Author Topic: Introduction  (Read 52152 times)

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Offline worktowin

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #126 on: May 14, 2016, 08:35:00 AM »
Quote from: pky1520
Should be an interesting day today. I'm visiting my hometown and hanging out with two of my best friends who are both dippers. I'm actually responsible for introducing both of them to the shit, so obviously I feel great about that. (One of them introduced me to my fiancée and I introduced him to a highly addictive poison that slowly eats your face, shit exchange for him.) I don't think either uses as heavily as I did, but for the last decade, there has always been a can around whenever we've hung out. I told one of them about the quit and he was supportive but skeptical - not unfairly.

We're planning on shooting some clays this afternoon, which is obviously a trigger for me (pun absolutely intended 'Remshot' ). Isn't it fucked that this stuff kind of takes over things we really should be able to enjoy on our own? It's so insidious that we can't even enjoy our favorite things the same way without it.

I'm really not concerned about a cave, in fact I've posted roll, so caving isn't even an option for the next 24 hours. However, this will be the first time I'll be dealing with the peer pressure aspect of the quit. I don't really have any dip buddies where I live now, so being back home will be a good test.

Best of luck to anyone else dealing with a big weekend. Stay focused and stay quit.
You are a bad ass. You are honest, and direct. Keep posting. One day at a time greatness is ahead.

Offline pky1520

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #125 on: May 14, 2016, 08:25:00 AM »
Should be an interesting day today. I'm visiting my hometown and hanging out with two of my best friends who are both dippers. I'm actually responsible for introducing both of them to the shit, so obviously I feel great about that. (One of them introduced me to my fiancée and I introduced him to a highly addictive poison that slowly eats your face, shit exchange for him.) I don't think either uses as heavily as I did, but for the last decade, there has always been a can around whenever we've hung out. I told one of them about the quit and he was supportive but skeptical - not unfairly.

We're planning on shooting some clays this afternoon, which is obviously a trigger for me (pun absolutely intended 'Remshot' ). Isn't it fucked that this stuff kind of takes over things we really should be able to enjoy on our own? It's so insidious that we can't even enjoy our favorite things the same way without it.

I'm really not concerned about a cave, in fact I've posted roll, so caving isn't even an option for the next 24 hours. However, this will be the first time I'll be dealing with the peer pressure aspect of the quit. I don't really have any dip buddies where I live now, so being back home will be a good test.

Best of luck to anyone else dealing with a big weekend. Stay focused and stay quit.

Offline medquit

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #124 on: May 12, 2016, 02:32:00 AM »
Sounds about where I'm at. Driving is not fun, but if I keep myself busy on the phone or listening to news or something my mind doesn't have time to wander/start rationalizing buying a tin, etc. Man nic is insidious though, it seems like it's just hiding in the shadows waiting for me to forget about it for a little while, then it starts trying to steer me back towards it again (no pun intended).

Offline pky1520

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #123 on: May 11, 2016, 10:14:00 PM »
Quote from: medquit
Quote from: pky1520
Good luck with the poker game - I think looking forward to it as a challenge and attacking it, rather than trying to avoid tough situations is absolutely the way to go about this thing. If you can handle your buddies trying to get under your skin in a competitive environment, you can manage the day to day.

I had a mild win today. Started out the morning with a fight with the lady - nothing serious, but enough to get me agitated. I had a few errands to run that allowed me about an hour of driving around. I also needed to stop for gas. Normally, an argument in the morning followed by an opportunity would have been a guaranteed XL lipper, regardless of whether or not I was "trying to quit" at the moment. But, I managed to run my errands, cool down and fill the tank w/out my usual "Cope"ing mechanism.

I do feel that coming to this site and making a statement (even if it was to strangers) contributed to me making the decision that I did.
Congrats on the win man, you should feel awesome for handling your trigger so well, and it will continue to benefit you as that is one experience you can refer to next time you get in a stressful situation and say to yourself "I didn't need it then, I don't need it now."

How have the last few days been for you?
Thanks Med - it's been good the last few days, fog has definitely tapered off. Still have pretty strong craves, but it hasn't led to any close calls yet.

How about you? How was the road trip?

Offline medquit

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #122 on: May 11, 2016, 05:29:00 PM »
Quote from: pky1520
Good luck with the poker game - I think looking forward to it as a challenge and attacking it, rather than trying to avoid tough situations is absolutely the way to go about this thing. If you can handle your buddies trying to get under your skin in a competitive environment, you can manage the day to day.

