April 24th 2025...out of absolutely nowhere I was done. I did not have some inspiring, heart warming story of breaking free from the chains after seeing my son take his first steps or something. I just...quit. My last can of grizzly was done, I decided that was it and I looked up on google about quitting dip and I suddenly find Chewie doing youtube videos and he tells me of this group and now here I am.
I mean it is kind of poetic.
Had to be close to the exact day 16 years prior I first tried it for no other reason than my buddy did, in that barracks room in Twentynine Palms, as we all played WoW. My buddy offered, I figured why not? Next thing I know I am buying $40 logs of grizzly in the PX in 2009. Three years later I was busy dipping three cans a day, downing two BFC's of Monster and drinking on top of that. What I thought was me just having a good time as a 20 something year old in the Marines was really me destroying my body because I could not cope.
See, my story boils down to the very real reality that I could not face life. I buried myself into partying and dip. Work and dip. My frustration with civilians...and dip. My frustration with the world and constant failure of just holding a job...and dip. Dip was the one thing keeping my sanity together I told myself. Through it all, through being dirt broke. Not able to afford power, water or food I still could scrounge $5 to get a can of grizzly or some god awful knock off, because dip was what would hold me together. I was to the point I would steal money from friends or family, keep change, or snatch a $20 I spotted sitting in the open just so I could have another can of grizzly. I was living in a trailer with leaky roofs, no heat, and no food in the middle of winter in NE Kansas...but I had my grizzly to keep me safe.
I even ended up in the hospital from panic attacks. Constant 24 hours a day, 7 days a week panic attacks. Dropped 80 pounds in a week, dropped inches a day. My entire body and mind breaking down trying to wake me up to the war in my head. But I had my grizzly. I would be ok, therapy? medication?
No I just needed people to leave me alone and my grizzly. I would be safe and fine.
6 years go by and here I am. Those of you reading this, some are thinking about quitting. I did, for years I would think about it and then I would reason with myself that the nicotine was my safety. It is what made life possible. Grizzly was how I would make it I just couldn't imagine how I could handle the feelings and the anger. The feeling of failing, the feeling of not being enough. See if I had my grizzly, I could pretend that doesn't exist.
What I found out quickly was that with the help of some Spitless Bastards in July 25, and the leadership of some veteran quitters who know what I was dealing with and understood what I was feeling, I could find myself at 100 days nicotine free and a better person than I was on April 23rd.
I could lie and say that it was an easy time or that I could do it on my own.
I would never have made it without the support and the genuine caring of what were once strangers helping me on the way. Most of my days sucked, out of 100, 95 were rough days. Some worse than others. But I was not alone, and because of them I stand here today as the newest member of the Hall of Fame.
Make the hard choice to better your life, you will never regret it.
