CTF - new to the group today

[CTF]

CTF day 219

For some time now, maybe a month, I have been fighting the urge to chew.  I am saying this not trying to alarm anyone but I am being truthful about my journey and it is happening. I mitigate these moments of temptation/stupidity with the realization that I don't want to go back to chewing, dealing with mouth sores, having my jaw hurt, my gums bleed, stinky breath, yellow teeth, dealing with a bottle of chew spit that will eventually be spilled, the possibility of cancer or dying from this shit, etc.

These moments are just that but I have been experiencing them multiple times a day. Usually they last 15-30 seconds and I am past it. I have enough willpower/resolve to get through this. Strange though how I am past physical addiction but my mind keeps playing with me from time to time.

What helped me tonight was reading the drama going on in April 21. There were some epic posts by: @Batdad @69franx @EXBEARHAG @FH @Athan  and I am sure I missed someone but those names come to mind. All of their words spoke to me basically saying don't be stupid and you are 219 days down the road and going back to day 1 is a fools choice.

These moments of craving makes me ask myself:
Why is this happening?
Will this continue and if so for how long?

I expect no one person has a good answer for me because all of our journeies are unique to oneself. Still I am trying to understand more aboutme. Stupid ass nicotine how I hate you.

Stay Strong my friends.

[CTF]

Reflecting on 200 days

It's been awhile and it has been an interesting ride. It hasn't been too bad but I have had some challenges. I have passed the challenges of the first 30-60.days, long road trips, golf outings with the buddies, beers with the usual suspects, mindless house project tasks where a chew would be in my face but here I am at 200 days still rock solid. I honestly couldn't be happier. I can go to the dentist with out a dirty look and lecture from the doc and/or the hygienist. I have lower health insurance being a non-user. I am beating this addiction one day at a time.

It is not to say I don't have my difficult moments but still they are just moments rather than hours or days. It does get easier. I really think now I have to take a serious stupid pill to ever dip again. Then I think of guys who have been exactly in my shoes who caved and why did they do so? Is it a moment of stupidity? A fuck it attitude? The guilt I would have if that was me. Worse than Catholic (times) Jewish guilt but still I feel for them and wish they had been stronger willed.

Short story:
I ran into a kid, he is 25 years younger than me so kid he is, who was dipping the other day. I said why don't you quit that junk? The answer somewhat surprised me with his brutal honesty. "I don't want to!" I was surprised because I wanted to quit but didn't forever. This kid has been dipping for at least 10 years and he doesn't want to? He must be some US Tobacco Superman because my ass wanted to quit a bunch of times by that year mark. I don't want to, please. Still I tried to say all the right things like it will kill you or it is expensive or don't your gums hurt? No luck. The kid was resolute with his decision. I left him and saying come talk to me one day when you want to quit because it will come and I can tell you how. You can't win them all.

I am just glad I have 200 in the books and I can look the old wife in the eyes and say nope not today. I am beating this demon one day at a time. Screw you big tobacco! I am so glad to be free of your crap garbage product.

Congrats brother. Keep following your routine and let the days add up. Proud to quit with you today.

Great job CTF, love seeing you win and post about it.

Great stuff CTF, I have a friend who also doesn't want to quit. Despite the fact that myself and one of our other buddies are bot quit for almost the same amount of time. Tried again to talk some sense into him last weekend to no avail. All we can do is try. We can help them along the way, but they have to make the choice. He will realize sooner or later and come asking you.

CTF Log Day 215

As I write this there is 25 guests viewing these pages. 25 people who are on the verge of saying I'm done. If you're reading this and you are considering quitting just do it. It will suck for a little while but it will be worth it in the long run. Happy New Year! Now make that resolution and quit.

[69franx]

Reflecting on 200 days

It's been awhile and it has been an interesting ride. It hasn't been too bad but I have had some challenges. I have passed the challenges of the first 30-60.days, long road trips, golf outings with the buddies, beers with the usual suspects, mindless house project tasks where a chew would be in my face but here I am at 200 days still rock solid. I honestly couldn't be happier. I can go to the dentist with out a dirty look and lecture from the doc and/or the hygienist. I have lower health insurance being a non-user. I am beating this addiction one day at a time.

