Penance

[EXBEARHAG]

Day 18

Why did I quit tobacco?
I woke up at 0400 this morning because for some unGodly reason the boat decided to go out on the water and do all kinds of noise.
As I sat there feeling cranky and growly, a thought came to my mind, “Why did o quit tobacco, more specifically dip?”
Because I couldn’t and can’t stand the looks of sadness and pity that would be on every loved one’s, friend’s, and co-worker’s face when they would look down on me in a hospital bed as I lay there weak from chemo with tubes coming out of my body. Or the daily looks of disgust I would get from missing a jaw or parts of my face. The self/hatred I would feel from seeing my own disfigured face in the mirror.
Think of the sadness that it would cause my wife, Katelyn, and my daughters, Hazel and Parker. Think of how that sadness would turn to fear at being left alone for the rest of their lives without their daddy and husband to protect them. Think of how that fear would turn to anger and maybe even hatred because I chose a dead plant in a can over them?
Think of your own self loathing you would feel because you decided to ruin your life over a stupid, useless habit.
I can see their beautiful faces marred by tears and looks of pity, and honestly, it’s enough to make me never, ever want to do it again.
My oldest daughter has an older girl who is her mentor. She was just given a death sentence from cancer that was not of her own choosing.
How stupid would it be to die from something you could have avoided 100%? There is only room there for “you poor, dumb bastard.”
I don’t want to be a poor dumb bastard.

Years ago, I chose Trapjaw from He-Man as my avatar as I had always responded that I wanted to be fitted with a steel jaw like him if somebody asked me if I was afraid to cancer.

I was scared of cancer and still am to an extent. 

But I will say the best thing about being quit isn't the freedom of fear.  It's the freedom period.  Often when we lose family and friends, it's easy to point at what did them in.  Hell, nobody knows which chew or cigarette of the thousands we did causes cancer.  It could be the first.  It could be the 10th.  It could have been the last one I ever had back in 2011.  We can't control whether we get sick from the shit.  All we can control is getting it out of systems and increasing our freedoms.

You're doing your family proud.  Stay quit today.  When tomorrow rolls around, do it again.

Enjoy your family without this weed.

wastepanel speaks the truth here.  There is no cure for our addiction and we won't know if we've beaten cancer until the day we die.  All we can do is live our lives nicotine free until the good Lord calls us to our Heavenly Home.

My advise is to live your life, live it like you know you are free!! Hug your wife and kids every chance you get and tell them how much you love them.  Make every moment count!!

Damn Saint.  That was powerful.  Keep blogging this shit out...you'd be surprised how many people can relate.

[chris2alaska]

Day 18

Why did I quit tobacco?
I woke up at 0400 this morning because for some unGodly reason the boat decided to go out on the water and do all kinds of noise.
As I sat there feeling cranky and growly, a thought came to my mind, “Why did o quit tobacco, more specifically dip?”
Because I couldn’t and can’t stand the looks of sadness and pity that would be on every loved one’s, friend’s, and co-worker’s face when they would look down on me in a hospital bed as I lay there weak from chemo with tubes coming out of my body. Or the daily looks of disgust I would get from missing a jaw or parts of my face. The self/hatred I would feel from seeing my own disfigured face in the mirror.
Think of the sadness that it would cause my wife, Katelyn, and my daughters, Hazel and Parker. Think of how that sadness would turn to fear at being left alone for the rest of their lives without their daddy and husband to protect them. Think of how that fear would turn to anger and maybe even hatred because I chose a dead plant in a can over them?
Think of your own self loathing you would feel because you decided to ruin your life over a stupid, useless habit.
I can see their beautiful faces marred by tears and looks of pity, and honestly, it’s enough to make me never, ever want to do it again.
My oldest daughter has an older girl who is her mentor. She was just given a death sentence from cancer that was not of her own choosing.
How stupid would it be to die from something you could have avoided 100%? There is only room there for “you poor, dumb bastard.”
I don’t want to be a poor dumb bastard.

Years ago, I chose Trapjaw from He-Man as my avatar as I had always responded that I wanted to be fitted with a steel jaw like him if somebody asked me if I was afraid to cancer.

