28 days in and I'd like to add a couple random thoughts -
Evil Won just posted something in an intro thread that hits home for me -
I'm only 237 days quit and I still think about dip at least a dozen times a day. Yes, the urges to actually go out and buy a can has lessened, but the thought of dipping is just as strong as ever. I don't think the thought of dip will ever disappear and I don't really want it to either. I bet that sounds fucked up, but every time I think about dip I get pissed and realize that I'm an addict. I get pissed that 237 days later this shit still has a slight grab of me. That anger fuels my desire to quit today.
All I have to say is Amen Brother, I know I am very early in my quit - and I think about having a chew multiple times per day too. It is fucked up and it just shows how bad this shit really is... I'm really pissed I let nic have so much control of my day to day life. It's stupid.
It also pisses me off that I like so many started doing this shit before we had a lot of practice making good choices. It's bad enough when someone starts later in life, but it's just plain sad when your 14 or 15 and you are introduced to this by someone who should know better. I'm not absolving myself, it's a choice I made, and I should have known better. I do know better now and have made my choice for today and plan on making the same choice tomorrow.
- It's a good thing this shit has gotten so expensive (and yes I complained about it costing so much).
- I've had a couple dip dreams and yes I was pissed that I had a chew and woke up relieved.
- I'm not going to let this shit define me - I define me.
- The moment I knew I was committed to be quit was when I threw away every spittoon laying around. I had been nic free for several days and I noticed I still had all these potential spittoons saved. There were always soda or water bottles laying around, but now I just pitch em in the recycle bin. No need to have these lying around when you're quit.
I'm just a little pissed today for no real reason.