Hello, and My day 2

[Compton]

Today is day 4. I had a cave dream last night. I used to hate them, but compared to "cave reality," it really felt nice. Feeling strong this morning.

[Pinched]

Sucks to see that you aren't headed into year 3 with us like you promised. You sound ready to make the effort, but talk is cheap in this house. Get more involved in the site outside of simply posting roll, and make sure a lot of folks in your new group have your number.

Oh and don't fucking use again.

Ugh. Which one of your Resolute Bastards passed thru your mind while you packed your can? How about when you filled your lip? Or even when it started to burn and the rush of nicotine filled your blood? Tell me honestly why you made a willing decision to put that shit in your mouth. Which one of us, along with yourself, didn't matter at that very second?

PS - Thank you for fueling for my quit today. FU Nicotine.

This right here is why I believe that your new quit, which I hope is your real quit, should include a minimum of two daily posts. One with your new group and one with your old group. missed out on some awesome quit and I would wager a bet that some from your original group could use a new motivation and daily reason to only quit and never stop. Caving sucks, but at least you are battling back. Glad to see you back and remember these days because nicotine never really did anything for you, she just mindfucked the shit out of you.

Good ideas, but I'm getting mindfucked hard right now, so for now just putting thoughts here. Driving home tonight, I was thinking about the resistance/hurt feelings/posts by my old group members like ginet. I totally understand where everyone is coming from, but by the time my drive ended I had resigned myself to fail again. Shit, how quckly the mindfuckin can happen.

I caught the self-mindfucking in action and came here to share. I'm not going to fail tonight. +1 is just a few hours away.

That is winning. Next time, when you are feeling that close to failure again, and we know it will happen.....remind yourself of your promise and reach out to any single life line here. One life line is in your inbox. The only rule to having my number is this: you must use that number prior to buying a can, taking a dip, having a smoke, sucking a vape, slapping on a patch, poppin' some gum, or using any form of nicotine. At that time, give me what you feel is a valid reason for using. You must get my permission to use. Take that for accountability. Quit on. Resolute LF.

Thanks, Ginet. That really means a lot.

I made it through last night, and am feeling okay for now. Less foggy than I remember day 3 being the last time around. I'm still having a hard time getting real work done, but am looking forward to crushing it at the gym at lunch time.

From what I can see you are really feeling the suck this time. Keep recording all of this as I am sure it will only help you build up a better resolve to quit this time. I sure as fuck gained some resolve today just from reading it in conjunction with the to the point Gauntlet thrown down by the lovely GiNet.

[Compton]

Sucks to see that you aren't headed into year 3 with us like you promised. You sound ready to make the effort, but talk is cheap in this house. Get more involved in the site outside of simply posting roll, and make sure a lot of folks in your new group have your number.

Oh and don't fucking use again.

Ugh. Which one of your Resolute Bastards passed thru your mind while you packed your can? How about when you filled your lip? Or even when it started to burn and the rush of nicotine filled your blood? Tell me honestly why you made a willing decision to put that shit in your mouth. Which one of us, along with yourself, didn't matter at that very second?

PS - Thank you for fueling for my quit today. FU Nicotine.

This right here is why I believe that your new quit, which I hope is your real quit, should include a minimum of two daily posts. One with your new group and one with your old group. missed out on some awesome quit and I would wager a bet that some from your original group could use a new motivation and daily reason to only quit and never stop. Caving sucks, but at least you are battling back. Glad to see you back and remember these days because nicotine never really did anything for you, she just mindfucked the shit out of you.

Good ideas, but I'm getting mindfucked hard right now, so for now just putting thoughts here. Driving home tonight, I was thinking about the resistance/hurt feelings/posts by my old group members like ginet. I totally understand where everyone is coming from, but by the time my drive ended I had resigned myself to fail again. Shit, how quckly the mindfuckin can happen.

I caught the self-mindfucking in action and came here to share. I'm not going to fail tonight. +1 is just a few hours away.

That is winning. Next time, when you are feeling that close to failure again, and we know it will happen.....remind yourself of your promise and reach out to any single life line here. One life line is in your inbox. The only rule to having my number is this: you must use that number prior to buying a can, taking a dip, having a smoke, sucking a vape, slapping on a patch, poppin' some gum, or using any form of nicotine. At that time, give me what you feel is a valid reason for using. You must get my permission to use. Take that for accountability. Quit on. Resolute LF.

