Glad to be here

[Athan]

6/18/18
From my friend Voldex, a ballad about....me!
There once was a lad by the name of Athan.
He strut 'round the town boasting of glory,
Stories of battle and killing with no hesitation.
The enemies lived to tell no story.

Years went by, Athan found no match
Twas as if his power knew no bounds!
Word got 'round that there was a catch
Athan only had might when his mistress was around

This mistress, a sorceress was she
gripping Athan with her cold death grasp
Struggled he did, but bound was he
To this sorceress with iron clad clasp

Hopeless it seemed to Athan to break free
till through the window he caught glimpse of some hope
The lads of KTC marching together did he see!
Together they put the bitch down, no longer must they cope!

[Athan]

5/30/18
From ThegreatwhiteF250 HOF speech (got goosebumps reading it!):

"...We just have to embrace the mental hell that is withdrawal and choke it the fuck out, gouge out the eyes of that nic bitch and hope one day she can no longer see us."

[Athan]

22 May 2018
Today is one of those days where I wish I was a ditch digger. Just me and a shovel mindlessly making progress. The very man tasking me with digging my ditch not actively working against me with corporate protocols, procedures, checklists, etc etc. today I wish I was just a ditch digger.
Then again, They prolly don't have a dental plan.

[Athan]

From Goody 5/20/18 on freedom:

We where booking in fisherman yesterday when I saw someone who has been fishing here for over 30 years. He had a mouth full of leaf in and saw I had a can of fake. He asked me if I quit and with shouldered back and head high I said your dam right I quit. He told me he could not quit the snuff but could quit the leaf when ever be wanted. I thought that used to be me. The words of an addict. He asked if it was hard to quit I said yes. But he new that. I told him of the KTC site. Didn't really want to hear it. I felt bad for him but God dam proud of myself. I will never be that person again. Just something interesting to pass on. It was nice to see the work was paying off in me brain to be around others chewing and it was OK. Now let's go fishing.

[Athan]

15 May 2018
Early in the quit, I had trouble falling asleep. Had quite a few sleepless nights even, you know where you never quite reach that state of sleep but toss and turn and get pissed off because you can't sleep which in turn impedes actually falling asleep and you turn into a zombie and contemplate eating brains. Was reading Kybo's intro recently about the evening chew with a good book; it's was something I indulged in ritually. I probably read two to three books a month (mostly history, religion, politics, and economics. I don't have time for fiction). The lady at the library knew my name. Haven't been there since I quit. I don't toss and turn to fall asleep anymore either. I'm out within 5 minutes of my head hitting the pillow. But I'm up a lot earlier now though. 0200 today. That's all she wrote, my eyes failed open. So I get up and post roll in all of my groups and head out to the gym (squats this morning w/Mack213 - we've exchanges work out tracks!). I'll prolly be tired at 7pm this evening and be sound asleep by 8pm tonight. I'm still getting a solid 6 hours of sleep a night, my clock has just shifted. Just wanted to share with guys who maybe struggling with sleep issues. I still do benedryl but am looking to wean off of that soon. I'm 135 days free today and loving it.

[Athan]

From Scooners, June 27, 2011:

What nicotine can't do:

It cannot cripple love; it cannot shatter hope; it cannot disolve faith; it cannot destroy peace; it cannot kill friendships; it cannot suppress memories; it cannot silence courage; it cannot invade the soul; it cannot steal eternal life; it cannot conquer the spirit - IF YOU ARE QUIT.


Good night quitters, see ya in the morning.

[Athan]

From BubbaM (a righteous brother, nay WARRIOR of quit):

...When this is happening I am functioning out of the butt of my brain or the brain stem. This is the brains fight or flight area or mode. In order to get out of this mode or area of the brain you need to access your relationships. That is by either talking to someone face to face, relating to someone on the phone, looking at pictures on your phone of family. If you do this then you will stop functioning out of the butt of the brain and you will move your thought process up to the top of the brain. Your relationship area.....

Now I have something useful to say to someone instead of, "...quit obsessing about it!"

[Athan]

11 May 2018
I grow frustrated watching the cave come. You can almost predict who will fall next. The posts get later and later, a day missed and the guy vanishes or reappears after a 5 day hiatus.
I love what Ready says about can't quit for you but it's still so damn hard to watch it happen in front of you.
I really have cultivated my hatred for the addiction and the addict behavior into a palpable thing. I look upon the guys that do it with disdain and disgust when I see it at work or in town. Can't believe I was one of their cadre for so long.
I honestly don't know how guys can pass through these halls and use again. blows me away....