I was scared of cancer and still am to an extent. 

But I will say the best thing about being quit isn't the freedom of fear.  It's the freedom period.  Often when we lose family and friends, it's easy to point at what did them in.  Hell, nobody knows which chew or cigarette of the thousands we did causes cancer.  It could be the first.  It could be the 10th.  It could have been the last one I ever had back in 2011.  We can't control whether we get sick from the shit.  All we can control is getting it out of systems and increasing our freedoms.

You're doing your family proud.  Stay quit today.  When tomorrow rolls around, do it again.

Enjoy your family without this weed.

wastepanel speaks the truth here.  There is no cure for our addiction and we won't know if we've beaten cancer until the day we die.  All we can do is live our lives nicotine free until the good Lord calls us to our Heavenly Home.

My advise is to live your life, live it like you know you are free!! Hug your wife and kids every chance you get and tell them how much you love them.  Make every moment count!!

[wastepanel]

Day 18

Why did I quit tobacco?
I woke up at 0400 this morning because for some unGodly reason the boat decided to go out on the water and do all kinds of noise.
As I sat there feeling cranky and growly, a thought came to my mind, “Why did o quit tobacco, more specifically dip?”
Because I couldn’t and can’t stand the looks of sadness and pity that would be on every loved one’s, friend’s, and co-worker’s face when they would look down on me in a hospital bed as I lay there weak from chemo with tubes coming out of my body. Or the daily looks of disgust I would get from missing a jaw or parts of my face. The self/hatred I would feel from seeing my own disfigured face in the mirror.
Think of the sadness that it would cause my wife, Katelyn, and my daughters, Hazel and Parker. Think of how that sadness would turn to fear at being left alone for the rest of their lives without their daddy and husband to protect them. Think of how that fear would turn to anger and maybe even hatred because I chose a dead plant in a can over them?
Think of your own self loathing you would feel because you decided to ruin your life over a stupid, useless habit.
I can see their beautiful faces marred by tears and looks of pity, and honestly, it’s enough to make me never, ever want to do it again.
My oldest daughter has an older girl who is her mentor. She was just given a death sentence from cancer that was not of her own choosing.
How stupid would it be to die from something you could have avoided 100%? There is only room there for “you poor, dumb bastard.”
I don’t want to be a poor dumb bastard.

Years ago, I chose Trapjaw from He-Man as my avatar as I had always responded that I wanted to be fitted with a steel jaw like him if somebody asked me if I was afraid to cancer.

I was scared of cancer and still am to an extent. 

But I will say the best thing about being quit isn't the freedom of fear.  It's the freedom period.  Often when we lose family and friends, it's easy to point at what did them in.  Hell, nobody knows which chew or cigarette of the thousands we did causes cancer.  It could be the first.  It could be the 10th.  It could have been the last one I ever had back in 2011.  We can't control whether we get sick from the shit.  All we can control is getting it out of systems and increasing our freedoms.

You're doing your family proud.  Stay quit today.  When tomorrow rolls around, do it again.

Enjoy your family without this weed.

[MN_Engineer]

Each quitter gets only one Intro, @SouthernSaint

Please continue to use this one moving forward.

[SouthernSaint]

Day 18

Why did I quit tobacco?
I woke up at 0400 this morning because for some unGodly reason the boat decided to go out on the water and do all kinds of noise.
As I sat there feeling cranky and growly, a thought came to my mind, “Why did o quit tobacco, more specifically dip?”
Because I couldn’t and can’t stand the looks of sadness and pity that would be on every loved one’s, friend’s, and co-worker’s face when they would look down on me in a hospital bed as I lay there weak from chemo with tubes coming out of my body. Or the daily looks of disgust I would get from missing a jaw or parts of my face. The self/hatred I would feel from seeing my own disfigured face in the mirror.
Think of the sadness that it would cause my wife, Katelyn, and my daughters, Hazel and Parker. Think of how that sadness would turn to fear at being left alone for the rest of their lives without their daddy and husband to protect them. Think of how that fear would turn to anger and maybe even hatred because I chose a dead plant in a can over them?
Think of your own self loathing you would feel because you decided to ruin your life over a stupid, useless habit.
I can see their beautiful faces marred by tears and looks of pity, and honestly, it’s enough to make me never, ever want to do it again.
My oldest daughter has an older girl who is her mentor. She was just given a death sentence from cancer that was not of her own choosing.
How stupid would it be to die from something you could have avoided 100%? There is only room there for “you poor, dumb bastard.”
I don’t want to be a poor dumb bastard.