It is not to say I don't have my difficult moments but still they are just moments rather than hours or days. It does get easier. I really think now I have to take a serious stupid pill to ever dip again. Then I think of guys who have been exactly in my shoes who caved and why did they do so? Is it a moment of stupidity? A fuck it attitude? The guilt I would have if that was me. Worse than Catholic (times) Jewish guilt but still I feel for them and wish they had been stronger willed.

Short story:
I ran into a kid, he is 25 years younger than me so kid he is, who was dipping the other day. I said why don't you quit that junk? The answer somewhat surprised me with his brutal honesty. "I don't want to!" I was surprised because I wanted to quit but didn't forever. This kid has been dipping for at least 10 years and he doesn't want to? He must be some US Tobacco Superman because my ass wanted to quit a bunch of times by that year mark. I don't want to, please. Still I tried to say all the right things like it will kill you or it is expensive or don't your gums hurt? No luck. The kid was resolute with his decision. I left him and saying come talk to me one day when you want to quit because it will come and I can tell you how. You can't win them all.

I am just glad I have 200 in the books and I can look the old wife in the eyes and say nope not today. I am beating this demon one day at a time. Screw you big tobacco! I am so glad to be free of your crap garbage product.

Congrats brother. Keep following your routine and let the days add up. Proud to quit with you today.

Great job CTF, love seeing you win and post about it.

Great stuff CTF, I have a friend who also doesn't want to quit. Despite the fact that myself and one of our other buddies are bot quit for almost the same amount of time. Tried again to talk some sense into him last weekend to no avail. All we can do is try. We can help them along the way, but they have to make the choice. He will realize sooner or later and come asking you.

[Thefranks5]

Reflecting on 200 days

It's been awhile and it has been an interesting ride. It hasn't been too bad but I have had some challenges. I have passed the challenges of the first 30-60.days, long road trips, golf outings with the buddies, beers with the usual suspects, mindless house project tasks where a chew would be in my face but here I am at 200 days still rock solid. I honestly couldn't be happier. I can go to the dentist with out a dirty look and lecture from the doc and/or the hygienist. I have lower health insurance being a non-user. I am beating this addiction one day at a time.

It is not to say I don't have my difficult moments but still they are just moments rather than hours or days. It does get easier. I really think now I have to take a serious stupid pill to ever dip again. Then I think of guys who have been exactly in my shoes who caved and why did they do so? Is it a moment of stupidity? A fuck it attitude? The guilt I would have if that was me. Worse than Catholic (times) Jewish guilt but still I feel for them and wish they had been stronger willed.

Short story:
I ran into a kid, he is 25 years younger than me so kid he is, who was dipping the other day. I said why don't you quit that junk? The answer somewhat surprised me with his brutal honesty. "I don't want to!" I was surprised because I wanted to quit but didn't forever. This kid has been dipping for at least 10 years and he doesn't want to? He must be some US Tobacco Superman because my ass wanted to quit a bunch of times by that year mark. I don't want to, please. Still I tried to say all the right things like it will kill you or it is expensive or don't your gums hurt? No luck. The kid was resolute with his decision. I left him and saying come talk to me one day when you want to quit because it will come and I can tell you how. You can't win them all.

I am just glad I have 200 in the books and I can look the old wife in the eyes and say nope not today. I am beating this demon one day at a time. Screw you big tobacco! I am so glad to be free of your crap garbage product.

Congrats brother. Keep following your routine and let the days add up. Proud to quit with you today.

Great job CTF, love seeing you win and post about it.

[Keith0617]

Reflecting on 200 days

It's been awhile and it has been an interesting ride. It hasn't been too bad but I have had some challenges. I have passed the challenges of the first 30-60.days, long road trips, golf outings with the buddies, beers with the usual suspects, mindless house project tasks where a chew would be in my face but here I am at 200 days still rock solid. I honestly couldn't be happier. I can go to the dentist with out a dirty look and lecture from the doc and/or the hygienist. I have lower health insurance being a non-user. I am beating this addiction one day at a time.

