Glad to be here

[Athan]

18 Jul 2018

Why we quit

It has been said that Hell is seeing the man God created you to be standing before the man that you are. I think for a lot of addicts, that is the tipping point. The addict behavior in and of itself is repugnant to men for it is the epitome of weakness. All that it entails, the lying to self and others, the financial loss, the health risks, the willfully subservient attitude, is no different than that of a maggot mindlessly crawling in the dust in search of its next fix. For many of us, we could no longer reconcile what we had become with that which we wished to be as fathers, as husbands, as men.

Fatherhood is a responsibility all its own, unequalled in that which is bestowed upon men. There’s not a man among us who would purchase tobacco products for our children, yet we used in front of them. For many, that was a dichotomy no longer bearable. To be sure evil will enter this world, but woe to him through whom it comes; better a millstone were hung about his neck and he were thrown into the sea. Clearly our children will learn the vices of this world, but it doesn’t have to come about of our own volition. We now exhibit behavior worthy of emulation.

A husband also has responsibilities to his wife, among which are fidelity, honesty, and acting in a manner worthy of respect. For many addicts, all three of these suffered and eroded under the weight of addiction. Many a man has lied to his spouse about tobacco, has been deceitful in its acquisition and use, and about the money spent on it. All too often, for too many men, what should have been our first love has gone to bed alone playing second fiddle to a can while we stayed up late for just one more. This is not how many of us envisioned our marriages to be. We are now respectable men our wives are proud of, no longer ducking away from our family or hiding a lipper at social gatherings or functions.

Lastly, there is something intrinsic in manhood that demands a man be honest with himself. For many of us, when the quit is set upon, the nicotine addiction is but the first stone overturned. Having now sharpened the focus of the lens of introspection, other cracks and flaws come into view as other stones are overturned. We begin to see with clarity and introspective honesty the contradictions and compromises that we have made at the expense of our integrity, at the very essence of what it means for us to be men. The view for many of us is not pretty: alcohol and/or drug abuse, financial mismanagement, gluttony, laziness, pornography, gambling addiction, profanity, adultery, etc. etc. The process by which we’ve arrived here serves us well in this respect: we are now able to acknowledge and deal with these shortcomings. These flaws of character constitute the gaps to the men that we were created by God to be. Unlike lesser men, we have consciously altered our course, we have changed our trajectory and are now headed towards that which we are destined to become. We are destined to become better fathers, better husbands, better MEN.

[Athan]

17 Jul 2018
A big win! Scrolling through the medical form when I got to the part regarding nicotine usage - I got to write "oh hell no!"

[Athan]

26 Jun 2018
From Worktowin on 2,000:
"2,000 days. Wow. I remember seeing day counts like this and thinking... no fucking way dude. I don't believe it. Not possible. Well, it is possible. It really isn't even that hard after you push through the start and learn how this place works. Make connections. Make friends. Build a network. POST ROLL EVERY DAY. No exceptions. HONOR YOUR WORD. Quit as a team. Brotherhood + Accountability."

[Athan]

26 June 2018
From Eric71, reflections on 6 years:
"...Time and opportunity will not pause to wait on us to get our shit in order. The world is not that patient. Don't be hesitant in your quit. Don't be passive in your endeavors. Don't let your fire burn out. This is your here and now, every day, every moment, we have the chance to make life better for ourselves and those we allow in our world. Do we want to look back and wish for time long since past, or do we want to remember the instances we chose to show our fire, passion, and love for our life? "

[Athan]

19 Jun 2018
From 30 yr Addict:

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes." - Chuck Swindoll

21 Jun 2018 (from Wildirish317)
^ I would add to this - Gratitude.

Be grateful, when you wake in the morning, for the air you breathe as you take that first breath.
Be grateful, for the person who lies next to you, if there is one, for they choose to be with you to start this day.
Be grateful, for the place that anticipates you to come and help solve their problems and help them thrive as a business.
Be grateful, for your chance to live this life in your body.
And, most of all, be grateful, for the freedom from the grasp of nicotine, from which you escaped, with the help of KTC.

[Athan]

6/18/18
From my friend Voldex, a ballad about....me!
There once was a lad by the name of Athan.
He strut 'round the town boasting of glory,
Stories of battle and killing with no hesitation.
The enemies lived to tell no story.

Years went by, Athan found no match
Twas as if his power knew no bounds!
Word got 'round that there was a catch
Athan only had might when his mistress was around

This mistress, a sorceress was she
gripping Athan with her cold death grasp
Struggled he did, but bound was he
To this sorceress with iron clad clasp

Hopeless it seemed to Athan to break free
till through the window he caught glimpse of some hope
The lads of KTC marching together did he see!
Together they put the bitch down, no longer must they cope!

[Athan]

5/30/18
From ThegreatwhiteF250 HOF speech (got goosebumps reading it!):

"...We just have to embrace the mental hell that is withdrawal and choke it the fuck out, gouge out the eyes of that nic bitch and hope one day she can no longer see us."

[Athan]

22 May 2018
Today is one of those days where I wish I was a ditch digger. Just me and a shovel mindlessly making progress. The very man tasking me with digging my ditch not actively working against me with corporate protocols, procedures, checklists, etc etc. today I wish I was just a ditch digger.
Then again, They prolly don't have a dental plan.

