CTF day 219
For some time now, maybe a month, I have been fighting the urge to chew. I am saying this not trying to alarm anyone but I am being truthful about my journey and it is happening. I mitigate these moments of temptation/stupidity with the realization that I don't want to go back to chewing, dealing with mouth sores, having my jaw hurt, my gums bleed, stinky breath, yellow teeth, dealing with a bottle of chew spit that will eventually be spilled, the possibility of cancer or dying from this shit, etc.
These moments are just that but I have been experiencing them multiple times a day. Usually they last 15-30 seconds and I am past it. I have enough willpower/resolve to get through this. Strange though how I am past physical addiction but my mind keeps playing with me from time to time.
What helped me tonight was reading the drama going on in April 21. There were some epic posts by: @Batdad @69franx @EXBEARHAG @FH @Athan and I am sure I missed someone but those names come to mind. All of their words spoke to me basically saying don't be stupid and you are 219 days down the road and going back to day 1 is a fools choice.
These moments of craving makes me ask myself:
Why is this happening?
Will this continue and if so for how long?
I expect no one person has a good answer for me because all of our journeies are unique to oneself. Still I am trying to understand more aboutme. Stupid ass nicotine how I hate you.
Stay Strong my friends.
Honored that I could help you quit just one more day.
You're at a weird stage in your quit. It's lost its luster.... you question if you'll ever be free from its clutches. You start looking off to the horizon, wondering if you can do this forever.... wondering if you can do this by yourself....
We've all been there in some form or fashion. All I know is, it gets better. You've been hearing those words for the last 200+ days. And you know they are true. I promise you the best is still to come. If you're here long enough you start to see some of the patterns. You'll see people leave, only to com e back and post a day 1..... and some of those people end up not making it... and there's people that just silently become slaves again.
Keep posting roll every day. One of the best ways to fight craves is find a fresh new quitter and take them under your wing. When you have someone looking up to you, it will strengthen your own quit. And when you see someone struggling through that first week, it's a great reminder that you NEVER want to be there again.
Sorry for being king winded....
Proud to be quit with you today.