Thanks, Ginet. That really means a lot.

I made it through last night, and am feeling okay for now. Less foggy than I remember day 3 being the last time around. I'm still having a hard time getting real work done, but am looking forward to crushing it at the gym at lunch time.

[Ginet]

Sucks to see that you aren't headed into year 3 with us like you promised. You sound ready to make the effort, but talk is cheap in this house. Get more involved in the site outside of simply posting roll, and make sure a lot of folks in your new group have your number.

Oh and don't fucking use again.

Ugh. Which one of your Resolute Bastards passed thru your mind while you packed your can? How about when you filled your lip? Or even when it started to burn and the rush of nicotine filled your blood? Tell me honestly why you made a willing decision to put that shit in your mouth. Which one of us, along with yourself, didn't matter at that very second?

PS - Thank you for fueling for my quit today. FU Nicotine.

This right here is why I believe that your new quit, which I hope is your real quit, should include a minimum of two daily posts. One with your new group and one with your old group. missed out on some awesome quit and I would wager a bet that some from your original group could use a new motivation and daily reason to only quit and never stop. Caving sucks, but at least you are battling back. Glad to see you back and remember these days because nicotine never really did anything for you, she just mindfucked the shit out of you.

Good ideas, but I'm getting mindfucked hard right now, so for now just putting thoughts here. Driving home tonight, I was thinking about the resistance/hurt feelings/posts by my old group members like ginet. I totally understand where everyone is coming from, but by the time my drive ended I had resigned myself to fail again. Shit, how quckly the mindfuckin can happen.

I caught the self-mindfucking in action and came here to share. I'm not going to fail tonight. +1 is just a few hours away.

That is winning. Next time, when you are feeling that close to failure again, and we know it will happen.....remind yourself of your promise and reach out to any single life line here. One life line is in your inbox. The only rule to having my number is this: you must use that number prior to buying a can, taking a dip, having a smoke, sucking a vape, slapping on a patch, poppin' some gum, or using any form of nicotine. At that time, give me what you feel is a valid reason for using. You must get my permission to use. Take that for accountability. Quit on. Resolute LF.

[Compton]

Sucks to see that you aren't headed into year 3 with us like you promised. You sound ready to make the effort, but talk is cheap in this house. Get more involved in the site outside of simply posting roll, and make sure a lot of folks in your new group have your number.

Oh and don't fucking use again.

Ugh. Which one of your Resolute Bastards passed thru your mind while you packed your can? How about when you filled your lip? Or even when it started to burn and the rush of nicotine filled your blood? Tell me honestly why you made a willing decision to put that shit in your mouth. Which one of us, along with yourself, didn't matter at that very second?

PS - Thank you for fueling for my quit today. FU Nicotine.

This right here is why I believe that your new quit, which I hope is your real quit, should include a minimum of two daily posts. One with your new group and one with your old group. missed out on some awesome quit and I would wager a bet that some from your original group could use a new motivation and daily reason to only quit and never stop. Caving sucks, but at least you are battling back. Glad to see you back and remember these days because nicotine never really did anything for you, she just mindfucked the shit out of you.

Good ideas, but I'm getting mindfucked hard right now, so for now just putting thoughts here. Driving home tonight, I was thinking about the resistance/hurt feelings/posts by my old group members like ginet. I totally understand where everyone is coming from, but by the time my drive ended I had resigned myself to fail again. Shit, how quckly the mindfuckin can happen.

I caught the self-mindfucking in action and came here to share. I'm not going to fail tonight. +1 is just a few hours away.

[Pinched]

Sucks to see that you aren't headed into year 3 with us like you promised. You sound ready to make the effort, but talk is cheap in this house. Get more involved in the site outside of simply posting roll, and make sure a lot of folks in your new group have your number.

Oh and don't fucking use again.

Ugh. Which one of your Resolute Bastards passed thru your mind while you packed your can? How about when you filled your lip? Or even when it started to burn and the rush of nicotine filled your blood? Tell me honestly why you made a willing decision to put that shit in your mouth. Which one of us, along with yourself, didn't matter at that very second?

PS - Thank you for fueling for my quit today. FU Nicotine.

This right here is why I believe that your new quit, which I hope is your real quit, should include a minimum of two daily posts. One with your new group and one with your old group. missed out on some awesome quit and I would wager a bet that some from your original group could use a new motivation and daily reason to only quit and never stop. Caving sucks, but at least you are battling back. Glad to see you back and remember these days because nicotine never really did anything for you, she just mindfucked the shit out of you.

