First off, let me start by saying I have been clean from any and all forms of nicotine for 104 days. Let me also say that I am just as addicted to dip today as I was on Day 1. The choices I made as a young man laid down the slats that eventually became the bed that the older wiser me is now forced to lie in. But lying in the bed you've made does not mean roll over and die in it. No no, make no mistake, I have beaten my nicotine addiction. But its not like in a movie where the good guy beats the bad guy and then the credits roll and everybody leaves the theater feeling good with popcorn seeds stuck in the treads of their shoes. No sir, not that simple at all. I have beaten my nicotine addiction 104 times. Tomorrow I will choose to beat it for the 105th time. Because of the decision I made as a young man to crack open that can for the first time, there will be no credits rolling, there is no final showdown. Because the fight at the end of this movie plays over, and over, and over, and over again....every single day. And if I don't choose to win every single day, if I don't choose to throw that knock out left hook every single day, there's a good chance that young, stupid kid I used to be will duck under a half assed swing and catch me right on the jaw when I least expect it and the next thing I know I'm flat on my back wondering what the hell just happened.
If it sounds like I'm bitching when I should be celebrating, you're exactly right. Don't get me wrong, I'm as tickled as a pig in shit that I have crossed the 100 day mark, but I have been to this point before....way beyond this point...as far as 11 months clean.....and still failed. I am doing well but in my heart I know I am still in the shit and I cannot for a moment allow myself to feel like the beast has been slain. The beast sleeps, but it never dies.
So, if I could give any advice to any of you current quitters or those of you contemplating quitting, do it now. Not this evening after you chew the last of your current can, not tomorrow, not after this weekend, NOW. Spit that shit out right now and flush the rest of your can down the toilet. Don't forget to rinse it out cause you know in an hour you'll go and get that motherfucker out of the trash can and scrape the damn sides of the can and lid with your fingernail trying to get enough to pack a lip. Go get all your half empty and emergency cans from the car and flush those motherfuckers too. Sign up and post roll, do it every fucking day, one day at a time. THAT'S how you win. Thats the ONLY way you win. Cold fucking turkey, one day at a time. Choose to win every single day. Get mad, take up swearing, laugh at inappropriate shit, whatever you have to do to keep that shit out of your mouth, DO IT.
Its been a pleasure hanging with you guys the last 104 days. Here's to another victory tomorrow, the day after and the day after. Here's to fighting the good fight every day, every night, for the rest of our lives. The credits never roll because the battle is never over. If the battles never over, the war never stops. And if the war never stops, neither does the warrior. Be well my brothers and always move forward. See you tomorrow.
12yeargrizzlybear