It is not to say I don't have my difficult moments but still they are just moments rather than hours or days. It does get easier. I really think now I have to take a serious stupid pill to ever dip again. Then I think of guys who have been exactly in my shoes who caved and why did they do so? Is it a moment of stupidity? A fuck it attitude? The guilt I would have if that was me. Worse than Catholic (times) Jewish guilt but still I feel for them and wish they had been stronger willed.

Short story:
I ran into a kid, he is 25 years younger than me so kid he is, who was dipping the other day. I said why don't you quit that junk? The answer somewhat surprised me with his brutal honesty. "I don't want to!" I was surprised because I wanted to quit but didn't forever. This kid has been dipping for at least 10 years and he doesn't want to? He must be some US Tobacco Superman because my ass wanted to quit a bunch of times by that year mark. I don't want to, please. Still I tried to say all the right things like it will kill you or it is expensive or don't your gums hurt? No luck. The kid was resolute with his decision. I left him and saying come talk to me one day when you want to quit because it will come and I can tell you how. You can't win them all.

I am just glad I have 200 in the books and I can look the old wife in the eyes and say nope not today. I am beating this demon one day at a time. Screw you big tobacco! I am so glad to be free of your crap garbage product.

Congrats brother. Keep following your routine and let the days add up. Proud to quit with you today.

[CTF]

Reflecting on 200 days

It's been awhile and it has been an interesting ride. It hasn't been too bad but I have had some challenges. I have passed the challenges of the first 30-60.days, long road trips, golf outings with the buddies, beers with the usual suspects, mindless house project tasks where a chew would be in my face but here I am at 200 days still rock solid. I honestly couldn't be happier. I can go to the dentist with out a dirty look and lecture from the doc and/or the hygienist. I have lower health insurance being a non-user. I am beating this addiction one day at a time.

It is not to say I don't have my difficult moments but still they are just moments rather than hours or days. It does get easier. I really think now I have to take a serious stupid pill to ever dip again. Then I think of guys who have been exactly in my shoes who caved and why did they do so? Is it a moment of stupidity? A fuck it attitude? The guilt I would have if that was me. Worse than Catholic (times) Jewish guilt but still I feel for them and wish they had been stronger willed.

Short story:
I ran into a kid, he is 25 years younger than me so kid he is, who was dipping the other day. I said why don't you quit that junk? The answer somewhat surprised me with his brutal honesty. "I don't want to!" I was surprised because I wanted to quit but didn't forever. This kid has been dipping for at least 10 years and he doesn't want to? He must be some US Tobacco Superman because my ass wanted to quit a bunch of times by that year mark. I don't want to, please. Still I tried to say all the right things like it will kill you or it is expensive or don't your gums hurt? No luck. The kid was resolute with his decision. I left him and saying come talk to me one day when you want to quit because it will come and I can tell you how. You can't win them all.

I am just glad I have 200 in the books and I can look the old wife in the eyes and say nope not today. I am beating this demon one day at a time. Screw you big tobacco! I am so glad to be free of your crap garbage product.

[Keith0617]

7 weeks in the books

I feel really well. I don't have cravings necessarily I just think about it occasionally and that's usually only when I'm bored. I continue to chew gum to help but all in all it isn't that bad for me right now.

I am noticing ny mouth is finally healing which is really good. I continue to use a water pic and an electric toothbrush and it is amazing how well your mouth feels after continuous usage.I have also noticed an improvement in my sense of taste which is nice. I have also noticed my bedtime routine has gotten easier and thus I'm falling asleep faster.

I continue to work out when and where I can. Gym's are closed in my state due to the virus so one does what they can. Lots of bike rides which equates into time spent with the family and that's a good thing.

