Fellas,
I found this site a few weeks ago when I was preparing my quit. I've tried quitting a couple times in the past but I never really wanted too, so I never did. Reading this site a handful of times before my quit prepared me more than anything, so I thank all of y'all for that.
Honestly, I am on day 7 and I am almost tempted to say it has been easy - so far. Maybe I psyched myself up for this so much, combined with the fact that I really did want to quit myself, that it is all just a mental game and I am blowing through it, so far. I know I cant think that though and have to keep focused. I will stay on track. I promise that.
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Turned 24 in June. Born/grew up in Minnesota. Went to college in North Carolina. Moved straight to Texas after college for work. Met the love of my life, married her, and we are expecting our first child, a daughter, on October 23rd. Loved growing up in Minnesota, die hard hockey fan, but have absolutely no desire to move back to the north. I love me the south.
I started dipping on and off when I was 14 but by the time I was 15 I dipping every day. I played a lot of sports growing up/through high school so it was just something most of the athletes did. For the last 6 years or better I would fall under the category of "If I ain't eating or sleeping, you can bet your ass I have a pinch in." It was bad. It controlled my life just like it did for so many of you. Every thing I did I asked the same questions to myself, "Can I dip there? Do I have to hide it? Spitter? Gut it? How much time will I have? When can I get my next pinch in?"
It was stupid.. I wouldn't even want to take my pills in the morning because I couldn't stand the idea of getting out of bed, walk to my counter take the extra 1 minute to swallow my pills before I put a dip in... The second I woke up, I grabbed my can and put a dip in before I even put my feet on the ground, every single morning.
Job interviews I lined my arm with nicotine patches, the day I got married I lined my arm with patches, my own dads funeral I had to run outside before it started to give myself 5 minutes to put a dip in and grab a patch I had in the car to wear during the service...
The nic bitch had a fucking strangle hold on me. That is why I don't get it. If I went more than an hour without nicotine for the last 6 years I freaked out. I would go crazy.
Now I am on day fucking 7 and I'm like what the fuck... I don't get it! Why is it not making me go insane?! I planned my quit so I would have a 3 day weekend to literally lock myself in my bedroom. Instead, I was putting together nursery furniture (you know the kind that comes in a box with a million pieces and horseshit instructions) and handled it fine. Even with a dip in that shit will drive 9 out of 10 people crazy, and I handled it fine, on day motherfucking 1!
I guess I shouldn't be mad about it, it is just confusing me! I was honestly scared taking my last dip out on August 8th at exactly 11:50pm, along with flushing the remaining dip in my can down the toilet. I was scared, I honestly almost cried because I didn't know what life was going to be like without it. I didn't know what kind of person I would become without it...
But so far, everything has been great.
I get a little foggy from time to time, my vision has been blurry this week. I get easily irritated from time to time, but I just take a step back and tell myself to get it together. I went through a can of the fake stuff, might get another, I fucking hate driving with an empty lip. I am waking up more in the night, but once up in the morning I feel like I have more energy... I get off work and seem to be in a better mood too, its weird.
But so far so good.
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I found out last June that my dad had a seizure at work, was rushed to the hospital and went through all sorts of MRI's and found out he had a brain tumor. The cancer kind, terminal. Docs gave him 18-24 months to live because he was in such good shape and so healthy. Most people with a glioblastoma only make it 12-14 on average. It took my dad in 9 months.
He went from a super in shape, healthy, all-american dad who everyone loved to dead in 9 months. He had 3 brain surgeries, chemo, radiation, they threw everything at that tumor and nothing could stop it. End of January my wife and I found out she was pregnant. I had to tell my dad that he was going to be a grandpa even though we all knew he wouldn't be there to hold his first grandchild.
Losing my dad was the hardest thing I have ever been through, and realizing that I was paying to potentially kill myself, and to potentially have to put my wife and daughter through the same type of pain I just went through.... It finally hit me, I had to quit, and I had to quit for real this time. No patches, no gum, no dip... No nicotine!
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and be able to say I am on Day 8.
Quit on brothers. Its all a mental game and so far I am owning it and plan to keep it that way. Anyone and everyone feel free to PM me.
-AWesenberg
PS... I warned you, I always write way too much ramble on.. Just get used to it.
