Day 209
It is funny how long nicotine try's to hang on. I felt pretty bad from day 180 to about day 200. Craving, jaw/gum itch, irritation, annoyed. All the other symptoms have passed away but those. Even conducting June 21 i can honestly say i walked to the ledge every damn day. Deciding if my quit was worth it, My brain still trying to figure out why i even started this campaign, O how easy it would be to just stop and buy a can. looking out wondering if just one fix would help with the turmoil swirling in my mind. I have done this every day since my own HOF. And i can honestly say its Exhausting. Every damn day i walk to that ledge and weigh my options. And than my biggest test came at me. Divorce, now i don't want to dive to much into it but that type of stress, emotional roller-coaster, and loss had me over that ledge holding on with one hand. Mind telling my i dont have a wife to nag me any more, you could just go back and no one will care, Was/is all this effort worth it? But here i am posting another day and here is why folks.
1) I have been WUPPing so long its second nature to me now, its soooo easy.
2) when the Nicotine bitch talks, my name on roll early reminds it that i promised you all i would make it for today.
3) A special pieace of info i read here early on my quit called "choose your Harder" I've told myself this everyday since i read it, and even more so through my divorce.
4) I built my Quit wall extremely high with newbies, half dangle quitters, and vets alike that not only count on my text message but i theirs. (By far the best way to back away from that ledge is through your quit brothers and sisters)
5) The Accountability and effort i put in had people reaching out to me checking to see if i was still solid because i was only posting roll in my group.
Its hard being a quitter, but is it worth it? HELL YES! Its worth everything! The freedom of not tracking down a can, The free landscape your home/car/job has without nasty ass spitters. The knowing that im actively trying to take care of my health for myself and for my family. that they wont have to see me go through Chemo and radiation as i have watch my Uncle. We work at this thing Every Damn Day and i would not have it any other way. Divorce, Family deaths, favorite pet died they are just prefect opportunity's for that nic bitch thats been waiting to open the door. Today i stand at that ledge again and weigh my options mentally, and again i am choosing freedom for today.Be better , Dip does not define you any more so toss it the finger and keep pushing.
Nick- LTBE