I have to head back east next week for a funeral. My cousin has passed from colon cancer. She was only 44, a nurse, with two high school aged boys. She wasn't on tobacco user. Just shows Cancer can get anyone for any reason. Anyway, I don't believe this will be a test for me but the upcoming funeral. I just don't have the desire any longer and I'm very grateful for this experience has been easier than previous attempts. I will just keep on doing what I do before I know it we will be at our 100-day mark.

Cost savings: $175

Congrats and great to hear you are doing well. Sorry to hear about your cousin. Do yourself a favor, please  remember 100 days or reaching HOF is only the beginning, not the end. There isn’t a finish line. Just keep doing what you are doing and let the days add up. Proud to quit with you today.

[CTF]

7 weeks in the books

I feel really well. I don't have cravings necessarily I just think about it occasionally and that's usually only when I'm bored. I continue to chew gum to help but all in all it isn't that bad for me right now.

I am noticing ny mouth is finally healing which is really good. I continue to use a water pic and an electric toothbrush and it is amazing how well your mouth feels after continuous usage.I have also noticed an improvement in my sense of taste which is nice. I have also noticed my bedtime routine has gotten easier and thus I'm falling asleep faster.

I continue to work out when and where I can. Gym's are closed in my state due to the virus so one does what they can. Lots of bike rides which equates into time spent with the family and that's a good thing.

I have to head back east next week for a funeral. My cousin has passed from colon cancer. She was only 44, a nurse, with two high school aged boys. She wasn't on tobacco user. Just shows Cancer can get anyone for any reason. Anyway, I don't believe this will be a test for me but the upcoming funeral. I just don't have the desire any longer and I'm very grateful for this experience has been easier than previous attempts. I will just keep on doing what I do before I know it we will be at our 100-day mark.

Cost savings: $175

[CTF]

Day 31

A full long month in.

I read a lot of things in the website and I came across something that should be mandatory reading.

I was born in San Diego and had always been a fan of anything San Diego. The Zoo, Sea World, The Clippers (until they moved to LA), The Chargers (until they moved to LA) and the San Diego Padres. I had the opportunity to play baseball in college and growing up my two sports idols were George Brett and Tony Gwynn, both fantastic Hall of Fame hitters  and both chewers. Today only George is with us and Tony is gone because of his addition to chew. His story should be mandatory as a scare straight approach. You will find the link below.

Don't Fucking cave. Keep fighting the fight

https://www.espn.com/espn/otl/news/story?id=6257656

[CTF]

@CTF Stay strong man you got this. I waited 78 days before joining. Like a goofball I was a lurker. Posted a question and man the help showed up like an amish barn raising. Joined that day and will post as long as God lets me. Keep the great attitude up as thats what you need and keep reaching out to the other members on KTC. I have been fighting a severe throat for 8 weeks and it ended up being silent reflux. Started meds yesterday and 1000% better already. This is not only a big change in your life but your families as well. I leaned on my wife for alot of support and as she is somebody who would sit and listen and even let me cry when the emotions got to me. In my posts you will see me refer to her as my awesome wife because without having an awesome wife I would have fell apart and who knows where I would have been. So take care of your better half even more so than you did and dig deep and find extra patience if you have kids because you will need it. My first 4 weeks were a complete nightmare and the next 8 is what really kicked my butt. Finally at 114 days I am really doing good but the craves for me are bad so I am trying as many fake dips as my throat will let me. So keep fighting as you will be feeling better eventually but we fight it one day at a time. Stay strong, stay safe and God bless you brother.

Thanks @Thefranks5 . Hang in there amigo. I told have an awesome wife and a 9 year old daughter who is pretty awesome too. Life is weird right now, this week, as I am disjointed with the Mrs. but that will come back around. We have been married almost 26 years so I guess she isn't going anywhere or at least she hasn't yet. Glad to hear about your throat. I was reading some of your earlier postings and understandably I get it when anything goes a little weird with our throats or mouths or tongues because we were stupid. I'm very glad to hear it's just a little acid reflux and you will get better soon. Cheers mate!

