bg124wpd Intro/Journal

[SRains918]

You know what is better than 100 Days quit?  101 Days Quit!!!!! Yesterday was awesome reaching the HOF but it is just the beginning. 

Proud to be here and to quit with all of you!!!!!!! 

Congrats on that FIRST 100 brother!!!

Now, get going on the HOF speech! You never know who it might help!

[bg124wpd]

You know what is better than 100 Days quit?  101 Days Quit!!!!! Yesterday was awesome reaching the HOF but it is just the beginning. 

Proud to be here and to quit with all of you!!!!!!! 

[bg124wpd]

Day 97

Last night was a first, had a dip dream. I have read about others having them for a long time but not here.  It was real freaky and woke me from a sound sleep.  I don't remember all aspects of it but this I do remember:  I was day 99, I had a huge dip in, spit all over my mouth and then my biggest supporter (my wife) comes up and ask what I am doing.  I was so close but failed.  I woke up as I was trying to convince my wife to forget so I could go to the HOF the next day.  I think receiving my HOF coin triggered the dream.  I received it yesterday and told my wife it was not mine till Tuesday and she took it and put it somewhere.  A dream like that is actually pretty good because the emotions I was feeling when I woke were so real that I don't want to feel them in real life.  The feeling of regret, failure, disappointment.  I think the idea of having spit and chew all over my mouth inside and out was a reminder how gross and disgusting chewing is. 

Proud to be here and quit with all of you!!!

[bg124wpd]

Question from a newb: What’s SSOA?

PTQWYT
Big Irv

Day 95

First of all, I can't believe it has been 17 days since I posted anything in here.  Time has been going so much better lately.  Just need to listen to these old vets on here.  They say it gets better and it has been a lot better lately.  I think hitting November has helped.  The Nut House has had several members get on that train now.  It just makes the quit exciting.  I am so happy for my November brothers who have made it to this first milestone.  I can't wait till get there,

Earlier this week I started helping with the SSOA.  I wish I would have started helping with it earlier.  It helps so much with being involved.  It also makes my quit stronger as I look at all the days the Nut House has been quit together.  I would highly recommend everyone helping with the SSOA. 

5 more Days!!! PTBQYT

Big Irv - Sent you PM

[Big Irv]

Question from a newb: What’s SSOA?

PTQWYT
Big Irv

Day 95

First of all, I can't believe it has been 17 days since I posted anything in here.  Time has been going so much better lately.  Just need to listen to these old vets on here.  They say it gets better and it has been a lot better lately.  I think hitting November has helped.  The Nut House has had several members get on that train now.  It just makes the quit exciting.  I am so happy for my November brothers who have made it to this first milestone.  I can't wait till get there,

Earlier this week I started helping with the SSOA.  I wish I would have started helping with it earlier.  It helps so much with being involved.  It also makes my quit stronger as I look at all the days the Nut House has been quit together.  I would highly recommend everyone helping with the SSOA. 

5 more Days!!! PTBQYT

[chris2alaska]

Day 95

First of all, I can't believe it has been 17 days since I posted anything in here.  Time has been going so much better lately.  Just need to listen to these old vets on here.  They say it gets better and it has been a lot better lately.  I think hitting November has helped.  The Nut House has had several members get on that train now.  It just makes the quit exciting.  I am so happy for my November brothers who have made it to this first milestone.  I can't wait till get there,

Earlier this week I started helping with the SSOA.  I wish I would have started helping with it earlier.  It helps so much with being involved.  It also makes my quit stronger as I look at all the days the Nut House has been quit together.  I would highly recommend everyone helping with the SSOA. 

5 more Days!!! PTBQYT

bg,

Thanks for sharing bro.  You are definitely winning.  I'll be there in November to welcome you aboard the train.

Proud to quit with you today.

Chris

[bg124wpd]

Day 95

First of all, I can't believe it has been 17 days since I posted anything in here.  Time has been going so much better lately.  Just need to listen to these old vets on here.  They say it gets better and it has been a lot better lately.  I think hitting November has helped.  The Nut House has had several members get on that train now.  It just makes the quit exciting.  I am so happy for my November brothers who have made it to this first milestone.  I can't wait till get there,

Earlier this week I started helping with the SSOA.  I wish I would have started helping with it earlier.  It helps so much with being involved.  It also makes my quit stronger as I look at all the days the Nut House has been quit together.  I would highly recommend everyone helping with the SSOA. 

5 more Days!!! PTBQYT

[Croakenhagen]

Boredom is still a biggie for me too. I also still use Smokey Mountain, you're quit and that's all that matters. 78 days is so bad ass and you guys are killin' it over in November. 

If you ever need anything, reach out.

[bg124wpd]

Day 78 It has been two weeks since I have posted here so I thought I would throw in some tidbits (not exactly in any order).