[SouthernSaint]

Day 17

The “Law of the Jungle”

Not ever day is gonna be a stellar break through day. You are not always going to have some bright new revelation of quit. Most days are going to be plain Jane. Most of the others are gong to be gritty as hell. The main thing is to remain determined and quit through each and every day.

“The Law of the Jungle”
The Law for the Wolves”
“The Jungle Book” by Rudyard Kipling

“NOW this is the law of the jungle,
As old and as true as the sky,
And the Wolf that shall keep it may prosper,
But the Wolf that shall break it must die.”

The “laws” of our quitter philosophy aren’t new. They have been around as one as junkies like us have been trying to get clean off whatever.
1) you will not use nicotine in any form ever again.
2) you all post roll each morning, first thing.
3) you will trade phone numbers and build up a contact list of fellow quitters and build up accountability.
4) you will reach out for help BEFORE you cave, or if you even think you are even CLOSE to having a cave.
5) if a quitter caved, he MUST own up to it PROMPTLY and SINCERELY and must TRUTHFULLY and HONESTLY answer the three questions.
6) You must do everything you can to make sure your brothers stay quit. If you do nothing to build them up, their failure may be on your hands, albeit unintentionally.

The quitter that keeps these rules is usually successful. There is always the chance a quitter may in weakness and stupidity decide to fail and cave, but there is no other alternative but failure or “death” for the quitter who refuses to obey these six rules.

[Athan]

I am a Christian, have been since my senior year of high school. We should not be bound by anything but Christ. This includes addiction to nicotine.

AMEN

[chris2alaska]

I’m SouthernSaint. I have been hooked on tobacco for almost ten or so years now. I had a five year stoppage, but a change in work into an environment full of tobacco users eventually led me to cave. Actually, in some weird way, pride led to my downfall. I was actually prideful of how much I used to do the crap, and it made me look down on the guys who dip here because of how small they dip. Stupid reason to fall, but a damn sneaky one for the demon to use to slip me up.
Flash forward, I’ve been ninja dipping in some fashion for almost a year now. Brief stoppages when the guilt hit. Then a few days go by and I’m right back on the junk.
It is time to put this old ghost in the ground for good. I’m tired of lying to my wife and daughters, tired of seeing the disappointment in their faces and the pity and the forced understanding because their hero ended up being a weakling. Most of all though, I am tired of looking at myself in the mirror and not recognizing the man staring back at me. I don’t like him, or who he has become. I don’t feel like myself. I had done something that first stoppage, something awesome, something noble, and I gave that up.
I am ready. Ready to quit again for good. It will be tougher this time. I am ready for the penance, and the freedom it will bring.
I work offshore on a frac boat, so at times cell service will be slow. I am a bit worried about making my roll post everyday. I am open and welcome for support of my fellow brothers and sisters.
I am a Christian, have been since my senior year of high school. We should not be bound by anything but Christ. This includes addiction to nicotine. God bless. I am looking forward to posting my Day 1 on the roll bright and early.

Please message with help about the offshore and service issue.

If you are not able to get online to post while on the boat, text one of your quit brothers your promise for the day and ask for a pickup.  Whomever you text will then post for you for that day.

My digits are in your inbox.

[AwakenedOne]

Welcome! @SouthernSaint Glad to add a brother in Christ to the site. Proud to be quit with you. Awesome decision to reclaim your life and freedom back. I can tell you my walk with God improved significantly since quitting. I am able to focus on Him more rather than focusing on my next fix. "Everything is permissible for me"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"--but I will not be mastered by anything. 1 Corinthians 6:12

[JeffH4257]

Welcome brother!

Proud to be quit with you today!

We take it one day at a time around here.

-Jeff

[FullCurl]

Welcome, lean on the brothers here. Proud to be here with you.