[Thefranks5]

@CTF Stay strong man you got this. I waited 78 days before joining. Like a goofball I was a lurker. Posted a question and man the help showed up like an amish barn raising. Joined that day and will post as long as God lets me. Keep the great attitude up as thats what you need and keep reaching out to the other members on KTC. I have been fighting a severe throat for 8 weeks and it ended up being silent reflux. Started meds yesterday and 1000% better already. This is not only a big change in your life but your families as well. I leaned on my wife for alot of support and as she is somebody who would sit and listen and even let me cry when the emotions got to me. In my posts you will see me refer to her as my awesome wife because without having an awesome wife I would have fell apart and who knows where I would have been. So take care of your better half even more so than you did and dig deep and find extra patience if you have kids because you will need it. My first 4 weeks were a complete nightmare and the next 8 is what really kicked my butt. Finally at 114 days I am really doing good but the craves for me are bad so I am trying as many fake dips as my throat will let me. So keep fighting as you will be feeling better eventually but we fight it one day at a time. Stay strong, stay safe and God bless you brother.

[CTF]

Week 4 in the books

28 glorious days.

How am I feeling:
Honestly I am really doing well. Don't get me wrong I think about it from time to time but I'm still plugging along and now I am at 28 days. I still feel very resolute and strong in my decision which is good because no one likes the struggle.

Something pissed me off:
I had a dream where I went to a store to buy a can. The clerk didn't have my brand which caused me to turn away. I woke up pissed off. Apparently my subconscious hasn't figured out yet what my conscience has. Get in line subconscious.

Eternal Quitters:
this week I read through a few of those stories and it made me wonder how many people passed away from tobacco. I read one story where a poor soul took his life and it kind of shook me in bit to think nothing is that bad. Stay strong my friends in your quit and with where you are. Take time out to yourself do something fun while being in the suck. Though the stories are sad they're worth reading, at least they were for me as I continue this journey.

Shout outs:
@EXBEARHAG  and @AwakenedOne  thanks for being in my corner. Just those little messages or shouts along the way are very much appreciated.

Savings:
$80

[Keith0617]

Week 3 in the books

How am I feeling?
Pretty good. I actually feel stronger and stronger each day. Taking another step each day away from my problem. My mouth/gums/tongue are beginning to feel much better. I highly encourage a quieter to use a water pick and an electric toothbrush daily. It feels so awesome and is a good reminder throughout the day of the benefits of quitting as you realize how much healthier your mouth is.  My teeth are much whiter as well.

I told the wife I quit (for real)
This was the easiest conversation I have had with my wife concerning chew ever. I told her I was dead serious about this and to help me through it I joined this accountability group (KTC). I even let her read some of my write-ups  She actually cried with joy a bit which definitely pulled at the heart strings pretty hard. Chewing has been the one wedge in our marriage all these years  and with that gone things are/will continue to be great.

I was tested this week
Bourbons with College buddies and nemesis Mr Copenhagen was there too. Even with multiple drams in me I wasn't wanting a chew at all. The will power and my accountability are still intact and I was proud of myself for it  It was pretty enlighting when I was calling out my buddies to quit that shit. They aren't ready yet so I was the asshole but that's ok and I will wear that asshole-quitter sign proudly.

How am I able to make this quit stick?
If there is anything I could pay it forward to someone trying to quit would be this mindset:
You have to in your mind really want to quit. You can't go half way with this because you are only fooling yourself and wasting your time. That's really the trick for me. I just came to a point in my life where I don't want to do this anymore for numerous reasons. I made up my mind to quit and the willpower is the easy part once you get there.

Money saved
Approximately $60 so far. I think I am going to buy a new golf driver when I make it to the Hall as my celebration gift with the money I have saved not chewing. Seems like a good goal/payout

Keep rocking your quit @CTF . Just remember the nic bitch will come test you again. Keep your guard sharp.

[CTF]

Week 3 in the books

How am I feeling?
Pretty good. I actually feel stronger and stronger each day. Taking another step each day away from my problem. My mouth/gums/tongue are beginning to feel much better. I highly encourage a quieter to use a water pick and an electric toothbrush daily. It feels so awesome and is a good reminder throughout the day of the benefits of quitting as you realize how much healthier your mouth is.  My teeth are much whiter as well.

