* Not looking Back

[enslavedbyskoal19yrs]

I grew up with parents who smoked at least two packs of Winstons a day, the only grandparents I knew, granny always had a dip (powder snuff) and paw a plug of tobacco. Around second hand smoke 24/7 as a kid with ear infections and sinus problems, at the time I didnÃ,’t know why.

Joined the military out of high school, and knowing what I know now, I went through withdrawal in bootcamp having never smoked or chewed at this point in my life. Sounds silly but true.

I started dipping cope fine at my first duty assignment, everybody did and hell it fit, I grew up with it. Dipped through military and into college, where I also picked up smoking as well. When I didnÃ,’t have a dip I had a smoke.

Graduated college, went to work at my hometown SO. Of course everyone dipped there! Joined my local volunteer fire department where once again I was surrounded by dippers. This is probably common to most of us x-dippers!

Went through life dipping tried to quit several times for this girl friend or that girlfriendÃ,….blaÃ,…blaÃ,….blaÃ,….

Well, I met the one and got married, changed careers. Went from putting people behind bars to saving their lives. Went from a dip happy environment to a Ã,“youÃ,’ll be fired if caughtÃ,” Environment.

My wife smoked when we met, she quit over ten years ago and I was supposed to have quit with her. Hence, was born the Ã,“ninja dipperÃ,”. I tried to quit several more times over the yearsÃ,…..fight after fight with my wifeÃ,…lie after lie (sound familiar to anyone). The only place I felt at ease was the fire dept. where everyone dipped. Started spending a great deal of time there even when I didnÃ,’t need to be there. Saw my marriage suffer, had become a ninja dipper 24/7Ã,…..and like many others I really mean 24/7. I switched to Skoal pouches because they were less visible to others, didnÃ,’t leave the mess in your teeth. Then switched to skoal xtra pouches because no one could tell for sure if I had a dip in.

When I took one out I would put in another one. One pouch would last about an hour, so I went through on Ã,“averageÃ,” a little over a can a day. I went to sleep with a dip in I kissed my wife with a dip in without her ever knowing, ate meals with a dip inÃ,…..Lie after lie after lieÃ,….would chew spearmint gum to mask the skoal smell, would even use Icy hot sometimes at night to mask the smell. Would eat while in bed with a dip in to mask the smellÃ,…..(holy shit, itÃ,’s amazing how fuckÃ,’n absurd this sounds now!!!).

I wanted to quit, every fight we had I tried to quit, would hit the haze and go right back to it. Tried to make the same excuses, Ã,“well when I take vacation I will tryÃ,”. It was so bad, while ninja dipping on a cruise I took the can of Skoal off the ship with me (it was in my pocket, cargo shorts, had packed it ninja style in my suitcase). Well on the way back (I failed to notice the scanners on the way off) we had to go through metal detectors to get back on the boatÃ,…LOLÃ,….with no place to turn and the wife waiting on the other sideÃ,…I went through the scannerÃ,….Ã,”beeeeeeeeeepÃ,…..sir please step back through and take off your belt and hatÃ,…..beeeeeeeeepÃ,…..sir please step to the side so we can wand youÃ,…Ã,…as they drag the wand over my right side cargo shorts beeeeeeeepÃ,….sir what do you have in your pocketÃ,”Ã,….as I pull out the can of skoal (metal lid) I see my wifeÃ,’s face melt with anger. We fought for the next couple days on the cruise, the worst vacation of my life (and hers)!!!!

I hid cans under the mattress in the spare bedroom, in the basement, barn, on the tractor, in the truckÃ,….you name it, pouches would wash up in my clothes, and of courseÃ,…lie lie lie after miserable lieÃ,…

So I guess this brings me to why I quit. DidnÃ,’t want to die a horrible death. Being in the medical field I see people dying of cancer all the time. The worst is bone or esophageal cancer. Esophageal cancer is horrific. I donÃ,’t want my wife to have to baby sit me while IÃ,’m fed through a tube, while I tell her how much I love her through a voice box!!! She deserves better! I donÃ,’t want to be the monster no one wants to look atÃ,…Ã,….CAN YOU IMAGE the suffering?????? Not meÃ,…..

So, after many, many failed attempts I was determined this was it. I got online looking for ways to fight through the fog, IÃ,’d been there and lost many times!!!! I found KTC while reading Ã,“what you will go throughÃ,”. Best thing to happen to me ever, ever, ever!!! Oh, did I say EVERÃ,…Ã,….

Just want to thank those who supported me especially through the first month. My wife my family for being there for enduring my dumb ass through the lies and the first month of my quit! Those who held my feet to the coals, those who encouraged me to push, to suck it up! ACCOUNTABILITY!!!!!

Thank you KTCÃ,… and thanks to GDUB, Sportsfan, Minny, Pinched(your avatars), traumagnet, Wade, wt57, dabean22(for being the first to reach out), wmcatty, Keddy (words of wisdom), jzzyzag01 (got milk), gmann (for being so damn scary), Ron_cross (just never wanted to be on your bad side), OneImpressiveBall and Remshot (Avatars, holy shit), Bayfloyd. All of my December Super Soldiers of Quit brothers and those who make KTC work! ROCK ON!!!!! IÃ,’m proud to be quit with you all!!!!!