This is going to be a ramble so hang on. I do not know where this will take me.
WOWMy last post in here was at my one year point in 2009. Now here we are in 2021 just past the 13 year mark and still going. So much has happened in life to challenge my quit. I have walked away form the site twice but have always found my way back because I knew this is where I belong. When I was away I knew that I would stay quit because I had a phone full of numbers that I would have to call before I caved and they would not accept it. I also knew deep down in the back of my mind I was playing Russian Roulette with the nic bitch. Who had the biggest set of balls to win that fight. Well I found out that I had the biggest set of balls to win that fight and it is the combined balls of all the quitters on KTC. That is the only way to win that fight. Do you get tired of seeing others cave, the trolls, the douche bags, the bullshit and the always thinking of nic, yes you do. You have to take what you need form here and everyone needs that backbone of KTC to quit. All the other shit is fluff, a way to expel the anger you feel when getting that shit out of your system, that anger when you are jonesing for nic. You will find keyboard warriors who are ten foot tall and bullets proof on here and you will find people who are the salts of the earth on here. Find the one that get you quit and keeps you there. Everyone knows quitting is not a solo event, it is a team sport and those first seven gentlemen that saw fit to create this great place are some of the best. I remember coming in here and seeing these guys at 2 & 3 years quit and thinking, fuck me, that's forever. Just yesterday
@chewie hit his fifteen year mark (huge congrats man), and thought wow he is only 2 years ahead of me since I hit 13 years in March, that's kewl. Then I did the math and said holy shit, that is 730 days. Then you start think what you learned in 730 days quit and then you realize that is a lot time in between. So much is out there to be learned from the vets, even the ones who have come back and posted day one again. Does that piss me off, yes it does because I looked up to those guys early in my quit, but it is also humbling. I know that now matter how far I am in quit, I am not healed. I am a fuck up waiting to happen. All I need is $5 and a corner store and a piss poor excuse, no matter how good it sounds in my head. We will never be cured, this will be a part of us until we are on the other side of the dirt. That is the only way we beat the nic bitch.
Newbies that come here, all I have to say is read everything you can and when you have finished reading everything, start over. That is where I am at now, all these years quit and I am looking stuff up again and reading shit over. A lot of it I can finish the sentence without looking at the screen because I have read it some much, but it helps drive it home. I love reading the reasons why people have caved and try to learn from that. You never know which story will talk to you and fit where you are in your life at that moment.
(Side bar @chewie I think we need a place for all the caved stories to be put for ease of research. As explanations are posted in the groups the @Moderator and @Administrator can cull together the info and place in a under maybe "Words Of Wisdom" as that is what they are so maybe we can learn from their mistakes)So many have almost not come back after caving for fear of reprisal or possibly fucking up someone's quit because they had 10 - 16 years quit.
@Aquaman43 you were huge in the beginning of my quit along with all the other originals who started QSX. When you came back and posted a day one it was a serious gut punch to me, I was mad as hell. How the fuck could this happen to one of the original bad ass quitters. Then I read your story and got over my bullshit and realized that we are all addicts and not immune to nic bitch. Yours was a great learning experience for all and I am glad that came back to where you belong and need to be. I now know that I am not safe or immune at all to the nic bitch. It is a constant battle against her. I win small wars, hitting HOF and each floor that I stack up, but the battle will go on forever. to all the vets keeps teaching even if you are just hitting HOF, you have a lesson to teach all of us. No matter how far we are in our quit, there are things still out there to learn.
Be safe, Stay quit and hey nic biotch
kiss my