No doubt about it, Arrigm is a nic addict. I guess I always knew it deep down, but figured I could kick it when the time was right. I had been dipping 1-2 cans a day off and on (changing between smoking and dipping) for 20+ years. I did the typical, "i will quit when I am 30, after my kids are born etc......" all bullshit. I made promises to myself and my family but when I was alone, I ran to the nic bitch. Maybe I needed to hit rock bottom???? Nah, that didn't work either.
It was actually the brotherhood and accountability aspect that has helped me stay quit so far. It wasn't hitting "rock bottom". I have hit rock bottom plenty of times and it didn't get me to quit / stay quit. Here are a couple examples:
* Getting caught ninja dipping and causing issues in my marriage. She let it go thankfully and stood by me until I was ready to quit and has been very supportive
* I lived in a country where dip was illegal and impossible to find and I STILL couldn't quit. No, I don't just mean illegal to sell it, I mean actually illegal to even bring it in and use it. Nope, didn't stop me. I would smuggle it in, $500-600 dollars worth - risking huge fines or even criminal troubles or via/immigration and employment problems.
*When those big smuggle loads ran out, I would resort to buying unregulated underground Indian shit which I cannot even describe how disgusting it was, it smelled like a dead body. It actually made me vomit 5 -10 times and I still couldn't stop. After dipping it for a week I could literally peel off a layer of the entire inside lower inner lip and have to deal with an extreme pain for the next two days until the under layer toughened up.
Now that is rock bottom.....
The brotherhood, structure and accountability of KTC is the only thing that has kept me quit so far. It took me awhile to understand the quit group and how it worked. KTC is a great site with a wealth of information but after joining the quit group, it didn't really click right away to me. Sure, I posted roll and observed some drama when the vets rip the butterflies a new a$$hole. Interesting, but I didn't think this was helping me quit all that much. Then when the fog was starting to clear it finally hit me, how it really worked. From then on, I felt all in to the daily promise and really appreciate the vets, my brothers and conductors. Hopefully when my quit is more secure I will be able to help new groups in this regard. Getting in on a text group during JBryan's vacation and then joining the groupme app really helped big time as I didn't have many numbers or connections before that. I started later in the quit group month and posted only a brief introduction and felt uncomfortable to bash the butterflies until it finally clicked and I made some connections / shared some numbers.
Sure my son was being born during the early days of my quit, but I didn't quit specifically for him. I had just had enough of being a slave. I am taking charge of this shit. Thanks KTC.
Specifically, thanks to those who conduct (like Brianl and Dweirick), the vets (especially the bull headed ones like Tuco and Norm), the members that take on leadership roles with the group and the SOA (like stieramus and houpilot) and all of my brothers the Novembros. I feel bad for the butterflies and hope that they also find their way, but the KTC way is the only way for me.
It ain't about rock bottom, it is just about having enough and holding each other accountable ODAAT.
