As I sit here trying to come up with a name for my speech, many words come to mind. Proud, happy, unbeleivable, remarkable, doubtful, etc. I will go with the word "Free". I am free from always making sure I have a can of chew on me and always putting dip first. I am free from the evil wrath that nicotine provides. Free from destroying my face, and worrying about oral cancer after every morning of checking for sores after a can a day. Free from my 2 two boys watching me dip and thinking its cool, and its okay because dad does it and dad would not do anything that's harmful. Free from spending all my money for the week on dip and counting change at the crack of dawn so I would have dip for the day when the money ran out. I have tried to quit cold turkey, nicotine gum, and chantix in the past and all have failed. Every few months or so I would hop on the quitting train and say to myself "After this weekend, or "After this holiday" or whatever I could use as an excuse to buy more time. This is how you deal with the guilt of using nicotine. You know it's wrong and you need to stop so buying time and using the next event in your life makes you feel better about it. in the beginning of July I really felt determined to quit this time and googled "Quit Chewing" just for the hell of it and found KTC. I started clicking all the links and thought to myself "I am not alone" The more I clicked on links the better I was starting to feel about starting my quit. Four days later I posted a Day One, and here I am today on 116. I posted every single day. I survived the suck!! and believe me it is short lived in the relm of things. I then began rewiring my brain to think without feeding it dip. I dipped from morning to night every hour and a half like clock work, whether I was home, driving, working, or whatever. I was and still am so addicted. I will continue to post every day because I can not do this alone. I was'nt the loudest in the group or did I form close bonds, but thank you all for your bullshit and advice all summer long. There is no way without KTC I would be able to quit. If I can do this anyone can. Determination, and Accountability.
Sincerely,
Neil H. AKA Steve 1
