Really Worth It
It kinda felt like walking on shells all the way up to this point but honestly the eggshell mess is only the first few weeks of your quit. Once your body starts to make the adjustments of not having the nicotine and you start learning new coping mechanisms ( why you used snuff in the first place - like stress) it's a whole new ballgame. The days are so much easier. It's extremely rewarding knowing I had conquered my greatest fear. To be able to love myself. To give my body and health the attention it needed. It's very empowering. Quitting snuff has honestly helped me - well find me. I don't know if that will make sense to you or not. You might not be in the same mind frame that I have at this point but one day you'll know exactly what I am talking about and say .. "Oh wow! This is really worth it!"
I've been working on some emotional stuff lately. I need to start leaving the past where it is and taking the one day at time slogan for everything in my life; not just nicotine! Life is so precious! I love this new journey I'm traveling on now. Does it get easier? Oh yes! Will I still have those moments of wanting snuff? Oh yes! But the more time I have without that nasty habit sticking out of my mouth the better at peace I am - this is the way it's going to be for me. There's no looking back. I hope others follow in my footsteps and reclaim what is so rightfully theirs. Reclaim your honesty, your loyalty, your freedom - hell reclaim your smile! You're really worth it!
I have so many people to thank and yet thanks doesn't even come close to repaying any of you back for the happiness and sometimes sanity you bring into my life. To my husband and boys: I pray to God that I'm able to show you every moment on how much you truly are loved by me. Thank you for forgiving me for all the missed memories and delayed events because of my addiction. You are my world!
Thank you to this very site for providing me with the tools and guidance needed to stay quit! Euty - you were the very first person to respond to my cry for help. sbtzc - you actually showed me how and why to post roll in April 2007 but you never told me how much they would become such a huge part of me. Thanks to the both of you! Gosh, I fear that I will leave someone out and so please don't hold it against me. My girls - Ashley, Janhawke, lawen4cer, Rayne and I can't leave out Hope and Jenny Kern! The latter of the two though we've never spoken I feel a great connection with. Hope - for your fine words of wisdom! Thank you for Contract to Give Up and just writing and posting. It's helped heal so many. Jenny Kern - for your courage and strength through such tragedy and for helping me realize I am hurting the ones I love by dipping. I'm slowly killing myself. Ashley, Janhawke, Rose, Rayne - for showing me I have two feet to stand on and that sometimes when I stumble it's not a mistake but a learning process. I love you all dearly!
Killer - thank you for the talks and all the time and effort you put into the beginning of my quit! Lots of days were a struggle. Thank you QT, WhoDey, loot, TJHook, Capt Jack, RC, beatdabear, pithull, Remshot, arbcubed, Copewquitn, 7iron, OkieFire, grunt0302, Aquaman43, Virginia Jim, SplinterCell, Wranglerman, Woodman, rodeo timer, 3boysdad, my crew in the chatroom, above all April 07 Quittin' Spittin' Crew - my men and yes I call each and every one of you men for having the balls to post roll day in and day out and still listen to my crap - I love you all - thank you for never letting your sister down.
.. umm, I feel I'm going to leave someone out .. dang it .. everyone at this site THANK YOU!
Last but definately not least -
Chewie, ODT, Penguin, Spongebob .. you all have been a Gold mine to me. I look up to you and learn from you constantly. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
I hope reading this you realize how important your quit brothers and sisters are ... how strangers at first can become friends with a strong bond and to think we did it all without dip!
ps) Remember I wrote this 'cause .. well 'cause you're really worth it!
-mylilsecret
Day 200