[Athan]

08 May 18
From BlueManChew, posting 5/8/18 in August '18:

For as strange as we all are, we seem to conform to a norm. That norm is quit.

That norm is sleepless nights and dip dreams early on. That norm is anxiety and uncaused and intense anger, and slamming doors and breaking windows (me), and without any real provocation, chucking a griddle with half-cooked Sunday morning pancakes into the kitchen sink (me again.)

The norm is depression, worry, fog, and staring at a task for 30 minutes and not having lifted a finger. The norm is seeking just a moment of reprieve, and being painfully aware of the bitch who lurks just beyond the periphery.

The norm is feeling frustration after 30, 60, and a 100 days wondering why the fuck I still crave, or why is it still so goddamn hard? Or will it ever end?

The norm is the grind, e.d.d., a.d.d, and brotherhood.

The norm is peace of mind and health, of self-confidence, better sleep, calm, personal advancement, opportunity, and more productivity.

The norm now is winning.

Whether on day 1,000 or day 1, the norm is QUIT.

In QUIT, there are no strangers.

PTBQWY - BMC day 213

[Athan]

06 May 18
Off to church this morning. I teach the adult Bible class. My routine is usually up at 0500 and start preparing for the lesson. I'm a morning person so it's always been a nice time for me, my coffee, the quiet, the solitude, alone with my thoughts, and a big fat chew while I went about preparing a bible lesson. I know right? Wallowing in sin a slave to the lusts of the flesh whilst preparing a study in the life of Christ about not doing just that very thing. Such is the dichotomy of addiction.
I was starkly aware of it this morning on day 126 of freedom as I went about my preparation without nicotine. It was there all along. I just see it now that the veil of addiction has dropped; John 8:32 "...Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free".
Blessings to you all with success in your quit!

[Athan]

03 May 18
"I will never forget that I am an American fighting man, responsible for my actions, and dedicated to the principles which made my country free. I will trust in my God and in the United States of America"

Part of the code of conduct for American military personnel. Learned it in boot camp a long long time ago. Don't know why but that one has always resonated with me (had to look up which one it was just now, it's article VI).

The part that resonates with the quitter is right there in the middle, "responsible for my actions". Once comprehended and embraced, It is an epiphany to an addict:

It means no excuses, I am responsible.
No one puts words in my mouth, I am responsible.
No one makes me chew, I am responsible.
No one makes me get drunk, I am responsible.

It really simplifies things, don't you think?

[Athan]

30 Apr 18
From Kybo (April '18)

I am a bit of a numbers nerd myself. It is kind of funny you brought this up because I was thinking about it last week and pulled a few numbers from the Members tab. I can't remember what day I did it, but I think it was Thursday or Friday last week. I pulled some easy stuff and didn't put a lot of work into it. But, here is what I pulled.

1) There are a little over 32,000 members that have registered at KTC.
2) About 3,200 of those registered members show zero activity.
3) On the day I pulled the numbers I found approximately 1000 unique members had been active over a 36 hour period.
4) Of those 1000 active members, approximately 650 had been a member for at least one year.
5) Of those 650 active members, 197 had been a member for at least 5 years.

I have no idea how accurate the info on the member tab might be. And I went through the stuff pretty quick. I know my numbers aren't 100% accurate, but they are close based on the info available on the member tab.

[Athan]

29 Apr 18
Wisdom and eloquence in one laconic package (From SuperDave9000 intro 4/29/18):

"...there are two dogs in the fight, which one are you feeding? When I come on here and write this stuff and post roll and text these guys on here that have been texting with me, I am feeding the right dog..."

[Athan]

28 Apr 18
So I'm at the Tractor Supply and the guy in front of me has to tilt his head back to speak to this cute little checkout girl so as to avoid dumping a mouthful of chew slobber all over her counter.

It is absolutely staggering to view the insanity of this addiction from the outside.

Ain't nothing like FREEDOM!

[Athan]

Cbird, as quoted by September '18 HOF Conductors JMedic and Evillen:

Stopper: A stopper uses words like hope & try & want & can't. A stopper thinks he or she is a special butterfly. A stopper really does not understand or believe that they are an addict. A stopper feels sorry for themselves. A stopper thinks life is not fair. A stopper knows deep down inside that they will dip again even before they “attempt” to stop. A stopper is a slave.

Quitter: A quitter eliminates the option of dipping from their life. A quitters heart is filled with hate and disgust for nicotine and Big Tobacco; there is no room for self-pity. A quitter is willing to suffer through every second for the next 24 hours because he or she has too much integrity to break their word. A quitter knows that they are an addict and will do everything in their power to avoid ever putting that cancer-causing poison in their mouth again. A quitter is a free man or woman.