I told the wife I quit (for real)
This was the easiest conversation I have had with my wife concerning chew ever. I told her I was dead serious about this and to help me through it I joined this accountability group (KTC). I even let her read some of my write-ups  She actually cried with joy a bit which definitely pulled at the heart strings pretty hard. Chewing has been the one wedge in our marriage all these years  and with that gone things are/will continue to be great.

I was tested this week
Bourbons with College buddies and nemesis Mr Copenhagen was there too. Even with multiple drams in me I wasn't wanting a chew at all. The will power and my accountability are still intact and I was proud of myself for it  It was pretty enlighting when I was calling out my buddies to quit that shit. They aren't ready yet so I was the asshole but that's ok and I will wear that asshole-quitter sign proudly.

How am I able to make this quit stick?
If there is anything I could pay it forward to someone trying to quit would be this mindset:
You have to in your mind really want to quit. You can't go half way with this because you are only fooling yourself and wasting your time. That's really the trick for me. I just came to a point in my life where I don't want to do this anymore for numerous reasons. I made up my mind to quit and the willpower is the easy part once you get there.

Money saved
Approximately $60 so far. I think I am going to buy a new golf driver when I make it to the Hall as my celebration gift with the money I have saved not chewing. Seems like a good goal/payout

[CTF]

Week 2 in the books

This week found new challenges but nothing I couldn't deal with. For some stupid reason I was thinking about chew more than I wanted to but my coping mechanisms got me through it. I have to say for me my biggest tool in my tool belt is just willpower. Knowing that this isn't anything I want to do any longer helps. I loved chewing but to be honest as the days go by that longing or love seems to be less and less.

Oral hygiene: I kicked it up a notch using my water pick and electric Oral B toothbrush more often than I normally do. My mouth seems to be healing and I am trying to do everything to make that happen.

What am I doing when I crave:
For me I don't want to use any of the fake stuff. I want to completely walk away from anything chew like. I chew eclipse spearmint gum and some beef jerky. I am a huge fan of sunflower seeds but I'm trying to steer away from that as well to allow my mouth to heal. I do see some SPITZ Honey BBQ seeds in my future. They have less salt in them and seem to be easier in my mouth.

Weight gain:
I have gained a bit. I plan on countering that in making better food choices and working out a bit more. there is a saying though that you can't outrun your fork so probably what makes most sense is eating more salads.

A couple of beers no crave:
I have had a bit of alcohol this week, just a couple of beers one night and I did well.. I didn't really crave while drinking. I hadn't gone while high to test my will and I don't plan to for some time. I have always been a huge water drinker and that hasn't changed.

Thank you:
To everyone who has reached out to me. I sincerely thank you.

Until next week stay strong my friends. If you need anyone to I am just a PM/text/phone call away.

Cheers,

CTF

Keep blogging it out CTF.  In some ways, I think you are, at 2 weeks, ahead of me at 337 days.  I too thought that I "loved" dip.  I'm certainly still guilty of romanticizing the addiction from time to time.  Your focus and determination at 2 weeks is good for me to be exposed to.  Keep kicking ass brother.  Hold that line.

~HAG

@EXBEARHAG Thanks for the kind words and the support. @Zeus made some really good points though. I was lucky enough to play College Baseball and a little bit of after college ball in a time where ball players chewed. Right wrong or in different it's what kids did and I very much enjoyed playing the game I loved and chew was a part of that. I definately romanticized or waxed poetic a bit but Z is right it was slowly killing me.

Everyone has a different experience with this shit but the outcome is here is all the same with the Quit. I wish we all could grab a beer and just shoot the shit because I am sure there are a crap ton of great stories and wisdom there.

As for being a head of you I laughed reading that. You and Zeus are giants to me. I will keep on blogging weekly through my process in hopes to help others and remind me of where I was and to stay on the path.

Cheers

CTF