Within The Trance
Slowly it creeps into the darkness of my world. At a weak and vulnerable state; a time where IÂ’m unable to think rationally since IÂ’m nestled cozy amidst the warmth of my bed. The addict trance within allows me to believe that I have forsaken the vow that I took today. It haunts me to know that I have let myself and others down.
Each night within the addict trance it repeats itself over and over again. Before long it has me to believe IÂ’m taking one dip secretly. It tries to show me how easily I could hide it from my family. Hell, I could hide it from you. I breathe in deeply as reality emerges to clear the thick fog that held me captive; yet a voice softly escapes; it begs and pleads with me. It wants me to accept I can have a dip since IÂ’ve been dreaming about it.
ThatÂ’s when I remember the past I have endured throughout my quit. I recite my HOF speech and others. I look to my very first post where I was so fragile and weak. IÂ’ve grown stronger since then. That voice will always lurk just beyond the shadows to try and regain control.
But I wonÂ’t allow it! And itÂ’s angry with me. For years IÂ’ve been a servant to this overbearing beast and it doesnÂ’t understand why I want to change. It wants to suck the life right out of me; to my very last breath.
It will not regain control. I can and will do this; not for my family, not for my children, not for anyone other than myself! As I see you within your quit, you inspire me; you bestow upon me strength and that my friend gives me power. The power to stay quit! And for that I am deeply indebted to you.
-mylilsecret