I had a mild win today. Started out the morning with a fight with the lady - nothing serious, but enough to get me agitated. I had a few errands to run that allowed me about an hour of driving around. I also needed to stop for gas. Normally, an argument in the morning followed by an opportunity would have been a guaranteed XL lipper, regardless of whether or not I was "trying to quit" at the moment. But, I managed to run my errands, cool down and fill the tank w/out my usual "Cope"ing mechanism.

I do feel that coming to this site and making a statement (even if it was to strangers) contributed to me making the decision that I did.
Congrats on the win man, you should feel awesome for handling your trigger so well, and it will continue to benefit you as that is one experience you can refer to next time you get in a stressful situation and say to yourself "I didn't need it then, I don't need it now."

How have the last few days been for you?

Offline pky1520

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #121 on: May 07, 2016, 01:56:00 PM »
Good luck with the poker game - I think looking forward to it as a challenge and attacking it, rather than trying to avoid tough situations is absolutely the way to go about this thing. If you can handle your buddies trying to get under your skin in a competitive environment, you can manage the day to day.

I had a mild win today. Started out the morning with a fight with the lady - nothing serious, but enough to get me agitated. I had a few errands to run that allowed me about an hour of driving around. I also needed to stop for gas. Normally, an argument in the morning followed by an opportunity would have been a guaranteed XL lipper, regardless of whether or not I was "trying to quit" at the moment. But, I managed to run my errands, cool down and fill the tank w/out my usual "Cope"ing mechanism.

I do feel that coming to this site and making a statement (even if it was to strangers) contributed to me making the decision that I did.

Offline HighTon

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #120 on: May 06, 2016, 03:29:00 PM »
Quote from: pky1520
I'm going to go fishing after work this evening. A week ago, I'd have rather left behind my rod than my cope, but I'm going at this thing head on. If I can avoid it in a situation where I'd absolutely have had it, I think it'll make regular cravings more manageable.

Do people find the fake stuff helpful? I haven't tried it before, but feel like it could be more aggravating than anything - like someone trying to hand you a veggie burger at a bbq.
I'll be playing in my regular poker game this weekend and I'm looking forward to facing it head on. There will be 8 guys there dipping, but I'm not too worried.

I use the fake. I feel it really helps me. At times when I would normally reach for the Cope, I am still reaching for something. I stopped dipping for 9 months a few years back and the fake got me through the first few months. After that I just quit buying it.

Offline baseballbrett

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #119 on: May 06, 2016, 03:25:00 PM »
Quote from: pky1520
Thanks for the replies, guys.

Today has been miserable. Really in a daze. It feels like I haven't slept in two days. I'm trying to do anything that I can to keep my mind off of dip, and my fucking brain keeps being like "great work, you should celebrate with a dip!"

Reading some of the stories on this site has been helpful. I'm telling myself that every craving that I don't cave into will help my body figure out how to manage without nicotine, so this period is actually a good thing. But still, my knuckles are white.

I'm going to go fishing after work this evening. A week ago, I'd have rather left behind my rod than my cope, but I'm going at this thing head on. If I can avoid it in a situation where I'd absolutely have had it, I think it'll make regular cravings more manageable.

Do people find the fake stuff helpful? I haven't tried it before, but feel like it could be more aggravating than anything - like someone trying to hand you a veggie burger at a bbq.
I've done coffee chew. Didn't really do it for me. I bought a huge bag of sunflower seeds. Those at least keep me occupied and take my mind off things. Drink a shitload of water too.

Offline pky1520

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #118 on: May 06, 2016, 03:22:00 PM »
Thanks for the replies, guys.

Today has been miserable. Really in a daze. It feels like I haven't slept in two days. I'm trying to do anything that I can to keep my mind off of dip, and my fucking brain keeps being like "great work, you should celebrate with a dip!"

Reading some of the stories on this site has been helpful. I'm telling myself that every craving that I don't cave into will help my body figure out how to manage without nicotine, so this period is actually a good thing. But still, my knuckles are white.

I'm going to go fishing after work this evening. A week ago, I'd have rather left behind my rod than my cope, but I'm going at this thing head on. If I can avoid it in a situation where I'd absolutely have had it, I think it'll make regular cravings more manageable.

Do people find the fake stuff helpful? I haven't tried it before, but feel like it could be more aggravating than anything - like someone trying to hand you a veggie burger at a bbq.