I had some really rough days.  It was like they came out of nowhere and then they were gone.  Just had to really buckle down a couple of times. 

I experienced why you stay out of the places you once bought your can.  I walked in and saw the wall of cancer and thought to myself how easy it would be to just buy a can.  I didn't of course but it's just easier to stay away.

Cap70 caving kind of messed me up for a couple of days.  He was one of the first guys here to send me digits and reach out.  I have text messages almost everyday from my day 3 till day 61. it made me realize I can't let someone else's failure hurt my quit.  I just have to keep on going with my own battle with this addiction. 

Kind of weird to say but I got bored in my quit.  It's not that I wanted to cave but just...hard to explain.

Still buying the Smokey Mountain.  I feel like I am using it more but it's better than the nic/tobacco mix.

Some really exciting times coming for the Nut House.  In a couple of days we will have our first HOF member.  Can't wait!!!!

[bg124wpd]

Day 64 Some things you never consider until....

Yesterday was Day 63 quit.  Yesterday also marked 23 years of marriage to my wonderful wife.  That was the first wedding anniversary that I did not have a big ole dip in my mouth. 

[Keith0617]

 Sounds like you are kicking ass brother. PM me if you want to talk. Happy to provide my digits. Keep up the good fight. I am proud to quit with you today. Keith0617


 
Day 60 Two long months but still glad to be here and quit with you all. 

I have been wanting to get on here since my half hof but as everyone knows life happens.  This will probably be a bunch of random thoughts but I am pretty random with my thinking most of the time.

One thing I always wanted to put on here is a moment early in my quit involving my wife.  In my pre-quit days I was an open chewer.  Not that it is something I'm proud of now but everyone knew I chewed.  Just setting up my story.  My wife has always dealt with me and my spit bottles.  My kids grew up knowing to stay away from Daddy's bottles as they had "yucky" in them.  The last couple of years I had found a bottle that was perfect.  It was a solid blue color so you couldn't see in it,  it had a wide mouth and a screw top lid.  I had one in the house (which I kept on top of the fridge) and an identical one in my work car.  When I quit my wife came outside holding that bottle and said I can throw this away now as she held it in disgust.  When I said yes and she threw it away it was an unspoken sense of happiness coming from her.  I smile to myself every time I think of that and it is also one of those images I use to help me through tough times. 

Speaking of tough times....Since day 50 I have had some days (just a couple that were a true struggle like the first weeks) where I was like what the heck is going on.  I have almost created another personality that comes out to talk sense into myself when the struggles are there.  The sensible voice talks me off the ledge and back to the person that has a plan in his quit. 

Still using Smokey Mountain on a daily basis along with eating the shit out of life savers.  I have tried every flavor of Smokey Mountain now.  In the future I will post my opinion of the different flavors. I have been on a eating frenzy still but have gotten myself back on a program for working out and limiting booze to weekend pizza night.  The workout program is to my wife's credit.  She is a lot stronger than me.  She hasn't had any booze for two weeks.  I am a complete puss compared to her. 

One of my main goals is to eventually start meeting some of these BAQ's here.     

[bg124wpd]

Day 60 Two long months but still glad to be here and quit with you all. 

I have been wanting to get on here since my half hof but as everyone knows life happens.  This will probably be a bunch of random thoughts but I am pretty random with my thinking most of the time.

One thing I always wanted to put on here is a moment early in my quit involving my wife.  In my pre-quit days I was an open chewer.  Not that it is something I'm proud of now but everyone knew I chewed.  Just setting up my story.  My wife has always dealt with me and my spit bottles.  My kids grew up knowing to stay away from Daddy's bottles as they had "yucky" in them.  The last couple of years I had found a bottle that was perfect.  It was a solid blue color so you couldn't see in it,  it had a wide mouth and a screw top lid.  I had one in the house (which I kept on top of the fridge) and an identical one in my work car.  When I quit my wife came outside holding that bottle and said I can throw this away now as she held it in disgust.  When I said yes and she threw it away it was an unspoken sense of happiness coming from her.  I smile to myself every time I think of that and it is also one of those images I use to help me through tough times. 

Speaking of tough times....Since day 50 I have had some days (just a couple that were a true struggle like the first weeks) where I was like what the heck is going on.  I have almost created another personality that comes out to talk sense into myself when the struggles are there.  The sensible voice talks me off the ledge and back to the person that has a plan in his quit. 

Still using Smokey Mountain on a daily basis along with eating the shit out of life savers.  I have tried every flavor of Smokey Mountain now.  In the future I will post my opinion of the different flavors. I have been on a eating frenzy still but have gotten myself back on a program for working out and limiting booze to weekend pizza night.  The workout program is to my wife's credit.  She is a lot stronger than me.  She hasn't had any booze for two weeks.  I am a complete puss compared to her. 