God bless and stay strong

[EXBEARHAG]

I’m SouthernSaint. I have been hooked on tobacco for almost ten or so years now. I had a five year stoppage, but a change in work into an environment full of tobacco users eventually led me to cave. Actually, in some weird way, pride led to my downfall. I was actually prideful of how much I used to do the crap, and it made me look down on the guys who dip here because of how small they dip. Stupid reason to fall, but a damn sneaky one for the demon to use to slip me up.
Flash forward, I’ve been ninja dipping in some fashion for almost a year now. Brief stoppages when the guilt hit. Then a few days go by and I’m right back on the junk.
It is time to put this old ghost in the ground for good. I’m tired of lying to my wife and daughters, tired of seeing the disappointment in their faces and the pity and the forced understanding because their hero ended up being a weakling. Most of all though, I am tired of looking at myself in the mirror and not recognizing the man staring back at me. I don’t like him, or who he has become. I don’t feel like myself. I had done something that first stoppage, something awesome, something noble, and I gave that up.
I am ready. Ready to quit again for good. It will be tougher this time. I am ready for the penance, and the freedom it will bring.
I work offshore on a frac boat, so at times cell service will be slow. I am a bit worried about making my roll post everyday. I am open and welcome for support of my fellow brothers and sisters.
I am a Christian, have been since my senior year of high school. We should not be bound by anything but Christ. This includes addiction to nicotine. God bless. I am looking forward to posting my Day 1 on the roll bright and early.

Please message with help about the offshore and service issue.

Hey @SouthernSaint .  You're in the right place sir.  Your story is my story...and the story of most here.  The key to to this place is to take things slow, quit one day at a time, post roll early every day, make connections with other quitters and hold each other accountable.  You'll be posting roll in the April '21 group found here: https://ktcforum.org/index.php?topic=16868.0 .  It's a strong group off to a great start. 

As far as posting roll while off shore, you can only control what you can control.  Do your best to post early every day.  If you think you may have trouble posting, let your group know so we won't be looking for you.  If all else fails, and you can't sign on, write a note with your promise on a paper and take a picture of it.  It's binding.  When you come back into service send the pics forward to your group.  The idea is to get in the habit of promising not to use and then holding up your end of the bargain...with the help of everyone here... and demanding the same from everyone else. 

As you know, this will be a struggle.  You probably associate dip with most of what you do in life.  Some things will be hard to move on from.  Keep your head down and push through.  Honor your word to your brothers and sisters.  Things get better the more time and distance you put between you and the bitch.  It takes time but is worth it.  What option do you really have?

Proud to quit with you sir.  Please reach out with any q's or c's.  You can do this.

~HAG

[SouthernSaint]

I’m SouthernSaint. I have been hooked on tobacco for almost ten or so years now. I had a five year stoppage, but a change in work into an environment full of tobacco users eventually led me to cave. Actually, in some weird way, pride led to my downfall. I was actually prideful of how much I used to do the crap, and it made me look down on the guys who dip here because of how small they dip. Stupid reason to fall, but a damn sneaky one for the demon to use to slip me up.
Flash forward, I’ve been ninja dipping in some fashion for almost a year now. Brief stoppages when the guilt hit. Then a few days go by and I’m right back on the junk.
It is time to put this old ghost in the ground for good. I’m tired of lying to my wife and daughters, tired of seeing the disappointment in their faces and the pity and the forced understanding because their hero ended up being a weakling. Most of all though, I am tired of looking at myself in the mirror and not recognizing the man staring back at me. I don’t like him, or who he has become. I don’t feel like myself. I had done something that first stoppage, something awesome, something noble, and I gave that up.
I am ready. Ready to quit again for good. It will be tougher this time. I am ready for the penance, and the freedom it will bring.
I work offshore on a frac boat, so at times cell service will be slow. I am a bit worried about making my roll post everyday. I am open and welcome for support of my fellow brothers and sisters.
I am a Christian, have been since my senior year of high school. We should not be bound by anything but Christ. This includes addiction to nicotine. God bless. I am looking forward to posting my Day 1 on the roll bright and early.

Please message with help about the offshore and service issue.