168 hours ago
168 hours ago or one week from right now I decided I am done with this crap. I thought to myself how will this time be different? I mean I have tried to stop this insanity before only to fail but somehow/someway this feels different. I just have it in my head that I am walking away. The only way I can explain it is through my military training. One thing you learn when you are in a training that is stretching you to the limits (think no sleep, body is beyond exhaustion, brain is in a fog) is to lean forward and take one more step, then another and another. Don't let those bastards (Instructors) beat you. That how I am handling this obviously with different role players. It's me vs the devil in nicotine. The reason why I got to 168 hours is I have my head straight and I am telling my body one step forward, then one more and one more. The difference is instead of going to somewhere I am going away from a place where I have been. That's the only way I can explain it.
For me what has helped:
Chewing gum. You need that oral fix. Your brain is trained to be a custom to having something there. Down side is my jaw is completely sure from chewing gum, something I didn't anticipate. Solution hard candy
Physical Activity. When the devil taps me on the shouldee and suggests I to him rather than away I go and take a short walk and do some deep breathing to get past it. Working out/running/riding my bike whatever it takes to stop thinking
I am the Director Of No as a last resort. Enjoying beers or Bourbons with buddies, out on the golf course or under my car, places comfortable for me to chew, I become the Director of No. In all seriousness I have a 5 second meeting with myself and say no, which is usually followed by gum and a hour or two later followed by a sore jaw but that vicious cycle works for me.
168 hours ago I said I am done. Gave the big middle finger to chew. I am walking away every minute, every hour and now ever week from this shit.
Any of you, the people who's shoes I am walking in, my idols my rock stars have any advice/knowledge/whatever support concerning on how you finally said I am done and how you handled it I will take it. To me it's just that this time I have a plan, action, accountability to myself and the will power to say I am walking away