyway, fast forward to the present, I still use SM probably a few times a week. My head will still crave the real stuff as I hit a trigger but it is quickly dismissed.
The anxiety was so bad that about four weeks into my quit I went to my doc and got a script for Wellbutrin. That drug was like a miracle taking away most of the anxiety and I had no noticeable side effects. I took it for about 2 months. I also use protonix daily for GERD. My diet sucks so life without it would be miserable.
I had many bad days from days 200-300. Since I hit 300, it has been like the sun breaking through the clouds on a stormy day. I feel great physically and mentally.
The best advice I can give you is hang in there my friend because better days are ahead. I feel that your heavy use of the fake stuff is a major part of your problem with reflux. That nic demon will always have its hooks in all of us, but I think you are on the right track. Give up on the fake stuff for now...use gum or whatever for that oral fixation thing and don't worry about the weight gain. @Athan, you are on my travel list for 2021..at least I won't have a hard time finding you!
As usual the puddin man delivered, lol. Thank you bud as this is very valuable info not only for me but for any addict that happens to find this feed.
Hey TF5- Great post. Love it when you blog it out.
Thankfully I never had the issues with my digestion. I do however, have the anxiety and feeling of mourning in spades. I never had a whiff of anxiety before my Nic stoppage...at least I never really noticed it. I now wonder if it was always there to some extent but I was self medicating with Nic and never really knew it. Now I wake up ~2hrs before my alarm on work days in a cold sweat and racing heart. That's been fun!! The good news is that this anxiety used to come every day and would last several hours into the afternoon. Now I'm down to about 2 days a week and it's mostly gone within an hour of me waking/starting my routine. Hope springs eternal...hopefully this too will pass.
The feeling of mourning is a bit different. I often feel as if I'm missing something during the day; multiple times a day. I feel a void that usually comes with a feeling of impending doom. Usually this feeling comes and goes, even if it happens multiple times a day. Some days, like today, it lingers and leaves me searching for a work around. In the past, this is when I'd cave. Now, I use my tools and reach out and make it to another moment.
I use fake a couple times a week but, as you say, it's a poor replacement. I used to leave dips in for hours. Now, once my brain realizes it's the fake shit in my lip, it loses interest and I usually spit it out within minutes. I've learned to live with the itch and I've accepted the fact that I will probably never be able to scratch it again. Such is OUR new lives. I pray that the itch loses some of it's persistence in the future.
Hope this rambling helps TF. One thing I'm absolutely sure of amongst this mess is that when I/we need someone to lean on, I can always find a brother or sister here at KTC to carry some of my burden and see me through to the next moment. And that's what it's all about...OMAAT!!
Hold the line my friends
~HAG