Offline baseballbrett

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #117 on: May 06, 2016, 11:31:00 AM »
Welcolme pky, and congrats on your decision to quit the poison. I recently decided to quit too, and I am in the August group as well. I have found that posting roll every damn day helps me stay accountable. Just reading what the vets have written and posting roll will help keep you on track. If you need some digits, just PM me. Embrace the suck - we're in it together.

Offline Idaho Spuds

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #116 on: May 06, 2016, 11:26:00 AM »
Quote from: pky1520
Greetings,

This is my first time posting to this board, although I became aware of the site several years ago, during a failed quit attempt. I'm 29 and started dipping about 11 years ago. I've been at 1-1.5 cans/ day for probably 5 years. Copenhagen Long Cut. Seeing that in black  white honestly makes me sick.

I started during my freshman year in college. I was pledging a fraternity and pledges actually weren't allowed to dip/ smoke, although we had to carry it around at all times in case a brother wanted some. It started as a subtle way of rebelling against the rules. I continued because I liked it and because I thought it made me look cool/ tough/ whatever. It was an SEC school and half the guys I knew dipped. I'd quit when I graduated.

Well, I didn't quit when I graduated. I lived with a couple of friends from school and we all chewed. I liked to fish and hunt, and I certainly wasn't gonna quit during duck season. It was no big deal, we were 22, I'd quit when I hit 25.

Well, I didn't quit when I was 25. I had my own place and a good job, there was no harm in having a little relaxing vice after work (or hunting, or fishing, or driving, or mowing the lawn, or watching TV). I'd quit when I got engaged.

Well, I didn't quit when I got engaged. We moved in together and although she kinda knew that this was something I did when I was fishing/ hunting/ with my guy friends, she didn't really know how addicted I was (am).

I keep thinking that I'll quit when I get married, but looking at my track record, I know it's horseshit. I need to quit NOW, for me, for her and for the family I want to have. I've tried this half assed before, but I've never committed anything to paper and demanded accountability from myself.

My last dip was on Monday (May 2). I've felt nauseous, foggy, panicked, irritable and frankly weak. I got in my truck today and almost went to the shell station, but instead I got out and came to this site. I'm not quitting sometime in the future and I'm not doing it half assed this time. I quit on May 2 and that is it.

Thanks for the support - I know I'm going to need it.
PKy,
Congratulations on your decision and welcome.
Your quit group is August 2016
Post roll everyday, this is the backbone of the site.
Idaho Spuds

Offline pky1520

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Introduction
« Reply #115 on: May 06, 2016, 11:16:00 AM »
Greetings,

This is my first time posting to this board, although I became aware of the site several years ago, during a failed quit attempt. I'm 29 and started dipping about 11 years ago. I've been at 1-1.5 cans/ day for probably 5 years. Copenhagen Long Cut. Seeing that in black  white honestly makes me sick.

I started during my freshman year in college. I was pledging a fraternity and pledges actually weren't allowed to dip/ smoke, although we had to carry it around at all times in case a brother wanted some. It started as a subtle way of rebelling against the rules. I continued because I liked it and because I thought it made me look cool/ tough/ whatever. It was an SEC school and half the guys I knew dipped. I'd quit when I graduated.

Well, I didn't quit when I graduated. I lived with a couple of friends from school and we all chewed. I liked to fish and hunt, and I certainly wasn't gonna quit during duck season. It was no big deal, we were 22, I'd quit when I hit 25.

Well, I didn't quit when I was 25. I had my own place and a good job, there was no harm in having a little relaxing vice after work (or hunting, or fishing, or driving, or mowing the lawn, or watching TV). I'd quit when I got engaged.

Well, I didn't quit when I got engaged. We moved in together and although she kinda knew that this was something I did when I was fishing/ hunting/ with my guy friends, she didn't really know how addicted I was (am).

I keep thinking that I'll quit when I get married, but looking at my track record, I know it's horseshit. I need to quit NOW, for me, for her and for the family I want to have. I've tried this half assed before, but I've never committed anything to paper and demanded accountability from myself.

My last dip was on Monday (May 2). I've felt nauseous, foggy, panicked, irritable and frankly weak. I got in my truck today and almost went to the shell station, but instead I got out and came to this site. I'm not quitting sometime in the future and I'm not doing it half assed this time. I quit on May 2 and that is it.

Thanks for the support - I know I'm going to need it.