One of my main goals is to eventually start meeting some of these BAQ's here.       

[Capital70]

That right there sounds like a guy who is figuring out his own mind WITHOUT the crutch of a deadly poison. Keep it up. Ramble all you want. Unless you are rambling and typing while driving it won’t kill you.

You have my number. If you are having a shit day reach out!!!  Don’t forget about the live chat also.

Thanks for venting!  I’m honored to quit with you today!

[bg124wpd]

Day 45 - The struggle is real  - I don't know what is going on today.  I am all jacked up.  Craving, anxious, foggy, restless, can't focus or concentrate.  I feel like it was back in the first couple of weeks.     I am going through my plan right now, Smokey Mountain and the forum. In the past they brought me through this.  I just got to get my mind right.  Typing that reminds me of something someone text to me and something I've been wanting to write. 

Regret - The first time I was here was in 2010.  I don't remember anything about being here.  I don't think I was ready and hence I'm at day 45 today instead of being at almost Day 3,000.  If back then I would have been into this site and completely drinking the kool-aid this would be a totally different day for me.  That is just one of the many things I regret about the 2010 incident.  Another thing that started bothering me when I got back on here was going to my messages that were still there from 2010.  To go back and read some of the messages I received after I stopped posting roll made me feel like the biggest asshole.  There were people here that really cared about my quit and I just ditched.  I mentioned earlier that typing "I just got to get my mind right" reminded me of something. When I first got on a guy by the name of NOLAQ reached out to me and sent me his digits.  I had messages from him about staying and I just blew it off.  Now to the present when I am QLAMF and I am filled with so much regret.  I just wanted him to know that I was sorry.  When I read through those old messages I copied down his number.  I sent a PM through the old old forum but did not hear anything back.  I wanted to send a text to the number but didn't.  i don't know why,  maybe embarrassment. Well as I progressed through the next couple of weeks it was always on my mind.  I just wanted him to know I was sorry and quit now.  I don't know why but on Day 42 when I was sending out a morning text I sent one to the number I had for NOLAQ.  I simply put "DAY 42 IQWYT."  Not surprisingly the response was "Who is this?"  I responded with "If this is NOLAQ, this is the guy that let you down back in 2010, bg124wpd."  I didn't know if it was him or not but actually sending that text I started to feel a little relief.  I just wanted to apologize.  He responded with "it's me.  Glad you got your mind right."  I know a long story to get to the point of "getting my mind right."  There was a couple more messages back and forth and the conversation ended.  In that conversation he told me he was not as active in the forum anymore.  Yesterday while I was reading in another PRE-HOF group someone stated "...but as the wise NOLAQ once said..."  Reading that made me feel like shit again.  Here I was in 2010 with someone that is still being remembered in 2018 and I just walked away. 

I don't know where I was going with that or if it made sense but I truly regret noy sticking this out in 2010.  I'm ashamed I was an out of control addict that could not get his mind right. 

I am proud to be quit with all of you.  If you are new and reading this, get into this forum and read until you can't read anymore.  Take all the advice from these crusty ole vets that are here.  It might seemed all jacked up to your foggy ass mind but the shit works.  There are so many guys here today that are quit that proves it works. Don't be like me and have a regret for leaving and then coming back eight years later to realize this is the one thing that is going to help you with your quit. 

 

[bg124wpd]

Day 42 - Booze, food and the weight gain!

What can I say, ole' boy has gained a few LB's over the last 42 days.  I expected it because I have been eating or drinking instead of putting a turd in my mouth. I will admit a good beer or two or three have been a coping mechanism especially after the multiple migrations into new forums  .    The booze took the edge away and the food filled my time.  The end result is some weight gain or too much gain.  I know this is only temporary as I will get back on track but my main focus is to be quit.  The one major thing about using a good cold one to take the edge off is that when I drink sometimes it brings on unwanted cravings.  So my advice is listen to the people that say cut out the booze when you are early in your quit. 

Being a retread is not a glorious thing but the one of the many things it has taught me is that I need to have a plan.  I, with the help of my wife, have a plan for the booze, food and weight gain.  We have established that we are going to minimize the booze to special occasions, get on a better eating plan and are starting a new workout routine. 

There are many reasons why I am posting this in my journal.  One might be if I read this a year later and became a super lazy fat ass then I know I failed myself in that regards.  One of the main reasons is the aspect of me being quit and on KTC has been an influence on me and my wife.  My wife has mentioned about me being free from my addiction is a push to get the booze out of the house and she is going to try a forum for fitness. KTC has more benefits than just to the user.  If your family can see how an accountability forum has helped you then they can find the accountability in a forum for them.