[Ginet]

Sucks to see that you aren't headed into year 3 with us like you promised. You sound ready to make the effort, but talk is cheap in this house. Get more involved in the site outside of simply posting roll, and make sure a lot of folks in your new group have your number.

Oh and don't fucking use again.

Ugh. Which one of your Resolute Bastards passed thru your mind while you packed your can? How about when you filled your lip? Or even when it started to burn and the rush of nicotine filled your blood? Tell me honestly why you made a willing decision to put that shit in your mouth. Which one of us, along with yourself, didn't matter at that very second?

PS - Thank you for fueling for my quit today. FU Nicotine.

[Compton]

Starting the Day 2 fog. It was helpful to read my original introduction again this morning, where I gave a blow-by-blow of what the first few weeks were like during my failed quit attempt.

I know I've done this before and that it gets better.

Sticking it here, so I don't lose it:

topic/1011046/1/

[Knockout]

Sucks to see that you aren't headed into year 3 with us like you promised. You sound ready to make the effort, but talk is cheap in this house. Get more involved in the site outside of simply posting roll, and make sure a lot of folks in your new group have your number.

Oh and don't fucking use again.

[pab1964]

Hey Compton, was that your original user name? If not you need to find and use the old one, making another is a no no. If you were here 168 days you know the drill, find your old group, apologize, answer the 3 questions and do the same in May 16. Get the shit done and man the fug up! I'll be waiting to support you!

It's the same account name. Thanks for the reminders, and I'll do as you suggest.

Definitely make life easier for you! I Quit with you today!

[Compton]

Hey Compton, was that your original user name? If not you need to find and use the old one, making another is a no no. If you were here 168 days you know the drill, find your old group, apologize, answer the 3 questions and do the same in May 16. Get the shit done and man the fug up! I'll be waiting to support you!

It's the same account name. Thanks for the reminders, and I'll do as you suggest.

[pab1964]

Hey Compton, was that your original user name? If not you need to find and use the old one, making another is a no no. If you were here 168 days you know the drill, find your old group, apologize, answer the 3 questions and do the same in May 16. Get the shit done and man the fug up! I'll be waiting to support you!

[Compton]

It's been awhile since I've been here -- since June 23, 2014, in fact. I abandoned a 168-day quit on that day, which I had worked so hard to achieve thanks to my brothers in the Resolute Bastards. In the event one of you picks this up, I'm sorry to each and every one of you.

In the 10 months or so since falling off, I have done a lot of analysis regarding how and why it happened. Ultimately, I think I outsmarted myself (or thought I had done so). I had done immense study on the health issues surrounding using dip and/or snus, and my monkey brain somehow rationalized that the health risks did not justify the stress/difficulty of the quit. That's all it took to generate a moment of weakness, and here we are.

The health risks are clearly an important issue, but for me to succeed this time, I need to focus on the issues that really matter to me. And they are, by and large, independent of the health risks:

(i) I want my kids to witness me gain control of, and defeat, something that I do not presently have control of;
(ii) I want to look people in the eye, and flash a warm smile, and try to create warm smiles in response, without feeling self-conscious;
(iii) I want my wife and kids to know that I am in charge of my situation, and by extension, that our lives together are safe, secure and as permanent as the universe will permit;
(iv) I want to be more attractive to my wife, and I want to make out with her whenever the urge strikes me, without she or I worrying about what else was, is, or will be in my mouth.

My nicotine addiction is not something that is going to fix itself or get better with the passage of time. I believe that magical thinking and ignorance create and perpetuate problems, but my unwillingness to apply that logic to my own situation means that I am a hypocrite. Well, I was a hypocrite. I'm going to post roll every day starting today, and in my moments of weakness, I'm going to read these 4 things above, reflect on why I'm going to fix the problem, and push forward. Also, a couple of other tweaks this time: I'm not going to use fake dip or seeds. It helped during the early weeks, but became a crutch and nearly as big of a logistical/aesthetic problem. I'm going to chew the fuck out of some sugar free gum, however. I'm also not going to do any research/reading about nicotine health risks, alternatives, etc. I'm staying out of the debate and focusing on the 4 points above.

In conclusion, it's time for me to be a fucking man. I hope you'll have me back. I also hope you'll be patient with me as a re-learn the ropes.