Offline pky1520

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #114 on: January 28, 2019, 09:57:10 AM »
Congratulations, Pea!  It has been such a pleasure and privilege to have been able to get to know you here at KTC.  You definitely have been an inspiration to me in my journey.  Thank you for that.  The Dumpster Fire was so very lucky to have scored such a great duo in you and Fish as our conductors.   Hard to believe I can say this, but "good times." 

FLLIP
Thanks so much FLLIP!  It's been great getting to know you and watching you keep that group of animals in line!  You're right, in a very weird way, it has actually been fun.

Offline FLLipOut

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #113 on: January 26, 2019, 11:49:25 PM »
Congratulations, Pea!  It has been such a pleasure and privilege to have been able to get to know you here at KTC.  You definitely have been an inspiration to me in my journey.  Thank you for that.  The Dumpster Fire was so very lucky to have scored such a great duo in you and Fish as our conductors.   Hard to believe I can say this, but "good times." 

FLLIP




Just one and you will be back to where you started, and where you started was desperately wishing you were where you are now.
"The best way out is always through." - Robert Frost
"I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you!" - Samwise Gamgee
HOF: 10.29.16 | FL 2: 02.06.17 | FL 3: 05.17.17 | Y1: 07.22.17 | FL 4: 08.25.17 | FL 5: 12.03.17 | FL 6: 03.13.18 | FL 7: 06.21.18 | Y2: 07.22.18 | FL 8: 09.29.18 | FL 9: 01.07.19 | COMMA , : 04.17.19 | Y3: 07.22.19 | FL 11: 07.26.19 | FL 12: 11.03.19 | FL 13: 02.11.20 | FL 14: 05.21.20 | Y4: 07.22.20 | FL 15: 08.29.20  | FL 16: 12.07.20 | FL 17: 03.17.21 | FL 18: 06.25.21 | Y5: 07.22.21 | FL 19: 06.25.21 | FL 20 ,, : 01.11.22 | FL 21: 04.21.22 | Y6: 07.22.22 | FL 22: 07.30.22 | FL 23: 11.07.22 | FL 24: 02.15.23 | FL 25: 05.26.23 | Y7: 07.22.23 | FL 26: 09.03.23 | FL 27: 12.12.23 | FL 28: 03.21.24 | FL 29: 06.29.24 | Y8: 07.22.24 | FL 30 ,,,: 10.07.24

Offline pky1520

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Re: Introduction
« Reply #112 on: January 26, 2019, 03:52:13 PM »
The decision was whether to turn the key, or put the truck in gear.  Turning the key meant that power to the engine would cease and the truck would shut down.  Putting the truck in gear meant that it would leave the driveway, carry me to the gas station and put an end to anther miserable five day stretch of “trying to quit.”

There are a few key decision points that will largely determine the trajectory of one’s life.  Everything that happens after, is fundamentally tied to that decision.  May 6, 2016 was one of those points for me.  In what was a break from a long established pattern of failure, I chose to turn the key.

With that decision to turn the key, came the acceptance that I was not strong enough to do this on my own.  I won that battle, but there was no way I would be able to win every single one of the other battles that I knew would be coming.  Somewhere in my brain was the knowledge that Kill The Can existed.  I had found it years before, during some half-baked attempt to get my dipping under control.  Of course, at the time, I knew that support groups were for weak losers and internet forums were for identity thieves.

Well on May 6, 2016, I was a weak loser, and figured anyone who wanted my identity could sure as hell have it.  I created a KTC profile and posted an intro.

I’m not articulate enough to properly relate what happened over the following days and weeks.  I was greeted with an entire world of support, advice, commiseration, distraction, and the tools for success.  The KTC system fit my personality to a tee and I dove into the culture head first.  Make your promise, keep your word – if you do that, you can’t possibly fail.  I started forming friendships and digging myself into a hole that made caving so intolerable, the idea of it made me physically sick.  Quitting was never easy, but by using the tools I found on this site, caving became so much harder. 

I was fortunate that I was in a Quit Group that had some great personalities and some guys that would become true leaders at KTC and genuine friends.  Although we went through the drama and pain that affects every group, and we certainly had our share of disappointment, our core group is still posting every damn day.  We found a way to make quitting fun and to create an environment of respect, support and accountability.  I’m grateful to everyone in August 2016 for making that a reality and proud of the meager role that I played in that success.