[Athan]

From Goody 5/20/18 on freedom:

We where booking in fisherman yesterday when I saw someone who has been fishing here for over 30 years. He had a mouth full of leaf in and saw I had a can of fake. He asked me if I quit and with shouldered back and head high I said your dam right I quit. He told me he could not quit the snuff but could quit the leaf when ever be wanted. I thought that used to be me. The words of an addict. He asked if it was hard to quit I said yes. But he new that. I told him of the KTC site. Didn't really want to hear it. I felt bad for him but God dam proud of myself. I will never be that person again. Just something interesting to pass on. It was nice to see the work was paying off in me brain to be around others chewing and it was OK. Now let's go fishing.

[Athan]

15 May 2018
Early in the quit, I had trouble falling asleep. Had quite a few sleepless nights even, you know where you never quite reach that state of sleep but toss and turn and get pissed off because you can't sleep which in turn impedes actually falling asleep and you turn into a zombie and contemplate eating brains. Was reading Kybo's intro recently about the evening chew with a good book; it's was something I indulged in ritually. I probably read two to three books a month (mostly history, religion, politics, and economics. I don't have time for fiction). The lady at the library knew my name. Haven't been there since I quit. I don't toss and turn to fall asleep anymore either. I'm out within 5 minutes of my head hitting the pillow. But I'm up a lot earlier now though. 0200 today. That's all she wrote, my eyes failed open. So I get up and post roll in all of my groups and head out to the gym (squats this morning w/Mack213 - we've exchanges work out tracks!). I'll prolly be tired at 7pm this evening and be sound asleep by 8pm tonight. I'm still getting a solid 6 hours of sleep a night, my clock has just shifted. Just wanted to share with guys who maybe struggling with sleep issues. I still do benedryl but am looking to wean off of that soon. I'm 135 days free today and loving it.

[Athan]

From Scooners, June 27, 2011:

What nicotine can't do:

It cannot cripple love; it cannot shatter hope; it cannot disolve faith; it cannot destroy peace; it cannot kill friendships; it cannot suppress memories; it cannot silence courage; it cannot invade the soul; it cannot steal eternal life; it cannot conquer the spirit - IF YOU ARE QUIT.


Good night quitters, see ya in the morning.

[Athan]

From BubbaM (a righteous brother, nay WARRIOR of quit):

...When this is happening I am functioning out of the butt of my brain or the brain stem. This is the brains fight or flight area or mode. In order to get out of this mode or area of the brain you need to access your relationships. That is by either talking to someone face to face, relating to someone on the phone, looking at pictures on your phone of family. If you do this then you will stop functioning out of the butt of the brain and you will move your thought process up to the top of the brain. Your relationship area.....

Now I have something useful to say to someone instead of, "...quit obsessing about it!"

[Athan]

11 May 2018
I grow frustrated watching the cave come. You can almost predict who will fall next. The posts get later and later, a day missed and the guy vanishes or reappears after a 5 day hiatus.
I love what Ready says about can't quit for you but it's still so damn hard to watch it happen in front of you.
I really have cultivated my hatred for the addiction and the addict behavior into a palpable thing. I look upon the guys that do it with disdain and disgust when I see it at work or in town. Can't believe I was one of their cadre for so long.
I honestly don't know how guys can pass through these halls and use again. blows me away....

[Athan]

08 May 18
From BlueManChew, posting 5/8/18 in August '18:

For as strange as we all are, we seem to conform to a norm. That norm is quit.

That norm is sleepless nights and dip dreams early on. That norm is anxiety and uncaused and intense anger, and slamming doors and breaking windows (me), and without any real provocation, chucking a griddle with half-cooked Sunday morning pancakes into the kitchen sink (me again.)

The norm is depression, worry, fog, and staring at a task for 30 minutes and not having lifted a finger. The norm is seeking just a moment of reprieve, and being painfully aware of the bitch who lurks just beyond the periphery.

The norm is feeling frustration after 30, 60, and a 100 days wondering why the fuck I still crave, or why is it still so goddamn hard? Or will it ever end?

The norm is the grind, e.d.d., a.d.d, and brotherhood.

The norm is peace of mind and health, of self-confidence, better sleep, calm, personal advancement, opportunity, and more productivity.

The norm now is winning.

Whether on day 1,000 or day 1, the norm is QUIT.

In QUIT, there are no strangers.

PTBQWY - BMC day 213

[Athan]

06 May 18
Off to church this morning. I teach the adult Bible class. My routine is usually up at 0500 and start preparing for the lesson. I'm a morning person so it's always been a nice time for me, my coffee, the quiet, the solitude, alone with my thoughts, and a big fat chew while I went about preparing a bible lesson. I know right? Wallowing in sin a slave to the lusts of the flesh whilst preparing a study in the life of Christ about not doing just that very thing. Such is the dichotomy of addiction.
I was starkly aware of it this morning on day 126 of freedom as I went about my preparation without nicotine. It was there all along. I just see it now that the veil of addiction has dropped; John 8:32 "...Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free".
Blessings to you all with success in your quit!