I never doubted I could quit. Friends would suggest that I quit. My parents asked and my wife was vehement that I stop immediately. I informed all of them that I could quit at anytime. Could I? We all know this, the truth was, I could not. Denial only makes the addiction worse. At the end of each day, I would tell myself, "okay, after this can is through, you will not buy another one." Another day and another two cans later, I would tell myself the same thing. How in the hell did this all start?
I am 40-years-old and I started dipping 20 years ago back in college, when my roommate said "try this." It was Hawken. It progressed to Skoal longcut mint and Skoal longcut straight. From there it became Copenhagen and Copenhagen longcut. Several summers ago, when a gallon of gas soared to $4.00, I switched to the "cheaper alternative" of Grizzly longcut natural. The local BP gas station ran specials of three cans of Grizzly for $5.00! During this time (20 year period of dipping), not sure when, but I quit limiting myself and started using two cans per day. Everything I did was in conjunction with dip, i.e. hunting, fishing, cutting the grass, driving, reading, typing on the computer, you get the picture. I would have several half full cans in my truck and feeling like I was running out, I would proceed to the service station to buy yet, more cans! I could not stop and the most important fact is that I did not want to!
So time ago, a coworker sent me an email with a link to our website. I saved it, but ignored it for the longest time and would not read it, but the key here is that I saved the email. Obviously, still dipping at this point, I found myself preferring the comforts of dip than my family. My wife did not want to be around me when I had dip in my mouth, so rather than spend time with her, I would wait for her to go upstairs and to bed, then find my hidden cans, turn on the t.v. and relax with my friend, dip. My wife was adamant that I not dip in front of our children, I said "no problem." When I had the kids, I had a dip in my mouth.
I think my epiphany occurred with two things: one, seeing my two-year-old emulate me by walking around pretending to spit in a bottle and a reoccuring dream I had of people standing over me and looking down at me as if I were in a hospital bed or worse, casket.
Now, I was reading the email my coworker sent about our website and I wanted to quit! The importat thing here is that "I" wanted to quit, no one else involved, I was quitting for me! Enough of this shit and being a slave and allowing something to have control of my thoughts, my will. That was 100 days ago and I have the members and quitters of this site to thank! Interesting how addiction works, I can break a promise of quitting to my wife and children, but with strangers, I have stood committed to quitting by posting roll. Possibly, it is my subconscious which tells me I have one chance to make a first impression, so do not lie and do not break your word. Not sure what it is but this website works and this is undoubtedly due to all of the people that are one here! Thanks to: klark, gator, rt4, tarp, an34, stm, ODAAT, wvsuper, romandog and a host of others!!!