I’m also proud that I was able to give back to this site as both a HOF Conductor and a Moderator.  I don’t think I’ve ever had as much fun writing as I did Conducting the October ’16 Dumpster Fire.  That role solidified my quit during one of the most raw and difficult phases and gave me the chance to develop a friendship with FishFlorida, who I’ve met in person on several occasions and consider a genuine real life friend.

As a Moderator, my goal was to bring calm and reason to some very tense situations.  I wanted to guide people to the path of success, while also steadfastly protecting the foundational values of the KTC system.  I chose to take on several of the “hard cases” that inevitably arise from time to time.  I spent many hours engaging with folks who, for whatever reason, could not get out of their own way and ultimately made choices that resulted with them losing access to this lifesaving resource.  While I feel like I was able to make many positive contributions as a Mod, I took several of those losses personally.   When the time came, I never disagreed with the decision to Ban, but I did feel like I shouldered some of failure for not being able to reach them.  These disappointments, along with the general pace of my involvement at KTC and expansion of real life commitments, contributed to my needing to take a step back at the site. 

Fortunately, there is no shortage of people who are willing to sacrifice their time and effort to maintain the lifesaving tools found at KTC.  The Admins, Mods, Vets and everyday quitters who throw themselves out there with a well-timed text, or a drop everything phone call, or the harsh truth, just when it’s needed – the people that you quit with and fight with every damn day, are the lifeblood of this site.  I can sit comfortably from the porch, knowing that this place remains in great hands.

Quitting is no longer hard.  I can’t tell you the last time I legitimately struggled with my resolve to stay quit.  I still occasionally get the passing crave, but it presents as more a fleeting memory and it’s quickly brushed aside.  I’ve said this many times to new quitters, but it bears repeating:  It does get easier.  It is worth it.  You can achieve it.  I’m not special, I just used the tools around me to succeed.

On May 6, 2016, I turned the key.  The engine shut off, I opened the door and went back inside.  I didn’t go to the gas station and I didn’t fall back into that miserable pattern of failure.  In the time since I made that decision, I married the most beautiful woman in the world, started my own business, bought a house, became a certified Firefighter & EMT and hopefully have in some small way, contributed to the success of a few of your quits. 

Of course, it hasn’t all been sunshine and blowjobs.  I’ve struggled with other things, like using food and alcohol as a crutch or allowing stress to seep into my personal life.  Like everyone, I’ve had fights with my family, worried about finances and suffered disappointment.  As a firefighter, I’ve confronted pain and death and loss.  But even with the setbacks, I honestly don’t believe I would have been able to accomplish what I have, if I hadn’t turned that key.

In 1,000 days, I have not once missed roll.  In fact, I think I can count on three fingers the times I hadn’t posted by 10am.  It really isn’t that hard.  I guarantee that it’s not because I have no life and nothing else to do.  It’s because I value this freedom and I respect the system and the people that gave me the tools to achieve it.  Roll is as much a part of my day as is brushing my teeth.  It’s not a burden and it’s not a hassle.  Trust me when I say that posting Day 1,000 is a damn honor.  That number reflects every single battle that I had to win, every single time I might have thrown in the towel and let my addiction win. 

In 1,000 days there have been too many to thank for me to begin to list them here.  But I want to highlight my brothers of the August ’16 Traumatizers.  We’ve celebrated milestones, fought, lost, celebrated marriages and births, comforted through pain, held each other accountable and picked each other up when we were down.  Ultimately, we’ve stayed together and I couldn’t ask for a better set of anonymous internet creeps to fight this fight with.  You are all my brothers. 

The Admin/Mod team works tirelessly to make this site function.  When you’ve seen the sausage being made, you know it’s not always going to be pretty.  We don’t always agree how to do it, but we do always agree that we want what’s best for the site.  Thank you for the often thankless work that you do. 

And to the Quitter.  The guy just trying to get through the next 5 minutes.   Thank you for the strength you bring to this fight.  You’re in the trenches and you’re winning.  At some point, you will need to pick up the torch and light the way for the next generation of foggy SOBs, white-knuckling through that cold-turkey shit sandwich.  We can get caught up in the interpersonal drama here sometimes, but at the end of the day we’re all fighting the same fight.

So that’s my speech.  It’s long winded, but that’s ok.  I was able to write this speech because on May 6, 2016 I turned that key, entrusted my life to some weird internet forum and never looked back.  If you’re reading this and you’re struggling with how to quit, or thinking about giving up, just know that success is achievable and that you will never regret the freedom it brings.  Post your promise, keep your word.  It’s that simple.